The Kleptomaniac Mother-in-Law

As my wife’s due date approached, my mother-in-law, Linda, came to stay with us to help during the postpartum recovery period. In less than a week, our newly bought toiletries were almost gone. Two lunch boxes disappeared, and twelve packs of tissues vanished. Even the new underwear I bought for my wife went missing! Watching our home gradually being emptied, I felt exhausted. “Honey, did you know your mom had this habit?” I asked my wife, Sophia. “Honey, where did you put the toothbrushes that were in the organizer? I can’t find them anywhere,” I asked, puzzled. This morning, I noticed my toothbrush was frayed and decided to replace it. However, I couldn’t find any new ones no matter where I looked. Sophia and I usually keep extra household items at home. I remember buying five toothbrushes at the supermarket just two weeks ago for future use. Sophia had used one recently, and Linda took one when she arrived. There should have been three left. Sophia walked over with a bun in her hand, peering into the organizer. “I put the toothbrushes right here. Can’t you see them?” I shook my head. “Are you sure you didn’t misplace them?” Sophia shot me an annoyed look. “I’m not that old to be forgetful!” She turned to ask her mother, “Mom, have you seen them?” Linda continued ladling porridge without pausing. “No, I haven’t seen any toothbrushes.” I had to rush to work, but I gave Linda a suspicious glance before quickly finishing breakfast and heading out. Ever since my mother-in-law arrived, I spent most of my time either searching for things or on my way to search for things. That afternoon, after a meeting, I received a message from Sophia: [Pick me up after work. We need to go grocery shopping. We’re out of tissues, laundry detergent, and body wash. Also, let’s buy two more cases of milk. I feel off if I don’t have milk every day (mischievous emoji)] I thought for a moment and asked her, [Honey, don’t you think a lot of things have gone missing from our house lately?] Last week, when I wanted to bring lunch to work, I discovered that the lunch boxes we bought less than two months ago had vanished. There were many similar incidents. One day, we had a cabinet full of tissues, and two days later, only six packs remained. On the day Linda arrived, we still had over two-thirds of our toiletries left. In just three days, they were almost gone. Usually, these supplies would last Sophia and me for at least a month. Unless she was drinking the body wash! The most ridiculous thing was that the underwear I carefully selected for Sophia on Amazon disappeared after being washed and hung on the balcony… When I asked Linda about it, she looked bewildered: “I didn’t see anything. The wind has been strong these past couple of days. Maybe they blew away?” I believe Sophia had noticed these strange occurrences in our home too, but she didn’t want to think about it too much. [It’s normal for things to be used up faster with an extra person in the house.] With less than a month until the due date, I didn’t want to cause any unpleasantness with my wife over this issue. So I simply replied: [Maybe you’re right.] Little did I know, this was just the beginning.

I stared at Linda with a grim expression. “I clearly remember the lucky charm was on the table yesterday. How come it’s gone today?” Our company evaluates employees’ performance annually, with one promotion opportunity. The previous supervisor had been promoted to department manager, and I was now the leader of the first team, competing with the leaders of the second and third teams for the supervisor position. In previous evaluations, my performance and abilities stood out compared to the other two. Colleagues were quietly saying the supervisor position was practically mine. However, nothing was certain until the very end. The boss called me into his office for a chat, hinting that the higher-ups favored me. If I could secure this cooperation deal, the supervisor position would be mine. Currently, I earn about $3,000 a month including bonuses. As a supervisor, my salary would increase by $500. Not only would the work be easier, but our quality of life would also improve. Recently, I’ve been running around non-stop trying to complete the task assigned by the boss. The potential partner was a tough nut to crack. I camped outside their office for ten whole days before finally meeting the project manager. I prepared a stack of documents, explaining the project’s construction process, our company’s advantages, and past case studies. After listening, the manager only said, “We’ll consider it.” Anyone who’s worked in an office knows that this official response usually means “you’re out of luck.” Having been in the workforce for so many years, I relied on my tenacity as an “unkillable cockroach.” After spending time and money, I finally found out that the manager’s child was sick. His wife was superstitious and went to the temple every day at dawn to pray for their child’s successful surgery and good health. So I took an overnight high-speed train to a famous temple in a nearby city to get a lucky charm. I originally planned to give this as a gift to the manager, but when I woke up today, the lucky charm I had placed on the table was gone! Linda defended herself: “I didn’t see any lucky charm. I just came in to clean the room and left.” Sophia knew how important this was and tried to persuade her mother: “Mom, if you took it, please return it now. This lucky charm is crucial for James’s work.” Even though we had made it so clear, Linda still insisted she hadn’t taken it. “Why would I take your lucky charm? It’s not like it’s worth much. If I wanted one, couldn’t I just go to a temple myself? I’m here taking care of you, and you treat me like a thief. I must have owed you in a past life!” Sophia seemed to believe her mother a bit and hesitantly said, “James, let’s look around some more. My mom really has no use for this thing.” Frustrated, I went back to the bedroom and lay on the bed to book another high-speed train ticket. As I was scrolling through my social media feed, I saw a new post from Emily, my sister-in-law. [Thanks for Mom’s love. Hope everyone stays safe.] The triangular object in her palm looked increasingly familiar… Wait, wasn’t that the lucky charm I got? Sophia was still sitting on the floor helping me search for the charm. I called her over, handed her my phone, and said: “Take a look at this. What is it?” Sophia recognized it immediately and confronted her mother with a stern face: “Mom, didn’t you say you didn’t take the lucky charm? Then why is it in my sister’s hands?” Linda’s eyes darted around. “I just thought your sister is studying alone away from home. Giving her a lucky charm would put my mind at ease.” Sophia exploded in anger, shouting, “I already told you how important this charm was! Are you deaf?” Linda’s tears fell on cue: “You ungrateful child! I serve you hand and foot all day, not even having time to visit a temple. What’s wrong with taking one lucky charm? Your sister is my child too!” Seeing Sophia getting increasingly agitated, I stepped in to calm her down. “Let it go. Don’t get worked up. Let’s just get the charm back.” Sophia nodded and immediately called her sister, explaining the whole situation. Emily exclaimed, “I had no idea! I’m so sorry, sis. Tell James to come pick it up at my school gate right now. I’ll wait for him there.” I quickly changed clothes and rushed out. After all, opportunity waits for no one. Before leaving, I advised Sophia: “Have a good talk with your mom. If she really wants something, she can ask us. But she shouldn’t take things without our permission.” It was exhausting enough coming home after working like a horse all day, without having to play detective on top of it.

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