When I was eighteen, Leo Parker gave me a bracelet. “You promised to be my girlfriend if I got into the Police Academy, Haley Wilson. No backing out now,” he said. Ten years later. At twenty-eight, Officer Leo Parker personally handcuffed me and sent me to prison. On the day of my execution, he was at home watching a football game. Outside, a light rain was falling, just like the day we first met. I met Leo Parker on a rainy day in early April. That evening, my grandfather had invited some principals and education officials from Southville High School for dinner. By the time it ended, night had fallen. The street lamps cast a dim light, and the air was chilly. A bus slowly approached through the thin fog. I closed my umbrella and helped my elderly grandfather board. The seats inside were all taken, and my grandfather, hunched with age, couldn’t reach the handrail. He could only hold onto me tightly. He had always valued his reputation and prided himself on his integrity. Now, for my sake, he had set aside his scholarly dignity. At his advanced age, he was still bowing and smiling at the dinner table, hoping only that his granddaughter could be admitted to school smoothly. Thinking of this, I felt a lump in my throat and couldn’t help but tear up. Suddenly, I heard a hoarse voice say, “Don’t cry. Sit here.” I looked up to see a thin young man. He wore a black baseball cap that hid his eyes, revealing only the sharp outline of his nose and chin. He stood up to offer his seat. I hurriedly helped my grandfather sit down and was about to thank him when I realized the young man had already squeezed through the crowd to stand far away. About half an hour later, the bus reached its final stop. The rain had grown heavier, changing from a light drizzle to a downpour. I held an umbrella in one hand and supported my grandfather with the other. He was old and had a leg condition, so he walked very slowly. The two of us struggled forward in the cold, whistling wind. “Do you need help?” A slender hand lifted the brim of the cap, revealing a pair of clear eyes. He continued, “The rain is too heavy. If you don’t mind, I can carry the old man back.” It was the young man from earlier. This unexpected act of kindness took me by surprise. Without thinking too much, I quickly nodded, “Thank you, I appreciate it.” The young man swiftly lifted my grandfather onto his back. His steps were steady, his expression calm. I walked beside them, holding the umbrella high, tilting it slightly towards them. Soon we reached the entrance of the apartment building. He asked, “Which floor do you live on?” I hesitated for a few seconds, feeling a bit embarrassed to say, “Fifth floor. It’s okay, thank you so much for bringing us this far. I can help him from here…” Before I could finish, he had already started climbing the stairs with my grandfather on his back. By now, the rain outside was pouring heavily. My grandfather invited the young man to come in, sit for a while, and have a cup of hot tea while waiting for the rain to stop. He politely declined, “I just moved here and also live on the fifth floor. It’s on my way, no need to be so formal.” Seeing the young man’s firm attitude, my grandfather didn’t insist further but felt he should at least know which apartment he lived in, otherwise he’d feel indebted. The young man hesitated for a moment before saying, “510.” It was the apartment at the end of the corridor. A moment later, I brought over some freshly brewed ginger tea to thank him, but a middle-aged man opened the door. “Who are you looking for?” he asked. “Hello, sir. I’m looking for your son, he just helped me…” Before I could finish, the man impatiently interrupted, “I’m single, where would I get a son from? Are you crazy?” He slammed the door shut. I was dumbfounded. That kind-hearted young man, unwilling to reveal his address, embodying the spirit of doing good deeds without leaving a name, had disappeared into the rainy night. In this vast sea of humanity, a chance encounter, and who knows if we’d ever meet again.
A month later, I successfully enrolled in Southville High School. In the classroom, I introduced myself, “Hello everyone, I’m Haley Wilson.” There was a burst of laughter from below. “Pfft! Her accent is so weird!” “Sounds really country.” Discussions and chatter erupted all around. I happened to glance up and caught sight of that familiar face amidst the crowd. My heart suddenly raced. He leaned back with his arms crossed, looking up at me. His expression was distant and indifferent, as if he didn’t recognize me at all. I turned away and sat down with my backpack. I had grown up in a small town, so my accent was strong and my basic knowledge was quite weak. Every time I answered a question, it caused whispers throughout the class. During breaks, one boy deliberately imitated the way I spoke, even creating exaggerated gestures, twisting his mouth and eyes and flailing his limbs, saying I was a country bumpkin who came to the city for medical treatment. The people around laughed uproariously, enjoying the spectacle. Suddenly, there was a loud “bang!” The boy who had been mocking me fell backwards, chair and all. At the same time, an eraser flew through the air in a graceful arc and landed with a thud on the boy’s head. “Leo” stood nearby, hands in his pockets, looking down at the fallen boy. He asked, “Having fun?” “Leo, you…!” The boy was half a head shorter than Leo and didn’t dare to retaliate. He could only swallow his anger and right his desk and chair. As he bent down, he saw the eraser that had fallen by his feet. The boy suddenly looked up, glancing around angrily, “Who threw this at me?!” “I did,” I said. I stood at the podium, looking at him, enunciating each word clearly, “From now on, every time you mock me, I’ll hit you once.” He was stunned, clearly not expecting me to fight back. After recovering, he sneered, “You? You think you can beat me?” “It doesn’t matter if I can’t. Unless you kill me, I won’t let this go.” Hearing this, Leo turned his head and looked at me in surprise, his expression thoughtful. The boy wanted to say something but held back, either feeling it was beneath him to fight with me or not daring to act up with Leo backing me. His face flushed red, and he could only admit defeat and sit down. After this incident, no one dared to mock my accent again. That night when I got home, I carefully wrote two words on a draft paper: Leo Parker. What a coincidence indeed. At that time, I didn’t know that while I was marveling at the wonders of fate, I would unwittingly take step after step towards a point of no return because of Leo Parker.
I didn’t do very well in the final exams, ranking in the lower middle of the class. In the hospital room, my grandfather gently stroked my hair and smiled, “The education level in your hometown isn’t as good as here in Southville, and you started school late. Achieving these results is already quite good.” As he spoke, his gaze became distant, as if lost in memories. He sighed deeply, “You used to be very naughty, climbing trees, crawling through dog holes, pulling my beard while I slept, always getting into trouble! Your grandmother and I were so worried, wondering how you’d manage when you grew up. Who would dare to marry you? We never expected that as you got older, you’d become shy, aware of beauty and shame, even crying when I scolded you. Oh, it broke my heart.” “These past few days, I keep thinking about how you looked when you first learned to walk. You were always smiling then, giggling for no reason, waddling around with your chubby little belly, tottering and falling down… Ah, such a tiny baby, and in the blink of an eye, you’ve grown into a young lady.” My grandfather’s rough palm gently caressed my face as he struggled to open his eyes wide, trying to see me clearly. He asked hoarsely, “Haley, do you still blame your father?” I felt a lump in my throat. My grandfather had been confused lately, often mixing up the past and present in his speech. He was mistaking his granddaughter for his daughter. “I don’t blame him, not at all,” I buried my face in his chest and said softly, “Dad, it’s so good to be back with you.” That night, my grandfather passed away. On the day of the burial, a misty rain fell, and the sky was neither light nor dark, like a heavy, oppressive canvas. The cemetery was built halfway up a mountain. Ancient trees loomed in the fog, and the mountain path was muddy. I carried the urn of ashes, walking in front, followed by my uncle’s family of three. My young cousin, not understanding the concept of death, came up and blinked, asking, “Hey, is my grandpa really in this box?” “Mm-hmm.” “He was such a big person, how did he become so small?” My throat tightened as I suddenly remembered my grandfather’s words: “Such a tiny baby, and in the blink of an eye, you’ve grown into a young lady.” It felt like a ball of cotton was stuffed in my chest. Though I could hardly breathe, I couldn’t suppress the rising waves of sorrow. Aunt Sarah quickly pulled my cousin away, saying nervously, “Don’t touch that, it’s bad luck!” Hearing this, Uncle Mike’s face darkened with anger, “What nonsense are you talking about? That’s my father!” “Oh, you were nowhere to be seen when the old man was in the hospital, but now you’re acting all filial,” Aunt Sarah sneered. “Your father insisted on being buried with your mother instead of being kept in the funeral home. Doesn’t he realize your mother passed away years ago and has probably been reincarnated by now? Hmph, and he was a university professor? Getting more muddled with age, just making his children spend money unnecessarily… Oh, by the way! How much did we receive in condolence money?” “I haven’t counted yet.” “I remember one envelope was quite thick, all hundreds. It must be at least a thousand!” “No, funeral gifts should always be odd numbers. It might be eleven hundred…” I closed my eyes, trembling, clutching the urn tightly. A chill spread from the bottom of my heart, coursing through my entire body.
Time flew, and before we knew it, summer vacation was over. The start of sophomore year coincided with the arrival of early autumn in Southville, bringing with it a tapestry of colorful leaves. For class selection, I chose liberal arts, while Leo went to the neighboring science class. Our new homeroom teacher was a burly man with a booming voice that made even the doorframes shake when he shouted. Everyone in the class was afraid of him. That is, until one day when I accidentally overheard him talking to his wife on the phone in the hallway. His voice was soft and gentle, his eyes full of affection, like a lovestruck Romeo. At that moment, his image in my mind transformed from a rough, hard stone into a gently flowing stream. Actually, it’s not uncommon for men to be gentle, but when a fierce-looking man is only gentle to one person, that feeling of being favored is quite special. Days passed leisurely, and I had almost forgotten about Leo Parker. Our paths crossed again on the day of the school sports meet. I fell while running in the relay race and sprained my ankle. I had to leave the field limping and was hobbling towards the infirmary. The sports representative hurried over, wanting to take me there, but I shook my head, “The standing long jump is about to start. You go prepare first, I can manage on my own.” The sports rep hesitated, then his eyes suddenly lit up and he called out, “Leo!” I looked in the direction he was calling and saw that tall, slender figure through the crowd. Leo had just finished the 800-meter race for boys and was sweating profusely. The post-rain sunshine fell gently on his shoulders, giving him a vibrant, youthful energy typical of teenage boys. Leo walked over, slightly out of breath, and asked, “What’s wrong?” “Haley just sprained her ankle and needs to go to the infirmary. If you’re free, could you help take her there instead of me?” “There’s no need to trouble—” I began. “It’s no trouble,” Leo interrupted. “I need to go to the infirmary to get a band-aid anyway.” Seeing that everything was arranged, the sports rep looked relieved and quickly ran back to join his team. I thanked Leo in a low voice, and he responded with a soft “Mm” as he reached out to support me. The young man’s hand was warm and soft, carefully holding my arm through the school uniform. There was a very subtle sensation. The atmosphere was too quiet, so I tried to make conversation, “Are you hurt?” “Hm?” “Didn’t you say you needed to go to the infirmary for a band-aid?” “Just a small injury, nothing serious.” “Oh.” “How’s your grandfather doing recently?” “He passed away.” “…” The conversation came to an abrupt halt. I lowered my head as he guided me to the infirmary. After a simple bandaging, Leo helped me back. We had just stepped out of the infirmary door when we suddenly heard a shrill female voice from behind, “What are you two doing?! This is highly improper in broad daylight!” We turned around to see Leo’s new homeroom teacher, Ms. Johnson. Rumor had it that she once caught a couple dating early and called them out to the corridor. She berated the girl mercilessly for being shameless, using the harshest words possible. But when it came to the boy, she merely said lightly, “Young man, you’re handsome and smart. You’ll have plenty of opportunities to date in the future. Don’t mess around anymore, okay?” Because of this, people secretly called her “Double Standard Johnson” behind her back. Leo frowned slightly and explained, “Teacher, this student sprained her ankle. I’m just helping her to the infirmary.” Ms. Johnson looked me up and down, with a fake smile, “Oh, which class’s delicate flower are you? So precious that you need to trouble our class’s boys to escort you.” “Hello, teacher. I’m Haley Wilson from Class 3, Grade 10. The boys in our class all went to compete, and I happened to run into Leo on the way, so I troubled him to help me for a bit.” “The boy is indeed kind and helpful, but the girl might not be. Haley Wilson, do you understand what I mean?” Ms. Johnson said coldly. “I don’t understand,” I replied. Ms. Johnson snorted, “We’re both women, I know exactly what you’re thinking! You’re taking advantage of your pretty face to act weak and gain sympathy from boys, then using the chance to get all touchy-feely. What, do you enjoy this process? Little girl, remember you’re a student. You shouldn’t have such scheming thoughts.” Pretty? Scheming? To be honest, no one had ever complimented me like that before. It made me want to refute but I couldn’t open my mouth, afraid of ruining an image that didn’t belong to me at all. Leo looked at her, his face expressionless, “Teacher, last week when you fainted at the school gate due to high blood pressure, it was the security guard who carried you to the infirmary. May I ask, were you really sick then or were you pretending? Were you truly unable to move, or did you enjoy the process of being carried?” Ms. Johnson was stunned. Her face turned red, then white. She sputtered angrily, unable to form coherent words, like a broken record player. Leo remained calm, “Teacher, I’m just following your logic to think about the situation. If I’ve offended you, please forgive me.” Ms. Johnson was so angry she stamped her foot, but she couldn’t refute him. She could only glare at me viciously and leave with a parting shot, “I don’t know how your mother raised you!” Leo told me not to take it to heart. After a while, seeing that I hadn’t responded, he asked, “Haley, are you okay?” I came back to my senses and smiled, “It’s nothing. I just suddenly remembered that you didn’t get a band-aid.” Leo lowered his eyes and made a soft sound of agreement, not saying anything more. My heart skipped a beat as I thought back to what he had said when we first met. It seemed I understood something. Taking my grandfather home hadn’t been on his way, and neither was taking me to the infirmary. They were just white lies told out of kindness, to avoid making others feel guilty. What an upright and strange fellow.
In November 2005, the temperature suddenly dropped, and the days grew shorter, heralding the arrival of winter. At the same time, World of Warcraft swept into the American market, capturing the hearts of a large number of teenagers. And some middle-aged people. Uncle Mike had to coax and cajole Aunt Sarah before getting her agreement to buy a desktop computer. When the workers came to install it, little Cousin Tommy was so excited he jumped up and down, running around with his toy gun, shooting at everything. Suddenly, he stopped in front of me and declared in a tone like he was warning off an invader, “This is my house, you get out!” I silently continued washing the dishes, pretending not to hear. “I’m talking to you!” he said, kicking me hard with his chubby foot. I glanced down at Cousin Tommy, suddenly smirking as I scooped a dirty bowl out of the sink and plonked it on his head, pressing down twice to secure it. It fit perfectly, I must say. He burst into loud wails. Aunt Sarah came running, aghast, “What’s going on?” The little chubster pointed at me and tattled, “She bullied me! Let’s kick her out!” “Alright, alright,” Aunt Sarah cooed, about to start scolding me when I splashed her face with dishwater. I walked to the door, grabbed my jacket, and before leaving, added, “Just a reminder, don’t forget that this apartment was left to my mom by Grandpa.” I slammed the door shut, cutting off the stream of curses from behind. I didn’t know where to go, so I just wandered aimlessly through the streets, wrapped tightly in my jacket. I ended up at an abandoned park and suddenly heard the sound of a fight. It was three young delinquent girls and two thuggish boys ganging up on one girl. In the bitter cold, they had stripped the girl down to just her tank top and underwear. She was covering her face and begging helplessly. Her cries were too heart-wrenching for me to ignore. Before I could think it through, I had already rushed over. The last time I’d been in a fight was six years ago, with my older brother. Back then, I was like a wolf cub with barely-grown teeth, fiercely biting at a tiger, not realizing that my fierce efforts were hardly felt by the opponent. With just a shake, I’d be thrown two miles away. My brother said my personality was like a prickly cactus, born with a rebellious nature. Whoever poked my sore spot, I’d stab their heart. I acted without hesitation and never considered the consequences. Just like now, five against one had become five against two. I was completely outmatched and even got slapped a few times. In the chaos, I saw a figure running towards us, the blue and white school uniform gleaming like shining armor in the moonlight. It was Leo. He kicked out, immediately knocking down the thug who had slapped me. With backup, I felt a surge of confidence. I rolled up my sleeves and joined the fray, grabbing wildly. I managed to pull out several strands of one girl’s bleached, explosion-like hairstyle, and violently yanked at another’s earrings until her earlobes bled, making them scream in pain. Leo’s side was equally impressive. He usually kept to himself, but who knew he could be so fierce in a fight. One of the thugs was already down, and Leo had a firm grip on the other’s hair, kicking him mercilessly as the guy begged for mercy. The group fled in disarray, their retreating figures like defeated dogs. Although we won, Leo and I didn’t look much better. His school uniform was covered in dust, and my hair was a mess. We both looked disheveled, like refugees fleeing a disaster. Leo picked up the clothes from the ground and handed them to the girl, then took out his phone, “Call your parents to come pick you up.” The girl thanked him softly. I tidied my hair, preparing to leave, when Leo suddenly called out, “Haley, let’s walk together.” After a pause, he added, “We’re going the same way anyway.” I didn’t know how much truth there was in that statement, but at this point, Uncle Mike and Aunt Sarah probably weren’t asleep yet, and going home would only cause more trouble. So I didn’t refuse the chance to spend some time with him. About thirty minutes later, the girl’s parents hurriedly arrived to take her home. “Let’s go too,” Leo said. 9 The moonlight was cold, and the air was desolate. We walked in silence for a long time. As we were nearing the neighborhood, I couldn’t help but ask, “Where do you live?” Leo paused for a moment, then answered, “Happy Valley Apartments.” That was just on the next street, very close. Indeed, it was on the way. I asked suspiciously, “But I’ve never seen you on the bus.” “I leave early, at 6:20 AM. And I leave school late, usually catching the last bus. Ms. Johnson likes to keep our class overtime,” Leo said with a wry smile. “A while back, Ms. Johnson was sick and took three days off.” “Oh.” “Apparently it was a stomach issue.” “Mm-hmm.” “Haley, I saw you at the teachers’ parking lot the day after the sports meet ended.” I clutched my sleeve tightly. Leo’s tone was calm, “You were holding a bottle of mineral water filled with a brown, sticky liquid that looked quite disgusting. You said it was vomit, then drank it down in big gulps right in front of Ms. Johnson.” “You told her your mom taught you that when you’re out, you can’t let people walk all over you. If someone disgusts you, you disgust them right back. Of course, I believe a normal person wouldn’t actually drink vomit just to disgust someone else, so I guess the bottle probably contained something else, like a mixture of drinks or something.” He was right. It was orange juice mixed with cola and some cookie crumbs. Leo continued, “But whatever it was, it must have tasted awful. I imagine you felt pretty bad drinking it too.” The cold wind kept blowing, making me shiver. “What exactly are you trying to say?” I asked. “I’m not criticizing you. I’m just wondering if it might be worth weighing the pros and cons before acting? Sometimes, overly aggressive retaliation can be a form of self-harm. It’s not worth it.” I remained silent. Although I knew he was considering my well-being, people are emotional creatures. It’s hard to calm down just by reciting a few wise sayings when emotions are running high. Leo spoke again, “Patience smooths things over.” I looked up at him, “But some things don’t need to be smoothed over. It’s like a glass bottle – it’s smooth and round, you won’t get hurt touching it, so naturally, no one pays attention to it. Glass shards are different. They have edges and points. People stay far away just at the sight of them, let alone touching them.” Leo looked a bit helpless, “Alright, then let’s talk about something else. When you rushed in without thinking earlier, did you consider the consequences? If I hadn’t shown up, you would have been the second victim.” I was quiet for a moment, then nodded, “Yes, next time I encounter a situation like that, I’ll call the police first.” I paused, then added, “And then I’ll rush in.” Leo was momentarily taken aback, then couldn’t help but laugh, “I thought you were going to keep arguing with me.” “A calm person is a safe person. Besides, my brother once told me that wisdom isn’t learned from books, it’s learned from making mistakes.” I touched my swollen face and smiled, “This mistake was worth it.” “You have a brother?” “He was my former teacher. He had a peculiar way of doing things, never following conventions. I always called him ‘brother,’ and he would playfully agree.” Leo nodded, not asking any more questions. “You should head up now,” he said. I waved goodbye to him. When I entered the apartment, the family of three was already asleep. I fumbled my way back to my room in the dark, sat quietly for a while, then, on a whim, walked to the window. I realized Leo hadn’t left yet. He was looking up towards the upper floors. I quickly turned on the light and went back to the window. Only then did Leo turn and leave. His lonely figure disappeared into the empty street. 7 The reason that girl was beaten was laughable. It was purely because she was pretty and quiet. The delinquent girls thought she was stuck-up and couldn’t stand it, so they called up two “big brothers” to help teach her a lesson. When Leo told me this, his face was cold with anger, “It’s not that they couldn’t stand her. They were jealous. They’ve given up on themselves, dropping out of school early, only to find they’re useless in society. So they target underage girls with bright futures, trying to prove their own worth through such low and crude methods. Because they’re stuck in the mud themselves, they want to drag others down too. It’s pathetic and hateful.” His grim expression made him look just like the host of “Crime Watch.” At the end of each episode, the host would always make sharp, critical comments about the case. I couldn’t help but laugh. Leo turned to look at me, “What are you laughing at?” I shook my head, “You have a strong sense of justice. Good logical thinking and fighting skills too. You could be a police officer in the future.” Leo’s expression became slightly reserved. After a moment of silence, he made a noncommittal “Mm” sound. During this period, Leo and I basically went to and from school together every day, catching the early bus in the morning and the last bus at night. As we spent more time together, I discovered that although Leo appeared quiet and reserved, he actually had many whimsical ideas. He said that numbers all have genders: 1, 3, 5, 7, 8 are male, while 2, 6, 9, 10 are female. I asked, “What about 4?” He thought for a moment and said, “4 is gender-neutral.” “…” Occasionally, we would run into Ms. Johnson on the way. When she saw me, it was as if she’d seen a ghost. She wouldn’t dare to question or even make eye contact, and would even gag when she hurried away. Soon after, a strange anonymous post appeared on the school’s online forum: “What does Haley Wilson from Class 3, Grade 10 look like? She made the teacher from next door vomit.” Clicking into it, the comments were divided. Some said the poster was bored, some said they were interesting, and some said I wasn’t bad-looking. There was also one comment: “Come on, she’s actually quite ugly.” Although it was also anonymous, it had the same IP address as the original poster. I didn’t pay much attention. As they say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Besides, they weren’t insulting me to my face, so I let it go. I closed my phone, out of sight, out of mind. That is, until someone posted a photo of Leo and me. In the picture, we were sitting in the back row of the bus. I was too tired and had fallen asleep against the window. Leo had placed his hand under my forehead, shielding me from the cold glass. It was a candid shot. Although a bit blurry, anyone who knew us could recognize us at a glance. Back then, most students used Nokia or Motorola phones. In today’s terms, you could say it had a built-in Y2K filter. So it also cast a layer of ambiguous color over the photo. The comments gradually changed direction. It wasn’t exactly eye-catching, but it certainly wasn’t pleasant to look at. I didn’t know who the culprit behind this was, and because of that, I didn’t dare to get too close to Leo and intentionally kept my distance. After avoiding him for a few days, Leo cornered me at the stairway landing, his face expressionless, “Haley Wilson, what do you mean by this?” I played dumb, “Huh?” Leo laughed humorlessly, “I really don’t understand you. You’re usually so carefree. Whether it’s people mocking your accent or insulting your parents, you always roll up your sleeves and confront them head-on. How come when it comes to this, you suddenly become timid and evasive, hiding away? It’s as if you’re the one who did something wrong.” He had laid it all out in the open, and I couldn’t avoid it anymore. I coughed lightly and explained, “To be honest, I don’t care about people commenting on my accent or appearance, as long as they’re not maliciously slandering or spreading rumors.” “Leo, I’ve never believed in the version of myself that exists in other people’s mouths. I only believe in the person I want to become. So whether they say I’m country or ugly, I don’t care. But they can’t talk about my mom, because I care about her. Similarly, I care about you too, and I don’t want you to be judged by others. It’s just that I don’t know who posted the photo or what to do about it. After thinking it over, I figured staying away from you would be best.” Leo looked at me quietly for a while, then suddenly asked, “Do you trust me?” I was taken aback for a moment, then nodded firmly. He smiled slightly, “Good. Listen carefully, Haley. I don’t care if others judge me. I only care about you. If you don’t mind this incident, then I don’t care either. Understand?” Once again, I was stunned, and once again, I nodded firmly. The bell for class rang, and Leo patted my shoulder, “Let’s go.” I hurried to catch up with him. On the way, he asked, “What kind of person do you want to become?” I smiled, “Just an ordinary person. A nine-to-five job, a routine life, small and insignificant in the crowd, but shining brightly in my own world.” “Mm, and occasionally going a bit crazy.” “You’re talking nonsense.” That day, the sun hung low on the horizon, as if the afterglow was the end of the road. The shadows of the boy and girl walking side by side stretched long on the ground. They walked together, laughing and talking, naive and fearless, full of dreams for the future. The forum incident just fizzled out like that. For a very long time, until I died on a rainy morning, I never knew who was behind it all. But it doesn’t matter anymore, I’ve long forgotten about it. 8 During the winter break, Leo went to Europe with his family for vacation. When he came back, he brought me a big box of Godiva chocolates. In that era, this was equivalent to the Hermès of the chocolate world. Leo had taken a five-hour train ride after getting off the plane, arriving back in Southville late at night. Tired from the long journey, he didn’t even change his clothes before coming to deliver the gift to me. I hurried downstairs, took the bag from his hand, and smiled, “Thanks! You didn’t have to trouble yourself to come all this way so late at night.” “It’s no trouble. I had to give it to you today,” he insisted. I frowned, my brain not quite catching up. I looked up at Leo, and after a few seconds, my heart nearly stopped. He said, “Haley, happy birthday.” This was a distant and unfamiliar phrase. Even I had forgotten about it, never imagining that someone would remember. A few days ago, Leo had asked for my ID number on Facebook, saying he needed to send me a postcard. I didn’t think much of it at the time and just sent it to him. Now, this unexpected surprise left me at a loss for words. I could only blink and stare at him stupidly. Leo frowned, his gaze scrutinizing. Taking advantage of my daze, he suddenly reached out and tugged at the scarf I had wrapped tightly around my neck, revealing the bruise at the corner of my mouth. His face darkened, and he asked, “Did someone hit you?” I shrugged, “My little cousin was being naughty. He threw a ball and it hit me. But I didn’t let him off easy either. I gave him a good kick and sent him sprawling.” Of course, there was quite a commotion in the house after that. Leo thought for a moment, then suddenly asked, “Haley, do you want to spend New Year’s with me?” I was stunned. “My parents divorced a long time ago. I live alone,” he paused, then added, “I’m alone for New Year’s too.” Leo had gone to Europe with his mother, and I had assumed his father was too busy with work to go along. Since his parents were divorced, why wasn’t he living with his mother instead of by himself? But some things, if not voluntarily shared, shouldn’t be asked about. I smiled and nodded, “Okay.” 9 Two days before New Year’s, Leo and I went to the supermarket to buy groceries. The crowd was bustling, packed tightly together. The noise of chatter almost drowned out Michael Bublé’s “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” playing in the background. We carried bags of New Year’s goods home. As soon as we entered the apartment, we smelled the aroma of food and heard the sound of cooking from the kitchen. Leo’s expression suddenly froze, his face turning cold. On the sofa sat a man, flipping through a comic book and giggling non-stop. He was about thirty, very tall and lean. Leo’s pajamas hung loosely on his frame, yet the sleeves and pant legs were too short, looking quite out of place. Hearing the noise, the man lazily raised his head, “You’re back.” Leo gritted his teeth and said nothing. The man’s gaze fell on me, his thick eyebrows rising in surprise, “Oh, girlfriend? Pretty cute.” Leo said coldly, “It’s none of your business.” “You didn’t deny it, so I guess she is,” he was about to say something more when a middle-aged woman wearing an apron came out of the kitchen. Her features were somewhat similar to Leo’s. “Son, you’re back! What a coincidence, I just finished cooking. Go wash your hands… Oh, who’s this?” I came to my senses, “Hello, Mrs. Parker. Happy New Year! I’m Leo’s classmate, Haley Wilson.” She was stunned for a moment, then broke into a wide smile, “Hello, Haley! Happy New Year to you too! I made spicy shrimp and duck soup today. It smells delicious. Come, have a taste.” Before I could answer, she had already brought out a new pair of slippers for me and went back to the kitchen to add another set of dishes and cutlery. It was hard to refuse such hospitality, so I had no choice but to stay. At the dinner table, the atmosphere was heavy. Mrs. Parker seemed oblivious, busying herself with serving food, sometimes giving me dishes, sometimes peeling shrimp for the man, all while asking Leo about his well-being. Seeing her son’s cold attitude, Mrs. Parker’s enthusiasm waned. She turned to ask me, “Haley, from your accent, you don’t sound like you’re from around here. Where’s your hometown?” “I used to live in a small town called Pineville. After my parents passed away, my grandfather brought me to Southville, and we transferred my household registration here.” “Pineville? That’s a nice place,” the man, Ethan, smiled with narrowed eyes. “The persimmons there are famous. Juicy and sweet.” “Ethan, don’t talk nonsense,” Mrs. Parker corrected him. “Pineville is most famous for its dates, isn’t it, son?” Leo glanced at her but said nothing. “The persimmons are good too,” Ethan leaned back in his chair, staring at me intently with a playful look in his eyes. “Haley Wilson, right? Why don’t you tell us about it?” I felt uncomfortable under his gaze and didn’t want to continue this topic. I just lowered my head, poking at my food, and said vaguely, “Pineville is close to the mountains. It has a mild climate year-round with plenty of sunshine, suitable for growing all kinds of crops.” Ethan smiled and looked at Leo, teasing, “Your little girlfriend is quite clever.” Leo couldn’t bear it any longer and issued an order to leave, “Hurry up and get out once you’re done eating.” Mrs. Parker scolded, “How can you talk like that? Your mother worked hard to cook for you, and not only do you show no appreciation, but you’re also chasing people away. How rude!” She snorted coldly and urged Ethan to hurry and change his clothes. Before the two left, Mrs. Parker said, “I bought you new bed sheets and pillowcases. I washed them and brought them over, and I’ve already put them on your bed. There are also a few new outfits for you in the closet, all from Hong Kong. Try them on when you have time. Oh, and I’ve left your New Year’s money and next semester’s tuition on the table. Don’t spend it recklessly.” She paused for a moment, her tone slightly aggrieved, “Don’t complain that I don’t think about you anymore.” Before closing the door, the tall, thin man tilted his head and looked me over, a smile on his lips that gave me goosebumps. 10 January 29, 2006. New Year’s Eve. As night fell and lights began to twinkle, among the sea of illuminated windows, one stood out as slightly lonely, with only two busy figures inside. Leo placed washed coins into the dumpling filling, while I, fearing they might chip a tooth, put in sugar cubes instead. He teased me about my weak teeth, and I mocked him for his ugly dumpling-wrapping skills. In the midst of our banter, he even managed to smear flour on my nose. Soon, steaming hot dumplings came out of the pot, accompanied by Leo’s braised ribs, my stir-fried green peppers with beef, his sliced cold cuts, and my mixed cold dishes. By New Year’s Eve dinner standards, this table of dishes was too simple, but for him and me, it was more than enough. The TV was playing the New Year’s Gala, full of songs and dances, creating a festive atmosphere. I set out the bowls and chopsticks, poured vinegar and sesame oil, while Leo opened a can of Coke for me and a can of beer for himself. “I want some too,” I said. “No way, you’re not of age yet.” “Are you?” “No, but I want to drink.” With that, Leo tilted his head back and took a big gulp of beer. He drank too quickly and choked, his cheeks turning slightly red. In the swirling steam, he looked like a freshly steamed little bun. Leo looked up at me and asked with a smile, “What’s wrong?” I wanted to say he looked cute, but the words got stuck in my throat. Just as I opened my mouth, he unexpectedly fed me a dumpling. After we had eaten and drunk our fill, we curled up on the sofa to watch the New Year’s Gala skits, occasionally offering our views and insights as audience members. His phone vibrated – it was a call from Mrs. Parker. Leo lowered his eyes, lost in thought for a moment, then got up and went to the balcony to answer. It was quite a while before he came back, his body carrying a hint of the night’s chill and a faint smell of cigarettes. I bit my lip, wanting to ask but not daring to. As I hesitated, Leo suddenly turned down the volume on the TV. “Haley, I have something to tell you.” I was startled at first, then sat up straight. He pondered for a moment, then slowly began, “My father’s surname is Parker, my mother’s is Zhang. My grandmother said that a name represents the love and expectations parents have for their child. But when they decided to divorce, neither of them wanted me.” “My mom said she nearly died from blood loss when giving birth to me, that our zodiac signs were incompatible. My dad said his business suffered losses when I was a month old, that our fates clashed.” Leo gave a short laugh, somewhat self-deprecating. “You wouldn’t believe how this couple fought tooth and nail over the house and car, making quite a scene. But when it came to custody rights, they suddenly became courteous to each other, afraid it would fall on them. They had been together for ten full years, from falling in love to getting married, with countless conflicts and arguments. Yet when it came to their own child, their views were surprisingly consistent.” Leo took a deep breath, his voice slightly trembling, “They both thought I was a jinx, bad luck. They even blamed me for their unhappy marriage and the deterioration of their relationship.” I felt a lump in my throat. “After that, I lived with my grandmother. When I was fourteen, she passed away too, and I was completely on my own. Actually, life didn’t change much. My parents still regularly sent me living expenses, until two years ago when my dad remarried and had a new family. Now when he sees me, he’s very impatient, as if I’m some kind of filth.” “But this is fine too. He doesn’t hide his disgust and contempt for me at all. He’s thoroughly awful, which allows me to hate him thoroughly. I might as well pretend I don’t have a father.” “The worst is my mom,” Leo said with a bitter smile. “She would rush to defend me when I got into fights and the teacher called her to school, arguing with other parents without asking for the reason, saying no one could bully her precious son. During my growth spurt, she worried I wasn’t getting enough nutrition and would cook different dishes for me every day, then drive them to school, rain or shine.” “Despite all this, my mom still doesn’t want to live with me. She has her own social circle. That man called Ethan is her center, while I’m just a peripheral figure.” Leo pulled out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket but didn’t light one, just holding it dry between his lips. “One day she suddenly called me, telling me to get my passport ready quickly. She said she was worried about my study pressure and wanted to take me to Europe for a vacation during the winter break, to relax.” “I didn’t know exactly what materials I needed, and I kept forgetting things, so I had to make several trips to the passport office before I got everything sorted out. But I was still overjoyed, thinking she cared about me and was concerned for me.” As he spoke, he began to show signs of agitation. I picked up the lighter from the table and handed it to him. Leo looked at me for a moment, then lit the cigarette and took a deep drag. Dense smoke swirled around him. “The whole trip, she either complained to me about Ethan flirting with other women or cried to me about how hot and cold he was, whining endlessly about wanting to die. My dad treats me like garbage, while my mom treats me like a garbage can, endlessly venting her negative emotions.” Leo extinguished the cigarette butt, his eyes cold and clear. “My mom doesn’t speak English, so she relied on me to communicate with others throughout the trip. But I was also unfamiliar with the place, so I found a local Chinese tour guide. The guide claimed it was peak season and charged an extremely high price. After we paid, the person disappeared. My mom was furious and blurted out that I was a jinx, saying if she had known this would happen, she would have been better off staying with Ethan, at least then she wouldn’t have such bad luck.” Leo’s chest heaved slightly as he gave a derisive laugh. “After we got back, I ignored her for a long time, not answering her calls or reading her messages. Then one night she suddenly came to find me, drunk and crying, saying I was her only family and I couldn’t treat her like this.” “I couldn’t bring myself to completely disown her as my mother. I just hoped she would stop associating with Ethan. That man is no good. She promised me so sincerely at the time, but the next day when she received a call from Ethan, she rushed back to him with renewed passion. I really don’t understand. My grandfather left her a large inheritance, enough for her to live comfortably for the rest of her life. She could have a good life, but she insists on mixing with that scum.” Leo shook his head and sighed lightly, “But I can’t deny that both my parents think I’m a jinx, a bringer of bad luck. It’s just that compared to my father who avoids me like the plague, my mother who occasionally shows concern seems much more responsible. She’s not so good, but not so bad either, and that’s the scariest part.” My nose stung, and I felt a heaviness in my heart. From the time I had known him until now, Leo had always given me the impression of being rational and calm. Now that he was pouring his heart out to me, laying everything bare, the distance between us had shortened. All the pieces came together, revealing a broken young man. After a while, I composed myself and hesitantly spoke, “Since you can’t bring yourself to cut ties with your mom completely, and you can’t change the current situation, the only thing left is to change your own mindset.” Leo looked up at me, his expression complex, “How do I change it?” “Replace the ‘mother’ label with ‘foster mother,’ ‘aunt,’ or ‘family friend’ – someone who is close to you but still one step removed. Of course, you’ll think this method is extremely absurd. After all, even the most rational person has emotions, and it’s not something you can just say and make happen. But over time, gradually, imperceptibly, you’ll no longer have any expectations of Mrs. Parker as a child would of a mother. You’ll just treat her as a relative. Leo, not everyone is suited to be a parent. When their behavior doesn’t match their role, and we can’t escape the situation, this is the best method.” “Figure out what you really want, and if you can’t have that, what’s your next best option. This way, you’ll feel much lighter.” Leo’s eyes darkened, showing a kind of weariness and calmness, as if he was thinking, as if he was zoning out. After a moment of silence, I smiled slightly, “Also, I don’t think ‘jinx’ is a derogatory term. To be honest, I even quite like this title.” Leo raised his head in surprise. “It’s a deity, after all, ranked among the immortals, just experiencing trials in the mortal world.” I paused for a moment, then my eyes curved into a smile, “To tell you the truth, I’m not a good person either. I never expected to meet a fellow immortal in the mortal realm. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Leo’s thin lips parted slightly, a flash of shock passing through his eyes, as if he had heard some outrageous soap opera dialogue. After a long silence, he chuckled softly, somewhat helplessly, and reached out to shake my hand, nodding, “Mm, pleasure to meet you too. As they say, two negatives make a positive. The two of us are bound to blaze a bright path in this world.” At this moment, fireworks began to explode outside, and the New Year’s Gala started its countdown. Leo turned up the volume on the TV. “…Five, four, three! Two! One! Happy New Year!” “Happy New Year, Leo.” “Happy New Year, Haley.” 11 In the second semester of sophomore year, as winter retreated and spring arrived, Southville entered a long rainy season. That year, Korean pop stars were all the rage on campus. The girls’ break time conversations revolved around nothing but TVXQ and Super Junior, two top idol groups. The class’s arts and literature representative was so infatuated with Kim Jaejoong that she turned the essay prompt “If I could…” into “If I could marry Kim Jaejoong.” Our homeroom teacher was so angry he almost swore, saying the arts rep was not only dating early but also being brazen about it. He demanded to know which class this Kim Jaejoong was from. Falling into this river of love along with her was my cousin Tommy, who was in third grade. He bought a bunch of Lee Hyori’s albums and danced to “10 Minutes” in the living room after school. The music was deafeningly loud, irritating me to no end. After several reminders with no response, I couldn’t stand it anymore and directly turned off the DVD player. This angered the little tyrant, who immediately threw a tantrum. Aunt Sarah jumped up from the sofa, “Haley Wilson, are you crazy?! Why did you turn off the music?” “It’s too noisy. It’s affecting my homework.” “Oh, aren’t you studious,” she said sarcastically. “Want to go to Harvard like your mom? I hope you have the life to study even if you get in.” Uncle Mike hurriedly tried to stop her, “Watch what you’re saying.” “It’s true!” Aunt Sarah glared at him, full of resentment. “A sensible girl would have gone out to work to help support the family by now. But this princess here, after paying for high school, we still have to pay for college. Do you think we’re running a bank? You’re already useless enough, and now you’re dragging us down with you.” Uncle Mike looked embarrassed and said urgently, “This apartment originally belonged to my sister. We can’t live in her house and kick her child out, can we? Besides, my father’s savings account is in your hands. What more do you want?” “That little money is hardly enough to support a family! Ever since Haley came, first the factory closed down and we both lost our jobs, then the old man was hospitalized and died. If she’s not a jinx, what is she? You insisted on taking in this hot potato! You said when Haley gets married, we’ll get the bride price, and after she moves in with her husband, the house will be ours. But what happened? Your father had already secretly transferred the house to her! He clearly saw us as outsiders!” As the argument grew more heated, Cousin Tommy suddenly grabbed the remote control from the coffee table and threw it at me hard. My nose hurt, and I felt warm, sticky liquid. I was bleeding. He put his hands on his hips and yelled, “Jinx! You made my parents fight. Get out!” I narrowed my eyes and looked at him, not moving an inch. Perhaps my blood-covered face looked too frightening. Aunt Sarah quickly shielded her son, saying nervously, “What are you trying to do? Don’t do anything rash!” “That’s right!” Cousin Tommy peeked out from behind her and shouted at me viciously, “My parents are here. If you dare bully me, they’ll beat you to death! But I can bully you because your parents are dead, and your grandpa is dead too. No one can help you!” I looked at him silently for a moment, then went to the kitchen and got a sharp boning knife. With a smirk, I said, “That’s right. I have no father, no mother, no one to rely on. Even if I die, no one will care. But you’re different. If you die, your parents will surely be heartbroken.” Aunt Sarah was stunned, Uncle Mike’s face turned pale, and he trembled as he said, “Ha-Haley, calm down. Put the knife down.” I smiled sweetly, then rushed into Cousin Tommy’s room with the knife, slashing the beautiful women on the magazines and posters beyond recognition. Then I moved on to the pillows, blankets, bed sheets, and clothes, cutting everything I saw, including the walls and furniture, leaving deep, eye-catching gashes everywhere. Uncle Mike and Aunt Sarah stood at the door, trembling, wanting to stop me but not daring to come forward, watching in horror as I, with disheveled hair and covered in blood, destroyed the room like a madwoman. After what seemed like an eternity, I was exhausted and panting. I looked at the family of three, smiling grotesquely, “Mike Wilson, Sarah Wilson, if you ever try to take advantage of me, slander me, or allow your son to bully me again, I will definitely use this knife to pierce Tommy’s body, gouge out his eyes, cut off his tongue, chop off his head, and throw his internal organs to the dogs! After all, my life is worthless. I have nothing to fear.” Uncle Mike’s whole body was shaking, Aunt Sarah fainted on the spot, foaming at the mouth, and Cousin Tommy sat on the ground crying, “My Lee Hyori!” Going crazy felt good. The residual excitement was still vibrating in my chest. I returned to my room satisfied, closed my eyes, and let out a long sigh. It had been a long, long time since I had let myself go like this. It felt like it had rained in my heart, sudden and unexpected, wet and cool. And empty. Those words were just to scare Uncle Mike and Aunt Sarah. They were cowards who couldn’t pose any real threat to me. But as I calmed down, a strange thought suddenly popped into my head. — If I really died, would Leo be sad? Thinking of this, my heart skipped a beat. I quickly shook my head, warning myself not to think nonsense. 12 Before I knew it, sophomore year was over, and Leo and I spent the entire summer vacation attending intensive classes for core subjects at school. Although it was supposed to be the season of long days and short nights, when I recall that summer, it’s always the dim dawn and the dark night that come to mind.
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