I had been married to Jack Wilson for ten years, but we had long since been living separate lives. He was deeply in love with his secretary, while I had my own string of young lovers. I thought this was how our lives would continue indefinitely. Until I met a young man who touched my heart. He didn’t care about my money – he just wanted to marry me. I was moved. I went home and asked Jack for a divorce. That night, Jack smashed everything in the house. He grabbed me by the throat and snarled viciously: “Who gave you permission to take this seriously?!” I was dozing on the couch late one evening when the doorbell rang. I shuffled over in my slippers to open the door. Jack stumbled in, reeking of alcohol. His young secretary was struggling to support him. When she looked up at me, her eyes flashed with disdain even as she flipped her bangs coyly. “Rachel, Mr. Wilson had too much to drink so I brought him home,” she said. She emphasized the words “I brought him” before continuing in a wifely tone: “Rachel, why don’t you make some hangover soup for Mr. Wilson? But don’t add any longan – he doesn’t like that.” She gave a shy smile. “He always wants it when he’s hungover in the morning.” I had to stifle a laugh. This fresh college graduate’s attempts to mark her territory were so clumsy that I couldn’t even be bothered to spar with her. I took Jack from her arms and said coolly: “Alright, thank you. Do you need me to call you a cab home?” “Jack is so careless, making such a pretty young girl bring him home. Aren’t you worried about going back alone? It could be dangerous.” Olivia’s face fell and she said nothing. I couldn’t be bothered to engage further. I closed the door and kicked Jack, who was slumped on the couch. “Alright, you can stop pretending now.” Jack didn’t open his eyes, but his voice was completely sober: “Thanks. She’s been clingy lately, always talking about marriage. I figured I’d give her the cold shoulder for a while.” I said nothing. Olivia was different from the others. Over the years Jack and I had lived our separate lives, with women coming and going from his side. The longest any had stayed was three months. He was a born playboy, never willing to settle down with one person for long. At the time, I thought I would be the exception. But just three years into our marriage, he was already unable to resist the temptations outside. This Olivia was different though – she had been with him for two years now. It was clear Jack truly cared for her. With anyone else, he would have moved on long ago. But this time he was just trying to cool things off a bit. He clearly couldn’t bear to let her go. In the past, I probably would have been crying and screaming, utterly heartbroken. Now I just said emotionlessly: “Jack, let’s get a divorce.” Jack cracked open an eye to look at me and snorted. “Rachel, what’s gotten into you now? Didn’t we agree to live our own lives? What are you on about?” He rolled onto his side, long legs curled up on the carpet, and reached out halfheartedly to take my hand. “I was wrong tonight, okay? I shouldn’t have let her bring me home. She’s young and naive, don’t hold it against her.” I pulled my hand away and took out a divorce agreement from the coffee table drawer, placing it in front of him. “I’m serious. I’ve met someone.”
Jack finally deigned to open his eyes fully. But he still had that lazy, contemptuous look, as if certain I was just acting out again. He picked up the divorce agreement and flipped through it casually, but his expression slowly froze. I leaned over to look, worried he wouldn’t understand. “We have 17 properties in total, including the ones in Australia and America. I had them appraised – I’ll take 8, you take 9. As for the company, I have a 22% stake. You can buy me out at market price if you want. The rest isn’t worth much, we can each keep our own things. What do you think? If it’s not okay I can have a lawyer revise it.” Jack slowly sat up straight. That lazy demeanor vanished in an instant, his whole being radiating pressure once again. “Rachel.” He looked up at me, a cold glint flashing behind his wire-rimmed glasses. Jack’s eyes were a pale color, especially under the lights. When he stared at someone, there was an inhuman indifference in his gaze. “You’re serious?” Of course I was serious. I had brought up divorce before, but that was years ago. Back then, to try to get Jack to change his ways, I had cried and screamed and threatened suicide. I had tried everything. But this time, I truly wanted a divorce. “Rachel, what is it you want this time?” Jack tossed the agreement onto the coffee table in frustration. “Olivia won’t affect your status. Why can’t you just accept her?!” He thought I was making a fuss over Olivia. And it’s true, when I first found out about Olivia, I had thrown some major tantrums. The worst time, I smashed everything in the house. I sat amidst the wreckage with my hair wild, like a madwoman, threatening to slit my wrists with broken porcelain if he didn’t break things off with Olivia. It was useless. He stayed with her anyway. I shook my head. I really had been such a lovesick fool back then. So pathetically desperate, I wanted to go back in time and slap some sense into my worthless self. “It’s not about her this time,” I said, meeting Jack’s eyes. I gave a slightly embarrassed smile. “It’s that young guy I’ve been seeing. He’s insisting on marrying me, won’t take no for an answer. I just can’t say no to him.”
It was rare to see such a blank expression on Jack’s face. After a moment, his expression finally darkened. “Rachel, I’ve already said Olivia won’t affect your position. There’s no need to be so stubborn about this.” He still didn’t believe me. I almost wanted to laugh bitterly. “How about this – you can have a larger share of the assets. The villa in Australia can be yours too. My side is in a rush, so let’s consider it compensation for emotional damages.” Jack stared at me for a while, as if trying to determine if I was really serious this time. He narrowed his eyes, his expression suddenly inscrutable. “Is it that young guy who drove you home last time?” I nodded. Ethan had dropped me off at home once and Jack had seen him. Ethan had even smiled and greeted Jack, calling him “sir”. At the time, Jack’s expression had been a bit stiff, but he hadn’t said anything. After all, the open relationship had been his idea in the first place. He had been actively living that way for years, so he really had no right to object. Thinking of Ethan, I couldn’t help but smile. Today at the beach, he had taken out a ring. The diamond was at least one carat. But compared to my other jewelry, it was actually quite modest in size. I thought it might be fake and didn’t pay much attention. But he knelt down in front of me very seriously: “The ring is a bit small, please don’t mind. I bought it with money from my part-time job. I was going to save up more, but I just couldn’t wait any longer. Rachel, divorce him and marry me.” Most proposals are “Will you marry me?” But he came right out with “Divorce your husband and marry me.” I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. I was about to brush it off casually when Ethan grabbed my hand and wouldn’t let go. The sea breeze carried a crisp, moist scent. His black hair was plastered to his fair forehead with sweat, his eyes shining with pure light that reflected my entire being. The young man’s love burned fiercely like a fire, heedless of time or place, with the courage to consume everything. In that moment, I was suddenly infected by his courage too. A voice appeared in my heart. It was my own voice. I’m already 29. I’ve been entangled with Jack for 9 years. How many more 9-year periods do I have left in my life? Am I going to keep living like this for the next few decades? The wind howled past, waves crashing against the rocks on shore, spraying snow-white foam. After a long while, I heard my own voice. “Okay.”
To be honest, I started regretting it as soon as I got home. After being with Jack for so many years, even just dividing up our assets would be a very complicated affair. For both of us, it would be a painful ordeal. That’s why all these years we had tacitly agreed to live our separate lives, but never actually brought up divorce. But remembering Ethan’s eyes, I felt a secret excitement and reckless sense of liberation in my heart again. Perhaps it was time to start a new life. “Kids, you know,” I smiled. “Always acting on impulse. If I don’t agree he’ll just get upset again. You understand, right?” I looked at Jack. “Isn’t Olivia the same way?” Jack’s brows lowered, revealing a hint of gloom he couldn’t hide. “Rachel, you’re really serious about this?” Admitting I was serious about a guy 8 years younger than me wasn’t something I could easily say out loud. But I still nodded. “Ethan is different from the others.” Jack had once said those exact words to me, when I demanded to know why he had to be with Olivia: “Olivia is different from the others.” His “others” of course included me. I never thought I’d be saying those words back to him now. Jack paused, a storm of emotions gathering in his eyes. His fingers slowly clenched, knuckles turning white. He sneered, “Rachel, you’re really regressing. What can some snot-nosed kid give you?” He jerked his chin at the coat I had carelessly tossed on the couch behind me. “Could he afford even one of your coats with a year’s salary?” That wasn’t untrue. Over the years, although Jack’s heart hadn’t been with me, he had still been very generous materially. I could use his credit cards freely. I didn’t even need to go look at new luxury items myself – the store managers would bring models to try things on for me at home. No wonder Olivia was so desperate to secure her position. The life of a rich man’s wife truly was decadent and luxurious. I touched the unremarkable diamond ring on my hand. It was from an average brand, with average clarity and an average setting. The kind of thing that would never even appear in my jewelry box. But I liked it more than all the others. “It’s fine, I don’t care about those things.” Jack had clearly noticed the ring on my hand too. The engagement ring he had bought me was a 7 million dollar pigeon egg diamond, dazzlingly opulent. He had it specially shipped from Hong Kong. I had always been too afraid to wear it, so I bought a cheaper pair of matching rings for us to wear instead. But after those first few good years passed, we started living separate lives. Or rather, he unilaterally grew tired of me. He stopped wearing his ring, because the young girls outside didn’t like it. During one of our countless fights, I yanked off that ring and threw it as hard as I could. Afterwards, that ring was never found again. My hand remained bare until now. I repeated, “Jack, let’s get divorced.” He paused for a moment, then suddenly lunged forward! The coffee table crashed to the floor, the vase shattering with a crisp sound. I was startled, but he grabbed me by the throat! Jack leaned in close, his eyes full of viciousness. “Rachel,” his voice lost its usual coolness for the first time, “Who gave you permission to be serious?!”
I was shocked, then shoved him away forcefully. “What the hell is wrong with you?!” I complained, rubbing my neck. “Why are you suddenly going crazy?!” Jack stumbled but caught himself. He picked up the agreement: “I’m going crazy?! Do you have any idea how much property we’d have to split up if we divorced? Just that villa you mentioned is worth $120 million! You’re willing to give up all that money for divorce – is that guy really so important to you?!” I thought for a moment, then nodded. “Yes.” It wasn’t that I was blinded by love. Mainly, half of our assets was already more than enough for me to live comfortably for several lifetimes. Why should I stay trapped in this relationship for money I couldn’t even spend? I had thought it through. Even if it wasn’t for Ethan, I didn’t want to keep torturing each other with Jack anymore. Jack clutched the divorce agreement tightly, crumpling the thick stack of papers in his grip. He had always been good at hiding his emotions. In the past, no matter how hysterically I screamed and cried, he would just watch coldly without revealing a hint of feeling. But now he seemed truly furious. His face was dark with anger – I could even see the red veins in his eyes. Just when I thought he might actually hit me, Jack suddenly took a deep breath. He pushed up his glasses, bit down on his back teeth, and regained his usual rational demeanor. But his eyes were heavy, emotions unreadable. “Rachel,” he tore the agreement to shreds and tossed it aside. “If you want a divorce, keep dreaming.” … Jack stormed out, probably to find Olivia. I lay back on the couch alone, covering my eyes with my arm. A message came from Ethan. “Did you talk to him about the divorce? Did he give you a hard time?” I didn’t reply. I didn’t know how to respond. I suddenly felt very tired. How did we end up like this? In the beginning, Jack and I had been so deeply in love. Back then he had no money. After work we’d be starving, but we’d scrape together enough to buy one order of cold noodles to share. He’d swallow hard and push it towards me: “You eat it.” I refused, and we kept pushing it back and forth. In the end we each started from one end, slowly eating towards the middle. He stuffed the last bit of topping into my mouth. When we got married, he was as excited as Ethan is now. Back then he didn’t even have as much money as Ethan. The diamond was so tiny, like the ring Tom gave to the goddess – you needed a magnifying glass to see the stone. He held me close. The young man’s body temperature was so high, I broke out in a sweat. He said: “Rachel, I’ll be good to you for the rest of my life.” Of course I believed him. We were so in love then, we thought growing old together was the most natural thing in the world. It was only later that I realized, the human heart is the most fickle thing of all. In that moment, Jack probably truly meant to be good to me for life. Later, he also truly wanted to be good to others. In our third year of marriage, he came home smelling of Chanel No. 5 perfume that hadn’t yet faded. Tears immediately fell from my eyes as I demanded to know what was going on. He held me and swore up and down that he had just been entertaining clients at a karaoke bar, that the scent had rubbed off. He absolutely hadn’t been unfaithful to me. I believed him. Then it happened a second time. A third time. He slowly lost patience and stopped trying to placate me. He just irritably pushed me away: “Men have to socialize for work, what can I do? Can you stop being so unreasonable!” Later, he got together with Olivia. She was a girl who looked a bit like me, but much younger. Fresh out of college, full of youthful energy. He had made an exception to hire her. Jack started staying out night after night. I knew he was tired of me. With such a young, vibrant body available, why would he come back to sleep next to me? My heart slowly burned to ashes, night after agonizing night. So when he said to me: “Rachel, I think we should try an open relationship. You can go out and find whoever you want, I won’t interfere. And you don’t interfere with me. Of course, I won’t let anyone outside threaten your position. How about it?” I looked at Jack. The man before me didn’t have even a trace of the boy I once knew. That boy who would squat with me at the subway entrance to share a roll of cold noodles was just my imagination, I suppose. The years hadn’t killed him. They had simply revealed his true nature. A nature I had never seen clearly before. After a long while, I closed my eyes. “Okay.” Meeting Ethan was an accident. At the time, I was trying to get revenge on Jack by using his money to hire male models every night. That day I was drunk out of my mind. The manager had sent over five batches of models but I hadn’t liked any of them. Irritated, I stumbled to the bathroom.
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