I sat at the table, watching the food grow cold, much like my heart. Today was my birthday, but it was also the birthday of Remy, Xena’s childhood friend. I opened Remy’s Instagram and saw a new post. “Grateful to have you by my side every birthday. Let’s keep celebrating together for years to come!” The photo showed two hands making a heart shape in front of a cake. One of them was Xena’s, wearing the necklace I had given her. I liked the post, then put down my phone and dumped all of Xena’s favorite dishes I had prepared into the trash. I went out to a restaurant to order my own favorites and celebrate my birthday alone. From now on, I would make each of my birthdays special – for myself. Halfway through my meal, Xena called. Her voice held a hint of anxiety: “Ezra, did you see Remy’s Instagram post?” “I did.” “I’ll be back after celebrating with him. I’ll spend next year’s birthday with you, okay? Don’t be upset!” In the past, I would have thrown a fit, but not anymore. I simply replied, “Okay.” The next morning, around 7 AM, I was woken up by my phone ringing. It rang three times before cutting off. I checked – it was Xena. She used to be too lazy to use her key, so she’d always call me to let her in, ringing three times before hanging up. No matter what I was doing, I would rush to open the door for her. Today, I didn’t. I tossed my phone aside and went back to sleep. The spare key was under the shoe rack by the door. She knew that. I had been up until 3 AM packing, and my head was still fuzzy. My phone rang a few more times, but I couldn’t be bothered to look. Some time later, I vaguely heard someone unlocking the door and coming in. The door slammed against the wall loudly, followed by my bedroom door being flung open and Xena’s angry voice. “Ezra, why didn’t you open the door for me? I called several times! You know I hate using keys!” I opened my eyes and looked at her impassively. “Too tired. Didn’t hear it.” Xena opened her mouth, then closed it. Finally, she said, “I’m hungry. Get up and make me a sandwich. I didn’t sleep all night, and I need to catch up on some rest after I eat.” In the past, I would have jumped up to make her breakfast. But now, I just said flatly, “I’m tired too. Why don’t you go downstairs and buy something?” Xena was furious but tried to control herself. “Are you still mad about me not being here for your birthday yesterday?” “No, you’re overthinking it.” Xena didn’t believe me. She continued, “Remy is like a brother to me. His parents passed away when he was young. If I don’t celebrate his birthday with him, who will? Don’t be so petty, or I’ll really get angry!” “You’re right. You should celebrate with him. I’m not upset.” I got up to go to the bathroom. Xena grabbed my hand and reluctantly pulled out a red string bracelet from her pocket. “Here, don’t be mad. This is your birthday gift. See? I remembered.” Looking at the cheap red string with its dangling metal charm, which seemed so carelessly chosen, and thinking of the expensive watch Remy had shown off on Instagram, I couldn’t help but smile bitterly. I had thought Xena’s recent frugality was to save up for my birthday gift. Apparently, I had been deluding myself. I shook my wrist, showing the watch my mom had sent me a few days ago. “Thanks, but I already have a watch. It’s not convenient to wear this. You keep it.” Xena snapped, “You say you’re not angry, but you used to be happy with whatever I gave you. Are you getting picky now?” Xena’s salary wasn’t high. Her birthday gifts to me were always cheap, costing a few dollars or tens of dollars at most. Sometimes she even forgot to give me anything. But I never minded. For her birthdays, I always prepared thoughtful gifts. Just a week ago, for her birthday, I had given her a gold necklace. I was tired. I didn’t have the energy to argue anymore. I took the red string and put it in my pocket. “Thank you.” I changed my clothes and opened the door. Xena called out anxiously, “Where are you going?” “To play basketball with friends.” Since getting together with Xena, all my free time belonged to her. I accompanied her everywhere, took care of her, and had no time left for myself. That wouldn’t be the case anymore. I needed to live for myself now.
After an exhilarating game with my friends, we sat on the benches by the court, drinking water. My friends joked, “We thought you’d forgotten about us since you got a girlfriend. We were about to stop inviting you out.” I apologized and promised, “I’m sorry, guys. It won’t happen again. Count me in for any future plans.” “That’s more like it! Come on, let’s go to the internet cafe and play some games.” When I was with Xena, I couldn’t fit into her Instagram world, but I had slowly distanced myself from my own friends for her sake. I revolved my life around her, prioritizing her above all else. Looking back, I realized how foolish I had been. When I got home, it was almost midnight. I opened the bedroom door to find Xena sitting on the bed. She frowned and said, “Ezra, why are you back so late? I had to order takeout for lunch and dinner. It was awful.” I opened the closet to get some clean clothes. “I ate at restaurants today too. The food was pretty good, not worse than home-cooked meals.” Xena stared at me in surprise. “You used to say you’d cook for me every day and that I shouldn’t eat takeout because it’s unhygienic!” “I was wrong. Living in this society, if you can’t cook, you have to get used to takeout food.” A flash of anger crossed Xena’s eyes. “You say you’re not angry, but you’ve been out all day without a single call or message, and you didn’t come home to cook for me!” I replied calmly, “I’m not angry. I was just hanging out with friends. My phone died, so I couldn’t call.” Seeing my attitude, Xena suddenly threw off the covers and got out of bed angrily. She grabbed me as I was about to leave, her voice shrill. “Can’t you be more understanding? I’ve told you we’re just like siblings! What are you still upset about? Ezra, my patience has limits!” I shook off her hand. “I’m really not upset. I’m tired. I’ll sleep in the guest room tonight.” With that, I took my clothes and went to the bathroom to shower, ignoring Xena’s calls from inside the bedroom. That night, I slept soundly for the first time in a long while. Xena was a restless sleeper, kicking off the covers several times a night. When we slept together, I never got a full night’s rest, having to get up multiple times to cover her. Early the next morning, Xena sat in the living room with her arms crossed, her face dark with anger. I knew she was waiting for me to apologize first and make her happy. In the past, whenever she was unhappy, I would beg for her forgiveness, even if I didn’t think I had done anything wrong. Then she would list a bunch of conditions, and only after I had fulfilled them all would she reluctantly forgive me. This had been the pattern for years, and I was tired of it. I ignored her, got ready, and left. I had important things to do today.
I went to the office to submit my resignation letter. My manager was surprised and tried to persuade me to stay, but I insisted on leaving. I had originally taken this job to be close to Xena, to take care of her. But now, that was no longer necessary. Last night, I had a video call with my parents, telling them I was planning to quit my job and return home. I saw the tears of joy in my mom’s eyes. My dad’s health hasn’t been good lately, and he’s been struggling to run the small supermarket by himself. When I say “home,” it’s not some remote village, but a coastal city. Xena had always refused to go back with me, saying she wasn’t used to the food there. So I left my parents to find work here with her. That evening, I met up with my friends for dinner and told them the news. They all agreed that going back was the right decision, as my parents’ health was more important. After a few drinks, someone suddenly asked, “What about Xena? Is she willing to go back with you now?” I was silent for a moment, then smiled bitterly. “No, we’ll probably break up.” I used to think I could build a home here with Xena, and then bring my parents over later. But now that home was gone, and I was returning to the one with my parents – the one that would never abandon me. When I got back home, I saw Xena wearing a white dress, her black hair flowing loose, face perfectly made up, video chatting with Remy on her phone. Remy’s voice came through the speaker: “Snow, you look absolutely gorgeous. Even in a simple white dress, you look like a fairy!” Xena giggled, covering her face coyly. “Really? You’re still such a sweet talker.” I stood there silently. This “simple” white dress had cost me a month’s salary when I bought it for her. Xena turned around, still smiling, but her face fell when she saw me. She quickly told Remy, “I have to go now. I’ll be there soon. Have a snack while you wait.” Xena could be all smiles and care for Remy, but she couldn’t even spare a smile for me. She looked at me with disgust, then walked past me to put on her shoes and leave. She was starting her cold treatment again. In the years we’ve been together, she often gave me the silent treatment over issues related to Remy. Each time, I would be anxious, trying everything to please her. This time, I wasn’t nervous. I just took the groceries I had bought and went to the kitchen to make myself a late-night snack. I had been drinking with my friends earlier and hadn’t eaten much, so I was a bit hungry now. Over the next few days, I was busy handing over my work and packing my belongings. My things in the house were gradually disappearing, but Xena didn’t notice.
Today, Xena went out again to meet Remy. I sat at the dining table, scrolling through my phone while eating. Remy had posted on Instagram: “Whenever I feel lonely, you’re always there for me. I’m so grateful!” The photo showed Xena and Remy with their heads together, making peace signs at the camera. Xena’s girlfriends were all commenting, admiring their relationship. They had always thought Xena should be with Remy, and that I was the third wheel interfering in their relationship. Looking at that Instagram post, I suddenly felt that Xena’s friends weren’t wrong – they did look more like a couple. In the past, after enduring silently for a long time, I would gently remind Xena to keep some distance from Remy to avoid misunderstandings. Her friends would then mock me for being too controlling, saying I was suffocating Xena and not giving her any freedom to have friends. Xena never defended me. Instead, she joined them in criticizing me, telling me not to restrict her and to give her more freedom. Xena had commented: “You’re always there for me too!” I exited Instagram without a ripple in my heart and got up to clear the table. Thunder rumbled outside. It was about to rain. I went to the balcony to bring in the laundry, and large raindrops began hitting the windows. In the past, whenever it rained, I would anxiously call Xena to ask where she was and rush out with an umbrella to pick her up, afraid she might get even slightly wet. She and her friends would then laugh at me for being like an old woman, worrying too much and ruining their fun. I showered early and lay in bed scrolling through short videos, eventually falling asleep without realizing it. The sound of Xena forcefully pushing open my bedroom door woke me up. Seeing that I was sleeping, she angrily questioned me. “Ezra, it’s pouring outside, and your girlfriend isn’t home yet. Aren’t you worried at all? If it were my friends’ boyfriends, they’d be calling non-stop asking where they are and rushing out with umbrellas to pick them up! What about you?!”
I was surprised, not understanding why she was so angry. Once before, when it was raining and she was with Remy, I had called a few times to ask where she was and when she’d be back, offering to pick her up. She had been furious, saying I was worrying unnecessarily, that she was with Remy and he would send her home. She had also accused me of not being able to stand her being with Remy, using the rain as an excuse to make her come home quickly, saying my controlling behavior was suffocating her. Now that I was giving her the freedom she wanted and not worrying, she was questioning why I wasn’t going to pick her up. I really didn’t understand what she wanted. I replied calmly, “You’re with Remy, so I have nothing to worry about. You can stay out longer if you want, he’ll naturally send you home.” Xena stared at me with wide eyes in disbelief, perhaps wondering how I could speak so calmly about Remy and allow them to stay out late together. A moment later, she seemed to think of something and started explaining, “Today is the anniversary of Remy’s mother’s death. He’s very upset, and as his friend, I couldn’t bear to leave him alone. Don’t misunderstand.” I nodded in understanding. “I get it. You should keep him company on days like this.” My reasonableness seemed to leave Xena at a loss for words. She looked at my face intently, trying to find even a hint of anger, but found none. Xena softened her voice, “Ezra, I bought a new nightgown. It’s black lace. Want to see if it suits me?” I looked at her in surprise. This was tantamount to her actively seeking reconciliation. In the past, she always maintained a high and mighty attitude, only reluctantly making up with me after I had begged countless times. I pretended not to understand her implication and simply said, “No need. If you like it, that’s fine. You should go back to your room and sleep now.” Xena looked at me in disbelief, then stormed off in embarrassment and anger. I got up to close the door myself, then went back to bed. I slept well that night. The next morning, my friend Mike called to invite me to dinner. He had just returned from a business trip and, hearing that I was going back home, wanted to meet up one last time, saying such opportunities would be rare in the future. I felt a pang in my heart as I listened, and agreed. Before hanging up, he added, “Oh, bring Xena along too. I won’t call her separately.” Right, Mike wasn’t just my friend, but Xena’s friend too. He had introduced us initially. But this meant I couldn’t keep my return home a secret anymore. I hadn’t finished dealing with everything and didn’t want any complications. After hanging up, I saw Xena coming out. I hesitated for a moment, then looked up and said to her, “Mike wants to invite us to dinner tonight.” She looked at me hesitantly, about to speak when her phone rang. I don’t know what the person on the other end said, but Xena responded soothingly, “Remy, don’t worry. It won’t be lost. I’ll come over right away to help you look.” Xena hung up the phone and hurriedly walked towards the door, changing her shoes swiftly while telling me, “Ezra, Remy has an emergency and needs my help. You go to dinner by yourself tonight. I won’t be going. Let Mike know for me.” That evening, at a local barbecue place, just as Mike and I clinked our beer glasses, Xena walked in with Remy beside her. When our eyes met, Xena looked surprised and embarrassed. Remy, next to her, gave me a challenging smile.
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