The Catfish They Never Expected

During the heaviest year of my life, I dropped from three hundred and thirty pounds down to a lean hundred and forty-five, all for a girl I had only ever known through a screen. When I finally worked up the courage to send her my very first unfiltered selfie, my usually reserved, aloof online girlfriend turned unexpectedly clingy overnight, keeping me on the phone for three straight hours just to hear me breathe. Then, the following afternoon, I stumbled across a trending post on our university forum. [You guys won’t believe this—my whale of a cousin is catfish-scamming people, and his target happens to be the exact girl I’ve been in love with for years!] [Last night, she was showing off her gorgeous new long-distance boyfriend to our lab group. I was crushed until I looked at the details: aside from that absurdly handsome, obviously stolen picture, every single piece of biographical info matched my three-hundred-pound pig of a cousin!] The comments section was losing its mind, with everyone egging the original poster on to expose the fraud immediately. The poster declined. [Exposing him online is boring.] [I’m putting together a dinner so they can meet face-to-face. You guys have no idea how repulsive he is—so bloated his facial features literally sink into his neck. She’s going to be so traumatized she’ll never date online again!] [And once she sees the truth… well, that’s when I make my move.] Just as I was about to swipe away, my phone buzzed in my palm. It was a text from Chad, my cousin, who hadn’t reached out in over a year. [I’m flying back to the States tomorrow! Dinner’s on me—you have to come, okay?~] 01. The moment the notification flashed, my fingers trembled. Before I could even process a response, I was added to a group chat titled [Welcome Home, Chad]. The member count ticked upward. Then I saw a profile picture that made my breath catch in my throat. Enid. My girlfriend of a year and a half. We had met on an academic research board. Through strict calorie deficits, exhausting gym sessions, and brutal paper revisions, whenever my mental health bottomed out, she had been the one sitting on the other end of a call, helping me refine dozens of research proposals. I gripped my phone until my knuckles turned white. The forum post was Chad’s doing. In the group chat, someone quickly recognized her. [Enid is coming too? Chad, your pull is insane!] [I heard Enid is practically impossible to pull away from her lab abroad, and Chad gets her to show up the second he lands.] Chad sent a bashful emoji. [Don’t start rumors, guys. She’s just helping welcome me home.] Then he deliberately tagged my handle. [Jesse, you’re the one I want to see most. You absolutely have to make it!] Enid, who had stayed silent until now, suddenly typed a single message. [Jesse?] The group chat went dead quiet. Chad acted as if he had just realized something. [Enid, you know my cousin?] Enid replied almost instantly. [He’s my boyfriend.] Four words. The chat exploded into a flurry of question marks. A couple of my old high school classmates surfaced. [Jesse Albright? Online dating?] [Wait, THE Jesse Albright we went to school with?] My chest tightened. For three years of high school, whenever I stepped into a classroom, conversations would drop to a muffled hush, followed by deliberate, performative snickers. When I sat down, they joked about structural failure in the chair legs. When I ate lunch, they asked if the trough was refilled. When we ran track, they jogged behind me, mocking my ragged, gasping breaths. And Chad, my golden-boy cousin, had always stood right at the center of the crowd, smiling beatifically as he “defended” me. “Come on, guys, don’t talk about my cousin like that. He’s just a little heavy.” “Though, Jesse, you really should eat less. Everyone’s just looking out for your health.” It took me years to realize that he wasn’t saving me; he was savoring my humiliation. The more pathetic and cornered I looked, the more radiant and saintly he appeared by comparison. Chad sent a voice note directly into the chat. “Oh wow… so the gorgeous boyfriend Enid mentioned last night was our Jesse? I honestly can’t believe it.” He sent a hand-over-mouth laughing emoji. “I mean, the Jesse I remember doesn’t exactly match the photo Enid showed us. I’m not trying to stir the pot, of course. I just don’t want her expectations to be through the roof. It’s better to be mentally prepared.” Nausea rolled through my stomach as I read those words. Brody chimed in immediately. He had been Chad’s most loyal shadow throughout high school. [Not matching? Bro, they’re not even the same species.] [People need to be careful with online dating nowadays. You never know what kind of monster is hiding behind the screen!] Chad replied with a breezy laugh. “All right, people change. Who knows, maybe Jesse had a miraculous glow-up!” My fingers hovered over the keyboard, ready to tell them that the photo was unedited, unfiltered, and entirely me. Then a private direct message from Enid popped up. [I had no idea you knew the junior from my research group.] [Jesse, it really is a small world.] The tightness in my chest eased slightly at her words. I typed three words in return. [See you tomorrow.] I locked my phone and looked up into the bathroom mirror. The reflection staring back was a young man with broad shoulders, a sharp jawline, pale skin, and eyes sparked with a cold, focused anger. Striking. Unapologetic. This time, I wasn’t running. 02. The next morning, Brody began bombing my inbox. [So you’re really the one catfishing Chad’s senior lab partner?] I didn’t reply. Brody persisted, relentless in his arrogance. [You used to be quiet, Albright. When did you learn to steal photos and scam girls? Have some shame.] [Real talk: Chad’s had feelings for her forever. You don’t stand a chance.] [Back in high school, your cousin was a swan, and you were a bloated slab of deli meat. You really think you can compete with him?] [If you show up and traumatize the poor girl so badly she has nightmares about being crushed by three hundred pounds of lard, that’s on your conscience!] I stared at the glowing screen. The old memories clawed their way back up. Brody had always been Chad’s favorite attack dog. Whenever I lagged during track, he would dramatically clutch his ribs as I passed. “Holy shit, I thought a truck was hitting me! That mass would shatter my bones!” The whole class had roared with laughter, the gym teacher included. When I went to buy standard uniform sizes, the clerk told me they might not have anything wide enough. Brody had held his stomach, laughing until he cried: “Hey, look! Jesse’s bursting out of the fabric! Is that even a human body shape?” Back then, I didn’t know how to fight back. I could only hang my head and let their cruelty wash over me. Things were different now. Since he was so convinced I was a catfish living behind stolen photos, tonight was going to be an unforgettable performance. I tapped out a brief reply. [Then make sure you look closely tonight.] That afternoon, I visited an upscale styling studio I’d booked in advance. As the stylist shaped my hair, he kept catching my eye in the mirror. “You have incredible bone structure,” he noted with genuine admiration. “You don’t usually dress up, do you?” I offered a faint smile. He selected a tailored black suit for me—clean lines, an impeccably sharp cut, tapering neatly at the waist. When I walked back into my dorm room, my roommate, Jonah, was chewing an apple over his research notes. He looked up, and the apple dropped straight onto the rug. Jonah sucked in a sharp breath. “Jesse… dressed like that, are you going to a runway or committing a homicide?” I adjusted my tie in front of the full-length mirror. “I’m going to meet my girlfriend.” Jonah blinked twice, scanning me from head to toe. “No.” “You look like you’re going to tear down an empire.” I smiled quietly, not bothering to correct him. My phone vibrated. Chad was actively updating his forum thread. [If he chickens out, she’ll know he’s a fraud.] [If he actually shows up, the private dining room I booked is on the third floor with no elevator.] [With his physique, he’ll be wheezing for half an hour just getting up the stairs. The footage of him dripping with sweat is going to be cinematic gold!] The comments beneath were feral with anticipation. [OP knows how to deliver drama! I want to see the beast tackle the stairs!] [Three hundred pounds climbing three flights? I’m suffocating just imagining it.] [Cousin is doomed. Total social execution incoming tonight.] Chad replied cheerfully. [Good drama is meant to be shared. I’ll livestream the whole thing for you guys~] I locked my screen, a cold smirk touching my lips. The bigger the circus he built, the better. 03. Six-thirty in the evening. The group chat was doing a headcount. Aside from me, every single person had arrived early. When I tapped into Chad’s livestream link, his voice boomed through the speakers, calling out to a server. “Excuse me, could you bring in a couple more chairs?” The server sounded confused. “Sir, I believe there are enough seats for your reservation.” Chad sighed theatrically into his phone. “My cousin hasn’t arrived yet, and his build is… unique. I’m worried one chair won’t be comfortable for him, and honestly, I’m worried your furniture might not survive it either.” A burst of stifled laughter rippled through the private dining room. Brody covered his mouth, snickering. “Chad, you are entirely too considerate.” Enid’s voice cut through the noise, cool and sharp. “My boyfriend is lean.” “That won’t be an issue.” Chad’s smile faltered for a fraction of a second on camera. Quickly, he put on an expression of deep, reluctant concern. “Enid, I really didn’t want to say this out loud. But seeing how much faith you have in him, I just can’t watch you get hurt.” Enid looked at him directly. “What are you trying to say?” Chad bit his lower lip, playing the reluctant martyr. “Jesse lied to you. He looks nothing like that picture.” “He used to be well over three hundred pounds. So heavy you couldn’t even see his jawline.” “You took this relationship seriously, and he manipulated your emotions with stolen pictures. It’s disgusting.” Enid’s gaze turned icy. “Do you have proof?” Brody immediately jumped in. “Of course we do!” He pulled out our high school graduation album on his tablet, zooming in with a red marker circled around a figure. In the very back row, I was wedged into a corner, my uniform strained against my frame. “Look. That’s Jesse Albright.” “That selfie he sent you is obviously airbrushed to death or stolen from an influencer.” “During high school physicals, the scale nearly broke when he stepped on it. You think somebody transforms into a male model out of thin air?” Chad feigned mild reproach. “Brody, don’t be so harsh. If you scare Jesse off and he doesn’t show up, I’m holding you responsible!” He turned back to the room with a sigh. “Lying is wrong, but it’s the first time someone’s ever liked him. It’s understandable if he can’t face his true self.” Brody barked a laugh. “Chad, you’re way too soft. He’s a total catfish. I bet he doesn’t even have the guts to walk through that door!” “Don’t believe me? Enid, text him right now. See if he dares to answer!” Listening to the arrogant mockery bleeding through the livestream, I tightened my grip on the door handle outside. My phone chimed. A message from Enid. [Jesse, do you want me to come down and meet you?] I typed back calmly. [No need.] [Just wait for me.] Inside the room, Brody smirked knowingly. “See? Told you. He won’t let you go down because he’s terrified of being seen!” “I’ll put it on the record right now: if he actually dares to walk through that door, I will literally drop to my knees and bow to him!” Chad took a sip of water, masking the triumphant smirk curling at the edge of his mouth. He adjusted the phone stand, angling the camera lens directly at the dining room entrance. “Don’t worry, everyone,” Chad murmured softly to the thousands watching his stream. “The legendary boyfriend will be here any second.” 04. As I stepped out of the ride, Jonah frantically sent a series of screenshots to my phone. “Jesse, look at the university forum! Are they talking about you?!” The screenshots were anonymous submissions blowing up the campus boards. [Sightseeing post: Word on the street is that a guy named Jesse Albright from our department is a 330lb catfish gigolo who preys on senior girls!] [How does someone with zero integrity get nominated for the Hudson University exchange fellowship? Don’t humiliate our school abroad!] [Livestream link attached below. Viewer discretion advised if you’re eating.] I frowned. The viewers from Chad’s livestream had already doxxed my name, major, and department. Seconds later, my academic advisor called. His tone was grave. “Jesse, where are you right now?” “The department received a formal misconduct complaint against you. The committee requires an immediate written explanation.” “This is escalating fast. If public sentiment turns toxic, your Hudson exchange fellowship might be temporarily frozen for ethical review.” I saved every single screenshot, checked the time on my watch. Seven fifty-five. Five minutes to eight. Chad didn’t just want to embarrass me. He wanted to destroy my academic future, my reputation, and my dignity in one calculated strike. If he wanted a public spectacle, I would give him an absolute massacre. My polished leather oxfords struck the wooden staircase, steady and rhythmic, climbing upward. A few patrons waiting in the lobby glanced up and froze, their eyes tracking me in stunned silence. The restaurant manager happened to walk out from the office, visibly stopping in his tracks. “Good evening, sir… are you a lifestyle influencer doing a promo?” he asked, blinking. “We’re running a media campaign today. If you’re willing to tag our venue on social media, I can comp your entire meal.” A sharp, humorless smile touched my lips. “No.” “I have a dinner reservation.” “Do me a favor—make sure the hallway and doorway security footage from the third floor is saved tonight. I may need the raw files later.” The manager nodded blankly, thoroughly dazzled. Meanwhile, Chad’s livestream viewer count had surged past a hundred thousand. The live chat scrolled at dizzying speed. [Where is the whale?] [Streamer, keep the camera steady! I’ve been waiting half an hour for this trainwreck!] [LMAO what if he literally can’t make it up the stairs? Three flights—they might need a freight elevator!] Inside the private room, Chad’s voice was laced with poorly disguised excitement. “It’s almost eight. I wonder what’s keeping Jesse.” Brody sneered beside him. “Maybe the stairwell was too narrow and he got wedged between the banisters!” Laughter erupted across the table. Enid’s voice dropped to absolute zero. “Enough. All of you.” Chad immediately forced tears into his eyes. “Enid, you’re defending him now, but when you see him in person, you’re the one who’s going to be humiliated.” “His face is a lie. How do you know the research papers and insights he shared with you on the forums weren’t plagiarized too?” “He might be scamming other people for all we know. As his cousin, I have a moral duty to stop him from hurting anyone else!” Brody applauded loudly. “Chad, your integrity is incredible! If you don’t strip his mask off today, someone else will fall victim tomorrow. When a three-hundred-pound nobody finally lands a beautiful girl, you think he won’t bleed her dry?” I stood just outside the heavy wooden door, listening to the unfiltered cruelty echoing from within. The live chat was counting down in unison. “Ten!” “Nine!” “Eight!” Chad’s eyes gleamed with manic triumph. “If Jesse doesn’t walk through this door in five seconds, I will post his graduation photo, his fake selfies, and his chat logs directly to the university-wide portal!” “Let the whole campus decide whether he’s a scammer or not!” The countdown swelled to a deafening crescendo. “Three.” “Two.” “One.” At the exact final beat of their cheer, I pushed the door open.

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