The day my acceptance letter arrived, I finally realized—I was the only one heading to the West Coast. Back when we were filling out applications, Ethan told me, “Amanda applied to the same school. The three of us will go together. We’ll look out for each other.” I believed him. Growing up, my dad always thought I was too independent. My stepmom, on the other hand, constantly shielded Amanda. And my brother Noah never called me anything but “Summer,” though he always called Amanda “sis.” My birthdays were forgotten. My room was cleared out. Even when I pulled straight A’s, all my dad would say was, “Don’t put too much pressure on Amanda.” Only Ethan, when I was left out in the cold, said he’d always stand behind me. In the family group chat, Noah sent an excited voice message, “Now Amanda and Ethan can be together every day!” I stared at the screenshots of their two matching acceptance letters, and my eyes stung. Outside the study, Amanda asked softly, “Do you think Summer will be mad at you?” Ethan was quiet for a moment. “She’s strong. She’ll figure it out on her own.” “I’ll stay here and take care of you first. Once you’re settled, I’ll explain it to her.” Strong? Holding that letter to the West Coast, it suddenly hit me—maybe the West Coast wasn’t such a bad idea. At least no one could ignore me there anymore. I didn’t open the study door. Their voices drifted out. “But what if Summer actually gets angry?” Ethan’s voice was utterly certain. “She won’t. Once I explain, she won’t stay mad. She’s always been like that.” Right. Always been like that. Because I cared, I never dared to actually get angry when they hurt me. So even when my birthday was forgotten, even when I had to give up my room, even when I was told my good grades were just me pressuring Amanda—I never let myself get angry. I thought Ethan was different. So I held on even tighter. But in the end, they tricked me into changing my application. The two of them went to the same school, leaving me to go to the West Coast alone. I turned around, went back to my room, and tucked the acceptance letter into my backpack. Then I pulled out a Specialized Training Program confirmation form. Back in senior year, my homeroom teacher handed me the materials and said it was a joint training project between the university and a western research base. The early stages involved closed training at the base, with follow-up research. Project location and personnel files were only disclosed to the program team and authorized contacts. I hadn’t planned on joining. I gave it up willingly because of one sentence from Ethan—that he wanted to go to the same university I did. But I didn’t need to now. When I got back to my room, Amanda was crouched in front of my closet, organizing clothes. She hung one of her dresses in the slot I used most. My old desk was covered with her university acceptance letter and the checklist Ethan had made for her. She saw me, her hand still resting on the closet door. “Summer, you’re back.” “Mom said since you’re leaving for the West Coast soon, your room would just be empty. I figured with the university close by, it’d be convenient to come back on weekends to study, so I just put a few things here first…” I didn’t say anything. I just looked at her. That desk. My dad built it with his own hands for my tenth birthday. He worked late that night, cut his finger on a screw, and still grinned as he patted my head. “Our Summer’s going to university someday. She’ll have lots of books. Needs a big desk.” After my mom died, what I dreaded most was someone asking, “Where’s your mom?” In third grade, a classmate called me a kid nobody wanted and threw my backpack in the trash. I hid in a bathroom stall, crying, too scared to go back to class. It was Ethan who grabbed my backpack for me and chased those kids away. He was only ten, too. The back of his hand got scratched and bled, but he stood in front of me, fierce and defiant. Later, my dad came to get me and bought two hot chocolates. I asked him through tears, “Dad, since I don’t have a mom, does nobody like me?” My dad stroked my hair and said, “Who told you that? You have a dad. Dad will always like Summer.” I drank that hot chocolate so happily. But later, both my dad and Ethan forgot the things they’d said. One found me a stepmother, the other gave his affection to my stepmother’s daughter. “Summer?” Amanda said my name again, her eyes slightly red. “Are you upset? I can take my things away if you want…” Her mouth said that, but her hand never left my closet. My dad walked in with a plate of fruit. He saw Amanda standing by my closet and immediately frowned. “Summer, are you giving Amanda attitude again?” I looked at him. “I didn’t say anything.” “You didn’t have to.” My dad set the fruit plate down. “That face of yours is scary enough. Amanda’s timid. Stop always making her feel like an outsider.” “An outsider.” Those three words should have been for Amanda. But over the past four years, the one who really felt like an outsider was always me. Amanda had been in our house four years and still called my dad “Mr. Wilson.” The more she acted like a guest, the more desperately my dad tried to prove this family didn’t shortchange her. Deborah walked in to smooth things over. “Honey, don’t talk to Summer like that. She’s been without a mom since she was little. It’s normal she’s a little stubborn.” “Summer, Amanda’s just putting a few things here for now. You’re the kindest. Just give way a little for her, okay? She just got into university. She’s already nervous. Don’t let family stuff affect her mood.” There it was again. She always sounded like she was speaking up for me, yet somehow turned me into the unreasonable one. I was tired. “Got it,” I said. “She can put whatever she wants.” “That’s more like it.” My dad didn’t ask about my acceptance letter. Didn’t ask about the West Coast. Didn’t ask if I was scared, going so far away all alone. Because they’d long since decided the answers for me. Summer isn’t scared. Summer can handle it. Summer should give way. I pulled open a drawer and took out the training program confirmation form. [Confirm early check-in. Please keep communication open for seven days and await your designated assembly notice.] I pressed confirm. [Summer, your early check-in application has been submitted.] Amanda was still discussing with my dad whether to put a new storage bin next to my desk. My dad nodded. “Fine. Summer’s going to the West Coast anyway. Won’t be back much.” I smiled a little. Right. Won’t be back much. Then I just won’t come back at all.
At dinner, Noah came running in from the living room clutching his toy truck. “Sis!” But he ran right past me and threw himself into Amanda’s arms. “Amanda! Summer! Ethan says he’s taking you to see the university!” Amanda smiled and pinched his cheek. “You want to come too?” “Yeah!” Noah was five now, my dad and Deborah’s kid. When he first learned to talk, my dad taught him to call me “sis.” But he always called Amanda “sis” and me “Summer.” My dad just smiled and said, “He’s still little. Give him time.” Years passed. He still called me by my name. I knew he’d never really seen me as his sister. My dad cut a piece of grilled chicken breast and put it in Amanda’s bowl. “Amanda, you’ve lost weight lately. Eat more. When school starts and you’re in the city, if your allowance isn’t enough, just tell Dad.” Amanda immediately shook her head. “Mr. Wilson, I don’t need that much. I’ll budget carefully.” Deborah sighed. “This girl. Just too considerate for her own good.” I stared down at my rice, remembering freshman year. My dad had taped my awards up in the most visible spot in the living room, telling everyone who visited, “My daughter. Straight A’s.” Then Amanda transferred in. She failed her first monthly exam and hid in her room crying for ages. Deborah sighed in the living room, “Amanda’s already so sensitive, and Summer is so outstanding. Two girls under the same roof, comparisons are inevitable.” Day one, my dad took my awards down. Day two, he told me, “Summer, it’s good you do well, but don’t always bring it up. And don’t put too much pressure on your sister.” I hadn’t said a single word. Getting good grades had become a sin. “Summer.” My dad suddenly called my name. I looked up, thinking maybe, finally, he would ask one thing about the West Coast. He frowned. “Amanda was talking to you. Didn’t you hear?” Amanda quickly waved her hand. “Summer was probably just thinking about the West Coast. She didn’t mean to ignore me.” “What’s there to think about?” My dad’s face was cold. “You think you’re so capable? You filled out your own application, you go to your own school. Don’t act like the whole family owes you something.” I had filled out the West Coast school myself. Ethan was right next to me when I did it. He filled out the same one, turned his screen toward me, and said, “Summer, don’t be scared. The three of us will look out for each other.” I found out later that was a screenshot taken before he submitted. When he submitted, he’d changed it back to the university near home. “Summer.” Ethan was also at dinner tonight. His voice was very soft. “I’ll help you look over the West Coast paperwork again.” “Look over what?” I asked. He fell silent. Amanda looked down. “Summer, I’m sorry. It’s all because of me… I really can’t handle the climate there, and I’m scared I won’t be able to do anything right on my own.” I looked at her. She had never filled out the West Coast school from the start. “Amanda.” Ethan frowned. “It’s not your fault.” “But Summer going alone… it makes me really sad too.” Her eyes reddened. “Ethan, maybe you should still go with Summer. I’ll be fine in the city by myself.” My dad immediately set down his knife and fork. “Absolutely not.” Deborah also hurriedly spoke up. “Amanda’s health is fragile. I’m not comfortable with her in the city alone, let alone the West Coast.” She turned. “Ethan, it’s Amanda’s first time living in a dorm. Your schools are close. Help her out with dorm stuff, keep an eye on her.” Ethan said nothing. He just accepted it. I thought about my last birthday. They said the family was too busy, they’d make it up on the weekend. Amanda said she’d accidentally picked up my cake order—a strawberry cake with her name on it now. I sat alone in my unlit room. Ethan climbed through the window and brought me a tiny cream cake. Scrawled on it, crooked letters, [Summer.] He said, “It’s okay if everyone else forgot. I remembered.” I cried so hard. He wiped my tears and said, “Summer, from now on, I’ll always stand behind you.” I guess words like “always” really can’t be trusted. After dinner, Ethan followed me to the balcony. “Summer, did you hear something?” I leaned against the doorframe, not looking at him. “What do you think?” “I didn’t mean to lie to you.” “Then what were you doing?” “I just…” He paused a long time. “Amanda needs someone to look after her more than you do.” I lifted my head. “So?” “So I’m staying in the city with her. That doesn’t mean I don’t want you. You go to the West Coast first. When you graduate, we’ll still—” “Still get married?” I finished for him. “Ethan, what do you think my four years of university are?” “I didn’t—” “You did.” I looked at him, word by word. “You thought I would just wait for you. Wait for you to finish taking care of Amanda. Wait for you to finally remember that you still had a Summer standing behind you.” From outside the balcony, Deborah’s voice suddenly rang out. “Amanda, what are you doing standing there? You’re so pale. Are you feeling unwell again?”
Amanda stood in the doorway. Tears instantly streamed down her face. “Summer, I never meant to steal Ethan away.” Ethan immediately spun around. “Amanda, don’t cry.” Amanda had just lifted a hand to wipe her tears when Deborah already stepped in front of her, shielding her. I hadn’t done anything. She cried, and I became the one who made her cry. Deborah wrapped an arm around her. “Summer, Amanda already feels terrible enough. Why do you have to push her like this?” My dad didn’t ask what happened. He just asked me, “Summer, what exactly do you want?” The people who lied to me were them. Yet somehow, I was the one who’d done wrong. But I didn’t want to ask anymore. In this house, no one was going to give me answers anyway. I turned and walked back to my room. As I closed the door, Ethan called after me. “Summer, wait for me to come back. I’ll explain everything properly.” I didn’t look back. I didn’t need explanations anymore. The next morning, my dad knocked on my door. I was stuffing the last few books into my suitcase. He looked at the suitcase and frowned. “What are you doing?” “Early check-in.” “Early check-in?” My dad let out a scoff. “Had a meltdown yesterday, and now you’re running away from home?” “It’s not running away. The school notified me.” “Don’t use the school to pressure me.” My dad walked in and nudged the edge of the suitcase with his foot. “Summer, you’re the older sister. You should act like it. Amanda and Noah are both younger than you. What’s the big deal about giving way for them a little?” I looked up at him. “Amanda is only two months younger than me.” “So what? She grew up struggling with her mom. She’s more sensitive than you.” “And me?” “You’ve had me raising you since you were little. You’ve never lacked food or clothing. What do you have to complain about?” I didn’t say anything more. But my dad seemed provoked by my silence. “Stop always putting on this victim act. Your mom passed away early. I raised you with my own two hands, and I gave you a whole family. What more could you possibly be unsatisfied with?” “A whole family?” I finally spoke. “Dad, do you really feel like this place is my home?” “What’s that supposed to mean?” My voice was very soft. “If this counts as a home, then I guess I really don’t know how to be satisfied.” My dad raised his hand, about to strike me. “Uncle Wilson.” Ethan stepped between me and my dad. “If she wants to check in early, that’s her choice. Don’t push her.” In that instant, it was like seeing the Ethan from when we were little. The one who would stand in front of me and say no one was allowed to bully me. But the next second, Amanda suddenly cried out from the living room. Deborah’s panicked voice followed, “Amanda can’t breathe! Her anxiety is acting up again!” Ethan’s face changed completely. He rushed out.
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