Regrets of His Deliberate Distance

1 The corporate dinner was winding down, and only two empty seats remained. One was tucked away in a dimly lit corner. The other was right next to Declan, my secret boyfriend of three years. I took a step forward, but before I could close the distance, Declan called out my best friend’s name. “Sophie, grab this seat.” A collective, knowing “Ooooh” rippled through the table. My phone buzzed immediately. The department group chat was losing its mind. [They look so freaking gorgeous together! Total power couple energy.] [Has the CEO ever actually asked someone to sit next to him? NEVER.] [I’m calling it right now, he is totally into Sophie! I don’t care what anyone says, my ship is sailing!] For the rest of the night, Declan didn’t spare me a single glance. He was too busy keeping up his strict policy of keeping us a secret. When a clumsy waiter spilled scalding hot soup on my hand, Declan didn’t even notice. He was leaning over, casually shielding Sophie’s wine glass from a stray elbow. Staring at my blistering skin, a quiet realization washed over me. I didn’t want to do this anymore. I was utterly exhausted by this life in the shadows. … Running cold water over my burn in the restroom, I checked my phone. Sophie had texted me half an hour ago. [Harper babe, don’t overthink what they’re saying in the chat. You know how people love to gossip. Just ignore them!] I dried my hands with a paper towel and typed back a simple response. [I know.] A minute later, a text from Declan popped up. [Just keeping things strictly professional tonight. Don’t read into it.] My chest tightened as I stared at those words on the screen. A heavy, suffocating knot formed in my throat. Three years at this agency. I couldn’t even count how many team-building retreats, holiday parties, and board meetings we had attended together. But the person sitting next to Declan was always a department head. Or Sophie. Or literally any other employee. Never me. Even on the rare occasions we ended up standing next to each other, he would subtly swap places with someone else. All in the name of keeping up appearances. He would look right past me, deaf to my words, blind to my presence. His intentional distance set the tone for the entire office, turning me into a permanent outcast among my peers. I locked my screen. I didn’t reply. When I returned to the private dining room, the laughter and clinking glasses were deafening. It was as if my absence hadn’t registered at all. Only the sharp, throbbing pain of the blister on my hand served as a reminder of the decision I had just made. As the dinner finally wrapped up, a few coworkers playfully nudged Sophie toward Declan. “Boss, there’s a massive storm warning tonight and Uber is totally surging. It’s not safe for a girl to head home alone. Mind giving Sophie a lift?” Declan didn’t say no. “Sure. Anyone else heading toward Southport?” He asked the question to the room, but his dark eyes were locked directly on me. My breath hitched. Three years ago, I had been followed by a stranger while walking home from the subway. Ever since that night, the thought of navigating dark streets alone left me paralyzed with panic. Declan knew this. It was the reason he started driving me home every single night. I opened my mouth. “I’m heading…” “I can take the others heading south!” Jason from Marketing cut me off, stepping physically in front of me. He grinned at Declan. “You just focus on getting Sophie home safe, boss.” Declan stared at me in silence for a few agonizing seconds before breaking eye contact. He offered Jason a crisp nod. “Appreciate it.” Then he turned on his heel and walked out. When Jason finally asked for my address, his face fell in exaggerated annoyance. “Harper, why didn’t you speak up and say you lived in Southport? It’s past 1 AM. Dropping you off is totally going to take me out of my way. Honestly, you should just get a Lyft.” “It might take a while, but you’ll get one eventually.” I didn’t argue. I just opened my app in silence. Estimated wait time: 53 minutes. The group chat was buzzing again with people announcing they had made it home safely. Then, someone stirred the pot. [Did anyone else notice a certain someone trying so hard to glue herself to Declan’s side tonight? Can’t she read the room? He clearly can’t stand her.] [Right?! If he hadn’t explicitly called Sophie over, Harper totally would have tried to sit there!] [And when he asked if anyone else needed a ride, it was so obvious he just wanted to be alone with Sophie. He was just being polite. Guess the office stalker actually thought she had a chance.] Sophie finally chimed in, playing the peacemaker. [Guys, stop being mean. Declan is just looking out for me because I’m relatively new.] That only fueled the fire. [Please. When that other new girl dropped all her files during a dressing down from her manager, Declan walked right past her without blinking.] [The fact that he never shuts these rumors down says everything. We all know what’s up!] Staring at the screen, I felt nothing but a hollow, freezing numbness. Sophie had applied to this agency because she heard I was being ostracized. She promised she was coming here to have my back. Now, she was the darling of the office. Her only support for me amounted to half-hearted texts telling me not to overthink things, insisting they didn’t mean any harm. When the rumors about Sophie and Declan first started circulating, I brought it up to him. He just told me to focus on my career and stop letting irrelevant office drama distract me. Irrelevant. I guess your feelings are only irrelevant to the people who don’t actually care about you. The biting wind whipped against my face, stinging my cheeks. I opened my company portal, drafted my letter of resignation, and hit submit. If I was done with him, there was no reason to keep torturing myself in that toxic building. It was nearly 2 AM by the time a driver finally accepted my ride. When I unlocked the front door, Declan stood up from the living room sofa. “Why didn’t you just say you were heading my way? I could have easily driven you back.” He sounded so casual, so completely oblivious. I wanted to scream. I wanted to ask if he was entirely blind to the way his employees actively talked over me just to set him up with another woman. I wanted to ask why he couldn’t just use his own voice to offer me a ride. But the words turned to ash in my mouth. I swallowed them down. “I forgot,” I said quietly. As I stepped into the light, I froze. He was wearing the silk pajamas I had bought for us months ago. Declan had flat-out refused to wear them. He hated the idea of matching couple’s outfits, claiming it was risky in case a coworker ever dropped by unannounced. A tiny, pathetic spark of hope fluttered in my chest. “I thought you hated matching sets,” I murmured. Declan opened his mouth to reply, but the bathroom door clicked open. Sophie stepped out, toweling her hair. She was wearing the matching women’s set. “I made him put it on!” she said, her face lighting up with a bright, innocent smile. “The his-and-hers bundle was on sale online, but I couldn’t tell if the men’s size would fit. So I asked Declan to model it for me.” The expression on my face shattered. That pathetic little spark in my chest was snuffed out, replaced by a cold, hollow vacuum. For a split second, I actually thought he had seen my resignation email. I thought he put the pajamas on to win me back, to finally stop hiding us. But it was just for Sophie. She walked up to him, sizing up the fit. “Yeah, the men’s top would definitely swallow me whole. Never mind, I guess I won’t order them. I don’t even have a boyfriend, so it’s not like anyone else could wear it.” She sounded so disappointed. Declan stepped in without missing a beat. “Just take this set with you.” Sophie’s eyes widened in delight. “Are you serious?” Declan’s face was completely relaxed. A faint, easy smile played on his lips. “Yeah. Harper never wears hers anyway. They’re just taking up space in the closet.” I stood there staring at the hardwood floor, my hands balling into tight fists, my nails digging into my palms until the pain grounded me. Then, I let go. He was right. They were taking up space. What was the point of wearing half of a couple’s set? So they sat in the dark, gathering dust. I used to hold onto the fantasy that one day, he would finally tell the world about us. That one day, we could wear them together, laughing over Sunday morning coffee. Instead, I got to watch him give our matching clothes to another woman. “Take them,” I heard my own voice say. It sounded foreign, entirely devoid of emotion. “I have no use for them.” Sophie practically did a happy dance. “Harper, you are an absolute angel!” “Oh, by the way,” she added, batting her eyelashes. “This storm is supposed to last for a few days, and I’m terrified of the thunder in my awful apartment. Can I crash here for a bit? I promise I won’t stay long!” I slipped off my shoes and walked toward the guest room. “Do whatever you want.” I was leaving anyway. She could move in permanently for all I cared. Later that night, the bedroom was pitch black. Declan’s voice suddenly cut through the heavy silence. “Why are you being so quiet today?” “Usually, if I try to throw away any of your random couple stuff, you pitch a fit.” I squeezed my eyes shut. My entire body went rigid. When we first started dating, I was completely head-over-heels. I bought matching everything. Coffee mugs, memory foam slippers, umbrellas, engraved fountain pens for the office. I wanted our lives intertwined in every possible way. The very next morning, Declan took his matching pen to work and gave it away as a random prize during a team meeting. Someone in the office noticed it was identical to the one I used. By noon, I was secretly branded as the “delulu groupie” who copied everything the CEO bought. I became the office punchline overnight. What broke my heart wasn’t that he disliked the items. It was that instead of just communicating with me, he chose the most publicly humiliating way to get rid of them. After that, his paranoia about being discovered went into overdrive. He wouldn’t even step into the same elevator with me. I had been so hurt, giving him the silent treatment for days. To make it up to me, Declan unlocked the heavy oak door of his private wine cellar. He pointed to an entire wall of dusty, pristine bottles. He told me every single bottle there was a vintage from the year I was born. Priceless. Irreplaceable. And he promised they would only be uncorked on our wedding day. For years, I clung to that memory. I convinced myself that Declan’s love was just quiet, buried under layers of corporate stoicism. I thought he simply didn’t know how to express his feelings. But watching him tonight, watching him eagerly shield Sophie from a spilled drink, watching him casually play dress-up to make her smile… I finally understood. When a man loves you, he doesn’t need to say a word. You can see it in his eyes, in his every action. And when a man forces himself to play a part, the disguise is just as obvious. My voice was flat, perfectly steady. “I told you. I have no use for them.” “If they’re useless, I don’t care who gets them.” Declan didn’t reply. The silence stretched on until morning. The next day at the office, the breakroom was buzzing. A crowd of women had Sophie cornered by the espresso machine. “Sophie, that selfie you posted last night was definitely not taken in your dingy bathroom! Oh my god, did you stay at his place?” “You totally slept at the boss’s penthouse!” “Wait, those pajamas you were wearing in the pic… I swear I’ve seen them in a couple’s catalog. Holy crap, you guys are moving fast!” “I freaking told you he was into her! Remember when he personally walked her around on her first day? It was giving major ‘don’t mess with my girl’ energy.” “And a few days ago, when you got dizzy from low blood sugar? The very next day, HR magically announced a new catered afternoon snack budget!” My hand froze on the breakroom door handle. That afternoon, I had been skipping lunch to help Sophie fix a massive spreadsheet error she made. By 3 PM, I was seeing stars. I completely blacked out and collapsed right there in the breakroom. Declan had been walking by. Instead of catching me, he stepped right over my legs to grab Sophie, who had merely stumbled backward in shock. The sheer panic in his eyes hadn’t been faked. When I confronted him that night, shaking with anger, his excuse was ready. “You have me. Sophie doesn’t have anyone looking out for her. If she busted her lip on company property, it would be a massive liability for me.” “I was only looking out for her because she’s your best friend. Really, Harper? You’re jealous of your own best friend?” I let go of the door handle and walked away. I couldn’t stomach the sound of their giggling anymore. Halfway down the hall, Jason from HR came sprinting out of the elevator, completely out of breath. “Listen up, people! I come bearing the juiciest gossip of the century!” “I think the boss is getting married!” “I literally just walked past his office and heard him on the phone ordering a custom diamond ring!” The squeals echoing around Sophie reached a fever pitch. “Sophie! You sneaky genius, you’re getting a ring!” Jason cleared his throat dramatically. “Wait, there’s more! News item number two!” “He just approved an emergency promotion. Word on the street is it’s someone from your team.” The crowd lost their collective minds. “Who else could it possibly be!” “I’m calling you Mrs. Boss from now on, I swear to God!” Sophie flushed a deep, pretty pink. “Stop it, guys, we don’t know for sure. Harper has been here way longer than me.” I didn’t stick around to hear the rest of their baseless theories. Diane, the HR Manager, had received my resignation email and called me into her glass-walled office. “Harper, you’re one of our strongest players. Your analytics, your project management, everything is top tier. Why the sudden exit?” I kept my gaze fixed on my lap. “Diane, that promotion he just approved… was it mine?” She went perfectly still. The silence was deafening. “I’ve been grinding here for three years. People who started the exact same day as me are senior directors now. I’m the only one still rotting at the bottom.” Every single year, HR submitted my name for a promotion. Every single year, Declan found some microscopic, ridiculous excuse to kill it. Diane frowned, leaning across her desk. “Harper, did you do something to offend him? Honestly, maybe you should just go apologize.” A bitter, fractured smile crossed my face. I hadn’t offended him. I had just made the catastrophic mistake of loving him in secret. Diane sighed, reading the finality in my eyes. “Entry-level resignations don’t strictly require executive sign-off. If you’re absolutely sure about this, I’ll process the paperwork right now.” An hour later, Declan called an emergency all-hands meeting. His face was a mask of cold fury. “The analytics report submitted by Team Two yesterday was a disaster. The client found three catastrophic data errors before the presentation even started.” His dark eyes snapped up, landing dead center on me. “Harper, that’s your team, isn’t it?” “If you can’t handle the responsibilities of an acting team lead, I’ll find someone who can. You’re docked a month’s pay, and Sophie will be taking over your position immediately.” A smug murmur ran through the room. A few coworkers shot Sophie triumphant, knowing looks. I didn’t look at them. I just stared blindly at the projection screen on the wall. Sophie and I had pulled an all-nighter fixing that exact spreadsheet. And Declan knew for a fact that the specific dataset in question belonged exclusively to Sophie. My fingernails dug crescent moons into my palms. The last remaining shred of warmth I held for him vanished, leaving nothing but ice. She makes the mistake. I take the bullet. And he uses my corpse as a stepping stone to promote her. A quiet, self-deprecating laugh escaped my lips. It was almost poetic. Declan caught the smile. His brow furrowed in irritation, but he didn’t say anything until the room cleared out. He ordered me to stay behind. Once the door clicked shut, he leaned against the mahogany table. “I know Sophie was the one who initially mishandled the data. But when a subordinate fails, it reflects a failure in leadership. You were supposed to be reviewing her work.” “Do you have a problem with the demotion?” My expression was carved from stone. I gave him my best customer-service voice. “None at all. I trust your judgment completely, sir.” The crease between his brows deepened. He looked like he wanted to argue, but finding no resistance, he just waved a hand dismissively, signaling me to leave. The moment I stepped out of the conference room, Sophie practically ambushed me. She was holding a tray of iced matcha lattes. “Harper! I saved this one just for you.” I gently pushed her hand away. “No thanks.” Her bottom lip instantly jutted out in a picture-perfect pout. “Are you… are you mad at me about the promotion? Harper, it was the CEO’s call. I didn’t ask for this. I have absolutely no control over his executive decisions.” My face remained blank. “I’m not mad. Executive decisions have nothing to do with entry-level employees.” My tone was clipped, strictly professional. But to Sophie, it must have sounded like a declaration of war. Her eyes instantly welled up with glossy tears. “How can you say you’re not mad?” “You won’t even drink the latte I bought you! You hate me!” The vultures descended immediately. The surrounding cubicles emptied out as our coworkers rushed to her defense. “What is your problem, Harper? Are you seriously that jealous?” “She bought drinks for the entire floor to celebrate, and she specifically made sure to save you one! Stop being such an ungrateful bitch.” “Ignore her, Sophie. She’s just pissed because she’s totally incompetent. There’s a reason the boss has refused to promote her for three straight years!” “Honestly, she’s still holding onto that creepy stalker phase from years ago. Declan probably despises her, and she’s just been clinging to this job like a parasite.” The vicious, hateful words rained down on me, suffocating and relentless. I took a slow, deep breath, forcing my heart rate down. “I declined the drink because I have a severe allergy to matcha.” “And for the record, I haven’t said a single negative word about your promotion. Have I?” Sophie froze. The latte trembled in her hand, spilling slightly over the plastic lid. A single tear rolled down her cheek. “Oh my god, Harper, I’m so sorry. I… I totally forgot you were allergic.” Seeing her cry was the final straw for the office mob. A senior designer stepped up, glaring at me with pure venom. “Who the hell do you think you are, talking to her with that kind of attitude? So you have an allergy, big deal. You couldn’t just say ‘no thank you’ like a normal human being?” “We all know exactly why you’re being a psycho. You’re insanely jealous that the boss actually cares about Sophie, and you’re losing your mind because he’s about to propose to her.” Three years. Three years of hiding in stairwells, of pretending not to know the man I slept next to every night, of swallowing every insult, every slight, every joke at my expense. The dam broke. Without thinking, I reached into my pocket, pulled out the plain silver band, and shoved it onto my left ring finger, holding my hand up for the entire floor to see. “Declan is my boyfriend! Why the hell would I be jealous of her?” Dead silence dropped over the bullpen. For five agonizing seconds, no one breathed. Then, someone snorted. A hysterical ripple of laughter tore through the room. “Holy shit, she has completely lost her mind! She actually thinks she’s dating the CEO?” “Someone call HR, this has to cross the line into actual harassment. Did you seriously go buy yourself a fake ring?” Furious, my blood boiling, I spun around to storm into Declan’s office to drag him out by his tie. But I didn’t have to. The heavy glass door swung open, and Declan stepped out, his face like thunder. I marched right up to him, staring dead into his eyes. “Tell them, Declan. Tell them right now.” “What exactly is our relationship?” He stared at me, his jaw clenching. The silence stretched tight as a wire. Behind me, the whispers started up again. “Wait… he isn’t shutting her down. Oh my god, is she telling the truth?” “Then what the hell has been going on with him and Sophie?” Hearing the panic in their voices, seeing the potential PR disaster unfolding before his eyes, Declan’s gaze hardened into obsidian. His voice rang out, freezing the air in the room. “Our relationship?” “We are strictly professional. You are my subordinate. Nothing more.” “Harper, spreading malicious rumors about executive staff and publicly disrespecting your team lead is a severe violation of company policy. You are suspended for seven days without pay.” I stared at the man I had loved for three years. Looking at the sheer, unyielding ice in his eyes, my heart simply stopped beating for him. The love died right there on the carpet. I let out a soft, broken laugh. I reached over, gripped the silver band on my finger, and yanked it off. It hit the floor with a hollow clink. “We are totally, permanently done.” Declan’s fingers twitched at his sides. He took a half-step forward, but violently checked himself, rooting his feet to the ground. My words only fueled the office’s disgust. “The man literally just denied knowing her, and she’s trying to frame it like a breakup?” Someone mimicked my voice in a cruel, high-pitched whine. “We are permanently done. God, the cringe is lethal.” “If he was dating anyone, it would look exactly like how he treats Sophie. Look at him, he stepped in the second Harper started bullying her.” “Harper, seek professional help. Go obsess over someone in your own league.” The bullpen erupted into cruel, mocking laughter. I didn’t say another word. I didn’t look at a single one of them. I just walked back to my desk, pulled a cardboard box from underneath, and methodically packed my things. Seven days was far too short of a suspension, Declan. Because you are never seeing me again. From the glass balcony on the second floor, Declan watched me walk out the front doors of the building. He pulled out his phone. He typed out an apology text, deleted it. Typed another, deleted it again. By the time the office cleared out at 5 PM, he still hadn’t hit send. When he unlocked the door to his penthouse and found it completely empty, a cold prickle of unease finally hit him. He frowned, opening my contact to send a quick, authoritative message demanding to know where I was. A bright red exclamation mark popped up. Message failed. You have been blocked by this user. When Sophie found out, she put on her best impression of a victimized saint. “Do you think Harper is actually mad about what happened today? I mean, she was being completely irrational.” “And now that the rumor about you buying an engagement ring is out… why does she have to be so aggressive and ruin everyone’s mood?” Declan frowned, rubbing his temples. He remembered the dead, hollow look in my eyes when I walked out of the office. A wave of genuine panic flared in his chest, but he forced it down, masking it with his usual arrogance. “She’s just throwing a tantrum over the demotion. Whatever. When her suspension is up, I’ll just promote her to keep her quiet.” But seven days came and went. The deadline passed, and my desk remained empty. Losing his patience, Declan marched down to the HR department and demanded Diane call me. Diane stared at him, bewildered. “Promote her? Boss, she’s gone.”

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