1 At the arcade, I stepped back to buy tokens, glancing at my phone. When I looked up, Logan and Natalie were gone. Balancing two water bottles and their jackets, I pushed through the crowd. I stopped before a nearby photo booth. The curtain hung slightly open. As the flash popped, I saw them clearly. Logan wore pink bunny ears, leaning into Natalie as they shaped a heart with their hands. They looked like stars in a teen romance film. Five minutes earlier, I’d offered him those same ears. He’d brushed me off, annoyed. Childish, he’d said. Only idiots wear that stuff. It wasn’t the headband he hated. It was me. I didn’t open the curtain. I left their things on a trash can. Over the loudspeakers, a bright pop song played as I turned and walked toward the exit. I was done playing the background character. The sun hadn’t fully set by the time I walked out of the amusement park gates. The colorful lights along the entrance flickered on one by one, illuminating the laughing faces of the people streaming inside. I was the only one moving in the opposite direction, wading against the tide of the crowd. My hands were empty now. My chest felt just as hollow, as if someone had carved a piece right out of me. Instead of calling a cab, I took the slowest bus home. The vehicle swayed and rattled violently over the asphalt. Leaning my head against the cool window pane, I watched my own reflection in the glass. My eyes were bloodshot. But I didn’t cry. I only remembered the way I had held out those bunny ears to Logan in front of the claw machines. I had smiled, begging him, Just wear them for a second, please? Just once. He hadn’t even spared them a glance, turning his face away instantly. Grow up, Autumn. Why do you always care so much about these pointless things? Yet only minutes later, he had lowered his head, letting Natalie slip the exact same headband over his hair. It wasn’t the headband that was pointless. It was me. During our high school homecoming festival, I had bought an absurdly oversized headband too. The school field had been packed with people that day. I had chased him all over the grass, waving the silly accessory in the air. Even though he complained about how embarrassing it was, he still bent down, letting me adjust it on his head. When our classmates started teasing him, he simply tapped my forehead with his knuckles. Don’t buy something this ugly next time. But he kept it on until the festival ended. I had truly believed that was love. Now I understood that even the sweetest indulgence could expire. People changed. When I unlocked the front door of my house, the warm scent of pot roast drifted from the kitchen. My mother peeked out from the doorway, a bright smile on her face. “You’re back? Where’s Logan?” My hands paused as I kicked off my shoes. Tonight was supposed to be the first time Logan formally came over to have dinner with my parents. I had told him about it three days in advance, and my father had even canceled his evening business meeting just to be home. But now, the dining table sat quiet. I looked down, carefully aligning my shoes side by side. “He probably has some things to take care of. He’ll be late.” My mother’s smile softened, her voice dropping to a gentle murmur. “What’s wrong? Did you two have a fight?” I shook my head, telling her it was nothing. Truthfully, I didn’t even know if this counted as a fight. I was just suddenly so exhausted that even anger felt like an unnecessary luxury. We waited until nine in the evening. The food on the table was reheated, and then it went cold again. My father glanced toward the front door several times, but in the end, he didn’t say a word. When the doorbell finally rang, my mother visibly let out a breath of relief. Logan stood on the porch, the chill of the night wind clinging to his jacket. As soon as he stepped inside, he reached out and touched my forehead. “Why are you so pale?” The gesture was so natural, so practiced. A sharp ache flared in my chest, and I almost let myself be fooled by the familiar warmth of his touch. But in the next second, he pulled a small box of bandages from his pocket, his brows drawing together. “Next time you decide to run off, at least say something. Natalie was wearing high heels and walked all over the place trying to find you. Her heels are completely raw.” He tossed the box onto the console table. “I bought an extra pack of these. If your feet are blistered too, go ahead and use them.” I stared at the little cardboard box, unable to squeeze out a single word. He had finally remembered that I might be hurting too, but only as an afterthought, a spare item he grabbed while buying medicine for Natalie. At the dinner table, Logan was perfectly polite. He spoke respectfully to my parents, proactively ladled the soup, and answered my father’s questions about college schedules with poise. But his phone never left the table, resting right beside his hand. When the screen lit up, I caught a glimpse of Natalie’s name. It still hurts a bit, her text read. Am I being too dramatic? Logan set his fork down. I already knew what he was going to do before he even moved. Sure enough, he stood up and reached for his coat. “Mr. and Mrs. Miller, I’m really sorry, but I have to run.” My mother blinked, startled. “But you haven’t even finished your dinner.” He gave a low, apologetic explanation. “Natalie is home by herself, and she doesn’t know how to clean the wound properly.” I finally spoke up, my voice remarkably quiet. “She just scraped her heel. Do you really have to go?” Logan paused and looked back at me. In those eyes, eyes I had adored for so many years, there was only weariness and a flash of deep irritation. “Autumn, can you stop making everyone clean up after your tantrums?” In that moment, the entire world seemed to fall dead silent. It was so quiet that I could hear the kitchen sink faucet dripping, a single, rhythmic drop splashing against the metal. After he left, my mother stood by the table, staring at the empty seat for a long time without saying a word. My father quietly picked up his chopsticks, placed a piece of pot roast into my bowl, and spoke softly. “Let’s eat.” Looking at the food in my bowl, a sudden, hot sting rushed to my eyes. I had loved Logan for a very long time, so long that even my parents had spent years tip-toeing around us, trying their best to protect my feelings. But today, I finally realized that he could easily make time to eat with my family, and just as easily abandon us all for a single text from Natalie. I stared at the box of bandages sitting on the entryway table. It felt as though I had finally figured out exactly where I stood in his life. I barely slept that night. As soon as the first light of dawn broke through the curtains, I sat down at my desk. Stack after stack of college prep materials sat piled on the wooden surface: mock exams, mistake journals, half-finished study guides. For the past few months, every ounce of my energy had been poured into these pages. I had wanted to take a gap year to study and retake my entrance exams, not because I was passionate about any particular school, but because I wanted to get closer to Logan. I didn’t want to be the one left behind. But looking at these papers now, for the first time, a profound sense of emptiness washed over me. I couldn’t tell if I was trying to move forward for my own sake, or if I was desperately chasing someone who had never once planned to slow down and wait for me. At breakfast, my mother pushed a bowl of warm oatmeal toward me. Watching the steam rise into the air, I spoke quietly. “Mom, I’m not doing the prep year.” My mother’s spoon froze in her hand. My father looked up from his paper. They both knew how long I had prepared for this. They also knew that on the day high school graduation results came out, I hadn’t cried because of my scores. I had cried because Logan was already set to go to Boston, while my grades had kept me far, far away. My mother asked tentatively, “Is it too exhausting? Do you want to sleep on it?” My father remained quiet for a long moment before asking, “Have you really thought this through, or are you just upset right now?” I stared down at the oatmeal, my voice barely a whisper. “It’s not that I don’t want to work hard. I just realized that this path was never really mine to begin with.” The moment the words left my mouth, my eyes welled up. During our junior year, after our first major mock exam, I had scored terribly in math. After evening study hall, I had hidden beneath the concrete bleachers on the dark sports field, crying my eyes out. Logan had found me there, carrying a stack of scrap paper. He squatted down on the steps beside me, breaking down every single problem, explaining them patiently until the streetlights flickered on. Before we left, he had squeezed my hand. Hang in there, Autumn. I’ll wait for you in Boston. I had treated those words like a North Star. I believed that as long as he was waiting ahead, I could eventually catch up if I ran fast enough. But now I saw the truth. He had never actually stopped walking. He had simply stood far ahead, looking back to toss me a comforting phrase, while I ran myself ragged for years trying to reach him. At noon, I went back to the high school to return my prep course enrollment materials. Just as I reached the stairwell, Natalie came running up behind me, clutching a thick bundle of study guides, sweat beaded on her forehead. “Autumn, perfect timing!” She smiled, catching her breath. “Logan and I stayed up last night highlighting the key sections for you. See if these help.” I froze. Before I could say anything, she leaned in and lowered her voice with a little laugh. “He told me you’d still be throwing a fit today. I actually bet him a coffee that you wouldn’t last past lunch before talking to him again.” My ears started to ring. So my heartbreak was nothing more than a casual wager between them. While I was drowning in misery after walking away, they were sitting together, laughing and guessing how long it would take for me to crawl back. Logan descended the stairs behind her. Seeing me, his eyes fell on the notes in Natalie’s arms. His tone was perfectly flat, as if nothing had happened. “Natalie stayed up incredibly late working on those for you. Don’t go throwing someone’s kindness back in their face.” I looked up into his eyes. The last embers of warmth in my heart died out, leaving only cold ash. “Logan,” I said, my voice shockingly steady. “Let’s break up.” He stiffened. But the brief flash of surprise on his face vanished almost instantly, replaced by that familiar, condescending certainty. “Autumn, figure out what you want to do with your own life before you start making threats. Stop using breakups as a tool just to show everyone you’re throwing a tantrum.” Listening to him, the final thread of hope I held for him snapped. I didn’t repeat myself. I walked past them, pushing through the double doors of the academic counselor’s office. The counselor looked up, surprised to see me. “I thought you were enrolling in the exam prep classes?” I handed over my paperwork. “I’m not doing the prep year. I want to finalize my admission to Austin State.” The counselor flipped through the forms. “Austin is halfway across the country. Are you absolutely sure?” I nodded. As my pen touched the confirmation line, my hand trembled slightly. But I didn’t stop. The moment my signature was finished, a sudden weight lifted from my chest. It felt as though I had finally set down a heavy pack I had been carrying for far too long. After that day, Logan didn’t contact me again. He seemed utterly convinced that I would regret my decision, so he didn’t even bother to ask why. Natalie, however, was still active in our group chat. She sent photos of the study guides she had organized, along with pictures of the spreadsheets she had stayed up making. Autumn, I’ve got everything ready for you. Whenever you change your mind, just let me know and I’ll drop them off. I stared at the name of our group chat. I had created it when we graduated from middle school, naming it Inseparable. Back then, I truly believed the three of us would walk through life side-by-side forever. Logan would explain the difficult problems, Natalie would keep the mood bright, and as long as I followed them, I would never be left behind. Now I saw that the person who got left behind didn’t have to wander off. All it took was for the other two to take one step forward together, leaving me standing outside their circle. I typed back a brief message: No need. I was about to add that I was no longer doing the prep year, but Logan’s message cut in first. She works a part-time job during the day and stays up late organizing notes for you at night. And all you have to say is ‘no need’? Do you even have a heart, Autumn? I stared at the screen, my thumb hovering in the air. A second later, a system notification popped up. You have been removed from the group chat. Looking at those words, I didn’t even feel surprised. But somewhere deep inside, another small piece of my world quietly crumbled away. I cleared the chat history, changed into my uniform, and headed to the bookstore where I worked. I had taken this summer job to save up money for prep class materials. Even though I didn’t need the money for that anymore, I still wanted to finish my shifts for the month. At least when I was busy, my mind wouldn’t drift back to Logan. It was nearly ten at night when the store closed. After checking the locks, I slung my bag over my shoulder and walked toward the bus stop. The alleyway was bustling during the day, but at night, it grew so quiet that the only sound was the low hum of the streetlights. Halfway down, I heard footsteps behind me. A cold shiver crept up my spine. I quickened my pace, preparing to run, but my bag strap was suddenly snagged from behind. I was yanked backward, my shoulder slamming hard against the brick wall. The thick, sour stench of alcohol hit me instantly. Fear seized my throat, my voice cracking. “Let go of me!” A hand reached out to smother my scream. In the middle of the struggle, someone rushed out from the shadows. A heavy canvas bag swung through the air, crashing hard against the man’s shoulder. “Autumn, run!” It was Natalie. Her face was white as a sheet, her hands shaking, but she stood firmly between me and the man. The man swore loudly, shoving her away with brute force. Natalie lost her footing on the slick asphalt. As she fell, her right hand landed directly on a pile of broken glass. Blood pooled onto the pavement almost instantly. My mind went completely blank. I dropped to my knees, practically crawling over to support her. My fingers shook so violently that I couldn’t even hold my phone straight, dialling the emergency number twice before it finally went through. By the time we reached the hospital, I was still in a daze. But Logan had already arrived. He must have run the entire way, his chest heaving as he burst through the doors. Seeing Natalie’s hand wrapped in bloody gauze, all the color drained from his face. He kept pace with her stretcher as they wheeled her into the emergency room, never once looking in my direction. It was only when the doctor mentioned that she would need stitches, and that she shouldn’t use her hand for a while—which would undoubtedly affect her art portfolio showcase next week—that Logan finally whipped his head around to look at me. His gaze was so icy that it stole the breath right out of my lungs. “Are you happy now?” I froze, a loud ringing filling my ears. He took two steps closer to me. “If you hadn’t been throwing this ridiculous tantrum, why would Natalie have been following you in the dark? If she wasn’t trying to help you, would her hand be in this condition?” I stared at him, my lips parting, but I couldn’t form a single word. I had been terrified too. I had almost been assaulted. But he hadn’t asked if I was okay. He only saw that Natalie had been hurt because of me, and he had already decided that I was the one who deserved the blame. During our freshman year, a group of older boys had cornered me in an alley behind the school. Logan had pulled me behind his back, his expression deadly cold as he warned them to back off. When he walked me home that evening, he had draped his school blazer over my head. Don’t worry. Next time you have to walk home in the dark, call me first. I had cherished that promise for years. But now, when real danger had actually found me, he stood before me and only wanted to know why I was dragging others down with me. I looked down at the dark bruises forming on my wrists. Suddenly, I didn’t even have the strength to defend myself. By the next morning, the news had already spread through school. At first, people simply asked me what had happened in the alley. But as the day went on, the rumors twisted into something unrecognizable. Some said I was fooling around with a stranger in the dark. Some said Natalie had nearly ruined her portfolio showcase just to save me from my own mess. Others claimed that I had been emotionally unstable since the breakup, which was why I had caused such a scene. I tried to explain the truth. But everyone I spoke to looked at me with pitying, skeptical eyes. The more I tried to clear my name, the more guilt-ridden I appeared to them. Before noon, my homeroom teacher called me into her office. She poured me a cup of warm water, her voice incredibly gentle. “Autumn, I know you went through a terrible scare last night. But Natalie’s portfolio showcase is next week, and the school is counting on her results.” I kept my eyes glued to the paper cup. The steam rose in lazy spirals, blurring the worksheets on her desk. She continued, “For the next few days, please don’t make any public statements about the rumors. Let’s wait until her showcase is over before we clear everything up.” “And what about the things people are saying about me right now?” I asked. The office fell quiet. She sighed softly. “Summer will be over soon, Autumn. People forget things quickly.” A bitter laugh threatened to bubble up in my throat. Because I was the one taking the damage, I could afford to wait. Because Natalie was the one who needed protection, not a single risk could be taken on her behalf. After leaving the office, I went to the hospital. Natalie was leaning against the pillows, her hand wrapped in a thick layer of white gauze. Her eyes welled with tears the moment she saw me. “Autumn, I’m so sorry.” I stood by the doorway, refusing to take another step into the room. Her voice was barely audible. “I didn’t know the rumors would get this bad. My mom and the teachers said we can’t afford any distractions right now. I promise I’ll explain everything the moment my showcase is finished.” “And what about the meantime?” I asked. She lowered her head, looking at her lap. “Can you just bear with it for a little while? Please?” I looked at her, suddenly unable to tell if her tears were from genuine guilt, or if she was simply terrified that my reputation might drag down her golden future. Just then, Logan pushed the door open. Almost instinctively, he stepped in front of Natalie’s bed, shielding her in a quiet, natural gesture of protection. It was a subtle movement, but to me, it was sharper than any spoken word of favoritism. He looked at me, his tone almost calm. “Autumn, let’s leave things as they are for now. Natalie has her showcase next week, and the school can’t have any negative press. Don’t rush to make excuses. Once she’s done, I’ll help you explain.” “And what about me?” I asked quietly. He went quiet for a few seconds. “You’ve always been the strong one, Autumn.” When those words landed, the last of my feelings went entirely numb. It didn’t hurt anymore. I didn’t want to cry. It was as if some vital thread inside me had finally snapped clean in two. When I returned home, the prep books were still spread across my desk. I closed them, one by one. The mistake journals filled with my handwriting, the study schedules, the reference books Logan had lent me over the years—I packed every single item into a cardboard box. In the end, the only things I left out were my ID card and my admission letter to Austin State. My mother stood beside me, helping me fold my clothes. Halfway through, her hands stopped. “Are you really not going to look back?” I pulled the zipper of my suitcase shut. “No.” The next morning, my father drove me to the airport. During the entire ride, he didn’t mention Logan once. It was only when we reached the curb and he lifted my bags out of the trunk that he looked at me, his eyes filled with quiet concern. “Call us the moment you land.” I nodded. My mother pulled me into a tight embrace. She didn’t say a word, but I could feel her shoulders trembling slightly against mine. As I walked into the terminal, my phone began to vibrate incessantly in my pocket. Logan’s name flashed on the screen, call after call. I didn’t answer. Then came the flood of texts. Where are you? Autumn, come back. Let’s talk. Don’t just disappear on me again. Looking at that last line, a faint smile touched my lips. Even now, he still thought I was just throwing a tantrum. He still believed that once I was done crying in some dark corner, I would quietly crawl back to him on my own. As the boarding announcement echoed through the terminal, I deleted his text thread. Waiting in the boarding line, my mind drifted back to the afternoon of our high school graduation. He had carried my backpack for me, standing by the school gates. The warm summer sunlight had painted his shoulders in gold. See you in Boston next year, he had said. I had nodded so hard my neck hurt, truly believing that was our future. But now, I pulled my carry-on forward. I wasn’t heading to Boston. And I certainly wasn’t heading to him. The gate agent took my boarding pass with a warm smile. “Have a safe flight.” “Thank you,” I murmured. Right before I stepped onto the jet bridge, my phone buzzed one last time. It was a message from my mother. Logan just came to the house. He saw the box of prep books you left behind. He asked me if you really didn’t want any of those books anymore. I stared at the screen for a few seconds, then shut it off. I stepped into the cabin. This time, I didn’t look back.
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