Today is my 18th birthday. My parents forgot, but my online boyfriend sent me a gift. A nightgown with very little fabric. He sent me a voice message, “Baby, come to the hotel and wear it for daddy, hehe.” My name is Linda. I’m 18 years old this year. Is it reasonable to receive a uniform from my online boyfriend on my coming-of-age day? After all, my parents divorced when I was young. I lived with my mother after she remarried, and my mother and stepfather had another child. I’m just an invisible nobody who doesn’t get any attention. My mother’s neglect and my stepfather’s favoritism made me timid and reluctant to speak. Being so lonely and insecure, with no family or friends caring about me, my boyfriend naturally became my whole life. My relationship with my boyfriend Jason was simple. Long-term lack of love, plus the pressure of senior year studies, made me turn to the internet as an escape and a way to act out. The online world is vast and carefree. There, I didn’t have to do anything to have many people care about and sympathize with me. Especially in this private chat room that was very popular. Although some people there said things that were a bit over the line. Like “Little sister, how old are you? Have you had a boyfriend? I like young and tender girls the most.” “What’s wrong, little sister? Are you lonely? Don’t worry, tell big brother where you are, and I’ll come give you a hug right away!” “Sister, I’m a good guy, can you show me your photo?” And so on. These people are really disgusting. I could even imagine all those lewd faces behind the phone screens. Of course, I wouldn’t talk to these creepy people. I had my eye on someone else. “What’s wrong? Did you come here because something unhappy happened? I have a lot of time. If it’s convenient for you, we can chat.” Such a simple sentence, yet it had been absent from my life for the past dozen years. Are you happy? No one cared if I was happy or not, let alone ask. Only he did! This stranger, with just a simple sentence, touched my heart. Am I unhappy? I didn’t reply. His messages continued. “Don’t worry, this is the internet. We’re all strangers here. You can tell me your troubles and sorrows. I won’t know who you really are. I’ll just comfort you, and I absolutely won’t bother you.” That’s right. He doesn’t know who I am. I don’t need to worry or be afraid. I can pour out my heart and vent freely. My mother’s unfairness, my stepfather’s coldness, the pressure from school, the uncertainty of the future… “My parents divorced. I live with my mom. She had another daughter, and I’m no longer her favorite baby… I feel so alone.” I said a lot. He was very attentive, replying to every sentence I said. “That’s so pitiful. Every person is a living being and has the right to enjoy love.” He was also very gentle, comforting me and giving me hope. “If you were my friend in real life, I would definitely give you a comforting hug.” I received long-lost warmth, even if it was from a stranger. Chatting is indeed a good way to pass time. We talked for so long that time quietly slipped by. I hadn’t eaten all day. My stomach was growling. When I looked up, I realized it was already dark. I had to end this pleasant conversation. “I have to go,” I told him. His reply was quick. “So soon? Although we’ve only known each other for a day, I feel like we’ve known each other for a long time. Knowing how hard your life is, I’m sorry I can’t do anything for you.” He sent a sad emoji afterwards and asked to add me on SnapChat. Looking at our chat history and how he cared for me, this was exactly what I had been praying for but couldn’t get. Having finally obtained it, I didn’t want it to just disappear. So, I agreed to add him on SnapChat. He told me his name was Jason, and if I ever felt unhappy about anything, I could always find him. At first, I didn’t pay much attention. After all, people need to learn self-control, so I almost never reached out to him. But he often came to find me. He never missed sending good morning, good afternoon, and good night messages every day. The questions he asked most frequently were: Did you eat enough today? Are you happy? Is there anything you’re unhappy about that you’re hiding from me? Gradually, I started to get used to his presence. At that time, he was like a big brother caring for me, and I enjoyed the emotional value he brought me. Then, he confessed his feelings to me. I still remember what he said when he confessed. “Linda, do you know? From the first time we chatted, I marveled at the wonder of fate. From your words, I could see that you are my destiny!” Of course, I didn’t believe it. “You haven’t even seen me. How can you say I’m your destiny?” My words didn’t discourage him. On the contrary, his care for me became more meticulous, and he was more attentive in everything. That’s when I realized that “destiny” doesn’t necessarily have to be between two people who have met in person. Because I seemed to be gradually falling for him too. That day, after I finished showering, I didn’t reply to his messages for a long time. When I opened my phone, I found over twenty unread messages. “Linda, why aren’t you replying? When you don’t reply, my whole heart is uneasy. I’m worried about you!” “Linda, I’ve realized I love you to the point of no return. Even if I don’t hear from you for three seconds, I feel uncomfortable all over!” “Linda, what are you doing? Have you forgotten about me?” No one had ever put me in such an important position before. The emptiness in my heart seemed to be filled. The corners of my mouth turned up involuntarily. I told him I was just taking a shower. He sent an embarrassed emoji. “Linda, we’ve been talking for so long, and I’ve fallen for you so hopelessly. Can you fulfill one wish for me? Can you show me your photo?” I thought for a moment. “No.” Although we had been chatting for a long time, I actually didn’t know much about him. Most of the time, our topics were about me. He sent a very hurt emoji. “Not knowing what the person I love looks like is too cruel for me.” I was moved. After thinking for a while, I still chose a pretty good photo and sent it to him. “Oh my god! This is exactly what my dream girl looks like! Linda! You’re so beautiful! Linda, just looking at your photo, I’m already imagining what it would be like for us to get married and have children! I want to be with you, be with you forever, and build a happy family with you!” “If we have a child, I will definitely pay extra attention to them. I will never let what happened to you happen to them!” “My baby has been through so much. If I could, I really want to fly to your side and give you a comforting hug!” Just a few simple lines of text made me blush. My grades weren’t good, and college was already out of reach. Although this thought was a bit shameful – I really wanted to have my own family and a man who loved me wholeheartedly. Jason’s existence made me feel “happy” for the first time. Moreover, he said he would treat our children well. He wouldn’t let my tragedy happen to them. Jason was really a warm person. He was worthy of my expectations and aspirations. After that, Jason became even more attentive to me. Although I had never seen him, he had appeared in every corner of my life. Even if we didn’t chat for just an hour, I couldn’t help but think about him. Slowly, he offered to send me gifts. After asking for my name, contact information, address, and school information, I received many small accessories and pretty clothes. Girls are always happy to receive gifts, and I was no exception. Mom didn’t care about me. I hadn’t bought new clothes since freshman year of high school. I felt that Jason treated me better than my own mother. So, I agreed to be Jason’s girlfriend. On the night I agreed to be his girlfriend, my phone kept ringing. Dozens of confession messages from him made my heart sweet. “Linda, can you send me another photo? I love you so much! You finally agreed to be with me! You’re my first love. I want to fall asleep holding your photo!” I blushed. After all, his way of expressing love was too direct and intense. I gave him one. But he didn’t seem satisfied. His message came a few seconds later. “Linda, the photos you send always only show your face. I want to know you better. Can I see other parts? I can’t not know what my girlfriend’s figure is like, right?” I asked him what part he wanted to see. “Can I see your legs?” He sent a pleading emoji. Although legs aren’t a private part, it still felt strangely embarrassing. I said no. Jason’s message came very quickly. I could feel his anxiety from his words. “We’re boyfriend and girlfriend now. What’s wrong with seeing your legs? Don’t worry Linda, I don’t have any other intentions. I just want to get to know you better.” To be fair, he had indeed been very good to me, and I had been chatting with him for over half a year. He had never said or done anything that made me uncomfortable. Maybe he really just wanted to know me better when he asked for photos of my legs? He was so good to me, yet I wouldn’t even let him know what my figure was like. This did seem a bit unreasonable. So, I sent a photo of myself wearing shorts. Long, slender white thighs stood straight, with the girl in the photo making a “peace” sign. “My baby is so beautiful! What a great figure!” His compliments made my heart bloom. I sent an embarrassed emoji with a smile. The next day, I received another package from him. It was an even sexier mini skirt. “My baby’s legs are so beautiful, you must wear the prettiest skirt to match them!” At his request, I put it on and took a photo for him. Once you open that door, it’s hard to control what comes after. He started asking for photos of other body parts, like my upper body in low-cut tops, exposed collarbones, and later, even a few photos of private areas. And I didn’t think there was anything wrong with it. After all, we were boyfriend and girlfriend, right? If I could send photos of my legs, I could send others too. That day, he said he wanted to see photos of me without clothes. How could I agree? Who would be comfortable with such embarrassing photos? Seeing his impatient words, I could only refuse politely. For the first time, his attitude towards me turned cold. “Other people’s girlfriends are by their side, but my girlfriend is so far away from me.” “I just want to see you, see everything about you, because I love you. But now, I can’t even quench my thirst by looking at plums!” “Linda, if you’re not willing to agree to even this, I’m starting to doubt if you really love me.” I looked at his words and fell into deep thought. Do I have to send such revealing photos just because I love him? I still refused. He didn’t answer. For a whole day, he didn’t send me a single message. I had already gotten used to his companionship. Without his messages, my life returned to its previous lonely state. I seemed out of place in this world, lonely in a corner. I couldn’t help but reach out to him first. “Are you there? What have you been doing today? Why haven’t you replied to my messages?” “Are you very busy? I miss you a little.” “When you don’t reply, I feel like the whole world has lost its color.” I didn’t even understand how these cheesy words came from my fingertips.
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