Just because I offended the principal’s daughter, I was locked in solitary confinement for three days and nights. They even threatened me to pay $1,500, or I wouldn’t get my diploma. But I have mental health issues! Three days later, the principal sat up straight and asked solemnly, “Has she learned her lesson?” The assistant replied nervously, “Sir, she’s turned into a zombie!” I found myself in this world just as I was being lectured by my academic advisor. “Anyway, let’s put this incident behind us. Don’t dwell on it anymore, and focus on your future,” she said, with a stack of money sitting in front of her. It looked like I had given it to her. I was originally a psychiatric patient who had been institutionalized for three years. Suddenly, a mysterious system approached me, asking me to complete a mission! And just like that, I opened my eyes to find myself in this body. The original owner of this body, Cassie, was a college student who had offended the daughter of a board member. With nowhere to turn for help, she was being threatened to pay $1,000 to resolve the issue and graduate smoothly. Well, well, well. If this world is so messed up, I might as well go crazy too! The bright lights in the office couldn’t suppress the darkness in my heart. “You’re trying to steal my money!” I shouted, lying flat on the ground, my eyes rolling back, foam at my mouth, and my limbs shaking. “What are you doing?!” The advisor exclaimed. My sudden outburst drew the attention of other teachers. They gathered around, blocking most of the light. I was in my element. I quickly contorted my body and lunged at the advisor. Caught off guard, she fell to the ground. I continued to crawl towards her in a twisted, dark manner, cackling maniacally. “Ahhh! Stay away from me!” she screamed. “Hahaha, scream all you want! No one’s coming to save you!” I taunted. She tried to crawl away, using both her hands and feet. I bit her on the butt and remarked, “Nice and perky!” “Ghost!” she shrieked. “Zombie outbreak! Run for your lives!” someone yelled. The teachers in the office scrambled to escape, leaving me alone with the beautiful Ms. Thompson. Ms. Thompson, bless her heart, fainted from fright, a puddle of yellow liquid forming beneath her skirt. “Tch. Boring,” I muttered. I got up, grabbed the stack of money, and walked out of the office without looking back. “Give me the plot already,” I demanded. … No response. “Ahhhhhhhhh! Give me the plot, you stupid system!” I screamed, pounding on the wall and frantically pulling at my hair. Why are you doing this to me?! “Stop pulling your hair, host!” The system finally spoke up. “Aren’t you supposed to be a well-mannered, intellectual female student?” it asked. “Bullshit! I’m clearly a psychiatric patient!” I retorted. Silence fell upon us like a thick blanket. How awkward. The system had bound itself to the wrong person. Ahhhhhh! Why did it have to bind itself to a psychiatric patient?! Left with no choice, the system silently transmitted the plot to me.
It turns out that despite being a psychiatric patient with paranoid delusions, it was the original Cassie who got punished. “So, in this world, the law only serves those with power and influence?” I asked. “Well… you could say that,” the system replied hesitantly. “I see.” That’s great. Now I don’t have to worry about paranoid delusions anymore because your (mental) illness has arrived. “Your mission is to fulfill the original Cassie’s wish of becoming a national research team member, and complete some occasional tasks along the way~” the system explained. The original Cassie even had research dreams! My expression turned grim. Being transported into a college student’s body was already terrifying enough, but now I had to complete missions too? Were they trying to kill me? “What happens if I don’t complete the tasks?” I asked. “If you complete them, you’ll receive a reward of 20 billion dollars.” “I’ll do it!” I exclaimed. Reality always bows to capitalism in the end. Meanwhile, in the principal’s office… A middle-aged man stood in front of a money tree, raising his expensive right hand to reveal an 88848 titanium alloy watch. It was exactly 11 AM. “Has that girl learned her lesson?” he asked. The assistant trembled as he spoke, “Principal Johnson, she… she’s turned into a zombie!” “What?!” (in a high-pitched voice) … When Principal Johnson and his entourage found me, I was already fast asleep in my dorm room. It wasn’t that I couldn’t act during the day; it’s just that nighttime offered better value for money. I was rudely awakened by a group of people, and it made me really angry. The lights were off in the dorm, and I was hiding in a corner. The moment the door opened, I sprang from the dark corner, leaping onto the person and biting their neck. Left foot kicking the wall, right foot providing momentum, both hands covering their head, I successfully flipped them over. First blood! My eyes glowed green as I twisted my head with a cracking sound, making eye contact with the principal’s assistant. “Ahh! A zombie!” he screamed before fainting. Double kill! No luck involved, pure skill. Principal Johnson had brought four people with him: one assistant and three security guards. Not to brag, but they were all garbage. Only one left. Bloodthirsty, I cackled menacingly, my gaze meeting the principal’s. Silence, hesitation, gulping, retreat. “Don’t… don’t come any closer. I’m the principal…” he stammered. “Principal? Who cares?” I asked, tilting my head in an evil manner. The simple, direct question, coupled with my menacing head tilt, made the principal’s legs give out. He fell to his knees before me. Receiving such an unexpected honor would surely shorten one’s lifespan. I nimbly dodged and kicked him from the side. Penta kill! Old people are so convenient; they fall asleep at the drop of a hat. Everyone was asleep now. It would be impolite if I didn’t join them, right? So I stripped the principal of his clothes, covered my stomach with them, and peacefully drifted off to sleep.
When I woke up, I found myself in a hospital. It was midnight. The dorm supervisor had assumed I had fainted like the principal and sent us all to the hospital. Such a perfect opportunity; it was time for me to make my move. I pulled out the IV from the back of my hand and climbed out the window. News of my 1v5 feat had spread like wildfire. “Senior, please go out with me!” a young man pleaded as soon as I stepped through the campus gates. He bowed at a 90-degree angle, his attitude sincere. “Senior, please teach me how to turn into a zombie!” “Senior, I’ll do anything for you!” Having such charisma can be quite troublesome. I revealed my chiseled jawline, raised my hand to my forehead, and smiled bitterly. “You’re just a little boy now. I won’t touch you, but if I ever find out you’re causing trouble elsewhere, I’ll come for you immediately!” The young man blushed and ran away shyly, while I smiled contentedly. “New task: Please remain silent when faced with verbal abuse,” the system announced. “Oh? Does being adored count as verbal abuse?” I asked. “If it does, then verbally abuse this little girl to death!” “Hahahahahahaha!!” I laughed maniacally on the spot, feeling elated. “Cassie, come with me!” A girl, who was the side character of the mentally ill Mia’s minion’s best friend’s classmate’s boyfriend’s mistress, grabbed me and started running. I was brought to the bathroom, where a group of people led by Mia surrounded me. “I heard you beat up a teacher. Do you not want to study at this school anymore?” Mia sneered. “Hmph, you dare to go against me? You should know your place.” “I’ve disliked you for a long time. If you’re smart, you’ll stay away from me, or you’ll regret it.” “I run things around here. You’d better listen to me, or I’ll make sure you can’t stay here anymore.” So this is what the system meant by verbal abuse? I need to stay silent. I can’t speak. From the corner of my eye, I spotted some unflushed excrement in the toilet bowl. I can’t speak, but I can retaliate, right? I rushed over, grabbed a handful of feces, rolled it into a ball, and threw it at her. “Ahh!” she screamed. Her mouth was wide open, and I quickly smeared the feces all over, my fingers nimbly stuffing the brown substance into her mouth. I stirred it around thoroughly, feeling her soft tongue trying to avoid my fingers. It fled, I pursued; it couldn’t escape even if it had wings. When I emerged, there was hardly anything left on my hands. I was still unsatisfied, thinking about grabbing another handful, just to see what she’d look like with her mouth full. “Ugh~ Cassie, ugh~ do you have a death wish? Ugh~” Mia retched. “You’ve got some enoki mushrooms on your teeth,” I pointed out. “Blegh—” Mia vomited up her bile, a deep green color that perfectly complemented the brown. One handful for Mia, two handfuls for her minions. In the end, they all supported each other as they headed to the hospital. “Congratulations, host. You’ve completed the task. Reward: $100,000,” the system announced. “Can I take this money back to my old world?” I asked. “I’m afraid not, host~” the system replied. “Then it’s no fun.”
Now I was truly famous on campus. They all called me the Golden Princess, and even the dogs would greet me as I passed by. “Host… I believe you’re mentally ill now…” the system said. “Did you think I was lying to you?” “Do you know how they really see you?” “Aren’t they all in awe of me?” “No, they all think you went crazy after Mia beat you up. They’re just trying to stay on your good side so you won’t feed them feces, hahahahaha.” The mechanical laughter was spine-chilling. “Your laugh is so unpleasant,” I remarked. “…” Looking closely, I could see that beneath the seemingly admiring gazes, there was indeed fear. “Am I the kind of person who would randomly feed people feces?!” I shouted. “Hey—” (stomping my foot, voice gruff, expression fierce) “Run! She’s gone berserk!” someone yelled. With that command, all my “followers” vanished. Being a college student really feels awful. Every day, I could see couples embracing passionately downstairs, not even bothering to help me guard my food deliveries. My orders had been stolen countless times. There were endless meetings every week, though I never attended them. Even the professors teaching electives weren’t easy-going at all, always trying to exert their authority. If I was one minute late to class, they’d make me write a 3,000-word self-criticism and read it aloud to the entire class. If I didn’t write it, they’d fail me. But am I the kind of person who gives in to threats? No way! I’ll never write it, not in this lifetime! “Host, if you fail the course, you won’t be able to get into graduate school. If you can’t get into graduate school, you can’t fulfill the original Cassie’s wish. If you can’t fulfill her wish, you can’t complete the mission! The original Cassie’s grades were good enough for graduate school admission. You can’t mess up such a good hand!” the system pleaded. “Oh,” I replied nonchalantly. “Host~” (electronic whining sound) “You’re disgusting.” “…” College life was both carefree and bland. I let out a long sigh. When will I finally be able to collect my retirement money? “Excuse me, are you Cassie? This is the City Police Department. You’re suspected of assault and disorderly conduct. Please come with us to the police station,” a voice said. The man pulled out a pair of shiny handcuffs from behind his back, intending to give them to me as a gift. Mia was the principal’s daughter, and after what happened last time, Principal Johnson was furious and immediately called the police. But so what? I remained calm and pulled out my tri-fold psychiatric condition certificate from my bag. Tri-fold, no matter how you fold it, it still shows I’m ill. This world is very accommodating to those with mental health issues. They’re not subject to legal restrictions and even have protective policies. The police officer was taken aback. Theoretically, they couldn’t arrest me now, but theory means little in the hands of the wealthy. After only a moment’s hesitation, he said: “This certificate is fake. It’s from some no-name hospital that’ll give out certificates for money. You’ll still need to come with us.” Their task was simply to bring me to the police station. Once I was there, it was no longer their concern. The silver bracelets finally made their way onto my wrists. The surrounding students whispered among themselves. “Her mental illness is obviously real. How could it be fake?” “Oh my god, that’s so sad. They won’t leave her alone even when she’s been driven to mental illness!” “I knew it. The school is no good. They only bully the vulnerable!” “Fellow students, let’s go! If the school dares to arrest someone with mental health issues today, they might arrest us all tomorrow!” “Resist!” “Down with the powerful!” “This damn school has been giving me trouble every day. I’ve had enough!” One person shouted, and everyone joined in. The atmosphere was intense, the voices deafening. The police officers were surrounded by the college students. In an instant, the officers were drenched in cold sweat. An older officer, someone who had seen it all, pulled out his gun and fired a shot into the air.
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