1 At our college reunion, Johnny got drunk during Truth or Dare. Laughing carelessly, he announced he had never loved me, only Ava. He raised his glass, eyes bright. “She’s finally divorced. This time, I’m not letting her go.” The room fell silent. Next round, he drew a dare: confess to the one he loved. Without hesitation, he called Ava, voice softening into a murmur I hadn’t heard in years. “Ava, I miss you. Can we start over?” I lowered my head, chest tight. Awkward laughter rippled around the table. Sarah squeezed my shoulder. “Johnny is wasted. Don’t take it personally. Marrying you was his jackpot. Cut him some slack.” Megan nodded. “Every guy has a first love. Turn a blind eye, honey. Don’t ruin the party.” I sat frozen, nails digging into my palms. In three years of marriage, this happened whenever he drank. I always covered for him, the dutiful wife. But tonight, my fingers clutched a positive pregnancy test in my coat pocket. My eyes burned, sorrow suffocating me. Quietly, I stood, walked out, and booked an abortion. A love that would never be mine was one I no longer wanted. … When I got home, I went straight to the study and opened my laptop. A pending notification popped up on the screen: my doctoral acceptance letter from the University of Zurich. I clicked Accept without hesitation. Then, I began to pack. At the very bottom of my dresser drawer, my hand brushed against a thick stack of medical files and ovulation tracking charts. For three long years, I had subjected my body to bitter herbal teas, hormone pills, and countless painful fertility injections just to conceive. But Johnny had only ever looked at me with cold disdain. “Is your only goal in life to pop out a kid, Evelyn?” he would sneer. “It’s pathetic, honestly.” He despised the faint, clinical smell of medicine that clung to me. He despised how the hormone treatments made me bloated, exhausted, and plain. Sitting on the cold hardwood floor with those medical sheets scattered around me, a sudden wave of self-pity turned into absolute clarity. The next morning, I stood outside the operating room. The sterile, metallic clinking of instruments drifted through the door, chilling me to the bone. As the anesthesia began to drip into my veins, a single tear slipped down my temple. I’m sorry, little one, I whispered in my heart. I couldn’t give you a real home. When the procedure was over, I stepped out of the clinic. The early autumn breeze bit harshly at my pale face. My phone was vibrating frantically in my bag, displaying Johnny’s name along with a dozen missed calls. I finally picked up. His voice was sharp with irritation, commanding me as he always did. “Evelyn, where the hell are you? My stomach is killing me. Come home and make me some soup, and bring the medicine bottle on the coffee table over to my office.” At that moment, three years of memories crashed over me like a broken dam. I remembered playing the perfect housewife, ironing his shirts, cooking his favorite meals, and keeping the porch light on until the early hours of the morning, no matter how late he stayed out. And in return, I only got his condescension. “Can’t you do something useful with your life? All you’re good for is playing maid.” “Look at Ava. She came from nothing but built a stunning career. Then look at you, hovering over a stove all day. It’s suffocating.” In the past, I would have apologized, swallowed my pride, and rushed to his side just to keep the peace. But now, the heavy weight that had pressed on my chest for years suddenly vanished. I leaned against the cold brick wall of the hospital and spoke quietly. “I’m not coming, Johnny.” A stunned silence hung on the line for a couple of seconds before his voice returned, dripping with mockery. “What did you just say?” I cut him off, a self-deprecating smile touching my lips. “Exactly what you’ve wanted. Let’s get a divorce.” Johnny sounded almost relieved, his tone suddenly light. “You’re finally being reasonable?” Afraid I might back out, he quickly added, “Where are you? I’ll come pick you up right now so we can sign the papers.” My chest throbbed with a sharp, physical ache that made it hard to breathe. “I’m at Mercy General,” I replied flatly. The moment I hung up, the tears finally spilled over. The bitter wind whipped against my face as I wrapped my thin coat tighter around myself, leaning against the hospital’s exterior wall. A dull, throbbing pain flared in my lower abdomen, making my legs tremble. I waited for two agonizing hours. Finally, a familiar car pulled up, and the window rolled down, letting out a blast of warm air along with lighthearted laughter. For a second, my vision blurred. Sitting in the passenger seat was Ava. Her long, soft curls fell perfectly over her shoulders, her makeup flawless as she smiled warmly at Johnny. Next to her, Johnny wore a charcoal gray cashmere sweater that perfectly matched her off-white knit top. It was a carefully coordinated couple’s look. My heart contracted. I remembered buying a beautiful red coat once and excitedly asking him how I looked. He had barely glanced up, muttering that it looked cheap and tacky. Another time, I had hung one of his shirts next to my dress on the drying rack. He had ripped it down in a fury, yelling, “Evelyn, stop invading my space. People need boundaries. Keep your things away from mine.” It turned out he didn’t hate matching outfits or shared spaces. He just hated them with me. The car door opened, and the lingering smile on Johnny’s face instantly vanished the moment he looked at me. He frowned, his eyes cooling. “Get in.” During the drive, Johnny was unrecognizable. The man who usually treated me with cold, clipped commands was suddenly babbling like a nervous teenager, trying desperately to keep a conversation going. “Ava, do you remember when I was chasing you in college and tripped over those bleachers? You laughed so hard you cried.” He turned to look at her, his expression softening with a tenderness I had never once received in our three years of marriage. Ava giggled, covering her mouth. “Of course I do. You were so clumsy back then.” “Yeah, well, I’ve never been able to think straight around you.” Instead of being annoyed, Johnny smiled, clearly pleased. He even stared at her during red lights, a look of pure devotion on his face. I huddled in the backseat, my body trembling from the residual pain of the surgery. Looking out at the blurry neon lights rushing past, my mind drifted. I used to believe that if I was just patient enough, loving enough, I would eventually earn that kind of warmth. I had learned to cook his favorite dishes, memorized every detail of his routine, and kept silent through the worst of my fertility treatments so I wouldn’t burden him. But now, I finally understood. Some things couldn’t be earned. Just as the moon could never become the sun, I could never become the woman he loved. The car pulled up to the local administrative office. “We’re here,” Johnny said. Once the divorce papers were signed, Ava suddenly spoke up, her voice sweet and hopeful. “Johnny, now that you two are officially done, can we get our license today too?” A sudden spark of joy flared in Johnny’s eyes, and my chest tightened. But then, he slowly shook his head. I froze, a tiny, foolish spark of hope igniting in my chest. He smiled gently at Ava. “No, we can’t.” The smile wiped clean off Ava’s face, replaced by a flash of disbelief. Johnny looked at Ava with burning intensity, his voice thick with emotion. “Ava, how could we do something so rushed? Marrying you will be the absolute highlight of my life. I want to give you the most breathtaking wedding imaginable.” He began to describe his vision in Avaid detail, from a sunset proposal by the ocean to a reception hall overflowing with white roses. He spoke of hiring the best vendors, designing a custom gown, and even shared a list of names he had already picked out for their future children. “I want everyone to know that you are my wife,” he said excitedly, gesturing with his hands. “We’ll go to Iceland to see the northern lights, spend our honeymoon in Paris, I want to give you the world.” I stood in the biting wind, listening quietly. The very dreams I had secretly cherished for years were now spilling from my ex-husband’s lips, meant for another woman. The irony was suffocating. I thought back to our own marriage three years ago. There was no proposal, no sparkling ring, not even a simple ceremony. His family had been pressuring him to settle down, and one night, after drinking heavily, he had dragged me to the courthouse. When we got home with our marriage certificate, I had excitedly bought balloons and decorations to make the apartment feel special. He had pushed me aside with a cold sneer. “Grow up, Evelyn. It’s annoying.” Later, when my parents drove in from out of town to celebrate with us, he had kept a frosty expression the entire evening. He hadn’t spoken a single word at the dinner table and had slammed his study door shut the moment the meal ended, leaving me to make polite excuses to my heartbroken parents. I had spent years convincing myself that he was just emotionally reserved, that he simply didn’t understand romance. But watching him paint this beautiful, meticulously planned future for Ava, the truth finally sank in. He wasn’t incapable of love; he just didn’t love me. Because he didn’t love me, every hope I had was a burden. Every sacrifice I made was an annoyance. His cold detachment was simply because he refused to waste a single drop of energy on me. Ava laughed, a high, musical sound that felt like salt rubbed into an open wound. “Oh, stop it, you’re making me blush,” she teased, though her eyes gleamed with smug satisfaction. She glanced over at me, her brow furrowing slightly. Johnny followed her gaze and immediately spoke up. “Don’t pay attention to her, Ava.” “Everything in my past was just settling. What I give you will be brand new, the absolute best.” “I will never make the woman I love settle for secondhand hand-offs,” he said, turning his gaze to me, speaking slowly and deliberately. “And I certainly won’t let you repeat the mistakes of my past. She and I were over a long time ago.” The cruel implication of being secondhand pierced my heart like a needle. I trembled, barely able to keep my balance. Eager to sever all ties, Johnny began dividing our assets right in front of Ava. “The townhouse was bought before our marriage, so that stays with me. Don’t bother asking for the car either; it’s practically a junker anyway, and I’ll get Ava a new one,” he said dismissively. “I’ll leave you twenty percent of our savings. That should be enough to keep you afloat. After all, you’ve spent plenty of my money over the last few years.” Each word fell like a hammer blow. Hearing his cold, calculated division of our lives, my face drained of color. Ava smiled, wrapping her arm triumphantly around his. I took a deep breath, swallowing the bitter taste in my throat, and turned to leave. A sudden silence fell between us. Johnny pursed his lips, a fleeting shadow of guilt crossing his eyes. His gaze dropped to my hand tightly clutching my stomach. “Wait, why were you at the hospital anyway? Feeling sick again?” “My mom’s leftover prescription is in the glove compartment. Go grab it yourself if you need it.” I kept my eyes on the ground and said nothing. My silence seemed to irritate him. His face darkened, and anger crept into his voice. “You’re always doing this, Evelyn. The moment things don’t go your way, you put on this pathetic, tragic act. Can you do anything besides play the victim? It’s exhausting.” He grew more worked up, as if he had finally found an outlet for his frustration. “I despise women like you, clingy, spineless, with no ambition of your own. You don’t even know how to stand up for yourself.” “I admire women like Ava, who have a voice and make things happen. Look at you. You disgust me.” Disgust. The word stung like a poisoned barb. A sharp spasm of pain in my abdomen forced me to double over. Seeing me flinch, Johnny seemed to grow restless, perhaps worried I might actually collapse. He knit his brows, his tone softening a fraction. “Fine. Despite how you’re acting, I’m not completely unreasonable. I’ll let you have half of the savings.” It was the first time he had ever compromised. But to me, it was just a sick, pathetic joke. Before I could even respond, Ava’s face soured. She let out a sharp sigh, pinching Johnny’s arm with a pout. “Johnny, you promised everything in our future would be fresh and new. Are you really struggling to let go of this secondhand past? Why are you giving her half?” Johnny’s body stiffened. He averted his eyes from me and said coldly, “You’re right. Half is too much. Thirty percent, Evelyn. Take it or leave it.” I let out a hollow laugh. As I signed my name on the final line, a searing, tearing pain ripped through my lower abdomen. My vision went black, and I collapsed onto the cold pavement. “Evelyn!” Johnny’s eyes widened. He took an instinctive half-step toward me, reaching out. But right then, Ava shivered, her voice trembling. “Johnny, I’m freezing.” His hand froze mid-air. Without another glance in my direction, he pulled off his warm wool coat, draped it gently over Ava’s shoulders, and ushered her into the warm passenger seat. The engine roared to life, and the car sped away, leaving me behind. The freezing wind swept down my collar. I looked down at my worn, faded down jacket, and then thought of the thick, luxurious coat Johnny had just given Ava. I was the one who had just come out of surgery, yet he was entirely blind to my pain. Despite the physical ache radiating through my body, the fog in my mind finally cleared. I slowly forced myself up, clutching the divorce decree tightly in my hand. The next afternoon, the front door was violently thrown open. Johnny burst into the apartment, drenched in sweat. His hair was a wild mess, and his eyes, usually so calm and cold, were bloodshot and frantic. “We’re going to the hospital,” he rasped, grabbing my wrist with a grip so tight it bruised. I tried to pull away. “What are you doing? Let go of me!” “Ava had an accident!” he yelled, his voice cracking with panic. “She was in a car crash. She’s bleeding out and needs an emergency transfusion. Her blood type is extremely rare, and the hospital’s blood bank is completely out of stock. You’re the only one who can match her!” My heart stopped. My body began to tremble violently. “I can’t…” I whispered, my voice shaking. “I’m begging you, Evelyn!” To my absolute shock, Johnny dropped to his knees, his hands gripping my shoulders as he pleaded desperately. “Please, just save her. If you do this, I’ll make up for everything. I’ll give you whatever you want, money, assets, anything!” “I said no,” I said, turning my face away as a familiar ache bloomed in my chest. “You’re refusing?” Johnny’s expression instantly turned cold, any trace of his desperate pleading vanishing. “Evelyn, it’s just a little blood. Ava is terrified of pain, and she’s running out of time. I’ll pay you ten thousand dollars for a single pint, okay?” “I said no!” I screamed, using every ounce of my remaining strength to push him away. But he didn’t listen. He dragged me out of the apartment and into his car. No matter how much I thrashed and cried, he kept a hand clamped tightly over my mouth, his eyes dark with determination. “Just cooperate! Once this is over, we’re even!” At the hospital, he forced me down into the donor chair. As the thick needle pierced my vein, a cold shudder ran through my entire body. The nurse took one look at my ghostly face and turned to Johnny, concerned. “Sir, she looks extremely weak. I don’t think it’s safe to draw blood from her right now…” “She’s perfectly fine,” Johnny snapped, his gaze menacing. “She always exaggerates when she’s sick. Just do it. Save Ava first.” As the blood slowly drained into the bags, my vision began to blur, and a deep, penetrating cold settled into my bones. “We need more. She’s still unstable. Keep drawing,” Johnny insisted, staring at the monitor, completely ignoring my graying complexion. By the time the third bag was filled, my world went entirely black. In the fading twilight of my consciousness, I heard Johnny’s voice, thick with relief. “Ava is going to make it. Evelyn, you actually did something useful for once.” He rushed out of the room. Behind him, the nurse’s panicked voice echoed down the hall. “Her heart rate is dropping! We need a crash cart, fast!”
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