I was always secretly watching him from the corner. When I learned he had kidney disease, I got tested as a match right away and prayed he would be safe. When he was finally discharged, he gave me a burning hug, and it was truly warm. The diary I had hidden on the second shelf of the bookcase was exposed to everyone by his girlfriend. Ethan Blackwood looked at me with disgust. “You freak, fantasizing about someone of the same sex. You’re disgusting. Get lost!” He thought I was filthy, evil, and in need of corrective treatment, so he personally sent me to a conversion center. My six years scattered with one gust of wind. The day I left the conversion center, the sun was bright, and someone with dirty blood did not deserve to live in this world. At my funeral, he held my gravestone and sobbed. He begged to spend the rest of our lives together in the next life. This year was the sixth year since we met. He was the illegitimate son despised by his family. I was just an orphan. Even so, we still built an empire, and we even reorganized and acquired the Blackwood family’s shares. I also became his capable assistant and private secretary. Mrs. Blackwood praised us for being so close and took me in as her godson, and he became my brother in name. Ethan Blackwood finally became a business titan. I thought everything was going smoothly until the physical exam. He was diagnosed with kidney failure. “You can look into what conditions require a kidney transplant.” I directed them to do the matching tests and prayed he would be safe. Maybe God blessed us, because we were not related by blood, but our compatibility was extremely high, so I donated one kidney. The surgery went smoothly, and there was no rejection. On the day he was discharged, his eyes were red as he hugged me. Our bodies were pressed tightly together, and I could smell the clean sandalwood scent on him. But his girlfriend raised my secret crush diary. In front of everyone, she read it aloud. I pressed my lips together, lowered my head, and did not dare look at his reaction. “Everyone thinks these two are as close as brothers, but Caleb Hayes is a freak!” “I never thought we could merge together. My kidney inside his body counts as us being inseparable too.” Ethan’s pupils shook in shock. The scar on the right side of my waist still throbbed faintly. His kidney… intimately merged… All the relatives present frowned and moved away in disgust. They were afraid of touching the filthy me. Lily Monroe questioned me with tears in her eyes. “I finally understand why you didn’t agree to our wedding. This is your reason!” “No…” I tried to argue and wanted to snatch the diary back, because it was not like that… I had always buried this feeling deep in my heart. She held the diary and dodged backward, deliberately falling down the stairs. I wanted to pull her back. I saw the malicious and reckless smile on her face. She fell heavily onto the stairs, and her forehead hit the handrail, leaving a bruise. Ethan ran downstairs and picked her up in his arms. I grabbed his clothes and tried to explain, but I only touched a bit of his skin. Ethan shoved me away violently. I hit the stair railing, and my back hurt so badly, but my heart hurt even more. “You freak, fantasizing about someone of the same sex. You’re disgusting. Get lost!” He ordered his assistant to send me to a conversion center so they could wash the filthy things out of my brain and blood. A black car came to take me away. I watched one heavy, rotten iron gate after another close behind me. The treating doctor showed me a video. Ethan proposed to Lily in the hospital room and put a diamond ring on her finger. The plain and simple hospital room had been decorated beautifully, and the diamond ring on her hand sparkled too. What a beautiful proposal ceremony. The image changed, and I saw Ethan wearing a smile that came from the bottom of his heart before he signed his name on the consent form. Voluntarily accepting treatment.
“Congratulations. I hope we won’t meet again, and you must not disclose the contents of our treatment.” Dr. Warren sent me to the entrance. Just like the day I arrived, the same black car was still at the gate. He had come. Fragmented sunlight shone through the trees and fell on him, draping him in a layer of golden gauze and softening his features. At six feet tall, with handsome features, he attracted attention just by standing there. I stood at the gate with the diary Dr. Warren had returned to me. Watching him walk toward me, I could not help hunching my shoulders and backing away. That was daily life in the conversion center. Every day, Dr. Warren would hold Ethan’s photo and ask me over and over, “Do you still love him?” Whether I answered or stayed silent, I would suffer electric shocks. As long as I moved, they shocked me. For an entire year, I lay on a cold bed and endured electric currents. The piercing electricity felt like dense needles. It kept stabbing me. It hurt so much, and I was afraid to see him… Dr. Warren stood beside me with terrifying eyes. “Remember not to make mistakes again, or we will have to meet again.” I walked toward Ethan, unable to breathe. I watched the rotten iron gate, marked by time, slowly close. This was hell, and I could not wait to escape. “Get in.” Ethan took the initiative to open the passenger door. “Thank you.” I carefully opened the back seat door and looked out the window while holding my notebook. Every time I saw Ethan, I remembered that dark life of electric shocks. I could not help keeping my distance from him. “You… how have you been this past year?” His gaze came through the rearview mirror. He saw the diary in my hands. “All of this is already in the past. I heard from the doctor that your reform went very well.” I could feel the disgust in his gaze gathering on this diary. But this diary was full of my feelings for him. “Mm.” I turned my head and looked at the scenery outside the window. My knuckles turned slightly white as I gripped the diary. “I don’t want to see that diary.” That was right. This diary was full of my fantasies about him, full of surging love. He thought I was something filthy… even my blood was dirty. I put the diary in the trunk. I watched the route on the GPS become more and more familiar, and the black car stopped in the garage of the Blackwood family villa. Looking at the place that was still familiar, it seemed like nothing had changed. “I want to go home.” I bit my lip and resisted. She had read the diary aloud, and I did not dare look Mrs. Blackwood in the eyes at all. Mrs. Blackwood had cared for me and said I was her godson, but I had secretly hidden those thoughts. “This is your home.” Ethan opened the car door. He stood in front of me, and the distance between us was close, so I could still smell the fresh sandalwood scent. His eyes only held me, and with just one movement, my heart fell into chaos. The time of treatment echoed in my mind like a movie playing in reverse. To resist the electric shocks, I could only submit. Yet this heart still beat for him. The evening wind brushed my face. Remembering Dr. Warren’s creepy smile, I reined in my thoughts and got out of the car. The round table was covered with food. Mrs. Blackwood greeted me cheerfully. “I cooked a whole table of food myself.” Looking at the food that looked excellent, I had just wanted to praise it. But the door suddenly opened. Lily and a young girl walked in hand in hand, smiling. The atmosphere was strange. It felt more like a trap. I did not know this extra girl. Mrs. Blackwood pulled me over and made us sit on the same sofa. I understood.
“Caleb, you and Jenna are such a good match.” The girl Mrs. Blackwood introduced to me. “Yes, a handsome man and a beautiful woman.” Ethan also chimed in. They echoed each other. His words were like steel needles piercing my heart and stomping it underfoot, and broken, unbearable pain swept over me. Yet their gazes were all full of expectation. My whole body stiffened, and my fingers could not help trembling. “Let’s eat. You young people should spend more time together and go for a walk.” Lily held Ethan’s hand and acted coquettishly. The workload had increased recently. The sounds around me became like surround sound. Mrs. Blackwood put food into my bowl. “People have to get married and have children when they reach a certain age. Getting married, having children, and continuing the bloodline seemed to be the ultimate goal of all humans. When you reached a certain age, you had to complete the corresponding task, or you were a defective person. … When I was at the conversion center. I had also stubbornly talked back. “Do people really have to get married? There can be true love between people of the same sex too.” Dr. Warren sneered. “As a man, you should stand tall and upright. Liking the same sex is filthy by nature. Your blood and brain are hiding dirty things, so let me help you wash them clean.” He made a treatment plan for me. He locked me in a small room with only half a window for ventilation, and every day, they kept throwing feces and urine inside. The walls of the once-white room were covered in stains, and flies flew everywhere. I was locked up for a full week. I collapsed on the floor, my clothes covered in stains, feces, and urine. I was afraid of that kind of life. I had never been trampled under someone’s feet and had my dignity crushed. Only if I behaved well could I avoid being tortured. I gave in. “Mrs. Blackwood, you’re right.” I could clearly see Mrs. Blackwood relax. Yes, they all liked hearing me answer like this. When we first met. Jenna Lewis chattered and asked me many questions. She also poured me several glasses of wine. I lay dizzily on the sofa to rest, and my mind was still a little detached, but I could hear them chatting. I listened to them laugh and gossip. “Lily, that’s so nice. When are you holding the wedding? I’m so jealous you get to marry Mr. Blackwood, but I heard there’s a friend by his side who’s madly in love with him. Now you don’t only have to guard against women, but also men…” The faint drunkenness vanished instantly. I pressed my lips together and carefully eavesdropped. Maybe it was because of the alcohol, but their conversation was open and bold. “I also heard that Mr. Blackwood once fed him medicine, and he even wrote it in his diary! Now I really have to ask the person involved. What does it feel like when a man does that to you? Do your fingers go all tingly?” Her voice was full of malicious amusement. When I turned my head, I could see Lily propping up her arm and looking at me provocatively. “It’s getting late. Go home.” Ethan’s face was dark as he ordered Lily to see the guest out. He grabbed my arm and dragged me upstairs. We entered the study.
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