Late at night, I had a car accident while taking the child to the hospital. In a daze, I heard Lucas’s voice. “I used to think she was weak and cold. I loved her so much that I wished I could give her my heart.” “Now, she’s older, her emotions are extremely unstable, and she’s even more difficult than young women like you.” In the haze, I saw a woman standing beside him. That woman is the reason for our constant arguments these days. For nine years, I have been drowning in the past. But I forgot that he is ultimately not the same person. The night before I decided to leave, I burned everything that belonged to the past. I will no longer be obsessed with what has come before. My emotions can be stable too. Later, he crazily questioned me: “Tell me! Who is it that you really love?” I felt confused and detached: “Sir, could you please calm down a little?” 0 When I became conscious, I was still not clear-headed. Lucas’s voice continued to echo in my ears. “The child has such a serious fever; I really don’t know how she cares for him!” “I have never seen such an irresponsible mother.” A few seconds later, I heard a gentle female voice. “Lucas, no matter what, Lina is still Liam’s mother. There isn’t a mother in the world who doesn’t love her child.” “It’s all because of me that you have become like this.” “Now even the child has been affected; you should explain to her that we are not what she thinks we are…” Lucas coldly snorted: “Not all mothers love their children. If she loved her child, would she have gotten into a car accident?” “If she loved her child, would he be burning with fever in the middle of the night?” “She fills her mind with nothing but love and affection, completely neglecting the child.” My consciousness gradually cleared. When I slowly opened my eyes, I saw Susan. She was back-to-back with Lucas, gathered around Liam’s hospital bed, as if they were a family. My heart suddenly felt a sharp pain. They have long been a family. I am the outsider. When did they get together? Probably three years ago, when Lucas was always abroad. I always thought he was busy with work overseas. Until I saw the chat history between him and Susan on Lucas’s phone. Only then did I realize that they had so much to talk about. Susan is Zach’s ex-girlfriend. My relationship with her is neither good nor bad. It is the kind of relationship where we can exchange a few words when we meet, but if we don’t, we become estranged. Susan loved Zach so intensely that she nearly fell apart when they broke up. I never thought that she and Lucas could get together. I never thought Lucas’s heart could change so easily. Once a person falls into the haze of the past, they become paranoid. I didn’t speak or ask, pretending everything was normal. But emotions that have been suppressed for too long will eventually erupt. In the last year, we started to argue frequently. During our most intense fights, I acted like a madwoman, red-eyed, hitting him, scolding him, questioning him. When emotions surged, I was filled with negative energy. Even when Susan came to explain, I would scold her mercilessly. Susan sent Lucas the screenshots of our chats where I scolded her. Lucas protected Susan as if he were defending his own mother. He was afraid that Susan would suffer even a little grievance from me. For the past month, we haven’t said a word to each other. It seemed calm between us, but there was a silent war brewing beneath the surface. At this moment, the war finally ignited. All my obsessions were obliterated on this battlefield of life and death. I finally recognized the truth. He is no longer the same person. At this moment, Susan coughed a few times. Lucas immediately became very worried: “You just finished your IV; your cough isn’t better yet. I’ll take you back to rest.” Susan replied, “I’m fine. You two have made such a fuss because of me and Lina. I should at least come and explain a bit.” “If she had half your understanding, we wouldn’t be in this situation.” “Lina just loves you too much; her heart is always gentle and kind.” “Now she doesn’t even love the child; her heart has turned cruel.” “I’ll take you back first; don’t let her delay your rest.” I thought he came to the hospital because of Liam. It turns out he came to accompany Susan, who was sick, and happened to check on his son. He is so angry now, not because he is worried about his son. It is simply because I and the child have caused him trouble. A father who has reached this point is truly something else. He still has the nerve to blame me. I was just about to speak and tell them to get lost. But I heard my son’s weak voice: “Dad, my mom loves me very much.” My throat suddenly tightened. I have become a clown in my marriage. Everyone seems to want to drive me crazy. The one defending me is such a small child. 0
Tears welled up in my eyes. I really feel useless. Isn’t it just a man? What can’t I afford to lose? “Lucas, don’t fight with Lina for a divorce; divorce will only hurt the child.” Lucas coldly sneered: “Having a mother like her around Liam is harming him.” Susan interjected: “This is indeed too much of a psychological burden on the child. Liam has a fever; maybe it’s Lina trying to win you back. She really loves you. Don’t make the child suffer; he’s too pitiful.” “Besides, the Lina Family has just gone bankrupt. If you divorce her now, it’s like stabbing a knife into her heart. You should try to live well with her and don’t let it be because of me…” Lucas interrupted her: “Did you forget how she scolded you before, how she made you depressed?” Susan fell silent for a moment and sighed: “It’s all in the past. She just loved you too much, which made her act so extreme.” “I am indeed a pretty disgusting person. To provoke Zach, I deliberately got close to you. When I was sad and in pain, I always confided in you. It was my fault to play both sides between you and Zach; it has nothing to do with Lina.” Lucas responded, “Susan, you’re not wrong. I willingly became your tool. It’s Lina who is unreasonable and lacks compassion, which is why you became so severely depressed.” Susan shed tears, her voice choked: “I became depressed because of Zach’s ruthlessness; it has nothing to do with Lina. Lucas, don’t blame her.” Lucas sighed. “At this point, you’re still helping her? Does she understand your kindness?” “Don’t cry; it’s not good for your eyes. I’ll take you back.” In a moment, their voices gradually faded away. I slowly opened my eyes, looking at their backs. Lucas half-hugged Susan, tenderly wiping her tears. Their retreating footsteps felt like sharp blades, piercing directly at me. My head suddenly throbbed with intense and rapid pain, as if it wanted to tear me apart. This pain had appeared not long ago, leading to my car accident. I curled up, unable to tell whether it was physical pain or psychological pain. I just felt that the pain made me wish to die and subconsciously shouted Lucas’s name. Just like a drowning person nearing death, instinctively trying to grab a lifeline. Lucas’s footsteps paused. But he didn’t look back at me for even a glance. Susan wanted to turn back but was pulled away by Lucas. My last bit of hope was completely shattered. Darkness instantly enveloped me. The last bit of light disappeared from my vision. Just before I fell into a coma again, I saw someone rushing towards me. I tried hard to open my eyes wide, wanting to see his face clearly, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t see clearly. 0
“Lina…” His voice was so distant. As if it came from another world. But when it reached my ears, it was deafening. “Don’t look back; I’m not here…” For nine years, I finally accepted a fact. The person who once turned everything upside down for me had long died that bleak winter day. I looked at my rotting, irreparable self. Finally understood. I can no longer see the past. Everything should come to an end. The person who loved me as if his life depended on it. I will never see him again. 0
When I opened my eyes again. Liam was lying by my hospital bed, fast asleep. I raised my hand and gently stroked his hair. He is not the biological child of Lucas and me. In the first two years of marriage to Lucas, we didn’t have any children. I went to the hospital for a check-up, but it was my problem. The doctor said it would be very difficult for me to get pregnant, perhaps I would never be able to have children in this life. The Lu family initially maintained a superficial harmony. Slowly, they began to become dissatisfied with me. They would tell everyone that I couldn’t bear children, that I didn’t deserve to be a woman. They openly and secretly looked for new marriage candidates for Lucas. Lucas is the only son of the Lu family; he cannot have no children. I didn’t want to delay him, nor did I want us to eventually grow to dislike each other. So I took the initiative to propose a divorce. I thought my fate with him would end here. I went to the hospital for a check-up, and the doctor informed me that I had fertility issues, suggesting that I might never have children in this lifetime. At first, the Lu family maintained a facade of harmony. Gradually, however, their dissatisfaction with me grew. They openly and covertly sought new marriage prospects for Lucas, the only son of the Lu family, who certainly wanted children. I didn’t want to hold him back, nor did I want us to end up resenting each other. So, I took the initiative to propose a divorce, thinking that my relationship with him would come to an end there. But Lucas firmly chose me, insisting that his love wouldn’t waver just because we couldn’t have children. He bravely faced family pressure and we adopted a child together, naming him Liam—combining our surnames. He publicly declared his love for me. If I had to pinpoint when I completely fell for Lucas, it would probably be the moment he brought Liam home. Looking at the five-year-old Liam before me, I suddenly felt a rush of emotion. Three years ago, during the ordeal with Susan and Lucas, I tried my hardest to be accommodating and to heal myself. Every time I thought about giving up on our relationship, seeing Liam made me choose silence, asking nothing and saying nothing. All these years, I’ve been moving forward piece by piece. I always believed this couldn’t be our ending. Yet, the conclusion seemed already written; no matter how I tried to navigate it, I was destined for a dead end. A familiar pain began to throb in my head, and my heart ached as well. I glanced at the ceiling, tears streaming down my face once again. At that moment, someone walked in. “Don’t cry just yet. Although there’s a shadow in your brain, it’s not malignant; surgery can fix it,” said Zach, Susan’s devoted ex, now in a white coat, standing by my hospital bed with a teasing tone. A group of interns followed him, laughing at his words. Their laughter echoed around me, creating a chaotic noise. I numbly joined in their laughter. What could be more important than life and death? My joys and sorrows, my fleeting love seemed so trivial at that moment. 0
The commotion in the ward woke Liam up. He blinked sleepily, then looked at me with confusion. “Mom, you’re awake?” His little face was filled with delight. He was about to leap into my arms when Zach caught him, saying, “Your mom needs to rest.” He checked his watch. “Just in time to get off work; Uncle will take you to eat.” Glancing out the window, I realized it was already evening. I had been unconscious for so long. Yet, I still had no one to care for me. Liam was reluctant to leave with Zach. He broke free and ran toward me, leaning against the bed and looking up at me with his bright eyes. “Mom, I want to stay with you; I won’t disturb your rest.” His gaze was so pure, filled with expectation yet cautious. My heart ached, and I gently hugged him. “Alin, why don’t you go eat with Uncle?” Liam shook his head. “No.” “Why not?” “Everyone has someone with them, but Mom has no one; I want to stay with Mom.” His simple words weighed heavily on my heart. He was so small, yet so understanding. Yet, in the Lu family, no one loved him. I rested my chin on his little shoulder, and in the blink of an eye, tears fell. Though he wasn’t my biological child, he had long been a part of my life. “Mom, are you feeling unwell?” “Mom is fine.” “Don’t be afraid, Mom; I can take care of you; I can do it.” I nodded, tears streaming down like rain. After a long moment, I swallowed my sobs and tried to sound relaxed. “Is it okay to go eat with Uncle?” Liam was silent for a moment before nodding. “Okay.” He lifted his head and kissed my face. “Mom, don’t cry; I love you, I really love you.” I didn’t want to cry in front of him, but his understanding touched me deeply. Liam took a tissue and carefully wiped my tears, comforting me like an adult. “Mom is fine; I’m here for everything.” I held him close, shaking my head repeatedly. “I’m sorry; Mom will manage her emotions better in the future.” 0
When Zach brought the food over, I sat in a daze, my mind swirling with memories of the past years. It wasn’t until Zach waved his hand in front of my eyes that I snapped back to reality. He opened the small table on the hospital bed and placed the food on it. While opening the thermal container, he said, “I’ve sent Liam to a house near my hospital; someone is taking care of him, so don’t worry.” Zach was always cautious and responsible in his work. Leaving Liam with him was far more reassuring than leaving him with Lucas. I nodded. “Thank you.” Zach handed me chopsticks. “It’s nothing.” I took the chopsticks, but I had no appetite and only ate a couple of bites before losing interest. I looked up at Zach. “Aren’t you going back?” Zach joked, “I couldn’t stand seeing you look so pitiful, so I came to keep you company.” On the surface, he was joking, but I could tell he genuinely felt sorry for me. My father favored my brother, and my mother preferred my sister. They were a happy family of four, while I was just an outsider. Now, my family had gone bankrupt, and my parents jumped off a building together. They had long arranged an escape route for themselves, leaving my brother and sister to flee smoothly. Only I was left behind, abandoned with no one caring. Those relatives and friends from the past either took advantage of my misfortune or distanced themselves, showing no warmth. Now, I was facing Lucas’s blatant betrayal, alone in the hospital when I needed support the most. Who could witness this and not feel pity? But none of this mattered to me. I smiled. “I’m not pitiful at all.” Zach shook his head, looking down at my barely touched food, somewhat dissatisfied. “I made this myself, and you’ve only eaten a few bites?” I was surprised. “You can cook?” Zach replied, “What do you think?” I lowered my gaze. In the past, when I simply had a cold and lacked appetite, Lucas would personally cook to coax me into eating. He would notice my slightest change in mood. But ever since he got involved with Susan, he stopped caring about my feelings. Now, after nearly dying in this car accident, he remained indifferent. Entangled for two years, married for seven—nine years didn’t compare to a single Susan. Now we felt like strangers; it was truly laughable. Probably sensing that I was off, Zach tilted his head to look at me. “What’s wrong?” When no one asked me, I felt that everything was bearable. But at that moment, when Zach inquired, my eyes suddenly stung. Zach sighed, sat by the hospital bed, and wiped my tears again. “Please don’t cry; I can’t stand seeing women cry.” I pushed his hand away and took a bite of rice, eating silently. Zach watched me for a few moments before saying seriously, “It’s just a man; is it really worth it?” I swallowed my food. “I know it’s not worth it.” “You don’t understand; he’s done this to you, and you haven’t even considered giving up.” I poked at the rice in my bowl. “People aren’t lifeless; feelings don’t just vanish; there’s a process to letting go.” “I never believed someone like Susan could be more important than me.” “Now, it all seems irrelevant.” Zach didn’t respond, and I didn’t press further. Susan was his ex, and no matter what, she would always hold a more significant place in his heart than I did. Why should I make things harder for myself? 0
In the midst of the awkward silence, there was suddenly commotion outside the door. I looked up and saw Lucas walking in, holding Susan in his arms. It felt strange. In the past, the slightest sight of him with her would send my emotions into a whirlwind. But now, I felt surprisingly calm. I even thought their arrival alleviated the tension between Zach and me. I lowered my eyes and continued eating, ignoring Susan’s chatter. It was Zach who spoke first. “Isn’t it quite enjoyable to meddle in someone else’s marriage?” Susan broke free from Lucas’s grasp and hurriedly explained, “Lucas and I have nothing; Zach, you know who I love the most, right?” Zach smiled and nodded. “Yes, it’s because you love me so much that you hooked up with Lucas to find out about my situation, to comfort yourself.” Susan’s eyes turned slightly red. “So, you’ve always known my condition was bad? How much I wanted you, how much I loved you…” Zach stood up, interrupting her with a sneer. “You’re indeed in a bad state, bad enough to call Lucas ‘husband.’” “I really want to know, what does it mean to call my good brother ‘husband’?” As soon as Zach finished speaking, both Lucas and Susan turned their gazes toward me. Zach nodded with a hint of humor. “Right, you love me too much, so you flirted with Lucas just to find out how I’ve been doing and to comfort yourself.” Susan’s eyes glistened with unshed tears. “So, you always knew I was in a bad place? How much I miss you, how much I love you, to the point of… Ṱŭ̀⁵…” Zach stood up, interrupting her mockingly. “You’re in such bad shape that you’re calling Lucas ‘husband.’” “I’m curious, what do you mean by calling my close friend ‘husband’?” As soon as Zach said that, both Lucas and Susan turned their gazes towards me. I had secretly looked at Lucas’s phone and seen those chat histories. They must have assumed this was information I shared with Zach. But I had never told anyone. Because revealing such things would make me look ridiculous. Susan cried out, “Zach, you know that was just to provoke you! I…” Zach retorted, “Are you about to go and play the victim again to win Lucas’s sympathy?” Susan’s face went pale. “What?” “Is this amusing to you, Susan?” “I was just joking around, and you took it seriously?” “No matter what you and Lucas have going on, I couldn’t care less. I actually think you’re beneath me.” Staggering slightly, Susan weakly insisted, “I really have nothing with Lucas…” Zach sneered. “You really do talk like a rogue.” “You’ve turned into the other woman, yet you still claim to love me.” “Is this some twisted version of love?” “If you have nothing better to do, maybe you should go see a psychiatrist instead of living in your own fantasies all day.” Susan was left speechless by Zach’s words. After a few seconds of silence, she suddenly said, “You like Lina.” It wasn’t a question; it was a statement of certainty. I paused slightly, then laughed. To play along with Susan’s comment, I said lightly, “Zach, your cooking is too bland.” As I said this, I set my chopsticks down and looked faintly at Susan. Zach kept his head down, ignoring my comment. Seeing that Zach didn’t refute her, Susan got furious and pointed at my face, scolding me, “You really have no shame! You’ll do anything to get back at me; have you never seen a man in your life?” “No wonder your parents never loved you; a person like you doesn’t deserve love.” “You deliberately told Zach about my chat history with Lucas just to stir up trouble, didn’t you?” “With that kind of vengeful spirit, it’s no wonder Lucas doesn’t love you! What man would want someone like you?!” “You can’t stand it when others are happy; your heart is truly poisonous!” Not everyone in this world possesses self-awareness. Many accuse others of their own faults. I scoffed. “To be honest, if I hadn’t looked at those chat histories, I wouldn’t have known how flirty you are with men behind the scenes.” “It’s no surprise Zach doesn’t want you; someone like you is simply unappealing.” “Only Lucas wouldn’t be picky and would settle for someone as cheap and pretentious as you.” Struck at a sore point, Susan’s lips quivered with rage. She raised her hand, about to slap me. I grabbed a bowl and threw it directly at her, hitting her hand and splattering rice all over her face. Susan instantly looked disheveled, her expression twisted as she lunged to hit me. But Zach intercepted her. “That’s enough, Susan!” Saying this, he forcibly pulled the frantic Susan out of the room. Her crazed curses echoed outside the hospital room. It took a while for the noise to finally die down. The hospital room became quiet at last. In that moment, I noticed Lucas had been standing there the whole time. He hadn’t left, hadn’t spoken, nor made any movement. Only his gaze was cold, filled with anger. “You looked at my phone; I won’t hold it against you, but then you went and told Zach the details. Lina, how bored are you?” “Flirting with Zach? Do you think you can get revenge this way?” “The Zhou family won’t look at someone like you, a leech from a bankrupt family, and Zach definitely won’t want second-hand goods.” I snorted. “Of course Zach wouldn’t want second-hand goods; only you would.” Seeing my indifference, Lucas slowly approached me. The anger in his eyes was almost palpable. “Lina, I wouldn’t even consider you second-hand; think about how terrible you’ve become.” “Look at you now; what part of you could interest a man?” “A woman like you is truly hopeless.” His words struck me hard. All those unresolved past grievances hit me like a torrential summer rain. Dousing any remaining passion I had. For nine years, I had been drowning in the past. I had given Lucas a soul he never possessed. I just forgot; he ultimately isn’t who I thought he was. I gazed out at the myriad lights beyond the window. In that moment, all my obsessions slipped away. “Lucas, let’s get a divorce.” 0
Lucas probably never thought I would one day bring up divorce. He knows me too well. I’m someone who finds it hard to adapt to anything at first, but once adapted, I can’t let go. Feelings are the same. In the beginning, I didn’t accept him, but once I did, I wouldn’t leave. Over the years, he hurt me time and again. But I never turned against him, nor did I show any signs of wanting to leave. Now, however, I casually said the word divorce. He looked displeased, his expression darkening. “Divorce? Do you think I, Lucas, am someone you can just marry and divorce at will?” Lucas gently pinched my chin, forcefully turning my face to make me look at him. “Lina, I told you before, marry me, and you can forget about leaving for the rest of your life.” After saying this, he let go of my face. He turned and walked away. As if he was escaping, or perhaps utterly annoyed. He knows me well. And how could I not know him? I am the one he spent so much time and energy pursuing. His feelings were once all invested in me. I never doubted his love for me. But nine years is simply too long. Now I’m to him tasteless, but a pity to discard. He wouldn’t divorce me, but he also wouldn’t love me like before. Now, my family is bankrupt, and I have lost everything. At the moment I most needed to rely on him, I proposed divorce. This must have insulted Lucas. He is such a proud person; how could he tolerate me proposing divorce as someone he looks down upon? But I went ahead and proposed it; how could he not be angry? Once the decision is made, I won’t look back. Just like when I decided to marry him, I never thought of leaving. I got up and opened the window, letting the cold air surround me. A black car came into view. Lucas was leaning against it, smoking. But after only a few puffs, he clutched his chest, bent over, and collapsed to the ground. From a distance, his gaze turned towards me, motionless. The distance was too far; I couldn’t see his expression clearly. Just as I couldn’t grasp the complexities between us. 0
I watched the medical staff below hurry to gather. Then they pushed Lucas into the hospital. I thought I would forgive everything again and immediately rush to his side. After all, that heart had been cared for by me for nine years. That was the only remnant left by a deceased person in this world. But I didn’t move. Nine years. The seasons cycle, everything renews. Everything is no longer as it used to be. That heart no longer has his spirit. Lucas didn’t even have a rejection reaction. It had long become a part of Lucas’s body. It had his essence. It wouldn’t hurt because of my sadness. It wouldn’t only beat for me. So, I wouldn’t want it anymore. When I saw Susan crying as she followed Lucas’s moving bed, I could even tease and take a photo to send to Zach. “Your ex is crying so sadly; did you hurt her heart again?” “Lucas is going to heartbrokenly comfort your ex again.” It took Zach a while to respond. “Don’t send me these.” “I don’t want to see them, nor am I interested.” I: “?” “There won’t be anything between Lucas and her.” “The reason you and Lucas have come to this point lies within yourselves.” “If Lucas really loved you, he wouldn’t have entangled with other women.” “You don’t need to blame everything on her.” “And don’t use me to provoke anyone.” “I don’t want to be a part of your drama.” I was stunned for a long time. Before I understood what Zach was saying. I have to admit, Susan is quite powerful. Not only can she charm Lucas with just a few words, but she can also pull Zach into her camp in an instant.
The next day, Lucas was sent back to my side. Zach did not show up. Even the doctor in charge of me was changed. I tried to call to ask about the situation, but found I had been blocked by Zach. WeChat was also deleted. Looking at the red exclamation mark on the screen, I sighed softly and dejectedly put down my phone. A sudden wave of indescribable loss welled up in my heart. People always overestimate their importance in others’ hearts. He and Lucas are childhood friends, brothers. He and Susan are old loves, red dust… What do I count for? The next day, Liam was sent back to my side. Zach didn’t show up. Even the doctor in charge of my care was changed. When I called to inquire about what was happening, I discovered that I had been blocked by Zach. SnapChat had also been deleted. I stared at the red exclamation mark on my screen. With a soft sigh, I dejectedly set my phone down. An indescribable sense of loss suddenly surged in my heart. People often overestimate their significance in the lives of others. He and Lu Tinghan are childhood friends, like brothers. He and Susan are old flames, past loves… What do I count as? I’m not even a true friend to him. He truly only feels pity for me. That’s why he shows me that meager kindness. A heavy weight settled in my chest; I ultimately couldn’t remain detached. Since my birth, only two people have steadfastly stood by my side. One is him from my memories, and the other is Lu Tinghan. And now, I only have Liam. Only Liam remains. I glanced at the time; it was close to when Liam got out of school. Although I had arranged everything well for him, with someone specifically taking care of him, I truly missed him now. I changed clothes and went to pick up Liam from school. As I passed by a hospital room, I overheard the voices of the Lu family. “If you really like that Susan, then marry her.” “Your dad and I don’t care so much anymore, we just hope you’re happy.” “I told you long ago, without a biological child between two people, living together won’t work, but you wouldn’t believe it!” “If she can’t have children, she can’t understand the true feelings of being a mother; how much can a woman who hasn’t even had a child love you?” “Liam is not your biological child; how can the Lu family’s century-old foundation be handed over to an outsider?” “Listen, Lucas, if Lina is causing this scene now, and Liam is protecting her, when you’re old, will the Lu family still value your opinion?” “A child must be biological to be valuable, understand?” Although the Lu family has long looked down on me, hoping for me to divorce Lu Tinghan, I didn’t expect they could even accept Susan. Susan is Zach’s ex, and the Zach family looks down on her. Zach doesn’t think much of Susan either. The most image-conscious Mrs. Lu is actually willing to accept someone even the Zach family disregards. This shows how far they are willing to compromise for a grandchild. VIP hospital rooms are scarce. My room isn’t far from Lu Tinghan’s. But not a single person from the Lu family has come to see me. One can only imagine how much they detest my presence. I think that even if I had died in that car accident, no one would mourn for me; they would even applaud. At night, I waited at the entrance of the Lu family home for Mr. and Mrs. Lu. They seemed surprised to see me. But soon, their faces shifted to contempt. To them, people like me have always been beneath notice. Moreover, currently, their son doesn’t regard me favorably. They wouldn’t bother to give me a proper look. Mr. and Mrs. Lu had no intention of acknowledging me and walked straight into the house. I didn’t care about their attitude and calmly spoke: “I want a divorce.” Hearing the word “divorce,” Mrs. Lu immediately stopped, looking at me in shock. “What?” I met her gaze: “I said, I want a divorce.” Compared to Mrs. Lu’s shock, Mr. Lu’s reaction was more subdued. Mr. Lu said in a deep voice: “What are the conditions?” As expected from someone experienced in high-pressure situations, he remained calm and direct. I didn’t beat around the bush: “With your power, it shouldn’t be difficult to obtain the divorce certificate directly without going through Lu Tinghan, right?” Mr. Lu frowned, thought for a moment, and replied: “Lu Tinghan’s condition is unstable now; I can’t risk triggering him.” I laughed. “If you don’t agree, I have a thousand ways to provoke him.” “Don’t forget, I’m also a doctor; I understand the psychological state of patients very well.” “Especially Lu Tinghan’s condition.” Mr. Lu’s emotions wavered slightly; he glared at me angrily: “If something happens to Lu Tinghan, I won’t let you off easily.” I replied calmly: “Those without shoes don’t fear those wearing them. Mr. Lu, my patience is limited. Within three days, I want the divorce certificate and the assets I deserve.” “Otherwise, I won’t let Lu Tinghan have it easy.” “His heart was replaced by me, and I personally cared for it. I can easily make him wish he were dead.” After saying that, I turned to leave. The cold night wind swept in, and the moon hung high against the dark sky. I looked up at the deep, silent night sky of the villa neighborhood. Everything was quiet, like the conclusion of my life. Mr. and Mrs. Lu’s efficiency in handling things was impressive. Two days later, the divorce certificate was delivered to me. A sum of money also entered my account, enough for Liam and me to live without worries for the rest of our lives. Their only requirement was to keep it confidential and not let Lu Tinghan know about it in the short term. I agreed. As long as I could escape this marriage, it didn’t matter how. On the day of my discharge, I passed by Lu Tinghan’s hospital room. I saw Susan crying again. Lu Tinghan, as always, gently comforted her. “Don’t cry, Susan; I won’t divorce Lina. She just wants to be with Zach; it’s just a dream.” “Zach will always be yours.” “Zach can find anyone, but it can’t be Lina.” “When I’m better, I will make Lina apologize to you.” Susan cried so hard she could barely speak. “Zach has blocked all my contact information.” “He won’t have anything with Lina, but he doesn’t want me either.” “He’s just such a rational, clear-headed, and cold person.” “He keeps others’ matters at a distance, while handling his own decisively.” “His heart is both cold and hard; he won’t love me anymore…” So, it turns out, Zach cut all ties. Not just blocking me. I always thought he was a cold exterior but warm inside kind of person. Now it seems he’s cold inside and out. Now, the only thing Susan can hold onto is Lu Tinghan. Even if she doesn’t love him. With Lu Tinghan’s affection, she will live carefree for a lifetime. I was once someone who was cherished by Lu Tinghan. I know how intense his affection can be. Susan’s character is softer than mine, better at capturing a man’s heart, and more emotionally stable than I am. Lu Tinghan probably will never tire of her. I quietly exit the scene, allowing him and Susan to be together. This can be seen as a kindness, a good deed. After all, I have treated him as a stand-in for so many years; I’m not a good person either. Why should I make myself appear to be the victim? Just as Zach said, the fact that Lu Tinghan and I have come to this point is due to our own choices. Even if those reasons are unknown to others, they are indeed unrelated to Susan. I looked at the hospital’s stark white corridor. Slowly, I stepped away. In the deep night, I returned to the West River Moon villa. This is where Lu Tinghan and I became intimate; it is our home. A gust of wind blew, bringing the scent of medicine to my face. Not far away, the medicinal herbs I planted with my own hands swayed in the wind. These are what I used to make medicinal meals for Lu Tinghan. Nine years ago, I personally performed a heart transplant for him. From being a hospital doctor to becoming his private doctor, and finally his wife. I know his physical condition very well. I even went out of my way to learn about traditional Chinese medicine, consulting experts about the precautions for medicinal meals. As long as he is in the country, I basically cook his three meals a day. Over the years, under my careful care, his heart has remained very healthy. Even when Susan appeared, I didn’t mind. I thought I could continue, but I ultimately overestimated my tolerance. I still remember that day. I saw he looked unwell, so I made him medicinal meals to bring over. When I arrived at his company, he was in a meeting. I waited for him in his office. By the time I fell asleep, he still hadn’t shown up. As dusk approached, I groggily woke up. But the room was still empty. I sent him a message, but it sank without a trace. I went downstairs to prepare to leave but saw Lu Tinghan just getting out of the car not far away. And in the front passenger seat, Susan got out. Susan’s eyes were red, draped in his suit jacket. She looked particularly pitiful and weak. Lu Tinghan didn’t see me, half-embracing Susan as they walked toward the company. I hid in the cool night wind, the medicinal meal in my hand had long since turned cold. My heart also froze at that moment. I suddenly laughed. It’s no wonder Lu Tinghan would change his heart; over the years, I’ve cared for him like a servant, which is really dull. I picked up a shovel and completely destroyed all the medicinal herbs. Then, I went inside and cleared out everything related to me. I piled them on top of the destroyed herbs. After carefully checking that nothing was missed, I took out a lighter and set it on fire. The fire ignited with a whoosh. Burning brighter and brighter, as if it wanted to burn the past to ashes. I took out that red divorce certificate. Threw it into the raging fire. Everything is over. I came here with high hopes. Leaving with a heart like dead ashes. In the firelight, I took out my phone and blocked and deleted everyone’s contact information. Then, I entered the house and cleared out everything related to me. It was piled on top of the ruined medicinal materials. After carefully checking to ensure nothing was overlooked, I took out a lighter and lit it. The fire ignited with a whoosh. It grew larger and larger, as if it wanted to completely burn away the past. I took out the red divorce certificate. I tossed it into the roaring flames. Everything was over. When I arrived, I was filled with hope. When I left, my heart felt like cold ashes. In the flickering light of the fire, I pulled out my phone and deleted all of my contacts. I walked step by step out of this place where I had lived for many years. Finally, I also walked away from my unspoken obsession. — Late at night. Southern City Cemetery. I stood in front of Gavin’s tombstone for what felt like an eternity. In the photo on the tombstone, he still looked handsome and full of life. Time flies so quickly; in the blink of an eye, it had been nine years. I never imagined I would leave after marrying Lucas. I wanted to stay like this for a lifetime. Even if he changed his heart, even if he didn’t come home every day. As long as I could be by his side, that was enough. I don’t know when I started to become emotionally unstable. I also don’t know when I began to feel like a neurotic. At this moment, facing Gavin’s tombstone, I felt an inexplicable sense of guilt and melancholy. My heart had long ceased to be pure. I couldn’t even tell if I loved Gavin or Lucas. If it was Gavin, what would the ending have been? Memories of the past seemed to find a gap at this moment, flashing scenes of him before my eyes. “I don’t need you to be overly kind; just don’t be a bad person, and that’s enough.” “I’m here; I will always be here.” “Unless I die, I will love you forever.” “Even if I die, I will donate my heart so that it can beat for you forever.” His clear yet fragile voice echoed from a distant memory. I slowly sat down on the ground, resting my head against his tombstone. Memory is strange. All the moments between me and Gavin felt as vivid as if they had happened just yesterday. Yet the nine years I spent with Lucas felt faint and dull, as if a hundred years had passed. But I clearly hadn’t thought about the past in a long time. That dark chapter of my life was peeled away in my memory. I am the lost daughter of the Lina Family. In their grief, my parents adopted a girl named Lindsay to comfort the pain of losing their daughter. I was found when I was already fifteen years old. Though I am the legitimate daughter of the Lina Family, it was Lindsay they raised. Fifteen years is not fifteen days. Their feelings for Lindsay had long been deeply rooted. My parents, my brother. They all loved Lindsay, even though she wasn’t a member of the Lina Family. My return severely affected Lindsay. Lindsay hated me; she thought if I hadn’t come back, she would be the only daughter of the Lina Family, never knowing she was adopted. She could enjoy everything from the Lina Family without question. The Lina Family pampered Lindsay, treating her like their own daughter since she was little, never telling her the truth about her background, fearing it would affect her growth. But because of my arrival, all that beauty was shattered. Lindsay fell from being a rich young lady to being an adopted daughter. Many people laughed at her. She didn’t dare to speak out or act out; she just hid away and cried in secret. When the Lina Family saw her cry, they felt very sorry for her, taking her on trips to cheer her up, buying her gifts, and even publicly announcing that she would receive five percent of the Lina Family shares. Seeing that her family still spoiled her, Lindsay felt no affection for me, the biological daughter. So she began to plot against me. She made the Lina Family hate me more and more. I often heard my mom say to my dad: “It would have been better if she had died outside when she was little; then I would always remember her. Now that she has come back, we’re strangers, and we can never become a family. Her personality is so strange and annoying; no one wants to care for her.” “How can I love her? Just seeing her is enough; every cell in my body hates her existence.” “Just standing there annoys people.” They only knew I had a strange personality. But they didn’t know why I formed such a character. If everyone could grow up like Lindsay, surrounded by love, I think anyone would be gentle and likable. I thought that when I could be self-sufficient, I would completely leave the Lina Family. However, Lindsay could not wait for me to leave on my own. She was always afraid of being replaced by me. When I was in university, Lindsay bribed a human trafficker to sell me abroad. — Abroad, I experienced unprecedented torment. I was nearly dying there. But my parents did not come to rescue me. With a determination to die, I escaped from the compound, not knowing how many bones I broke when I jumped down from the high wall. When I was caught and brought back, I didn’t know how many organs were injured. I never thought about retreating unscathed. Even if I was injured, even if I was disabled, even if I was half dead, I still wanted to escape. I tried to escape time and time again, only to be caught again. Just when I was despairing to the point of dying. On a night when heavy snow was falling. In my dark life, a savior appeared. Gavin; at this moment, he still shone brightly in my memory. He saved me, cooperating with international police to take down the compound’s lair. I returned safely to my country. I had too many injuries on my body, and it took a long time to recover. However, I could no longer be a mother. This was something trivial to me. I never thought about marriage or having children; I had no expectations at all for marriage. I just didn’t expect that Gavin would like such a broken version of me. He picked up my pieces, bit by bit. He walked into the depths of my heart. He said it didn’t matter that there were no children; having me as his baby was enough. He understood my indifference and also understood my sincerity. He knew my disguise and understood my fragility. He not only treated me well but also understood my soul. All my dark sides could be laid bare in the sunlight before him. He would not despise me, nor would he make me change; he said all I needed was not to be a bad person. My heart, which felt like dead ashes, began to revive, like a white poplar tree in spring, slowly sprouting green buds. I began to love this world and learned to love and be loved. But heaven is always cruel. Just when I thought I would finally touch the beauty of this world. While he was on a mission, something happened. Before he died, he held my hand and told me to live well. The tender buds of the leaves had just begun to sprout when the tree was cut off at the waist, never to flourish again. How am I supposed to live… My heart was being torn back and forth, faintly burning. The images of losing him were tearing at the boundaries of the old past in my memory. Those heavy nightmares broke through the surface effortlessly. For so many years, I obediently lived on. Striving to make myself ordinary. I hadn’t deliberately remembered him, yet I had never forgotten him. Lucas was not like him. But he was the second person in the world who treated me well. I slowly sealed off the past. At the moment Lucas brought Liam back, the withered tree deep in my heart met spring again. However, the light of spring was too short. When Susan appeared, it quickly turned into a cold winter day, desolate and lifeless. In the end, Lucas and I were left with nothing. A cold wind blew by, and I sniffed. Cold fingers gently brushed against the face on the tombstone. “I’m leaving; maybe I will never come back.” “Take care.” — Three days after I arrived in a foreign country with Liam, a strange number sent me a flurry of messages.
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