“I don’t have one,” I replied, leaving the host momentarily speechless. Soren, standing nearby, suddenly spoke up. “Is what’s written on the sign your wish?” After a brief pause, Soren spoke again: “I’m willing.” Instantly, the venue erupted in thunderous screams. Oh right, I forgot. The sign I was holding said, “Soren, will you be my boyfriend?” My name is Sunny, and I’ve known Soren since childhood because he’s my brother’s best friend. There’s only a three-year age gap between us, but it always felt like we were worlds apart. When I started middle school, he was a sophomore in high school. When I became a high school freshman, he was starting college. I worked incredibly hard to get into his university, thinking we could finally be together. But by then, Soren had become a superstar, and I could no longer catch up to him. From that point on, I could only admire him from afar. The first time I met Soren, I was very young. All I knew was that my brother had an incredibly handsome classmate, so I always loved tagging along behind them, grinning like an idiot. I’ve always been drawn to good-looking people, even as a child. “Oliver, are you going to play basketball? I want to go too.” “Oliver, are you going out? Can you take me with you?” “Oliver, let me come along.” “Oliver, Oliver, Oliver…” Oliver, now in middle school, was thoroughly annoyed by his little tagalong sister. But he had no choice. If he didn’t take me along, he wouldn’t get any allowance. And when I went out with my brother, nine times out of ten, we’d see Soren. Gradually, Soren and I became more familiar, sometimes even meeting up without my brother around. Later, we ended up at the same school, though I was in middle school and Soren was in high school. But even in the middle school section, there were always stories about Soren. After all, someone handsome and smart is popular anywhere. “Sunny, there’s a basketball game in the high school section later. Will you come watch with me?” my desk mate whispered while the teacher wasn’t looking. “I heard your brother and Soren are playing too. You can go cheer for your brother.” Yeah, right. As if I’d go cheer for Oliver. Of course I was going to watch Soren. We skipped a study hall period and rushed over. By the time we arrived, the game was already heating up, and it looked like there was some friction between the two sides. They had the referee sandwiched between them. At that hot-blooded age, neither side was willing to back down. It looked like a fight was about to break out. I saw someone push Soren, and my anger instantly flared up. I jumped up from my seat, grabbed a plastic chair from the side of the court, and charged over. “Don’t you dare bully my brother! I won’t let you get away with this!” They were probably startled by my forceful voice and all turned to look at me. My chair didn’t hit anyone. Instead, halfway there, I tripped over my own feet and fell spectacularly in the middle of the court, with the chair shattering beneath me. Back then, the term “social suicide” didn’t exist yet. I just wanted to find a hole to crawl into. It was so embarrassing. Soren was the first to rush to my side, seeing that I was still lying on the ground. He scooped me up and ran straight to the infirmary. Later, his team lost the game because two of their key players were missing, staying with me in the infirmary instead. “What were you thinking? You’re just a girl, how could you be so reckless as to try and fight high school boys?” My brother scolded me, still shaken by the incident. “I saw them about to hit you. You’re my brother, how could I just stand by and watch?” I said, not very convincingly. I was afraid he’d figure out it was because of Soren and beat me up. “You’ve got guts, I’ll give you that.” Soren patted my head. “But next time, leave the fighting to your big brothers, okay?” Although my brother scolded me, he was touched that I stood up for him, and it made him look good. The opponents who nearly got into a fight on the court now envied him for having such a pretty and brave little sister. So as a reward, my brother gave me all of his allowance. I immediately took the money and secretly dragged Soren to the mall for a big meal. “Why hasn’t your brother arrived yet? Maybe you should call and hurry him up.” “Oh, my brother just texted me. He said something came up and he can’t make it.” I kept my head down, looking at the menu, not daring to meet Soren’s eyes. I felt guilty. At this moment, my brother was probably at home eating instant noodles alone. “Soren, have you ever dated anyone? Let me tell you, high school is crucial. You need to focus on your studies and not get distracted by relationships.” After starting middle school, I stopped calling Soren “big brother.” I had my own reasons – I didn’t want him to see me as a little sister. Soren didn’t seem to mind this change. He looked at me without saying anything, just smiling. I plowed on, explaining, “That’s what my mom tells my brother at home. Since you two are so close, I naturally wanted to pass the message on to you.” “Well, you can tell your mom that I won’t be dating early.” I quickly agreed, my mood greatly improved. The food on my plate suddenly tasted even better. In the end, Soren secretly paid the bill, telling me to keep the money to buy something I liked. After junior year of high school, my brother and Soren became even busier. They were either in class or doing practice tests. Following my mom’s instructions, I went to deliver something to my brother. At the stairway corner, I saw the familiar figure of Soren, but there was a pretty girl standing across from him. I didn’t dare get closer, so I couldn’t hear what they were saying. In the end, Soren accepted something the girl handed him, a smile on his face. I was stunned. It wasn’t like I’d never seen girls confess to Soren before. But he always rejected them coolly, never accepting anything from them. I felt a sense of unease. I secretly took a photo and then turned to leave. After a night of internal struggle, I anonymously sent the photo to their homeroom teacher. In the crucial final year of high school, how could they afford any distractions? I was doing the right thing. That day in class, I was distracted. As soon as school ended, I rushed home, wanting to ask my brother about it. But when I got home, my parents and brother were all there. High school seniors had evening self-study sessions. “Oliver, did you skip class?” “Your brother was caught dating. Your dad and I just got back from the school,” my mom said. Hmph, dating as a team, huh? “I’m not dating! That girl was chasing after me, but I don’t like her,” my brother explained, exhausted. “I can’t believe someone took a photo and reported it. If I find out who it was, I’ll beat them to a pulp.” I suddenly felt a chill down my spine and quietly slipped from the living room to my bedroom. Oh no, I reported on my own brother. What should I do? The next day, I saw Soren in the cafeteria. “Well, well, look who learned how to tattle,” Soren said as he sat down across from me. “I didn’t know it was my brother,” I mumbled. “So it would have been okay if it was me? And here I thought I’d been so good to you,” he teased. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell your brother. This can be our little secret.” Soren held out his pinky, as if to make a pinky promise. I was confused. “How did you know it was me? I sent it anonymously.” Soren smiled. “I had a hunch, but now I’m sure.” shift Middle schoolers are no match for high schoolers after all. My brother and Soren both got into top universities. I started high school, and the intense study atmosphere took some getting used to. Especially math and physics – I was getting worse and worse. My mom got worried and started finding tutors for me. Although I resisted, I didn’t dare go against my mother. On the first day of summer vacation, I stumbled out of bed with messy hair to find Soren sitting in our living room. It had been half a year since I’d seen him. He seemed even more handsome. “Soren, has my brother started dating anyone? He never tells me anything.” “No,” Soren replied, half-focused on the practice papers in front of him. “What about you?” I stared at him nervously, afraid of hearing an answer I didn’t want. Soren put down the papers and looked at me. “No.” I secretly rejoiced and pressed on, “So what are your requirements for a girlfriend?” “Just being of legal age.” “Anything else?” “Nope.” “That’s it? So simple?” I asked, incredulous. “Well, it’s not that simple.” Soren tapped the papers on the table, gesturing for me to start working. “Huh?” I didn’t quite catch that, but Soren didn’t elaborate further. Just one requirement, and I still didn’t meet it. The age part I couldn’t change, but everything else I could work on. Two more years. For the first time, I felt like time was passing so slowly. Soren tutored me in math and physics for a month, and also cooked for me and my hopeless brother. “Oliver, you’re so lazy. You’ll never find a girlfriend like this.” “Soren is hardworking, and he doesn’t have a girlfriend either.” Ugh, he had a point. I hoped Soren would continue not finding one. Soren’s tutoring was very effective. I got into the same university as them and finally welcomed my long-awaited 18th birthday. The long-held secret crush could finally emerge from behind the clouds and see the sun. I wanted to tell Soren, “I like you. I’ve liked you for a very, very long time.” But when I saw Soren again, he had become a popular singer. His latest single, which he wrote and composed himself, was playing online. As soon as it was released, it topped the charts on all major music platforms. With his superior singing skills and stunningly good looks, he attracted countless fans. Everyone said he was the star of tomorrow, a future superstar. I used to think that once I got to college, I’d have a chance. Now I realized that college wasn’t the beginning, but the end. I could never catch up to Soren again. A secret crush has always been one person’s own tumultuous battle. During the New Year holiday, my brother took me out for a meal, and we saw Soren after a long time. He was very busy, with activities all over the country, and didn’t have much time to keep in touch with my brother either. “Soren, long time no see.” I started calling him “Soren” again, as a reminder to myself. Soren heard my change in address and his hand, which was about to pat my head, stopped midair. “Sunny, have you adjusted to college life?” “It’s pretty good. The club activities are fun, and my classmates are easy to get along with.” “So, have you started dating anyone? You’re 18 now, you can date.” It used to be me asking Soren these questions. Now the tables had turned. “Yes, a senior at my school.” I kept my head down, eating from my bowl. I was afraid if I looked up, he’d realize I was lying. I wasn’t sure why I lied. Perhaps it was to completely cut off my own unrealistic fantasies. A hopeless crush should be nipped in the bud. On the way back, my brother seemed to want to say something several times but held back. He didn’t say it, and I didn’t ask. Soren became increasingly famous, winning more and more awards. Fewer and fewer people mocked him for relying on his looks. My roommate was his die-hard fan, with a complete collection of merchandise, posters, and albums. “Sunny, there’s an event with Soren this weekend. Come with me, please?” “I’m not going. I don’t like him.” “Oh, come on. Your phone is full of his songs, and every time I talk about Soren in the dorm, you perk up and listen.” I looked at my other roommates, and they all nodded in agreement. “There’s no shame in liking Soren. No need to hide it. Besides, he’s kind of our senior from the same school.” I had turned my love for Soren into a fan’s admiration for their idol, but I didn’t dare follow him openly, always carefully keeping tabs on him. One day, I had just returned from the cafeteria when I heard Lily talking in the dorm, “I can’t believe even someone like Soren would have unrequited love. The girl he’s pining for must be some legendary figure.” I opened my phone and saw the trending topic: “Soren – Unrequited Love – Exploded” It was a video clip of Soren being interviewed. Host: “People say many of your songs are about unrequited love. Is that true?” “Yes, it is.” “Is that because you’ve experienced it yourself?” “Yes.” “When did you start liking this person?” “A very long time ago.” “Do you still like them now?” Soren remained silent for a long time, never answering, and the video ended. That night, I tossed and turned in bed, my mind full of Soren’s interview. A very long time ago – that must mean during school. Thinking back, the people closest to him in school, besides my brother, were me. Surely Soren couldn’t have a crush on my brother, right? I opened SnapChat, wanting to ask Soren, but I never dared to. “Soren’s fan meeting is at the Cultural Center, just three subway stops from our school. It’s so close. Please go for me.” Lily tugged at my arm, begging. “Sunny, you’ve been secretly liking Soren for so long. Don’t miss this chance to see your idol in person. Trust me, once you see him with your own eyes, you’ll definitely fall in love with Soren.” I wanted to argue, but I couldn’t find a reason. Tickets for Soren’s fan meeting were in high demand. Lily had stayed up for three nights to snag a seat in the back corner. But when the day came, something urgent came up related to graduation. No matter how much of a fan she was, she couldn’t let it affect her future. She was reluctant to give up the ticket and asked me to go in her place, maybe even get a handshake or a hug. She said if I did, it would be like she got to hug Soren too. She didn’t know that if I went, there was no way I’d be hugging Soren. On the day of the event, it was incredibly crowded. There were even many fans without tickets gathered outside. I finally found my seat and immediately texted Lily to let her know I was there. “Girl, take out the sign and hold it up!” “No way.” “You have to! I had it specially blessed online. It cost me $50.” “Even if you spent $500, Soren still wouldn’t be your boyfriend.” “The fortune teller said the blessing wasn’t just for Soren, but for someone like Soren too.” That’s quite a broad blessing. “Sunny, do you really want to crush my dreams of love?” With no other choice, I reluctantly held up the sign. I even video called Lily to prove I was doing it. “Don’t think you can put it down right after. This fan meeting is being livestreamed. I’ll watch the replay when I’m done with my work, and if you didn’t hold it up, we’re through.” Great, my last escape route was blocked. At least it wasn’t too embarrassing. Lily’s sign was relatively tame compared to some of the others I saw in the crowd. After Soren sang a few songs, it was time for fan interaction. Selected fans could have a small wish granted on the spot. Usually, it was for an autographed photo or a picture together. “Soren, can I have a hug?” “I’m sorry, but we can shake hands.” Soren seemed to never hug female fans. Since his debut, he had never had any rumors or scandals. Could it be that Soren really liked my brother? “Number 3714, where is this fan?” It wasn’t until the girl next to me nudged me that I realized I had been picked. “What is this fan’s wish?” “I don’t have one,” I replied, leaving the host momentarily speechless. Soren, standing nearby, suddenly spoke up. “Is what’s written on the sign your wish?” After a brief pause, Soren spoke again: “I’m willing.” Instantly, the venue erupted in thunderous screams. Oh right, I forgot. The sign I was holding said, “Soren, will you be my boyfriend?” In an instant, I became the center of attention at the venue. The lights and cameras were all focused on me. I could clearly feel my heart pounding and my cheeks burning. Thankfully, not wanting to be recognized by Soren, I had worn a hat and mask. When I finally came to my senses, under everyone’s gaze, I grabbed my things and fled through the back door. But as soon as I got out, I ran into Soren’s assistant. “This is Soren’s dressing room. The event should be over in about an hour and a half.”
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