I’ve been in love with my childhood friend for ten years, and he’s been annoyed with me for just as long. Finally, one day, I slept with him and left two hundred dollars on the nightstand. My childhood friend felt utterly humiliated and “hunted” me down everywhere. But he couldn’t find me anywhere. I avoided him for three years, until my father passed away, leaving me an orphan. His parents said, “From now on, our home is your home, and this boy is your brother.” I looked at my childhood friend’s face, flushed with anger and embarrassment at the sight of me, And cheerfully called out, “Hello, big brother!” 0 I had been avoiding Ethan Collins for exactly three years. The reason I remember it so clearly is because the night I seduced him was New Year’s Eve during my freshman year winter break. And today is New Year’s Eve of my senior year winter break. I was dragging my suitcase, planning to buy some fruit before going upstairs. Unexpectedly, I ran into Ethan Collins. He hadn’t changed much, still fair-skinned and unforgettably handsome. —You couldn’t tell at all that he was a bit of a player. A beautiful player. The moment he entered the store, I instinctively turned away, lowering the brim of my cap. “Ethan, buying fruit again?” The young male shopkeeper’s eyes lit up at the sight of Ethan Collins. “We’ve got some great new pomelos. Why don’t you take a couple home for your parents to try?” Ethan said, “I don’t like sour things.” “Then how about some cherries? They’re guaranteed sweet.” “I hate sweet things even more.” …I wanted to tell him, eat it or don’t, just get lost. But the shopkeeper’s enthusiasm didn’t wane. When Ethan was checking out, he even insisted on stuffing a few apples into his bag. This was Ethan’s special treatment. With his good looks, he was the center of attention wherever he went. When he was ten, Ethan could go out empty-handed and come back with his pockets full of snacks. It made me green with envy back then. Now at twenty, the neighborhood had changed faces many times over. But he was still the focal point. The shopkeeper asked, “Ethan, are you going home alone this year?” “Mm-hmm.” “I heard from the neighbors that you were planning to bring a girlfriend home this year.” Ethan has a girlfriend? I couldn’t help but prick up my ears. 0
Ethan laughed softly. His laugh was particularly pleasant, making one’s ears tingle. On New Year’s Eve three years ago, I had heard it up close. Not only did it make my ears tingle, but if I heard it too much, my heart would flutter too. “That’s not true,” he said. The shopkeeper: “I knew a good-looking boy like you would have high standards. It’s not easy for you to find a partner. What’s your type? I have a sister who’s quite a beauty.” “I don’t like girls who are too beautiful.” “Well, she’s not that beautiful…” “I also don’t like girls who aren’t beautiful enough.” The shopkeeper was at a loss for words, forcing an awkward smile: “Ethan, you should hurry up and find a girlfriend to put your parents at ease.” “Don’t worry, I have a girlfriend,” Ethan said, “I just haven’t decided which girlfriend to bring home.” Shopkeeper: … Such an outrageous statement, coming from a player’s mouth, somehow seemed reasonable. After a while, the store was quiet. I figured Ethan must have left. I went to grab the last honeydew melon. A long, fair hand suddenly appeared, intercepting the melon midway. “Sorry, I got to it first.” The young man’s voice sounded behind me. He said sorry, but there wasn’t a hint of apology in his tone. “But I might consider letting you have it.” Ethan’s voice was now drumming against my eardrums— “Could you turn around?” 0
My ill-fated connection with Ethan Collins could be traced back twelve years. My dad brought me from the county to the city. He and Ethan’s father were war buddies, but after retiring, one ended up in heaven and the other on earth. My dad was the one on earth. City living was expensive, and he drove a bus, barely making ends meet. As for why we had to live in the city, my dad said the education was better here, and I could get into a good university. City housing prices were also high, and thanks to Ethan’s father, we were lent two rooms to live in. Ethan’s parents were very kind to me. My dad was often away, so after school, I’d go to Ethan’s house for meals. I practically ate, lived, and went to school with Ethan. But he didn’t like me. Ethan’s friends were mostly handsome, beautiful, or from wealthy families. I was a country bumpkin, dark-skinned and chubby. I insisted on following him around, which annoyed him greatly. Once, he deliberately left me at an amusement park, nearly causing me to get lost. Ethan got a severe beating for that incident. He still has scars on his bottom because of it. He hated me even more after that, always trying to find ways to tease me. But back then, I was naive. I always thought Ethan was different from the boys back home. He was so good-looking, with such fair skin. When he smiled, it seemed magical. I stubbornly followed behind him, hiding my budding feelings. Looking back now, Ethan’s annoyance with me was undisguised. One spring, when all the flowers at school were in bloom, Ethan’s friends asked him which flower he liked best. Ethan said, “I don’t have a favorite, only one I hate the most. I hate gardenias, they’re too sweet and cloying, absolutely awful.” As he said this, he glanced at me from the corner of his eye. I immediately understood that these words were meant for me to hear. Because that morning, I had just picked two gardenias for him. The year we graduated from high school, another incident occurred. I asked Ethan, “Where are you planning to apply for college?” Ethan thought for a moment: “London.” Excited, I filled out applications for schools in London. The day the acceptance letters came, I found out. Ethan was going to New York. He had lied to me, just to get away from me. What a cruel reality. 0
During the first semester of freshman year, if I didn’t initiate contact, Ethan wouldn’t reach out to me either. He had his own life, his own circle of friends. He was outstanding, leading his major, and even voted campus heartthrob. His photos always featured beautiful girls. I visited him in New York once. His friends asked, “Ethan, who’s this chick?” Ethan said, “The daughter of my dad’s friend.” I was stunned at that moment. After knowing each other for ten years, in the end, I didn’t even count as an ordinary friend. Suddenly, I felt utterly disheartened. But I wasn’t ready to give up just like that. I planned for a long time, and on New Year’s Day during the winter break, I seduced Ethan. We had both been drinking that day. Ethan couldn’t hold his liquor well and quickly became tipsy. I, however, was unusually clear-headed. When I got close to him, he didn’t push me away. I asked, “Ethan Collins, do you know how long I’ve liked you?” He didn’t say anything. Feeling that taking advantage of him wasn’t right, I asked again, “Do you know who I am?” He said, “Lily Knowles.” When he said my name, it sounded low and enchanting. I said, “Are you going to reject me?” He shook his head and instead wrapped his arms around me tightly. That night, Ethan was very gentle. After the impulse passed, we lay in bed, and Ethan said to me, “I’m sorry for lying about the college applications.” I didn’t respond. He held onto my arm, sighing helplessly, “I promise I’ll apply for grad school in London, okay?” As if I cared anymore. I had already decided to let go. Tonight, I was just giving myself closure. After all, I had been foolish for so many years. If I didn’t get him once, it would feel like a loss. Now that I had, I wouldn’t dwell on it anymore. Early the next morning, before Ethan woke up, I ran away. Oh, right. He had paid for the hotel. I didn’t want to take advantage of him, so I left two hundred dollars. But this gesture seemed to cause some misunderstandings… I deleted all of Ethan’s contact information and completely cut ties with him. I heard from high school classmates that Ethan felt utterly humiliated and was “hunting” me down everywhere. He even came to my university. Several times, but never saw me. The most memorable was during sophomore year. My roommate relayed to me: That day, Ethan was like a volcano about to erupt, desperate to catch me and tear me to pieces. He stopped my roommate and fiercely asked, “Where has Lily Knowles gone again?!” My roommate said, “Oh, don’t you know? Today’s May 20th.” “—She went out to celebrate with her boyfriend.” At that moment. It was as if a torrential rain had suddenly extinguished the volcano. Ethan stood there, stunned, for a long, long time.
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