Five years of marriage, yet my wife never let me touch her. It wasn’t until she left me in the emergency room to pick up her true love at the airport that I finally understood. She was saving herself for her ideal man. And I was just a substitute, a toy she could discard at will. I gave up, choosing to let them be together. But my wife grabbed my clothes, kneeling on the ground, refusing to let go. “You said you’d love me for a lifetime,” she pleaded. My girlfriend was lying on the couch, editing photos on her phone. As I walked by, I accidentally caught a glimpse of a picture of her with her ideal lover. The two of them were wearing matching outfits, cuddling together, looking like the perfect couple in love. My heart instantly turned cold. In our five years of marriage, forget about matching outfits – she wouldn’t even walk next to me in public, saying I was too ugly and embarrassed her. I had a crush on her for four years in college, and we rushed into marriage right after graduation. I knew it was because her ideal lover had abandoned her that day, and I happened to be by her side when she impulsively chose me. Despite this, I still believed that through sincere dedication, I could make her fall in love with me. But now, seeing this photo, I realized it was just my wishful thinking. I confronted her with a dark expression: “Why do you still have this kind of photo with Chris?” To my surprise, she exploded, looking down on me with contempt. “Who told you to look at my phone? This is private, don’t you understand?” Private? After five years of marriage, I just glanced at her phone, and she talks about privacy? Chris was practically kissing her cheek, and she had a big smile on her face. I felt sick. Seeing that I didn’t respond, Mia became even more aggressive. “Chris is now working with our company, and this photo was just for a game. If you don’t believe me, there’s nothing I can do about it.” “People with dirty minds think everything is dirty.” With that, Mia walked away without looking back. In the past, I would have tried to stop her. But today, I didn’t. I was starting to lose hope in her. Did she even believe what she was saying? What kind of game requires matching outfits? And looking at the watch Chris was wearing, it was clearly a couple’s set with hers. Was that part of the game too?
That night, I was negotiating with a client and ended up with an acute gastric perforation. The doctor said I needed a family member to take care of me. In this city, Mia was my only family. It was because of her that I came to this city in the first place. I had no choice but to call her. “Mia, can you come to the hospital to take care of me?” Before I could finish, she coldly interrupted me. “It’s just a photo, and now you’re pretending to be sick to trick me? I’m out right now!” Before she finished speaking, I heard a man’s voice, and then the call was abruptly ended. Looking at the five-second call on my phone, I laughed bitterly, my heart turning cold. I recognized the voice – it was her ideal lover, Chris. I was her husband, drinking myself to the point of gastric perforation just to help her more. Yet she would rather accompany her true love than come to the hospital for me. No wonder in five years of marriage, she wouldn’t let me touch even a finger. She was saving herself for her ideal man. Maybe if I really had an accident, she would be happy. After all, without me as an obstacle, she could openly be with her true love. That night, I spent the most painful night of my life in the operating room. I thought I would be very angry, that my heart would ache. But surprisingly, I felt nothing, not a single emotional fluctuation. I knew this was a sign of falling out of love. Mia could no longer affect my emotions in any way. The doctor saw that I didn’t make a sound during the surgery and couldn’t help but admire me. It wasn’t that I couldn’t feel the pain, it was just that in my state of despair, this little pain was negligible. The day after the surgery, ignoring the doctor’s advice, I forcibly checked out of the hospital. I printed out a divorce agreement downstairs. Lying on the couch, I quietly waited for Mia to come home. 2 It wasn’t until midnight that Mia returned home, drunk and smiling. In five years, I had rarely seen her smile so happily. She could smile and speak softly to others, but to me, she was always cold-faced, speaking in a commanding tone. Seeing me lying on the couch, Mia waved her hand and coldly ordered: “Jack, go get me some water to wash my feet.” Seeing that I didn’t move, Mia’s expression turned colder. “Jack, are you deaf? I’ll say it again, go get me some water to wash my feet.” I had just had surgery on my stomach and couldn’t move easily. I shook my head. “Go get it yourself.” As soon as I spoke, Mia’s eyes turned ice-cold. “You think you’ve grown wings now, daring to disobey me?” Mia sat down opposite me with a mocking expression, reeking of alcohol, her eyes full of disdain. I laughed coldly inside. It seems she had quite a few drinks today, and she was in a good mood. No wonder, two old lovers reuniting. If she had said she wasn’t coming home tonight, I wouldn’t have been surprised. After loving each other for so many years, having dinner, drinking, and maybe rolling in bed to reminisce – not too much to ask, right? I took a deep breath and looked at her calmly. “Mia, let’s get a divorce.” Mia’s expression changed as she looked at me. It wasn’t pleading or reluctance, but shock. “You dare to divorce me?” Her tone was high and mighty, as if speaking to her servant or slave. She couldn’t believe I had the guts. For five years, I had been like a dog, accepting everything she did. When we got married, she refused to serve tea to my parents as a sign of respect. She said she had already served tea to her ideal lover’s parents before, and that she would only do it once in her life. She could only have one set of in-laws in this lifetime. The wedding venue fell silent instantly. It was me who jokingly took the microphone and went along with her wishes. Under my parents’ grim expressions, I served that cup of tea on her behalf. Thinking about it now, I was such an idiot! I handed her the divorce agreement, my expression flat. “Sign it. I’m making way for Chris. From now on, the man of this house will be the one you’ve been dreaming of day and night. You won’t have to face this substitute anymore.” Mia’s face changed, looking a bit flustered. “How did you know? Did you follow me?” “If you had spoken a little quieter on the phone a few days ago, I wouldn’t have heard. And didn’t you go to see him today?” I laughed coldly. Did I need to follow her? A few days ago, they were video calling in the living room, laughing and chatting, completely disregarding my presence. They even openly planned their travel itinerary. It’s really ironic when I think about it. She never went out to eat with me, not even to watch a movie. But for her ideal lover, she could drop all her work just to accompany him properly. Mia fell silent at my questions, her eyes dodging mine. But she quickly regained her composure. “Jack, don’t be delusional. When I married you, you had nothing. Now that you’ve achieved a little success, you want to fly solo? Not a chance. I’ll make sure you leave with nothing, you ungrateful bastard!” I looked at her calmly, my eyes full of disappointment. The year we graduated, because I had a falling out with my parents, I was penniless. Her parents demanded a $50,000 bride price, plus a house and a car. I borrowed from everywhere, but still fell short. Because of this, her parents always looked down on me, thinking I wasn’t good enough for Mia. Mia negotiated with her parents to pay them in installments. I agreed readily, vowing at the time to love her, cherish her, and spoil her for a lifetime. I never expected that after five years of marriage, I still couldn’t warm her heart.
“I can sign the agreement. The company is yours. I came with nothing, and I’ll leave with nothing. Consider it the final punctuation mark for all these years of dedication.” I didn’t want to argue with her anymore. After we got married, to give Mia a better life, I chose to start a business and worked part-time at night. Once the company stabilized, Mia said she wanted to help and asked me to arrange a vice president position for her. I gladly agreed. But she only took a salary, going out shopping with friends every day. It was me who went to entertain clients, drinking until I got a gastric perforation. I personally negotiated all the important projects for the company. Mia knew nothing about the company, no wonder she was worried. If she wanted it, she could have it all. Consider it my closure for these five years of marriage. This way, at least there would be no financial disputes. “Divorce is impossible. You said you’d love me for a lifetime. Are you going back on your word? Don’t you have any feelings for me at all?” Mia suddenly changed her attitude, stepping forward and tearing the divorce agreement to shreds. “What about you? Can you put your hand on your heart and say you have feelings for me?” I asked sarcastically. The room fell silent for a moment. My words had stumped her. Looking at Mia standing there dumbfounded, I felt no ripple in my heart. Five years of marriage, no, nine years of love. How ridiculous. “I’ll print another copy of the divorce agreement. This marriage is over, as far as I’m concerned.” I looked at Mia, then stood up to leave. Perhaps I got up too quickly. A sharp pain shot through my abdomen. I clutched my stomach, staggering and almost falling. Mia frowned slightly and came forward to support me. Seeing me clutching my stomach, pale-faced and sweating profusely, she lifted my shirt despite my protests. The bandage on my abdomen was soaked with blood. I must have torn the wound open with my sudden movement. “You had surgery? Why didn’t you tell me?” Mia asked, shocked. I laughed bitterly. “Didn’t I tell you? Oh right, you were too busy rushing to the airport to pick up your true love to listen to me.” “I… I’ll take you to the hospital,” Mia said, her eyes dodging mine. “No need to trouble you, Ms. Lee. I’ll go myself.” She flinched at my formal address. I used to call her “honey”. Addressing her by her title for the first time signified that she no longer held a place in my heart. “You can’t leave. I won’t allow it,” she said weakly. Hearing her powerless words, I said flatly, “I’m tired. I can’t love you anymore.” “You proposed marriage back then. Today, let me end it.” “Mia, if I could do it all over again, I wouldn’t have attended that graduation party. I wish… I had never met you.” With that, I pushed her away, ignoring her attempt to grab me, and walked out the door. I didn’t have much in this house anyway. I was always an outsider here. Mia would lock the door whether she was sleeping or showering. Who else was in the house besides me? She guarded against me like I was a thief. Was there any point in continuing such a marriage? Once outside, I took a taxi back to the hospital to have my wound restitched. I felt utterly exhausted, so I stayed at the hospital for the night. The doctor was worried about my wound reopening, so he quickly arranged a bed for me. The next day, I went to a small shop outside the hospital to print another copy of the divorce agreement. Just as I was about to go back and end this relationship that had exhausted me for years, I saw a man and a woman approaching, laughing and chatting. They were carrying gifts, as if visiting someone in the hospital. The woman was my wife, Mia, and the man was her ideal lover, Chris.
Of course, I didn’t think they were coming to see me, because Mia had no idea I was in this hospital. Mia was startled when she saw me. She looked flustered and quickly put down what she was carrying, walking up to me. “Honey, why are you here?” Honey? How ridiculous. In five years of marriage, this was the first time she had called me that. Yesterday she was making a fuss about not wanting a divorce, and today she’s laughing and chatting with her ex. The term made me feel sick. “Don’t call me honey. It makes me nauseous,” I said, looking at Mia with disgust. Seeing me, Chris’s face took on a playful expression, like a cat that had stolen some fish. “Hello, I’m Mia’s friend. Nice to meet you.” “Are you here to visit a patient too? Mia insisted on coming with me to see my mom. I told her it was just a fever, but she was so worried.” “Look, she even bought all these gifts.” After speaking, he gave me a smug look. I laughed coldly inside, ignoring him. When I was lying in the hospital unable to even drink a sip of water, I didn’t see Mia come to visit me once. But when her ideal lover’s mother just had a headache and fever, she rushed to visit as if the woman might die any second. How ridiculous. Anyone who didn’t know better would think they were the real family. Mia seemed to remember why I was in the hospital and looked at me with guilt. I sneered, “The divorce isn’t final yet, and you’re already so eager to see your future mother-in-law?” Mia looked at me nervously, “I didn’t… you misunderstood me.” I waved my hand dismissively. “That’s not important.” “Just sign the agreement quickly. We’ll go to the civil affairs office this afternoon. Otherwise, if I leave, you and he won’t be able to be together openly.” Mia’s face changed. “You’re leaving? Where to?” “None of your business!” After coldly saying this, I ignored her and turned to go home to pack, leaving her to do whatever she wanted with her ideal lover. I had very few belongings, just a few changes of clothes and shoes. My only suit was bought for the graduation party. Over the years, although I had earned quite a bit of money, I rarely spent it on myself. It was mostly to please Mia, buying her things to make her smile. For every holiday, anniversary, or birthday, I would prepare a gift for her. But she would always throw them in the trash without even looking, trampling my sincere feelings at will. As I thought about this, I fell asleep on the couch. I was woken by the sound of the door opening. Mia was back. I looked at the time. It was already afternoon. That meant she and her ideal lover had been out playing all day. They might even have been invited to her future mother-in-law’s house. Seeing Mia nervously approach me, I took out the divorce agreement I had signed. “Hurry up. Sign it and we’ll go to the civil affairs office. I don’t want to delay your date.” I said coldly. But Mia suddenly grabbed my clothes, her face pleading. “Jack, let’s not get divorced, okay?” “I know I wasn’t good to you before. I’ll make it up to you.” “I even bought some lingerie. You’ve always wanted children, right? I’ll give you one today.” As she spoke, Mia started to undress. It was the first time I had seen her white body. It was so alluring. The body I had longed for day and night was right in front of me, but I felt no desire at all. In fact, I felt a bit disgusted.
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