I dolled myself up and went to the hospital to pick up my boyfriend after his shift. Unexpectedly, I discovered he wasn’t there. Before I could even leave the department, my phone buzzed with a SnapChat message: “Mom slipped and fell at home yesterday. I’ve taken a day off to check on her. I won’t be coming home tonight. Take care of yourself.” But hadn’t his mother just called me, excitedly sharing that she was on her way to go hiking? My sixth sense told me that he was hiding something significant. I opened Emily’s Instagram profile. Her latest post was from dinnertime. There were two photos attached. The first showed her foot in a protective boot. The second was the back view of a man busy in the kitchen. The familiar silhouette wore the same shirt I had bought for my boyfriend just last week while we were out shopping. I dolled myself up and headed to the hospital to pick up my boyfriend after his shift. As I approached the nurse’s station, one of the nurses playfully stopped me. “Rachel, didn’t you know Jason didn’t come to work today?” Jason and I worked in different departments at the same hospital. I was confused; he had left for work as usual this morning without any signs of something being amiss. Before I could even leave the department, my phone buzzed with a SnapChat message: “Mom slipped and fell at home yesterday. I’ve taken a day off to check on her. I won’t be coming home tonight. Take care of yourself.” But hadn’t Mrs. Sullivan just called me, excitedly sharing that she was on her way to go hiking? My sixth sense told me that he was hiding something significant.
The call connected just as it was about to go to voicemail. His voice was as warm as ever, perhaps even more tender as he called my name. “Rachel, did the message wake you? Mom fell yesterday, so I went home to check on her. I’ll be back soon.” I clenched my fist slightly. “I came to pick you up after your shift. I’m at the ward entrance.” “It’s my fault. I didn’t want to disturb your rest and ended up worrying you. How about I take you to that new dessert place downstairs when I get back?” The words caught in my throat. After a moment’s hesitation, I took a deep breath before speaking. “Did you know your mom caught an early flight this morning to go hiking out of town?” The other end of the line suddenly went quiet, the atmosphere tense. When he spoke again, even through the phone, I could sense that Jason’s tone had cooled. “You called my mom?” “She called me, complaining about how exhausting it was to catch an early flight.” He paused, his voice lowering, becoming a bit hesitant. Before he could explain further, I heard a faint exclamation from his end. He hurriedly said, “Let’s talk when I get back. Something’s come up. I’ve got to go.” The line went dead, and I returned home in a daze. Lying alone in bed, I couldn’t help but let my mind wander to dark places. My fingers brushed against a fluffy plush toy. A month ago, during a holiday, Jason had gone back alone to visit his grandmother. I had stayed home to work on my thesis. When Jason returned and was unpacking, he pulled out this limited edition 100th anniversary Disney Stitch plush. He said he remembered I liked it and had specially bought it for me through a reseller. In the six years we’d been together, my wish to visit Disneyland had always been postponed due to one thing or another. I buried my face in the plush toy’s belly, feeling an unbearable heaviness in my heart. I still hadn’t received any messages or calls from him. In the past, whenever we argued, he would act as if it were a major crisis, desperate to appear before me and apologize immediately. I began to wonder if love could fade.
After a hasty dinner, I composed myself and headed for my night shift. During a break, I received a message from one of the nurses. “Emily didn’t come to work either.” This seemingly random message prompted me to check Emily’s Instagram again. Her latest post was from dinnertime. There were two photos attached. The first showed her foot in a protective boot. The second was the back view of a man busy in the kitchen. The familiar silhouette wore the same shirt I had bought for Jason just last week while we were out shopping. The caption read: “Injured and can’t move around easily, but thankfully someone’s here to help out, even taking me to the hospital! (flower emoji)”
I first met Emily three months ago. That day, we crossed paths outside the operating room. Next to Jason was a petite girl with a cute face, her head lowered, looking both aggrieved and defiant. The exposed skin of her neck was snow-white. Jason was speaking to her with a hint of amusement in his voice. “How could you get into an argument with a patient’s family? If I hadn’t happened to come by, you, a young girl, could have been in trouble.” I looked at him. As if sensing my gaze, he raised his head and met my eyes. The girl tugged at Jason’s white coat, her eyes on me. “You must be Rachel. Everyone in the department knows Jason has a beautiful girlfriend.” She said this dramatically while tugging on Jason. “Jason, you’re so lucky.” “Rachel, let’s add each other on SnapChat. I like you already!” Seeing such a bubbly personality in this young girl, I smiled without saying anything, giving Jason a questioning look. “This is Emily, a new medical intern. She’s not from our school,” Jason introduced, while pulling his white coat back with a look of annoyance. “She’s always so hyper. Don’t mind her.” Out of courtesy, we ended up adding each other on SnapChat.
After Jason and I moved in together, apart from takeout and cafeteria food, I was the one who cooked. Jason didn’t like cooking and couldn’t make much beyond instant noodles. He rarely even entered the kitchen. My heart ached, throbbing painfully. It seemed the air around me had grown thin. It turns out, some things aren’t about ability, but about willingness. In third grade, I was sent to spend the summer at my grandmother’s house. Being a mischievous age, I quickly became close friends with the neighborhood kids. It was during this time that I met Jason. I couldn’t ride a bicycle and couldn’t keep up with the other kids. Jason volunteered to teach me, but I ended up crashing into him and knocking out one of his newly replaced permanent teeth – the right canine. His mouth was full of blood, but he still tried to comfort me as I wailed in fear. Our crying attracted the adults from both families. The doctor said that fortunately, there was still a tooth bud, so a new one would grow. He started crying, holding my hand, because he was afraid of looking ugly. With Mrs. Sullivan’s consolation, I compromised and promised to marry him when we grew up as compensation. After that, I spent most of my holidays at Jason’s house next door.
I sent Jason a message, mentioning a breakup. Soon after, the screen lit up. “Rachel, don’t be silly. There’s really nothing going on between Emily and me. Let me explain when I get back.” He didn’t even call. In the past, what I loved most about Jason was the sense of security he gave me. He was gentle and emotionally stable. He would always be concerned about my feelings. In the second semester of our freshman year, after a club activity dinner, a senior girl finished a bottle of beer and turned red from her ears to her neck, as if her entire head was radiating heat. She stammered out a confession to Jason. The video of the confession was shared in the group chat. Less than half an hour later, Jason appeared at the entrance of my dormitory building, out of breath and flushed. I looked at him, puzzled. He held my hand, his palm burning hot, his voice trembling slightly. “I didn’t accept her confession. I didn’t know she liked me.” “I saw the message in the group chat and couldn’t help but worry.” “I… I was afraid you might misunderstand my relationship with her.” His tone was urgent, his words jumbled. The burning intensity in his eyes, illuminated by the streetlights, melted into my heart. After saying this, Jason gently rested his head on my shoulder. “Rachel, I feel dizzy.” Later, he was still carried to the emergency room by a passing senior student for an IV drip. He already had a high fever of over 102°F, and the run had only worsened his condition. After he recovered, we officially got together. It was him who pursued me so passionately back then, and now it was also him who hurt me. I slumped exhaustedly into the chair in the on-call room. Opening my phone again, I saw that Emily had sent me a SnapChat message. “I’m sorry, Rachel. Jason and I will come to explain everything to you tomorrow.” “Rachel, you know I really like you. Night shift must be tough, I’ve ordered some fruit delivery for you. Don’t be angry.”
I hadn’t even touched the fruit when the on-call phone started ringing. In the second half of the night, our department admitted six patients, including one critical case. The entire night shift team was as busy as spinning tops. This night shift, I became infamous as the “busiest” in the entire department. It would be hard to find partners for future night shifts. After the shift ended, I dragged my exhausted steps out. Just as I stepped out of the department doors, I saw Emily. Her foot in the protective boot gently tapped the ground, her whole being beautiful and fragile. Jason was gentlemanly holding out his arm, bent at the elbow, and Emily had one arm resting on it, transferring half her weight to him. The coming and going of patients’ families and colleagues at the entrance highlighted how well-matched they looked as a handsome man and a beautiful woman. This scene was clearly displayed before me. I lifted my foot to leave. Hearing the sound, Jason looked up at me, his lips twitching slightly as he awkwardly lowered his arm. “I accidentally slipped on the stairs and sprained my ankle. I really couldn’t find anyone else to bring me to the hospital. I’m sorry for causing trouble for you two.” My mood was truly awful. I didn’t respond and continued walking towards the elevator. Jason grabbed my wrist. He had an impatient look, as if I was being unreasonable. “Isn’t this explanation enough? Are you still angry?” He gripped tightly, and I couldn’t shake him off. Instead, I felt the pain in my wrist bone intensifying. He sighed softly, let go, and opened his arms, taking a step forward to embrace me. “Ah!” Emily fell to the ground. Jason instinctively let go of me and moved a step towards her. I didn’t want to continue this entanglement, losing face in front of my own department, from patients to their families, and even colleagues.
Jason didn’t chase after me. Back home, despite not having slept all night, I still couldn’t fall asleep. When we first rented the apartment, he insisted on not letting me split the rent with him. Now I had no choice but to move out. Every item in the room had been carefully selected by me – cups, toothbrushes, slippers… I had tried to choose couple sets for everything. After packing everything up, I left without hesitation, following the moving company staff. Sitting in the moving company’s truck, I felt utterly exhausted. It seemed as if half of my soul had been left behind in that rented apartment. I rang the doorbell at home, and my stepmother opened the door, looking happy to see me. Before she could say anything, her smile froze as she saw the luggage behind me. She gently set down the dumplings she was holding and asked with concern, “Haven’t you eaten yet? Come, have some.” She sat down across from me with my father. “Why didn’t you call ahead if you were coming back to stay? You haven’t been back for so long, we haven’t even tidied up your room.” I ate the dumplings in silence. This home didn’t belong to me; I felt more like a guest. So I planned to find a suitable place and move out again as soon as possible. “Did you have a fight with Jason?” my father asked, looking at me. “We broke up.” “What nonsense are you up to? Jason has always been so accommodating to you, and he’s so dedicated to his studies and work. Girls should be gentle and understanding. Learn from him a bit.” In my father’s eyes, I was always the one causing trouble. It seemed it had always been this way. After the college entrance exam, my father followed my stepmother’s advice and secretly changed my application choices, causing me to miss out on my dream school. I had a huge fight with him, insisting on retaking the exam. “Why does a girl need to study at such a demanding school? Just take it easy, stay close to us, and we’ll find you a good match to marry in the future. Wouldn’t that be a nice life?” I was shocked and incredulous that I could hear such opinions in this day and age. My stepmother chimed in: “Rachel, your dad has put so much thought into planning for you. Don’t upset him.” “I don’t need your fake kindness. You just hope I won’t succeed so that dad won’t pass on the family business to me!” I hadn’t finished speaking when a hard slap landed on my face. With half my face swollen, I ran back to my grandmother’s house. Grandma held me, trembling with anger. She said my future couldn’t be ruined by the two of them, and she would make the decision for me. Even on a July night, it was still hot. Jason sat with me in the yard. He handed me an ice-cold Coke, one hand gently stroking my back, not saying a word, as if trying to brush away all my grievances. After finishing the Coke, he finally spoke softly, “My scores this year weren’t ideal either. I’m also going back to retake the exam.” I looked at him, and he smiled, revealing that little canine tooth that had grown back. At that moment, I thought, maybe my parents didn’t care about my feelings, but Jason would. After a quick wash, I went out to look at apartments. The real estate agent rode his little electric scooter, carrying me around until it was dark. Finally, we found a suitable place near the hospital. After a day and a night, I was exhausted to the point of collapse. Just as I was about to fall asleep, I received a SnapChat message from Emily. “If I’ve done anything to make you misunderstand, I apologize.” I didn’t want to reply to her anymore. In my half-asleep state, she sent another message, “Jason only helped me because he saw I was pitiful here alone. There’s nothing between us.” I couldn’t help but check her Instagram again. This time, there was an additional post about her visit to Disneyland, dated a month ago.
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