When I was four, my brother Leo and I accidentally fell into a pool. After we were rescued, Mom slapped me across the face. “I told you to watch Leo! You almost killed him! Was it on purpose?” From then on, if I ate one of Leo’s candies, I’d be punished with no food. If I secretly played with his toy car, Mom would lock me in the basement. Dad initially tried to intervene, but Mom would just hug Leo tighter. “She’s the reason Leo is brain-damaged. I can’t let him suffer anymore.” When I was eight, our neighbor, Mr. Peterson, tried to lure Leo into his house with a lollipop. I tried to protect Leo and got dragged in instead. When I returned home, covered in bruises, Mom kicked me to the ground. “Lily, you’ve made Leo sickly and weak, and now you’re running away?” “Can’t you just give us a break? I wish I’d never had you!” Dragging my bleeding body, I quietly dug out a red cloth pouch from deep inside the closet. Inside was the keepsake locket Mom had given me years ago, engraved with “May you live a hundred years.” I looked at it for a long time, then calmly swallowed it. Mom, I don’t want to live a hundred years anymore. I just want you to be happy forever.
The locket was a bit big, and it got stuck in my throat, which was really uncomfortable. I swallowed hard and drank a lot of cold water from my cup. After a lot of effort, it finally went down with a gurgle. My stomach felt heavy, cold, and a little painful. Mom used to warn me about eating strange things, telling me stories about people swallowing gold to end their lives. I was a little scared, but also a little relieved. If I died, would the pain stop? Would my heart stop hurting? Mom pushed open the door and glared at me. “Lily, what are you standing there for, dumbfounded?” “Come out and eat, Leo’s hungry. Stop pretending to be pathetic.” I followed her out, but my stomach felt worse and worse, like a big rock was stuck inside. I didn’t want to make Mom angry, so I forced myself to eat a couple of bites. Dad saw how pale I looked and reached out to touch my forehead. “Lily, why are you so white? Are you running a fever?” But Mom slapped Dad’s hand away, added a piece of meat to Leo’s plate, and said coldly: “What could be wrong with her? She’s clearly faking it, trying to get our attention.” “Ignore her, finish eating quickly and take Leo for a walk.” Leo sat beside Mom, grinning at me, holding the toy car Mom had just given him. The locket in my stomach seemed to shift, and I almost threw up. Mom saw me clutching my stomach, and her face darkened even more. “Do you have any manners? Can’t you even eat a meal without causing a scene?” I forced a small, ingratiating smile and whispered, “Mom, my stomach hurts.” “If you don’t want to eat, get back to your room! Don’t be an eyesore here!” Dad opened his mouth, but in the end, he just sighed. Before leaving, Mom told Dad, “Have Mr. Peterson next door watch Lily for us.” A warmth spread through my heart. Maybe Mom did care about me after all. But the next second, Mom looked at me impatiently. “Don’t let her cause any more trouble. Haven’t we suffered enough because of her?” She wasn’t worried about me getting hurt alone at home; she was worried about me causing trouble. But I didn’t like Mr. Peterson. He hurt me badly. Dad exchanged a few words with Mr. Peterson, who then walked over, smiling creepily. “Lily, want to come to my place and watch cartoons?” Mom said coldly from the side, “Behave yourself, don’t cause us any trouble!” I didn’t dare to refuse anymore. Dad and Mom would be upset. My stomach ached terribly, and I curled up in the corner of the sofa. Mr. Peterson leaned in, wrapping his arm around me. “Lily, what’s wrong? Are you not feeling well?” His hand rubbed my back, and I shivered in fear. “I’m fine…” Mr. Peterson saw the cold sweat on my forehead, and his disgusting smile vanished. “Damn it, don’t you dare get sick here. Get back home now.” He pulled me roughly off the sofa. My legs were wobbly, and he half-supported, half-dragged me back to our house. Mr. Peterson put me on the bed, haphazardly pulling the blanket over me, covering my head completely. His voice was particularly harsh. “When your parents come back, just say you were too tired and fell asleep. Got it?” “Don’t you dare say anything I did to you! Even if you did, no one would believe you!” Actually, he didn’t need to tell me. I wouldn’t tell Mom and Dad anyway. Before, when stronger boys bullied me, Mom just said I was disobedient and misbehaved at such a young age. I bit down hard on my lip under the blanket, holding back my sobs. The blanket was thick, and I felt a bit breathless, but my body kept getting colder. Outside, I heard Mom and Dad bringing Leo home. Leo was giggling. “Mom, I want a story!” Mom’s voice was so gentle, I hadn’t heard it in such a long time. “Okay, Mom will tell a story to her little prince.” Their laughter sounded so nice, like Leo’s favorite musical box. But Mom never let me touch that musical box. I heard Mr. Peterson in the living room, speaking in a hushed voice. “Lily was tired from playing. She looked completely worn out, so I brought her back to sleep.” Mom seemed to say, “Good, she’s asleep. Saves me the annoyance of looking at her.” Dad seemed to say something, and Mom raised her voice again. “She’s just a total curse! If only she had died instead, Leo wouldn’t be like this…” I couldn’t hear the rest of the words. I was covered by the blanket, in complete darkness. My stomach hurt so much, worse than when Mom hit me. There was a metallic taste in my throat too. Mom and Dad, I feel so bad. Gold doesn’t taste good at all. If I fall asleep, will you come and see me?
When morning came, my stomach didn’t hurt anymore. That metallic taste in my throat was gone too. My body felt so light. I’d become a bubble, just like in Mom’s fairy tales. I floated out of the blanket. It was so much fun; I could see my own little bed. The blanket was puffed up, and a small me was still lying inside. Mom pushed open the door, displeased. “Lily, the sun’s high, and you’re still not up! You need to go to preschool!” I waved at her from the ceiling. “Mom, I’m up! I’m right here!” But she couldn’t hear me, couldn’t see me. Mom’s face was angry, glaring at the lumped-up blanket on the bed. Dad came too, sighing by the doorway. “Let her sleep a bit longer. She seemed unwell yesterday.” Mom turned and yelled at Dad. “Unwell? She’s just lazy, faking illness to avoid school.” “Look how well-behaved Leo is, he dressed himself already!” Leo bounced to the door and shouted, “Lily the big lazy bug!” I wanted to tell Leo I wasn’t a lazy bug. I didn’t need to sleep now. But they couldn’t see me, couldn’t hear me talk. Mom angrily walked to the bed. I quickly floated down, wanting to hold her hand. But my hand passed right through her arm. She didn’t pull back the blanket to look, still grumbling: “Such a messy sleeper, wrapped up so tight.” Mom took the empty water glass from my nightstand, snorting. “All the water’s gone, so she must be fine.” I floated through the wall to the living room and saw Dad opening the door. Mr. Peterson poked his head in, asking, “Where’s Lily? She’s quiet today.” Mom poked her head out from the kitchen. “She played too hard yesterday, can’t even wake her up.” Mr. Peterson seemed to let out a sigh of relief and quickly left. He must have been afraid I’d tell Mom and Dad about him hurting me. But, I won’t say anything now. The sunlight streamed in, but I couldn’t feel its warmth anymore. My body felt continuously cold. In the living room, Mom and Dad were watching cartoons with Leo. I hovered by the doorframe, watching them. Dad glanced towards my room. “Lily hasn’t eaten all day. I’ll go wake her up.” Mom immediately cut him off. “One missed meal won’t kill her! She’s just playing on your soft heart, trying to manipulate you.” “She’s so manipulative at such a young age. Don’t mind her. Let’s see how long she can sleep!” Leo mimicked Mom, waving his little hand. “Lily, not good!” No one came to check on me. Mom, I wasn’t being bad. I really was awake. Look, I’ve been floating here for so long. It’s just the me lying in bed, he doesn’t seem to want to wake up anymore.
In the afternoon, my friend Ethan from preschool came to find me. Ethan held up a Transformer toy, shyly saying: “Aunt Sarah, is Lily here? This is a gift Mom and I bought for her!” Mom’s face instantly changed, looking very upset. She blocked the doorway, not letting them in, her voice stiff: “She’s fine, just doesn’t want to go to preschool, throwing a tantrum and faking illness at home!” Ethan’s mom, Mrs. Miller, looked a bit awkward, softly saying, “Sarah, Lily seems quite well-behaved to me.” “Ethan was bullied at preschool, and Lily even got hurt protecting him.” Mom seemed provoked, her voice rising to a shriek. “What do you know? She wishes she could destroy this whole family!” “Lily is a monster, she harmed Leo!” “If only she were half as easy to handle as other kids, would I be this exhausted?” Ethan started crying, scared by her outburst. Mrs. Miller, her face unhappy, picked him up and left. Mom closed the door, her chest still heaving violently, mumbling repeatedly: “She’s not well-behaved at all, you’ve all been tricked by her!” I floated beside Mom, looking at her twisted face, feeling a little sad. Mom, I really wanted to be a good kid who made things easy for you. Dad came into the bedroom once, standing by the bed for a long time. He sighed, whispering, “Lily, Dad knows you’ve been wronged.” “But your mom is almost having a breakdown because of Leo. She’s suffering too.” He tried to reach out and touch me, but his hand stopped mid-air and he eventually pulled it back. Dad pulled the corner of my blanket up. “You won’t be sad if you’re asleep. Dad will make your favorite fried eggs tomorrow.” He turned and left, his back looking bent. Dad, I’m asleep now, and I’m not sad anymore. But it seems I won’t be able to wait for tomorrow’s fried eggs. Before going to sleep, Mom came in and glanced at me, complaining: “I must owe you something. You were born to be a total curse.” “All day long she just sleeps. Even a cat or dog would bring some joy.” She walked to the bed. How I wished she would anxiously touch my forehead, like when Leo had a fever, and pick me up. But she just poked my shoulder hard through the blanket. “Lily, stop pretending, get up now!” I didn’t react at all. Mom’s brows furrowed tightly. “So stubborn, huh? See if you can keep sleeping forever.” Leo was startled by the sound of her forcefully closing the door and cried, saying he was scared. Mom walked past my room, holding Leo, gently humming a song. She used to hum that song to me too. Back before Leo was born. She would rock me, telling me I was her little baby. But that was a long, long time ago, so long it felt like another lifetime. The next afternoon, I still hadn’t gotten up. Mom started to get anxious. “This brat, is she actually sick? She won’t wake up no matter what I do.” Dad also seemed a bit nervous. “I’ll go check on her.” But Mom changed her mind again, stopping him. “Check what? She’s just faking it. If you go now, you’ll be playing right into her hands!” They thought I was throwing a silent tantrum. But Mom and Dad, I wasn’t mad at you. I just couldn’t wake up anymore.
Today, the house felt a little different. Mom bought a beautiful cake with cute little animals on it. I remembered, it was Leo’s birthday today. It was my birthday too. Leo and I were born on the same day. Mom used to smile and say it was a bond between brothers. Later, she said I had a tough fate and I was a jinx to Leo. Lots of people came over, Grandpa and Grandma Smith, Grandpa and Grandma Johnson. They brought so many gifts, all for Leo. The newest Transformers, nice overalls. No one remembered it was my birthday today too. And no one asked, “Where’s Lily?” Leo, wearing his new clothes, ran around the living room like a little prince. Everyone was laughing, praising Leo for being cute and smart. Mom was smiling so happily, her eyes crinkling up. I started smiling too. That’s good, Mom is finally happy. Grandpa Smith suddenly remembered something and asked: “Why haven’t I seen Lily?” Mom’s smile vanished instantly, her tone becoming impatient. “Don’t mention her. She’s throwing a tantrum in her room, hasn’t gotten up or eaten for days, just deliberately trying to annoy us!” “On such a happy day, don’t let her come out and spoil it!” Grandma Smith sighed. “That child, she’s a bit stubborn.” Then no one mentioned me again. When it was time to cut the cake, Leo loudly said, “Save a piece for Lily!” Mom kissed Leo. “Our little Leo is so kind, still thinking of Lily. She doesn’t deserve Leo’s birthday cake.” Dad was silent for a moment, then stood up. “Let’s send a piece to her anyway. She hasn’t eaten in two days.” Mom glared at him. “Don’t you dare! She’s using this as a protest, trying to make us coddle her!” “If we give in today, what will happen later?” Dad looked at Mom’s angry face and slowly sat back down. Outside, they were singing “Happy Birthday.” “Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you…” It was for Leo. The singing was so loud; it almost made me unable to sleep. Mom, look, I’m not being bad. I’m not protesting. I’m making things easy for you. I won’t eat Leo’s candy anymore, I won’t play with his Transformer cars, and I won’t make you angry. The cake was eaten, and the guests were about to leave. Leo ran to his room, hugging a pile of gifts. As he passed my door, he timidly walked to my bed. “Lily, wake up and play with the toy car.” Accidentally, the toy car rolled under my bed, and Leo burst into tears. Mom was the first to rush over. “Lily, Leo was kindly trying to play with you, and you made him cry? How could you be so wicked!” “There, there, Leo, don’t cry, Mom will get it for you.” She got down on the floor, reaching under the bed for the toy car. She found the toy, and also the red cloth pouch. Mom pulled it out. The red cloth was unfolded, and the keepsake locket was gone. On it, written in crooked pencil, were a few words: [Mom and Dad, I’m sorry.] She froze, then looked up at the small lump on the bed that hadn’t moved for days. Mom’s face instantly turned ashen, her voice trembling. “Lily?”
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