Loving You Was the Dirtiest Thing I’ve Ever Done

My husband FaceTimed me every night for three years—turns out he was calling from her bed. The first year Ethan transfers to the New York office, he FaceTimes me every night until midnight. The second year, it becomes once a week. The third year, FaceTime stops altogether—just texts. I understand. He’s busy. Until one day, he sends me a message: “Mom wants you to come to Connecticut. She says there’s something to discuss.” I take time off work and fly out. His mother is sitting in the living room. Next to her stands a woman I’ve never seen before. “Quinn, dear, I’m not asking you two to divorce. I just want you to be a little more open-minded—give Vivian a place in this family.” “She’s been by Ethan’s side at the New York office this whole time. You’ve seen it yourself—his numbers have been so much better these past two years.” I look at the woman. She keeps her head down and says softly: “I’m already pregnant. The baby needs a father.” His mother picks up right where she left off: “You still haven’t gotten pregnant after all these years. Is there something wrong with you? I’ve already found a fertility specialist. You’re starting treatment.” I sit on the couch without saying a word. Then I stand up, grab my bag, and walk toward the door. I barely step outside when I see Ethan’s car parked at the curb. He gets out and sees me. He freezes. The passenger door opens too. A little boy, maybe two years old, reaches his arms out toward Ethan and cries: “Daddy! Up!” … Two years old. Nine months of pregnancy, plus two years. That lines up exactly with his first year in New York. The man who FaceTimed me every night until midnight—who once ordered me soup delivery at 2 a.m. because I mentioned a sore throat—got another woman pregnant during that very same time. Ethan clearly didn’t expect me to walk out right then. His hand hangs frozen in midair. He hasn’t even closed his car door. The little boy in the passenger seat squirms restlessly, babbling Daddy, Daddy in that high-pitched toddler voice. Vivian rushes out from the house and grabs my arm. “Please don’t blame Ethan. It’s all my fault.” “I’d had too much to drink that night, and I threw myself at him. You’re the only one in his heart.” I shake her hand off and lock my eyes on Ethan. Ethan finally snaps out of it. He strides over and positions himself in front of Vivian. “Quinn, let me explain.” I stare at that familiar face and feel my stomach lurch. “Explain what?” “Explain how you spent your days in her bed, and then at night, you’d FaceTime me and call me babe?” Ethan’s face goes white as a sheet. He lowers his voice, a thread of desperation creeping in. “Quinn, not here. My mom is still watching from inside the house.” I laugh. So in his mind, me calling out his lies is making a scene. His mother comes outside now too, holding a half-peeled orange. “Quinn, dear—men, you know how it is. Business dinners, social obligations. These things happen.” “Besides, Vivian’s been doing her part—gave us a boy on the first try, and she’s pregnant again.” “You can’t conceive. You can’t expect the Carter family line to just die out, can you?” I turn to face her. “I can’t conceive?” “Ethan, did you not tell her? That you wrecked your health binge-drinking for business deals, and I destroyed my hormones staying up night after night nursing you back to health?” Ethan looks away. He can’t meet my eyes. Vivian’s eyes redden on cue. She shrinks behind Ethan’s back. “I know you must feel wronged.” “I don’t need a title. I just want to stay by Ethan’s side.” “The baby can call you Mommy. I’ll be the nanny—I’ll serve you both.” How noble. How selfless. Ethan hears this and the guilt in his eyes instantly transforms into tenderness—for her. He wraps his arm around Vivian’s shoulder. When he turns to face me, his tone has hardened. “Quinn, Vivian has already bent over backwards. What more do you want?” “These past two years, if she hadn’t been at the New York office helping me build connections, I never would have made it to where I am.” “You stayed here the whole time. You have no idea how hard things have been for me.” I have no idea how hard things have been for him. All I know is that the startup money for his transfer came from selling my grandmother’s house. All I know is that I reread his once-a-week texts over and over, like a lifeline. I take a deep breath and pull a black voice recorder from my bag. He’d had it custom-made for me during his first year in New York. Inside is his voice: “Quinn, give me three years. I promise I’ll bring you to New York in style.” I press play, right there in front of him. A man’s tender promise echoes down the empty street, grotesquely absurd. Ethan’s breath catches. He lunges to grab it. I let go. The recorder hits the pavement. I lift my foot and bring my heel down hard. The crack of shattering plastic is sharp and satisfying. “Ethan. We’re done.” I turn and walk away. Behind me, Ethan shouts my name—but his footsteps are cut short by Vivian’s gasp. “Ethan, my stomach—it hurts so bad…” I don’t look back. I flag down a cab and slam the door shut.

I don’t go back to the hotel. I go straight to the airport. I buy the next available flight and return to the city where we built our life together. The apartment is full of him. Matching slippers by the door. Two sets of everything in the bathroom. Our fifth-anniversary photo on the wall. I find a suitcase and start packing. Nothing that isn’t mine. And even the things that are—I only take the bare essentials. I’ve just zipped it shut when the lock clicks. Ethan stands in the doorway, disheveled, his tie pulled loose, bloodshot eyes wild. He actually followed me back. He sees the suitcase on the floor and panics. Three quick strides and his hand is clamped over mine. “Quinn, wait—calm down.” “I admit I screwed up. But I never once thought about divorcing you.” I stare coldly at his fingers pressing down on the back of my hand. “Let go.” He doesn’t. Instead, he pulls me into his arms. “No.” “That child was truly an accident. At the company celebration dinner, I blacked out.” “By the time I woke up, it had already happened.” “Then Vivian got pregnant, and the doctor said her condition made termination life-threatening.” “What was I supposed to do? Just watch her die?” He pushes every ounce of blame onto accidents and impossible choices. I shove him off and slap him across the face. The crack echoes through the living room. Ethan’s head snaps to the side. Half his face blooms red instantly. “The first child was an accident. What about the second one she’s carrying now?” “Did you black out and accidentally fall into bed with her again?” Ethan has nothing to say. He looks at me, and a flash of irritation crosses his face. “Quinn, do you have to be this crude about it?” “I already told you—you’re my wife. You’ll always be my wife. Most of my assets will go to you.” “Vivian doesn’t want anything. She just wants a complete family for the children.” “Why can’t you just be a little understanding?” I’m so disgusted I actually laugh. “Understanding?” “Ethan, do you think now that you’ve made Regional Director, you’re entitled to have it all?” “What do you think this marriage is? What do you think I am?” He drags his fingers through his hair in frustration. “Then what do you want me to do?” “Strangle a two-year-old? Push Vivian off a building?” “Quinn, you never used to be this cold-blooded.” Cold-blooded. So in his mind, the woman who refuses to welcome his mistress and bastard child is the cold-blooded one. My heart goes numb, inch by inch. My phone buzzes. A text from Vivian. A photo—her lying in a hospital bed, selfie-style, the logo of a private hospital visible behind her. The caption: “I know Ethan rushed back to calm you down. I’m here alone on bed rest. I’m really scared, but I don’t blame you. I just want you two to be okay.” Then a second message pops up. A photo of a stock transfer agreement. Ethan transferred thirty percent of his shares to someone named Lucas Carter. The two-year-old’s name. I hold the screen up to Ethan’s face. “This is what you meant by ‘most of my assets will go to you’?” Ethan sees what’s on the screen and his expression changes completely. “Quinn, listen—Mom forced me to sign that. She said it was security for the child…” I don’t want to hear another word. I grab my suitcase and walk around him toward the door. “Tomorrow morning. Nine o’clock. The courthouse.” “If you don’t show up, I file for divorce and send this agreement to your company intranet.” Ethan doesn’t chase me. Because his phone rings, and on the other end is Vivian’s feeble, weeping voice.

The next day, Ethan doesn’t show up at the courthouse. He sends me a long message. Says Vivian might lose the baby. So he can’t make it.He can’t leave. Says he won’t sign the divorce papers. Tells me to calm down. I don’t reply. I go straight to a lawyer and have a petition for divorce drafted. But what I don’t expect is for Ethan to strike first. A week later, the company holds its annual gala. I’m the lead architect at the Boston branch. Attendance is mandatory. The venue is in New York. The moment I walk into the ballroom, I feel the stares. Whispers everywhere. “That’s her—three years of marriage and she can’t produce an heir.” “I heard their director already has a second kid on the way with someone else, and she’s still clinging to her position like some kind of squatter.” “Pathetic. If I were her, I’d have taken the money and left.” I sweep my gaze across their gossiping faces and walk straight to my seat. On stage, Ethan stands in a tailored suit, delivering the year-end address. His eyes find me across the crowd. A warning flickers in them. The awards segment begins. Designer of the Year—a project I pulled three all-nighters to finish. The host announces the winner with theatrical enthusiasm. “This year’s Designer of the Year Award goes to—Vivian Cole!” My head snaps up. Vivian glides onto the stage in a designer gown, her belly slightly rounded, basking in applause. She takes the trophy, eyes glistening as she gazes at Ethan. “I want to thank Mr. Carter for his guidance. Without him, I wouldn’t be here today.” Thunderous applause. I sit in the corner, shaking. That project was mine from start to finish. Vivian can’t even use CAD. Ethan takes the microphone. His eyes lock directly onto mine. “In addition to tonight’s awards, I have an announcement.” “Ms. Quinn Shaw will be taking an indefinite medical leave, effective immediately.” “The position of Design Director at the Boston branch will be filled by Vivian Cole in the interim.” Every eye in the room turns to me. Some with pity. Some with mockery. Most with gleeful contempt. Ethan is using this to break me. He’s stolen my work, gutted my career, humiliated me in public. All to make me understand: without him, I am nothing. I stand up. No hysteria. No fleeing. I walk to the front of the stage and look up at Ethan Carter. “Mr. Carter, claiming someone else’s work carries legal consequences.” Ethan’s brow furrows. He lowers his voice. “Quinn, stop making a scene. I put Vivian’s name on the project as compensation to her.” “If you want money, I’ll pay you double privately.” I look at that sanctimonious face and feel physically ill. “You took my work to compensate your mistress?” “Ethan, you truly never stop amazing me.” Vivian chimes in softly from beside him. “Please don’t blame Ethan. I just wanted a chance to prove myself.” “Don’t worry—I won’t take a cent of the prize money. It’s all yours.” Her words draw murmurs of admiration from the crowd. “Vivian is so gracious.” “Seriously—a barren hen, and she still has the nerve to act entitled.” A sudden, vicious pain rips through my lower abdomen. Like a knife twisting inside me. I press my hand to my stomach. Cold sweat breaks across my forehead. Ethan thinks I’m faking it. He lets out a cold laugh. “Quinn, pulling the same trick twice isn’t going to work.” “Security—please escort Ms. Shaw out.” Two large security guards walk over and grab my arms on either side. I’m in too much pain to even struggle. They half-drag, half-carry me out of the ballroom. As the doors slam shut behind me, I hear Vivian’s coy little voice from inside. “Ethan, the baby just kicked me!”

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