Because I was dead broke. That was the only reason I took a side hustle acting as a digital diary for some trust fund kid. I spent hours chatting with him online, listening to him pour his heart out about the girl he was madly in love with. Then one day, he suddenly sent me a photo of her. [Isn’t she gorgeous?] I froze. I actually knew her. It was Randee, the undisputed queen bee of our junior class. I didn’t overthink it. I just kept playing the ultimate wingwoman, giving him advice on how to win her over. Until today, when I received his final message. [You are amazing. Girls really do understand girls best!] [She said yes! We are officially dating!] [Anyway, I am deleting this account now. Goodbye!] Attached was a wire transfer for fifteen thousand dollars. I genuinely wished him the best, but I declined the money. The very next night, after study hall ended. I was walking down the quiet corridor when I accidentally stumbled upon Randee kissing a guy in the shadows. My breath caught in my throat. I knew the broad line of that boy’s shoulders better than I knew my own reflection. It was Asher. The boy I had been secretly in love with for five agonizing years. 1 So, the guy I had been messaging every single night. It was Asher. For a moment, I didn’t know whether to marvel at how terrifyingly small the world was, or just laugh at my own sheer stupidity. I had known Asher since middle school. Well, it was more like a completely one sided acquaintanceship. Back then, he was in homeroom five and I was in homeroom two, separated by an entire stretch of linoleum hallway. Every ten minute passing period. I would drag my best friend from the east wing all the way to the west wing restrooms, just for a chance to walk past his classroom and catch a glimpse of him. Even back then, he was taller than everyone else his age. He would lean casually against the balcony railing, his uniform sleeves rolled up to his elbows, always tilting his head slightly when he listened to someone speak. My friend would nudge me. “What are you always staring at over there?” I would just smile. “The view.” When it came time for high school applications, I secretly tracked down his first choice and enrolled in the exact same academy. I knew he hated plain milk and was obsessed with blueberry yogurt. I knew he never paid attention during lectures. But his grades were flawless anyway, and he spent most of his time sketching aimlessly on scrap paper. I also knew that whenever he came back from playing basketball during gym class, he would always take a long drink of water before sitting down. He never missed when he tossed his empty plastic bottles into the recycling bin across the room. I could not stop myself from watching him every single day. But I never saw a single sign that he was in love with someone. And now, there was absolutely nothing I could do but stand there, watching him kiss Randee. It was an incredibly restrained kiss, light and hesitant. The tips of his ears were burning bright red. It was so raw and beautiful. I didn’t dare make a sound to interrupt them. A dense, suffocating ache spread through my chest. Taking a subconscious step backward, I shrank entirely into the dark shadows of the stairwell. In that moment, I realized something. So that is what he looks like when he is nervous. I had watched him for five years. I had never seen him look like that. My mind went completely blank, and my eyes began to sting. But the tears refused to fall. Asher finally pulled away from Randee. He looked down at her. His fingers slowly slid through hers until their hands were tightly intertwined. Randee bit her lip, smiling shyly. “Asher, you…” He looked at her and let out a soft laugh. “Don’t worry. It is dark out, nobody can see us.” “Yeah.” Suddenly, I hated myself. I hated that my vision was so sharp. I could see everything perfectly. Asher’s smile was soft and incredibly gentle. It was entirely different from the polite, distant smiles he gave everyone else. I let out a shaky sigh and was just about to turn away. Suddenly, a voice echoed right behind me. “Sadie, why are you just standing here in the dark?” “What are you looking at?” 2 I whipped around in absolute panic. When I saw it was my desk mate, Becca, I let out a massive sigh of relief. “Shh!” But she had already seen them. “Oh my god. Asher and the popular girl? Randee?!” My fingers curled into tight fists against my jeans. I gave a stiff nod. “Wow, I never would have guessed they were a thing.” Becca lowered her voice and leaned in close to me. “Honestly though, good for them. The hottest guy and the prettiest girl. It is basically charity for our average eyes.” I didn’t say a word. I just nodded again. “I just didn’t expect Asher to go for the glamorous, high maintenance type.” “Plus, he is loaded and super generous. Dating him must be amazing.” “Ugh, the more I think about it, the more jealous I am of Randee. She actually locked down the guy every girl in school is obsessed with.” I stayed completely silent. Noticing my blank stare, Becca looked at me in surprise. “Sadie, why are you still staring at them?” She leaned even closer, her tone suddenly turning conspiratorial. “Do not tell me. Do you have a crush on Asher? Are you going through a heartbreak right now?” My heart skipped a beat. I snapped my head toward her instantly. My voice came out half a decibel louder than I intended. “What kind of nonsense is that? I do not like him!” “Okay, okay, I was just messing with you.” She laughed and waved it off. “I know you are the ultimate good girl. Your brain only cares about AP exams and GPA.” “Alright, let’s get out of here. Stop staring at them!” “Randee has a private driver waiting for her, but if we stay any longer, we are going to miss the last bus!” She grabbed my arm and dragged me down the stairs. Hearing that we were going to miss the bus finally snapped me out of my trance. I turned to follow her. With my very last glance, I saw Asher bending down to pick something up for Randee from the corner of my eye. The motion sensor light in the stairwell clicked off. In the sudden darkness. I finally blinked away the single tear that had been clinging to my lashes. 3 Asher and Randee didn’t try to hide their relationship from anyone. They were both eighteen. And they were ranked first and fifth in our graduating class. Last year, Asher’s family had literally funded a new science wing for the school. Even if the administration wanted to crack down on them, they wouldn’t dare. I forced myself to stop looking in their direction, even though Asher sat diagonally in front of me. During breaks, Randee would constantly come to our classroom to find him. “I accidentally brought an extra bottle of iced coffee today, you can have it!” “Are you sure it was an accident?” Randee would get flustered, a pretty blush creeping up her neck. “You are so annoying!” He would just smile, his eyes curving into crescents as he nodded along. He spoiled her completely. “Yeah, yeah, I am annoying.” Asher didn’t even like iced coffee, but he took it anyway. I kept my head down, forcing my eyes to focus on the geometry textbook in front of me. But I couldn’t absorb a single word. Later that night. I got home and pulled my phone out of my backpack. I hadn’t deleted the anonymous venting app yet. Out of pure muscle memory, I tapped the icon. When my brain caught up, I was just about to close it. But my pupils contracted sharply. Asher’s profile picture was still glowing green. Wait a minute. Didn’t he say he was deleting his account? 4 Driven by pure instinct. My heart did a tiny, pathetic flutter of hope. I tapped into our direct messages. [I thought about it, and I decided not to delete the account. What if I need your advice again someday?] [Why didn’t you accept the money?] [Seriously, do not feel weird about it. We have known each other for so long, I consider you a real friend.] Then there was a message sent just moments ago. [Why haven’t you logged on in days?] [Are you there, Tiny? I have an emergency and I really need your help!] Tiny was my screen name. Staring at these messages, my mind uncontrollably pictured Asher saying these exact words right to my face. I shook my head violently. I forced myself to calm down. Asher already had a girlfriend. It was time for me to let this go. I shoved my phone under my pillow. Rolled over and squeezed my eyes shut. But sleep refused to come. My phone buzzed again. I debated with myself for a painfully long time before finally opening the chat thread. [Why are you leaving me on read?] [You are so cruel, Tiny.] [I guess I have officially lost my best strategist. Sigh.] My heart was hammering against my ribs. I took a deep breath. I typed back. [I was busy.] [What happened?] He replied in less than a second. [Something amazing happened today, but I will tell you about it later.] Then he paused for a minute. [Here is the situation.] [Her birthday is coming up. What do girls actually want for their birthdays?] [I want to give her a massive surprise.] 5 I stared at the glowing screen. A wave of absolute exhaustion washed over me. [Sorry, Tiny. I know you are busy, but I literally have zero close female friends in real life, and I have never dated anyone before. I have no idea what I am doing.] I stared at the keyboard, typed out a few words, and deleted them. Finally, I replied. [Just look at what she normally likes.] [Hmm, I think she has been looking at lipsticks lately. Do you have any brand recommendations?] As soon as he sent that, my phone flooded with a dozen screenshots. I recognized the brands. They were all luxury labels. A single tube cost as much as my entire monthly food budget. I pressed my lips together tightly. I sent one final message. [I do not really know much about this stuff. You should probably just search for recommendations on TikTok or Pinterest.] After sending it. I flipped the mute switch on my phone and shoved it deep under my mattress. This time, I didn’t take it out again. The next day at lunch. I walked into the campus convenience store. As I approached the refrigerated section. I spotted the very last bottle of blueberry yogurt. Normally, I wouldn’t care for that flavor. But because Asher loved it, I had forced myself to try it, and eventually, I genuinely started to like it. I was just reaching out to grab it when another hand reached in from the side. The fingers were long and elegant, the knuckles perfectly defined. His nails were trimmed impeccably short. There was a tiny, dark mole right above his thumb joint. My heart did a violent flip. It was Asher. I looked up in shock, meeting his deep, pitch black eyes. The air went dead silent for a fraction of a second. “You take it.” My voice came out rough and raspy. “You grabbed it first.” “I do not even want it that badly anyway.” I forced a smile and pulled my hand back. “You can have it.” Asher looked at me closely. He didn’t argue. He picked up the bottle of yogurt. He offered a polite smile. “Thanks.” “No problem.” He turned and took two steps toward the register, then suddenly stopped and looked back. “Wait, aren’t you the girl who sits diagonally behind me? What is your name again?” “Sadie.” “Sadie.” He gave the yogurt bottle a little shake, his eyes curving into a warm smile. “Thanks again.” I shook my head silently. He didn’t say anything else and walked away. I stood frozen in the aisle, staring at his broad back until he disappeared through the glass doors. 6 Days slowly bled back into a normal routine. Another monthly exam cycle finished. During a passing period, my homeroom teacher called me into the faculty office. “Sadie, I need you to do me a favor and quietly look into something for me.” Mr. Davis put down his red grading pen and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “Asher has been off his game lately. His English score dropped by fifteen places this week.” “Can you ask around and see if he is fighting with Randee from the other class?” Noticing my stunned silence, Mr. Davis explained. “You are in his class, and you are the class representative. It is easier for you to casually ask.” I lowered my eyes to the floor. “I am sorry, Mr. Davis. I am really not close with Asher at all.” “You should probably ask someone else in the class.” Mr. Davis looked at me, clearly a bit surprised by my flat refusal, but he didn’t push it. “Alright then. I will figure something else out.” I nodded and backed out of the office. Not close. When those words left my mouth, I actually felt a bitter urge to laugh. It was the absolute truth. Not close. I could count the number of words he had spoken to me in real life on two hands. But the words he had typed to me through a screen. I remembered every single one. After washing up that night, my phone buzzed on my desk. I picked it up. It was a notification from Asher. [Tiny, are you there?] 7 I typed a single letter. [Y.] [Randee and I got into another fight.] [Honestly, sometimes I sit back and wonder… is she really the girl I have been looking for?] [Sigh…] [You are the only person I can talk to without filtering myself. Sorry, Tiny, I know I am always bothering you.] I stared at the glowing text, completely confused by what he meant by “the girl I have been looking for.” But I didn’t ask. I didn’t type a single letter back. I flipped the phone face down and went back to my calculus homework. But my pen hovered over the word “Solve,” and I could not bring myself to write the next line. Solve what? There was nothing to solve. It was a dead end. That night, I tossed and turned. Sleep was completely impossible. I suddenly sat up in the pitch black room. I opened the chat thread with Asher and hit “Delete Friend.” Then, I initiated the account deletion process for the anonymous app. For a very long time after that, I stopped paying any attention to Asher and Randee. All I knew was that the cold war between them eventually ended. And Asher’s grades shot right back up to rank number one. The only silver lining was that, by actively ignoring Asher’s existence, my own grades actually improved significantly. During a break between classes. Becca leaned over my desk. “Sadie, can I borrow your phone to look up an answer key? I totally maxed out my data plan for the month.” I handed the phone to her. “Is your passcode your birthday?” She asked while trying to unlock it. “No. It is August 27th. 0827.” “Got it…” “Wait, why does that date sound so familiar? I feel like I have seen it somewhere.” I kept my mouth shut. It was Asher’s birthday. I had set my phone passcode to his birthday years ago. I had just been so swamped with studying lately that I completely forgot to change it. Suddenly, Becca froze. I followed her gaze straight to my phone screen. A notification from the anonymous app had just popped up. [Dear User Tiny, it has been three years since you joined the Echo community. Are you absolutely sure you want to permanently delete your account?] “Oh my god, Sadie, your username is ‘Tiny’ too?” The guy sitting directly in front of us turned around, looking surprised. “Wait, yesterday Asher was literally asking in the class group chat if anyone knew a girl who goes by ‘Tiny’. He said it was an online friend he had been talking to on Echo for years, but she suddenly ghosted him and requested an account deletion.” “He wanted to know if something terrible happened to her.” The guy was a chronic gossip. He blurted the whole thing out before realizing that Asher was sitting only a few desks away. My scalp went completely numb. All the blood drained from my face. I wanted to speak, but my throat clamped shut. Not a single sound came out. A second later. From diagonally across the room, Asher suddenly turned around. He was looking directly at me, but his question was aimed at the guy sitting in front of me. His voice was dead calm, but laced with a rough edge. “What did you just say? Who is named Tiny?” 8 In that split second, the entire world went completely silent. I snatched my phone back from Becca’s hands and forced a bright, breezy smile. “It is just an auto generated username the app gave me when I signed up. It is super common. Just a coincidence.” That part wasn’t a lie. “Tiny” was genuinely a default handle the system assigned to me. I had just been too lazy to change it at the time. Becca didn’t suspect a thing. “Oh, that makes sense. It is a cute username though.” She turned and glanced at Asher. “Nothing, you misheard him. Nobody uses that name.” Asher slowly moved his gaze away from my face. His voice was terrifyingly level, completely devoid of emotion. “Is that right?” I dropped my eyes back to my textbook. My heart was hammering so violently it felt like it was going to crack my ribs. I had no idea how much time passed before he finally turned back around to face the chalkboard. Only then did I dare to look up. In my line of sight. His head was slightly bowed, his thumb swiping rhythmically across his phone screen. I had no idea what he was looking at. I shoved my phone into the absolute deepest corner of my desk and took a shaky breath. I could never use it again. I was finalizing the account deletion the second I got home. After the final bell rang. I didn’t go straight home. Instead, I took a detour to the empty stadium bleachers. The evening wind swept across the track, carrying a sharp, biting chill. I sat on the very highest metal bench. I pulled out my phone and opened the Echo app one last time. [Dear User Tiny, it has been three years since you joined the Echo community. Are you absolutely sure you want to permanently delete your account?] I stared at the text, my finger hovering trembling over the “Confirm Deletion” button. Three years. Over a thousand days and nights. Asher and I didn’t chat every single day. But I had shared countless conversations with him on this platform. He knew I got terrible cramps during a specific time of the month. Whenever those days rolled around, he would send me money for ginger tea. [I hate the taste of that stuff.] [Fine… then go buy whatever junk food makes you feel better, deal?] I never held back either. [Thanks, boss!] [Hmph.] We had shared so many secrets. Like that one night when he first confessed he was in love with someone. By the end of the conversation, I had admitted my own secret. [What a coincidence. I have a massive crush on someone too.] [This is my fifth year liking him, and I am still too terrified to confess.] Asher had replied instantly. [? You have liked a guy for five years and never made a move? What are you, a monk?] I refused to lose the argument. [You are doing the exact same thing! You have no right to laugh at me!] […Fair enough.] [I am making a wish right now that the person I love loves me back.] Me: [I am making the same wish!] Except. His wish actually came true. Mine didn’t. And every single word he typed to me after that night was about another girl. I took a deep breath and pressed “Confirm.” [Account successfully deleted. Thank you for three years of memories. Goodbye.] [Dear Tiny, we hope you find happiness.] [If you ever miss us, you are always welcome back.] I hope so. If the app says I will be happy, maybe I actually will be. 9 Even though the app was gone from my phone. Asher’s shadow still haunted my thoughts when I least expected it. The next day. The weekly exam rankings were posted on the bulletin board. Asher was back at number one. Sometimes, you just have to admit that natural talent is a deeply cruel thing. He got a perfect score in AP Calculus. He only missed five points on the Physics and Chemistry combined exam. When our homeroom teacher read the top ten list aloud, every eye in the classroom drifted toward him. The boy looked completely indifferent, resting his chin on his hand and staring out the window. It was like being the smartest kid in the school had absolutely nothing to do with him. Becca leaned over and whispered. “Do you think Asher sold his soul for good grades? Last month he bombed, and this month he just skyrockets back to perfection.” I nodded in total agreement. “By the way, you did amazing this time too. Rank twenty five in the whole grade. Congrats!” “Thanks. Let’s keep pushing.” My eyes drifted down to the printed spreadsheet on my desk. Rank 1: Asher. Rank 25: Sadie. There were two dozen names wedged between us. It was a perfect metaphor for the distance between him and me. Not impossibly far, just a few lines of ink. But entirely out of reach. And Randee was rank number two. People who belong together even have their names printed side by side on a spreadsheet. I let out a heavy sigh. But I didn’t realize how loud it was until Becca turned to me. “What is wrong?” “Nothing, it is just… I have been studying so hard, and I only moved up a dozen spots. It just feels a little hopeless.” Becca stared at me. She didn’t say a word. Just when I thought she was going to drop the subject, she suddenly spoke. “Sadie.” I kept my eyes glued to the open chemistry workbook. “Yeah?” “You actually are in love with Asher, aren’t you?” 10 The black pen in my hand slipped. It dragged a jagged, ink black line straight across the crisp white paper. My brain completely short circuited. I had no idea when I had slipped up, or if Becca was just dangerously observant. “You…” I looked at Becca, and she stared right back with total clarity. Whatever. Did it even matter if I liked him? He had a girlfriend anyway. I decided I was too tired to lie anymore. I let out a bitter, self deprecating laugh. “How did you figure it out?” Becca grinned triumphantly. “Honestly, I wasn’t one hundred percent sure, but I totally just baited you into admitting it.” “It was the passcode. August 27th. I was the one who logged everyone’s personal info for the homeroom roster earlier this year. Asher is the only person in our class born in August. It caught my eye.” I let out a defeated sigh. “Fine. You got me. You are a genius.” Then, I shot her a deadly serious look. “You cannot tell a single soul.” Becca laughed at my panic. “Who would I even tell? Besides, he and Randee are like the ultimate power couple right now. Nobody cares about a secret admirer pining from the sidelines.” I went completely silent. What Becca said was perfectly logical, but it still felt like a needle plunging into my chest. “Oh crap, me and my big mouth. Sadie, I was just joking, please do not take that to heart!” I shook my head and forced my focus back to my chemistry equations. When the bell rang for the passing period, Randee appeared. She was standing at the back door of our classroom. She was wearing a cream colored knit cardigan over her uniform. Her hair was down, and her eyes curved into beautiful little moons when she smiled. “Asher!” Asher looked up, and the moment he saw her, the coldness in his eyes melted into something incredibly soft. He stood up and walked to the doorway. The two of them stood there whispering. Separated by a few rows of desks. I couldn’t hear a word they were saying. All I saw was Randee handing him a small paper gift bag. He took it and flashed a bright, genuine smile. Becca leaned over again. “See? That is why he is back at number one. The girlfriend delivered some much needed motivation.” “Oh wait, crap, I forgot you have a crush on him. Just ignore them, do not be sad!” I kept my head down and started aggressive physics calculations. “I am not sad.” “I am already teaching myself how to not care about him.” My phone buzzed against the wood desk. Without thinking, I picked it up. I had already deleted the Echo app. It couldn’t be a notification from that. It was a text message. From an unknown number. It contained a single period. I stared at that little dot for a very long time. Who was it? A wrong number? Just as I was about to lock the screen, a second text came through. [Tiny, is that you?]
🌟 Continue the story here 👉🏻 📲 Download the “MotoNovel” app 🔍 search for “504168”, and watch the full series ✨! #MotoNovel
Leave a Reply