I’ve decided to let go of Daniel. It didn’t start with anything major, really. It was just one of those research group meetings when Bella walked in with a cup of soya milk and a bacon roll. Danny, always indulging her, covered for her: “Bella’s young, she’s a bit of a foodie. Let’s be kind.” Everyone chuckled and joked around, and their eyes, knowingly or not, drifted towards me. Only my friend Rachel stood up for me: “Danny, that’s not fair! Ellie had a stomach bug last time and wanted to eat something, and you wouldn’t let her!” The room fell silent for a moment. Danny’s face darkened. “Ellie, are you acting out again? If you want to throw a tantrum, this isn’t the place for it. No one here is going to coddle you.” “Exactly. Always attention-seeking,” someone muttered under their breath. I sighed inwardly. It all just felt so pointless. I took off my name badge and looked up at Danny. “I’m quitting the research group.” The words hung in the air as the older students tried to calm me down. After all, getting into this research group meant a chance at a postgraduate scholarship. “It’s fine. My mind’s made up. I’ll go and explain everything to the professor later.” “Are you throwing a fit again? Do you really need everyone to revolve around you? It’s just letting Bella have her breakfast, do you have to be so petty about it?” Danny’s tone was cold and laced with impatience. I looked him square in the eye and explained, “I’m not throwing a fit. It’s just…” I pointed at a few people, “Her, him, her—they’re only here because of Bella’s connections. They do the least work, but they gossip the most. I’m tired of being in this kind of environment.” Honestly, I was exhausted, playing along and going through the motions with them. The people I pointed out turned pale, their heads down, avoiding my gaze. The others stayed silent, but Bella started to cry. “Ellie, what have I ever done to you? Why embarrass me in front of everyone?” she sobbed. “They’re just my classmates. If they don’t get a few extra credits from joining the research group, they’ll fail. I was just trying to help them, and Danny agreed to it too.” I nodded, “Sure, Bella. But the research group isn’t yours alone. You help them, and we’re all supposed to bear the consequences. Is that your idea of fairness?” “That’s enough! Ellie, you’re acting like you’ve gone mad. If I’m willing to take responsibility for her, what does it matter to you?” That hit like a slap across my face. I was flushed with anger and confusion. Was this really the same Danny who used to protect me? But his next words buried me completely. “Ellie’s got some mental health issues, Bella. Don’t take her words too seriously. She has her moments.” Danny took out a tissue and gently wiped Bella’s tears. “Really? She doesn’t seem like it,” Bella glanced at me, curiosity and disdain in her eyes. “Oh, it’s true. I even have her diagnosis,” Danny added, casually. My heart, which had been raised up so high, was now slammed down, shattering into pieces. I suddenly remembered how, when I was seven, Danny had chased away some bullies and wiped my tears in exactly the same way, promising he’d always be on my side. Now, he was cruelly ripping open my wounds, just to comfort another girl.
Leaving the group wasn’t easy. The professor said he was too busy at the moment and asked if I could stay a bit longer. I reluctantly agreed. I tried to go in only on days when Danny wasn’t there. But part of me still wondered, would he notice and come find me? After all, years of habits aren’t easily broken. One evening, after finishing an experiment, I was walking back to the dorms when a tall figure appeared in the middle of the path. I turned to leave, but Danny caught up with me. “Ellie!” He grabbed my hand, “Why have you been avoiding me?” I tried to pull away, but he firmly placed his hands on my shoulders, turning me around to face him. His gaze softened, “Are you angry with me?” I turned my head, refusing to look at him. He chuckled, “Ellie, are you jealous? I didn’t mean to side with Bella. It’s just… her dad’s our biggest investor. I can’t afford to upset her. How about this? From now on, I’ll let you have breakfast in the meeting room too?” I looked at him seriously for the first time, “Danny, this isn’t about breakfast.” He knew perfectly well that I’d been struggling with some personal issues. There were nights when I couldn’t sleep at all, leaving me mentally exhausted, but I wasn’t the “mental case” he made me out to be. Did he ever stop to think about that? His eyes flickered. He knew exactly what I was getting at. Then, he pulled something out of his pocket and slipped it onto my wrist. Under the streetlight, I saw what it was—a finely polished silver bracelet. “Ellie, you’ve always wanted one of those silver bracelets that girls get from their parents. I saved up to get you one, but silver seemed too cheap for you. So, I bought a gold one and had it coated in silver.” People are often bound by the things they desired but could never have in their youth. At that moment, when I saw the bracelet, my heart softened. From childhood to now, Danny had always been by my side. He was like a friend, a brother, and, admittedly, I’d started to have feelings for him that I probably shouldn’t have. Besides him, there was no one else I could rely on. Maybe… maybe I should forgive him. Later, back in my dorm, I thought it over for a long time before finally sending him a cheeky emoji. He responded in kind, sending one back, along with a swimming ticket, asking if I wanted to go swimming tomorrow. But my smile faded. Had he forgotten? Tomorrow was the first day of my period.
The next day, I decided to go anyway. I put on light makeup, but I didn’t bring a swimsuit. I figured Danny was just busy and hadn’t paid attention to my schedule. I’d just sit by the pool and watch him swim. When I arrived, there was already a group of people at the entrance, both boys and girls, and Bella was right there among them. As I walked up, I noticed a few of the boys exchange glances, smirking. “Bit boring, isn’t it? Figures the ones without a decent figure wouldn’t want to show it off. She’s not all that after all. I much prefer girls who aren’t shy,” one of them said with a sneer. I frowned. Bella giggled behind her hand, “Can’t help it, can you? Some people are just… small-minded. Makes you wonder why Danny even invited her.” Danny’s face was dark, probably a bit embarrassed, “I told you to bring your swimsuit. How are you going to swim in a T-shirt and trousers?” “I’m on my period.” So, he had forgotten. Danny’s brows furrowed, clearly annoyed. “Of course it’s today. But swimming during your period isn’t a big deal, is it?” I stayed silent. Realising his words were off, he tugged at my sleeve apologetically. “Come on, Ellie. I’m not a girl. Cut me some slack for not knowing.” Then, he suddenly turned to the group and said, “You know, last time Ellie embarrassed Bella in front of everyone. That’s why I invited her today, so she could apologise properly.” I stared at him in disbelief. “Why should I apologise?” Why should I apologise to Bella? She was the one bringing her friends into the research group for free credit. How was this suddenly my fault? Danny pulled me aside, whispering urgently, “Ellie, think about the bigger picture. I need this research to secure a job with a top firm. You don’t want us to struggle for the rest of our lives, do you?” I caught the real meaning in his words. “Us? Struggling?” “Yeah.” He turned back to face me, his tone indifferent, with just a hint of disdain. “Ellie, I know you’ve always liked me. And I like you too. If you apologise to Bella, I’ll agree to be with you. If not, I’ll just start dating her instead.” He suddenly sounded so… lofty, as if he were offering me a priceless gift. “After all, we’ve known each other for over a decade. I can’t just throw that away. Apologise, stay in the research group, help me, and we’ll be together.” I took a step back, looking Danny up and down, and shook my head slowly. “You’re so full of yourself.” “What?” He didn’t hear me properly. Habits are a dangerous thing. Danny and I had practically grown up together, from primary school to secondary school, and now university. After so much time, I’d gotten used to him. I relied on him. I even thought I loved him. Danny was a year older than me. I’d been fostered by my uncle since I was a child, and Danny was the boy next door. Back then, kids showed their feelings so plainly. If my cousin disliked me, the entire group of children in the area would ostracise me. But Danny was different. He always brought an extra snack for me, included me in games, made sure I wasn’t left out. Honestly, the warmth of my childhood came entirely from Danny. He knew how to keep me under his thumb. I had always listened to him, always done as he asked. But ever since that breakfast incident, I felt… tired. Tired of him. Tired of everything. In the middle of our standoff, the swimming instructor came over. “If you’re going to swim, make sure you’re careful.” The instructor handed me a chair and said kindly, “You’ve been holding your stomach. Must be your period, right? My daughter looks exactly like you during hers. So pale, poor thing.” I instinctively touched my face. Was it that obvious? If a stranger could see it, surely Danny knew too?
“Think about it, alright?” Danny said, before heading back to Bella and the others. “Oh, and remember to book the restaurant for dinner later,” he added as if it were nothing. I didn’t move. I watched as Danny pulled out a bag of drinks and handed Bella the only one in unique packaging. Everyone else got the same kind. Bella blushed, and the group burst into playful teasing. Suddenly, I was reminded of playing house when we were children. Danny had done the same thing back then. He bought a load of lollipops and gave the prettiest girl the only special one, asking her to play his wife. The rest of us got the regular ones. He won our loyalty and achieved what he wanted. All the kids ate theirs straight away, but I held onto mine, tucking it away because it was the first treat I’d ever been given just for me. Later, when Danny found out, he bought me a few more, but never that special one. I couldn’t help but laugh softly. I always knew he was using the simplest tactics to manipulate people, and I was his most successful target, quietly playing along. I was never the special one. I was just another fish caught in his wide net. On the way to dinner, as usual, I carried everyone’s bags and lagged behind. By the time I reached the private room, Danny had already texted me, saying he’d ordered food. I was still halfway there. It’s funny, I’ve always trailed behind Danny, so used to him walking ahead while I followed. When I reached the door, I overheard Bella talking. “Danny, how did you manage to get Ellie to apologise to me? She’s famous for being an ice queen, never talks to anyone.” “Don’t worry,” Danny replied, “you saw how I made her carry all our bags. Apologising is nothing compared to that.” “She’s been like a dog following me around since we were kids. Give her a scrap of attention, and she’ll follow you anywhere. Besides me, she’s got no one else to rely on.” A few of the boys chuckled, chiming in to flatter him and tear me down. I paused, hand raised to knock, then slowly let it fall back down. Instead, I quietly set the bags by the door and stood there, listening. “Danny, you’re the man! What did you say to Ellie to make her so loyal?” “Yeah, Danny, you’re so lucky. Ellie on one side, Bella on the other.” I heard Danny laugh lightly. “It’s nothing, really. She’s just starved for affection. Give her a little kindness, and she’ll go to the ends of the earth for you. But don’t get me wrong, I’m only into Bella. Ellie’s… well, she’s just a bit pathetic, to be honest.” The room filled with laughter. Strangely, I didn’t feel anything. No anger, no sadness. Just a vague sense of boredom. Like sitting in a room, waiting for it to collapse into dust. And slowly, I began to see the light again. I left the bags at the door and went to grab a bowl of noodles. I bought myself some cakes too and felt warm all over as I ate. Later, I found someone from the university’s delivery service and had them return all of Danny’s things to him, including that bracelet. It wasn’t real silver, and definitely not gold. The moment I put it on, I could tell. I’m not stupid. I’d just been playing along, deceiving myself.
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