Ethan pressed me against the corner of the sofa, his eyes blazing red: “Emily, I’m asking you for the last time, do you want to be with me or not?” I opened my mouth but couldn’t speak, too many worries preventing me from answering. He slowly released me and stepped back, his reddened eyes full of disappointment. I quickly grabbed his hand to stop him from leaving, whispering: “Can you give me some more time to think about it?” “Emily, you’re really going to be the death of me.” I found him on a rainy day. He was soaked to the bone, hiding alone behind a pillar on the sidewalk, curled up in a ball and shivering uncontrollably. “Are you okay?” I asked. He looked up at me briefly, then quickly lowered his head again, turning away as if he didn’t want to talk. I went into a convenience store, bought some hot food and water, and sat by the window to eat it all at once. Hot food on a rainy day always brings comfort. When I came out, he was still in the same position, looking like he might be washed away by the heavy rain at any moment. Unable to bear it, I went back and bought another portion of food, placing it in his arms. “Eat this, it’s still hot.” After a few seconds of hesitation, he shakily took the food and stuffed it all into his mouth, finishing everything including the soup in just three minutes. After eating, he wiped his mouth with his sleeve and softly said, “Thank you.” Seeing him like this, I thought he might be a runaway kid. I couldn’t do much more, so I left my umbrella and turned to leave. Just as I stepped into the rain, my sleeve was tugged. I turned to find the young man who had been crouching there following me. With hesitation but also a hint of desperate courage, he asked: “Can you take me home with you?” Out of selfishness, I agreed. After all, in my final days, I wanted someone to keep me company. Just having someone there would be enough.
Two months ago, when I received my leukemia diagnosis, I didn’t feel much sadness. If anything, I felt relieved that I could finally leave this miserable world with a legitimate reason. But in these last days, I wanted to be selfish for once and do all those things I had only ever written down in my notebook. I wanted to see the breathtaking sunrise over the mountains and the endless expanse of the ocean. Perhaps the heavens didn’t want me to be too lonely in my final days and sent me a companion. After entering my apartment, I told him to quickly take a shower. In this weather, catching a cold would be miserable. I gave him my largest T-shirt and pants, but they were still a bit short on him. It would have to do for now. I planned to take him shopping for suitable clothes tomorrow. After his shower, he looked damp and vulnerable, his doe-like eyes darting around, clearly wary of his surroundings. It stirred a strange protective instinct in me. I handed him a glass of warm water and brought out some instant noodles I had just prepared. “Eat this to warm up your stomach, you got pretty soaked in the rain earlier.” “By the way, I’m Emily. What’s your name?” “I’m Ethan, miss,” the young man replied, his voice low and somewhat muffled, as if speaking from inside a glass dome. After he finished eating, I took the bowl to clean up. When I came back, he had already fallen asleep on the table, his arms wrapped around his neck in an awkward position. Not wanting to wake him, I draped a blanket over his shoulders and turned up the temperature on the living room heater. … The next morning, I woke up with a nosebleed that wouldn’t stop. The medicine I took last night didn’t seem to have any effect. I finally managed to stop the bleeding, but my whole body felt boneless. I collapsed on the floor with a loud thud. There was frantic knocking at the door. “Emily? Are you okay?” It had been so long since anyone cared about me that I felt a bit uncomfortable. I didn’t want to open the door and let him see me in such a pale and haggard state. I suppressed the taste of blood in my throat and steadied my voice to tell him I was fine. “I just tripped and fell.” I applied some light makeup to look more lively. Ethan was sitting obediently in the living room waiting for me, still wearing the clothes from last night, looking a bit comical. I stared at him, the corners of my eyes lifting slightly as I smiled. Seeing me trying to hold back laughter, he looked down at his clothes and pouted in disappointment. “Mine aren’t dry yet, I can’t wear them.” “Alright, let’s go out and buy you some new ones now.” I took him to the mall to buy a few sets of clothes. I had to admit, the young man was very handsome with his pale skin, doe-like eyes, and a smile as bright as the stars. No wonder he was hard to refuse. We also went to the supermarket to buy some ingredients. I planned to make hot pot for dinner, something I had been craving for a long time but never had anyone to share it with. Now that I finally had the chance, I was determined to enjoy it to the fullest. During dinner, Ethan and I both had our mouths and throats burning from the spice. We kept drinking ice water to try to cool down, but the fire only seemed to spread to our ears, tormenting us to no end. He was drinking water but still managed to tease me. “Emily, you’re such a wimp.” “You’re not doing much better yourself,” I retorted. Looking at each other’s disheveled state, we couldn’t help but burst into laughter, the sound echoing through the room. It seemed that because of his arrival, my final days had gained a glimmer of hope.
Sometimes we would choose a classic movie and sprawl out on the sofa in all sorts of positions to watch it. Seeing the characters in a scenic location, I leaned on the sofa armrest and asked Ethan: “Should we go on a trip? We could see the unique culture and watch the sunrise over the mountains.” “Sure,” he agreed without hesitation. On the day of departure, the sky was clear, as if giving our journey a beautiful omen. We were seated next to a young couple who assumed Ethan and I were also on our honeymoon. They kept enthusiastically sharing their travel tips with us. “We’re not actually—” I started to explain, but was interrupted. Seeing their enthusiasm, I gave up trying to correct them. Let them think we were a couple, it didn’t matter. I turned to look at Ethan and saw the tips of his ears turning red as he pretended to look elsewhere. I decided to tease him a bit, moving closer and resting my head on his shoulder. He stiffened, his back going straight as he awkwardly asked, “Emily?” “Don’t move, boyfriend. I’m tired,” I said playfully. I had intended to just see his flustered reaction, but I actually fell asleep, missing the blush that spread across his face. When I woke up, I was still in the same position, but now there was a blanket draped over me. Ethan had his eyes closed, already asleep. The woman next to us noticed I was awake and whispered teasingly: “After you fell asleep, your boyfriend didn’t dare move an inch. He kept looking at you like he wanted to drink in the sight. He even asked the flight attendant for a blanket when he was worried you might be cold.” I was stunned for a moment, feeling a warmth spread through my chest. I hadn’t made a mistake in taking him in.
When we arrived at our destination, neither Ethan nor I experienced any altitude sickness. We moved our luggage to the guesthouse, but the front desk told us that due to an error, the two rooms we had booked were no longer available. They only had one room left and offered to refund us and pay a penalty fee. I thought about finding another hotel, but everywhere nearby was fully booked. We had no choice but to make do. Ethan said he could sleep on the floor. It was my first time sharing a room with a guy, and we both tactfully avoided mentioning it. After showering, I hid under the covers with only my eyes peeking out, blinking rapidly. Hearing the water running in the bathroom, my imagination started to wander. A young, fit body… something I had never experienced. I muttered to myself: “Emily, get it together. You can’t do something like that.” But another voice in my head chimed in: “Well, it’s not entirely out of the question…” In the end, I did nothing and just lay there obediently, but I couldn’t fall asleep. I decided to chat with him instead. “Ethan, are you asleep?” “No, can’t you sleep, Emily?” “I just want to talk for a bit.” Ethan told me that one day he had a big argument with his parents over something trivial. He was so angry that he stormed out and didn’t come home all night. His parents were worried and went out looking for him by car, but they encountered a drunk driver. The two cars collided, and tragedy struck. “If I hadn’t argued with them that day, if I hadn’t left, would everything be different? Would I still have a family?” It turned out that the day I found him was the seventh day after his parents’ passing. He had planned to end his life that day but unexpectedly met me instead. Muffled sobs came from under the bed, breaking my heart. I rolled to the edge of the bed and gently stroked his head, taking his hand in mine as I shared my own story with him. My dad and mom were only 18 when they had me, having just graduated from high school. When my mom was discovered to be pregnant, she was locked up at home. My grandmother brought over a dozen relatives to demand an explanation from my dad’s family. If they didn’t agree to marriage, they threatened to report my dad for rape. In the end, the two families decided to have the baby first and get married later. My parents only got their marriage certificate when I was four years old. Less than a year later, they were already at each other’s throats, insisting on divorce. Neither of them wanted to take me, seeing me as a burden. It was my grandmother who couldn’t bear to see this and took me back to the countryside, raising me to adulthood. By the time I finally made something of myself and earned some money, my grandmother was no longer around to enjoy it, having gone to a faraway place. Ethan squeezed my hand and said softly: “Everything will be alright.” “It definitely will be.” We were like two wounded animals licking each other’s wounds. Though they couldn’t be fully healed, at least they didn’t hurt as much anymore. Suddenly, I felt like I had a reason to keep living.
I always thought I slept quite gracefully, but I ended up embarrassing myself completely in front of Ethan. I woke up next to Ethan, opening my eyes to see his face up close, my hand resting on his firm waist, feeling the rise and fall of his breathing. Afraid of an awkward awakening, I tried to sneak back to my own bed, but as soon as I moved, he pulled me back into his arms. “Emily, let’s sleep a bit longer.” I felt a rush of heat to my face, my heart pounding. This kid really knew how to charm. “Are you awake?” I asked. There was no response. Ethan looked even more innocent when asleep, like a baby, making me want to kiss him. And I actually did. His lips were soft like jelly. I kept it brief, feeling guilty for stealing a kiss. But suddenly Ethan deepened the kiss, our breaths intertwining as we greedily savored each other’s taste. Throughout the whole process, he never opened his eyes. After the kiss, he rolled over to face the other way, as if he had fallen back asleep. If it weren’t for the redness spreading from his ears to his neck, I would have thought he was just dreaming. Cheeky brat, kissing me and then pretending to be asleep. I went to the bathroom feeling shy and annoyed, stomping my feet loudly to make sure he heard. In the time it took to brush my teeth, a metallic taste filled my mouth and my nose started bleeding profusely. I kept trying to wipe it away, staining my fingers red. Looking at myself in the mirror, I suddenly felt overwhelmed with sadness, almost losing myself in despair. I couldn’t let this ruin things for him. If only I could live… It seemed I wasn’t as unafraid of death as I thought. Once you have someone to care about, you become terrified of leaving. I flushed the bloodied tissues down the toilet and cleaned myself up. When I came out, Ethan was making the bed, neatly folding the pajamas I had tossed aside. I walked past him and poured myself a glass of warm water, swallowing a handful of pills in one go. Seeing me take medicine, he asked with concern: “Emily, what’s wrong?” “It’s nothing, just some vitamins. I’ll give you a few later too.” “Let’s go out after you’re done getting ready.” … After leaving the room, Ethan tried to bring up what happened that morning, but I kept brushing it off. He seemed annoyed but didn’t dare express it, not understanding why my attitude had suddenly changed so much. He tried to hold my hand several times but gave up disappointedly each time, like a Samoyed that hadn’t received its treat. I kept reminding myself not to soften, it would only hurt both of us. The sky here was truly blue, making me feel completely relaxed. We rented a vintage car and drove along the lake road towards a scenic town. Walking on this flower-lined street felt like it could heal everything. There were too many people coming and going, including children running around. “Emily, watch out!” Ethan suddenly pulled me into his arms, shielding me in his small space.
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