Chapter 1 This year, as the leading neurosurgical authority in the country, I received a request for a fly-in surgery in another state. Twenty years ago, I had been in this very operating room. My mother suffered a cerebral hemorrhage, and the lead surgeon missed by half a centimeter. My mother died, and it was my first love, Oliver Sterling, who comforted me and helped me move on. Only later did I discover that the lead surgeon was his father, the hospital’s renowned Chief of Neurosurgery, but the one actually holding the scalpel was Oliver, a medical intern. He and Chloe had planned it all along, using my mother’s surgery to let him practice and pave the way for his career. After the accident, Chloe, using her status as the hospital director’s daughter, completely suppressed the incident. From that day on, I gave up my guaranteed spot in a master’s program. I retook the entrance exams, went to medical school, and worked my way from an undergraduate degree to a postdoctoral fellowship. I spent exactly twenty years turning myself into someone who “would never make a mistake again.” Hoping only that one day, my mother’s tragedy would not be repeated. Today, my assistant slid the patient’s file in front of me: brainstem tumor, late stage, extremely high risk. That face had aged significantly, but I recognized it at a glance. I pushed the file back to my assistant and took off my white coat. “I can’t do this surgery.” …… “Dr. Lin… what do you mean?” My assistant, Hannah, stood frozen in shock as I started packing my things. “Literally what I said. Change my flight back to tonight.” “But… there isn’t another surgeon in the entire state who can operate on a brainstem tumor. If you leave, the patient is…” “I know, but I can’t take this case.” I opened the door and walked out of the conference room. Dr. Sullivan, the Chief of Neurosurgery at the state hospital, hurried over, squeezing out a smile. “Dr. Lin, I’m Dr. Sullivan from Neurosurgery.” He extended a hand; I didn’t take it. He awkwardly pulled it back and rubbed his hands together. “We’ve been preparing for this surgery for three months. It wasn’t easy getting you to fly out from New York. The patient’s family…” “Dr. Sullivan,” I cut him off directly. “I will submit my reasons for recusal in writing.” He paused, then lowered his voice and leaned in. “Dr. Lin, you might not fully understand the situation. The patient’s son is Oliver Sterling, the Vice President of our hospital. His daughter-in-law, Chloe, is the daughter of our former hospital director, Dr. Hastings. If you just walk away, I won’t be able to explain this to them.” “That is your problem.” I walked past him and continued toward the exit. Dr. Sullivan chased after me for a few steps, his tone growing urgent. “Dr. Lin, at least give me a reason so I can tell the family! Is there an issue with the surgical plan? Are you unhappy with our facilities? Equipment, team, post-op care—just tell us what you need, and we will fully accommodate you!” “I have no issues with the facilities. The surgery is possible, but you need to find someone else to do it.” “Is it about the fee? The family said money is no object—name your price!” “It’s not about the money.” Before he could continue, I shut him down completely. “Dr. Sullivan, my decision is final.” Before the elevator doors closed, Dr. Sullivan finally snapped out of it and pulled out his phone to make a call. Hannah followed me downstairs, jogging to catch up as we reached the parking garage. “Dr. Lin, what exactly is going on?” She blocked the car door, her forehead slick with sweat. “This isn’t like you. You’ve taken every impossible case there is! You’ve faced situations far more perilous than this, and today, just one look at a medical chart and…” “Hannah.” I looked at her, and she stopped talking. “You’ve worked with me for four years. Have you ever seen my hands shake in the operating room?” “No.” “What if I told you that for this surgery, I am absolutely certain my hands would shake from nerves?” Hannah frowned, opening her mouth to speak, but hesitating. “Neurosurgery has zero tolerance for even half a millimeter of error.” Twenty years. I had spent twenty years making my hands absolutely steady. Even during a twelve-hour continuous surgery, my margin of error wouldn’t exceed three millimeters. My peers considered me a precision instrument, impossibly calm in any situation. But today, when I saw that name and that face, I couldn’t keep my composure. Twenty years ago, because of a half-centimeter error, my mother was left on that operating table forever. My phone buzzed. It was an unknown number. “Dr. Lin, hello. I am the patient’s family member. I heard you declined the surgery. Could you give us a chance to meet?” I didn’t know exactly who sent the message, but I knew Oliver Sterling was among the family members. I didn’t reply. Soon, a second text arrived: [As doctors, our greatest fear shouldn’t be a failed surgery, but refusing to save a life.] “Dr. Lin, please wait! The former director’s daughter insists on seeing you no matter what!” Dr. Sullivan threw himself in front of my car, looking as if he was ready to risk his life to stop me. “Chloe?” “You know her?” Of course I did. Oliver’s wife, Director Hastings’ only daughter. Twenty years ago, when she was still a student, she walked around the hospital like she owned the place, riding on her father’s influence. “I don’t know her, but I’ve heard the name.” Dr. Sullivan sighed. “The patient’s son, Oliver Sterling, is Chloe’s husband. He’s also our state’s… well, Deputy Chief of Neurosurgery.” He weighed his words carefully, speaking to me with extreme caution. “Dr. Lin, I know you must have your reasons. But if this blows up, it’s bad for both of us. Could you just stay, meet with the family, and talk it over?” “I have nothing to talk about.” “Dr. Lin!” Dr. Sullivan was desperate, leaning right up against my car window. “Listen to me, Chloe and the Sterling family have strong backgrounds and resources. Whatever concerns or demands you have, just put them on the table. I’m sure they’ll do everything they can to meet them. But if I let you leave today without a word, both you and I are going to face significant trouble.” “Just do this as a favor to me. Even if it’s just meeting with the Hastings and Dr. Sterling for a few minutes!” “Dr. Sullivan, just report my refusal upwards. The medical board will coordinate another expert. Wouldn’t that be faster?” He gave a bitter smile. “You are the top-ranked expert. If you refuse, the people below you will be even more afraid to take the case.” I was about to offer him some reassurance when my phone rang. “Hello, is this Maya Lin?” An unfamiliar female voice, but I didn’t need an introduction to know who it was. “I am the patient’s daughter-in-law, Chloe Hastings. I heard you refused my father-in-law’s surgery. I’d like to meet with you face-to-face to discuss it. Would tomorrow morning work for you?” I tried hard to suppress the emotions rising inside me. When I didn’t speak, she continued. “I don’t care what your thoughts are, but walking away after one glance without any explanation is hardly professional. Let’s meet.” “I will submit a formal written report promptly.” “Isn’t meeting face-to-face faster than submitting a report? Is there something you’re afraid to discuss in person?” Chloe’s tone carried a hint of anger; she clearly thought I was just throwing my weight around. “Fine. I will return to the hospital tomorrow.” My voice regained its calm. Perhaps it was time to settle certain matters once and for all. “Good. My husband, Dr. Sterling, and I will be there tomorrow.” “No problem.” Dr. Sullivan finally let out a sigh of relief when he heard me agree. “Dr. Lin, then we’ll see you tomorrow!” He bowed slightly, then turned and walked away. I sat back down and glanced at Hannah. “Cancel the flight. We’re staying.” Early the next morning, I arrived at the conference room to wait. Not long after, a woman in a trench coat walked in, exuding an air of aggressive urgency. Behind her followed a man, maintaining that same composed demeanor I still recognized instantly after twenty years. I had fantasized about the moment I would see him again countless times, yet I still felt the urge to rush forward and end him. “Are you Dr. Lin?” The woman swept her gaze around the room before settling on me. Dr. Sullivan quickly stood up. “Chloe, this is Dr. Lin. Dr. Lin, this is…” “You are Dr. Lin?” Chloe cut him off, walking straight up to me. She didn’t recognize me. The girl who had cried until she fainted outside the morgue twenty years ago was worlds apart from the neurosurgical authority sitting before her, with six publications in The Lancet. “Dr. Lin, what is the meaning of this? You just say no and that’s it? We confirmed your schedule with your team three days ago. The equipment is calibrated, the nursing plan is set, and now you’re just washing your hands of it?” “Ms. Hastings, I have already told Dr. Sullivan that I will submit a report.” “Submit what report?” She let out a scoffing laugh. “You execute flawless surgeries far more complex than this. Are you telling me this surgery scared you?” Sensing the tension, Oliver quickly stepped in to smooth things over. “Dr. Lin, I am the patient’s son, Oliver Sterling. I understand you may have your own considerations, but my father’s situation is extremely critical. If this is about the fee…” “It’s not about the fee.” “Then what is it?” Chloe slammed her purse down onto a chair. “Is our hospital too small to accommodate a big shot like you?” Dr. Sullivan hurriedly intervened. “Chloe, please calm down. Dr. Lin might genuinely have…” “Genuinely have what? A top-tier neurosurgeon who turns her back on a patient waiting for a lifesaving operation?” She turned and glared at me. “Let me tell you something, Maya Lin. My father may be retired, but he’s still an advisory board member for the State Medical Board. One phone call from me and you could…” “Chloe.” Oliver grabbed her arm, lowering his voice. “Calm down.” He then looked at me, offering an apologetic smile. I knew that smile very well. It was the exact same smile he gave me twenty years ago outside the morgue when he comforted me: “Maya, you have to be strong.” Yet, he turned around and got engaged to Chloe immediately, while my formal complaint was simultaneously dismissed. “Dr. Lin, I don’t know the real reason for your refusal. But as a fellow medical professional, I believe you are a doctor with strong ethics. My father is…” I couldn’t listen to his speech, so I interrupted him. “Dr. Sterling, my decision will not be changed by anyone’s persuasion.” Chloe’s face darkened completely. “Fine. You’re tough. You’re an expert, you’re amazing. But let me tell you this: the State Expert Committee is convening tomorrow to discuss this matter. I hope you maintain this exact attitude then.” She grabbed her purse, turned, and threw one last sentence over her shoulder. “The people I despise the most in this life are those who get a little skill and suddenly think they’re above it all. Healing the sick and saving lives is a doctor’s natural duty. It’s not up to you to pick and choose.” The clatter of her high heels faded away down the hall. Oliver hesitated for a moment before speaking to me again. “Dr. Lin, I apologize. My wife has a quick temper. Please consider it carefully. My phone is always on.” Dr. Sullivan hadn’t dared to breathe heavily the entire time. Only after Oliver left did he speak up cautiously. “Dr. Lin, why must it be this way? Even if you have concerns, we could discuss them…” “Dr. Sullivan, I truly have my own reasons. I absolutely cannot perform this surgery.” “Well… you better prepare yourself for tomorrow. I’m afraid she won’t let this go easily.” I nodded, gesturing for Hannah to get ready to leave. Whether Chloe would let it go or not, I didn’t know. But tomorrow, I didn’t plan on letting it go either. “Dr. Lin, what is your reason for refusing this surgery?” The speaker was Arthur Vance, the Deputy Director of the State Medical Board. The next morning, at the Expert Committee discussion. In attendance were not only the hospital’s department heads but also two representatives sent by the Medical Board. “I cannot guarantee absolute optimal condition during the procedure.” “What do you mean, you cannot guarantee?” Arthur flipped through the materials in front of him. “Dr. Lin, I’ve reviewed your resume. Over the past three years, you have been the lead surgeon on forty-seven high-difficulty procedures, with a 100% success rate. How could you not be confident?” “For this particular case, I am not.” “Why?” I didn’t answer immediately. Another representative interjected, “Dr. Lin, we understand that every doctor has their own judgment. But this case is quite unique. The patient’s surgical window is very short. If you don’t take it, his survival rate is practically zero.” “My personal refusal does not mean there are no other options. You can contact other teams.” Arthur cleared his throat. “We have contacted everyone. You are the only one who has both the capability and the availability.” “I cannot do it.” “There is a difference between cannot do it and do not want to do it, Dr. Lin.” The door was pushed open. Chloe walked in, followed by Oliver and an old man leaning on a cane. The old man looked to be in his seventies, his face sallow but his back perfectly straight. “Director Hastings, why are you here?” Dr. Sullivan stood up. Dr. Hastings was his old boss. “This concerns Richard. I couldn’t stay out of it.” Hastings walked slowly to the table and sat down, glancing at me. “Dr. Lin,” Hastings coughed lightly. “I’m Dr. Hastings. I worked at this hospital for forty years. Richard Sterling is my old partner, my old friend. This illness of his cannot afford any delays.” “Director Hastings, I understand your feelings. But—” “Hear me out first.” He raised a hand, stopping me. “I know you’re a big expert from out of state. Your time is precious, and your skills are incredible. But in the medical profession, skill isn’t the only thing that matters.” He stared at me, his eyes cloudy but piercing. “The most important thing is conscience.” Chloe stood behind her father, her expression still cold and arrogant. Oliver sat beside them, looking pained and earnest. “I refused the surgery precisely because of my conscience.” “Explain.” “Brainstem surgery demands impossibly strict psychological stability from the lead surgeon. Any emotional fluctuation could lead to an intraoperative error. I evaluated my own state of mind, and I know I cannot remain absolutely calm.” “Are you saying you have personal feelings regarding my father?” Oliver frowned, his tone laced with surprise. “Dr. Lin, to my knowledge, we have never crossed paths before.” I looked at him, and he looked back at me, his gaze open and entirely devoid of guilt. No crossing paths. He didn’t recognize me, yet I had remembered him for twenty years. “Whether we crossed paths is irrelevant.” I took a small sip of my tea. “What matters is that once I am on that operating table, I cannot guarantee 100% focus. On that point alone, I shouldn’t take the case.” Arthur impatiently tapped the table. “Dr. Lin, let’s speak frankly. There is no regulation stating a doctor can refuse a surgery without cause. If you cannot provide a clear reason for recusal, this is negligence.” “Deputy Vance, the Medical Practice Act…” “Don’t quote the book at me.” He slammed his pen down on the table. “I’ll tell you the situation plainly. Tomorrow, every major medical news outlet will be covering this. A top-tier expert flies a thousand miles for a surgery, looks at the chart, and walks away. Do you think that looks good?” I remained silent. Chloe took a step forward. “Dr. Lin, my words yesterday might have been a bit harsh, and I apologize. But think about it—if word gets out that you left a man to die, how will you live with yourself?” Oliver also stood up and gave me a slight bow. “Dr. Lin, if my father or I have done anything to make you uncomfortable, I apologize. I understand your concerns. How about this: we will double your surgical fee, and to help with your emotional state, I personally will…” “Dr. Sterling,” I cut him off. “Can you answer one question for me?” He froze, then nodded. “Please.” “Your father has practiced medicine for forty years. How many surgeries has he handled?” “Thousands. He is the founding father of neurosurgery in our state.” Oliver puffed his chest out slightly as he said it. “Out of those thousands of surgeries, were there many failures?” The atmosphere in the conference room thickened. Oliver’s gaze didn’t shift, but he hesitated for a fraction of a second. “Every surgery carries risks. 100% success is impossible.” “And the families of those patients who didn’t make it… what happened to them?” “Dr. Lin, this has nothing to do with the current situation.” “Is that so.” I stood up and grabbed my bag. “Then my refusal also has nothing to do with the current situation. Excuse me.” From behind, Chloe’s sharp voice rang out. “Go! If you leave, don’t even think about coming back! I’ll make sure the entire industry knows that Maya Lin is a piece of trash who leaves people to die!” As I pushed open the door, Hannah couldn’t help but lean into my ear. “Dr. Lin, what if… you just tell me the truth? Why won’t you do this surgery?” I turned to look at her. Three years ago, when she graduated with her master’s and sent out over a hundred resumes with no luck, I was the one who hired her. She trusted me and she knew me well. But I had never told her about this. “Hannah.” “Yes?” “Twenty years ago, a man-made medical accident happened in this hospital’s neurosurgery department. The patient’s name was Clara Lin.” Her expression slowly changed. “Clara Lin… is she your…?” “My mother.” She stood there, stunned, unsure of what to say. “The lead surgeon’s name was Richard Sterling. The exact same man lying in that hospital bed waiting for me to save him.” Hannah froze, speechless for a long time. “Prepare a formal Recusal Application for me. Tomorrow, at the ethics committee meeting, I’ll explain it myself.” As we walked out the main entrance, Hannah called out to me softly from behind. “Dr. Lin… would your hands really shake?” I clenched my fists and let out a sigh. “As long as that face is in front of me, I wouldn’t be able to control it.”
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