I was Lucas’s first love, standing by his side through those difficult years. He swore he’d love me forever, even if we were apart. He promised his love for me would never change. Later, when I finally returned, we got together as we had always planned. But something seemed different. “Lucas, help me, please… please help me…” A soft, sobbing voice came through the phone, sounding like a mewling kitten. Lucas’s hand tightened on his phone. He glanced at me instinctively. Our eyes met, and I saw a flash of panic in his. He took a deep breath and spoke coldly into the phone, “I’m busy right now.” Then he hung up. I watched him put down the phone and pick up his pen again, but his writing was rushed and messy. Just like his inner turmoil at that moment. I sighed, “What’s wrong?” “Nothing!” Our voices rang out simultaneously. Once again, I saw the panic in his eyes, followed by worry. I suddenly felt like laughing. But before I could, his phone buzzed again. It was a SnapChat message. As he picked it up to look, I caught a glimpse of the screen. I couldn’t see clearly, but it seemed to be an arm covered in bruises. Lucas couldn’t sit still any longer. He stood up abruptly. “Hazel, I… I have something urgent at work. Can I…” “If it’s urgent, go ahead.” I might have agreed too quickly. Lucas was visibly taken aback. He looked at me, hesitating. I smiled slightly, “What’s wrong? Don’t you have something urgent?” “Oh, right. I’ll… I’ll go then.” Lucas glanced at the wedding invitations spread out on the table, bit his lip, but still turned to leave. As the door closed, I let out a long sigh. I felt like all the bones had been sucked out of my body. I collapsed onto the sofa, feeling utterly drained. Everywhere I looked, there were unfinished wedding invitations. I picked up the one he had been working on and looked at it. Suddenly, I laughed out loud. “We joyfully invite you to celebrate our wedding…” At the bottom, the names — Groom: Lucas. Bride… Natalie.
I’m Hazel, Lucas’s first love, his ideal love, the person he cherished for many years. And Natalie? She’s his ex-girlfriend. Complicated, isn’t it? When I first found out, I was quite shocked too. Later, I learned that when I wasn’t around, Natalie had been there for him, accompanying him through those sad and difficult times. She shielded him from the wind and rain, cared for him, and never backed down even when faced with his cold sarcasm. She stubbornly stayed by his side. When I heard this, I was quite moved. I almost teared up. If only it wasn’t about my boyfriend. When I found out Lucas had a new girlfriend, I was genuinely stunned. How could the boy who had sworn and promised to wait for me when I left have someone else by his side? Later, Lucas explained to me that he had missed me so much that he drank to numb the pain, even drinking until he had a stomach ulcer. It was Natalie who took care of him tirelessly, working herself to exhaustion without complaint. Until she fainted in front of him, he finally felt sympathy. He agreed to her request. “Hazel, I didn’t change my heart. I just felt sorry for her, so… We agreed that when you came back, she would leave.” Lucas held my hand, his eyes red, begging desperately, “I didn’t betray you. It’s just that the days without you were really hard to bear.” “When I was sick in the hospital, I wished so much that it was you by my side.” Hearing these words, my heart was immediately filled with guilt. Seeing the caution in his eyes as he looked at me, I finally couldn’t bear it. This was the boy I had loved since I was young. During my six years abroad, I thought about him constantly. To be able to return and be with him sooner, I put in so much effort. This relationship had lasted for over a decade. Even if his heart had strayed momentarily, I should forgive him. Yes, I should forgive him. At least when I came back, he had ended things cleanly with Natalie. He only had me in his heart. That’s what I always believed. But reality seemed to always go against me, pouring cold water on me when I was full of joy.
I sighed and put away all the unfinished invitations. Originally, we had agreed to spend the weekend doing nothing but writing invitations. I didn’t expect an emergency to come up. He left, and I couldn’t continue writing either. As for whether we would write them in the future, I wasn’t sure. The invitation with “Natalie” written as the bride’s name, I packed separately. I don’t know why I did that. Such an eyesore should have been thrown away. After tidying up, I went back to my parents’ home. My mom was surprised to see me when she opened the door: “Why are you suddenly back?” Then she looked behind me expectantly. I knew who she was looking for and smiled, “Lucas is busy with work. I came back alone.” “About to get married and still so busy all the time.” Although she sounded disapproving, the smile on my mom’s face was undeniable. She was very satisfied with Lucas. Or rather, she was very satisfied now. Initially, she was the one most opposed to us being together. She said, “Children from unhappy families often have character flaws. And with his family being so chaotic, you’ll have a lot to deal with in the future.” But I didn’t care. I didn’t care that his parents had divorced early due to a bad relationship, nor did I care that his dad often caused trouble when drunk and had a bad reputation. In my eyes, Lucas would always be that young hero who would stand up for me when I was in danger. A hero who belonged only to me. During the years I was away, Lucas worked hard to improve himself. He got a good and respectable job, and even bought a house and a car with his own efforts. In my parents’ eyes, he became someone worthy of entrusting their daughter to. So my mom no longer opposed our relationship. She even urged us to get married soon. “You left for abroad right after college graduation. It’s been six years since you came back. You’re already thirty now. If you don’t get married soon, you’ll become an old maid.” I had just returned not long ago when I heard this. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. I told Lucas about it as a joke. But he took it seriously. The next day, he went to buy a ring and proposed to me. In front of everyone, including Natalie. Lucas knelt on one knee: “Hazel, will you marry me?” I was in tears, nodding and saying “I do.” As he put the ring on my finger, I caught a glimpse of Natalie from the corner of my eye. She was in tears too. Seeming to notice my gaze, she paused for a moment, then turned and left. She left quite noisily, catching Lucas’s attention. He seemed to want to go after her. I instinctively held him back. Lucas suddenly came to his senses and quickly explained, “I must have seen wrong.” I nodded, not saying anything. But the panic I felt at that moment was real.
After the proposal, meeting the parents, getting engaged, planning the wedding… everything proceeded step by step, as usual. Lucas, as he said, cut off all contact with Natalie. Never contacted her again. At least that’s what I thought. If I hadn’t woken up in the middle of the night and heard him talking on the phone in the bathroom, I would have believed it. “Alright, alright, stop crying. Where are you? I’ll come find you now.” “It’s okay, I’m here. No one can bully you.” “Ten minutes, I’ll be right there!” Listening to that anxious voice from the bathroom, I could imagine his expression at that moment. His brows must have been furrowed, his face tense. One hand holding the phone, the other gesturing in the air as if comforting someone. He once said, “Even if I’m not by your side, at least I can comfort you this way.” I was lost in memories when I heard the door open. Instinctively, I grabbed the doorknob, pretending I was about to push the door open. I ran into Lucas unexpectedly. “Hazel, why are you…” The fleeting panic on Lucas’s face was clear as day to me. But I still pretended not to know, squinting my eyes, “I need to use the bathroom.” Then I yawned, as if just realizing, “Oh, why are you in here?” As soon as I finished speaking, I saw him let out a relieved sigh. His whole demeanor relaxed. “I just finished too. Go ahead.” He reached out to ruffle my hair. I avoided it by lowering my head and rubbing my eyes. Lucas didn’t seem to mind. Before I closed the door, he said, “Sam just called me. He has some urgent business. I’m going to check it out.” I kept my head down, my hand on the door tightening secretly. Taking a deep breath, I looked up at him: “It’s so late. Can you not go?” Lucas’s face showed a hint of difficulty: “From his tone, it seems he’s in trouble. He’s my buddy, I can’t ignore him.” “Don’t worry, I’ll be back as soon as I deal with it. Nothing will happen.” I took another deep breath: “Then let me go with you. Two people are safer than one.” Not surprisingly, Lucas refused. “It’s late at night. It’s not safe for a girl like you.” “Don’t worry, don’t you trust me to handle things?” With that, he turned and left. I heard the sound of the door closing and suddenly felt like my whole body had gone limp. I leaned against the door and slowly crouched down. Staring at the floor in front of me, everything looked blurry. He seemed to be by my side, but why did I always feel like I couldn’t hold onto him?
That night, Lucas didn’t come back. The next day, Sam called to apologize: “Hazel, I’m sorry. Lucas helped me deal with something last night. It was too late, so I didn’t let him go back. Don’t be angry. I’ll treat you to a meal another day to make up for it.” I smiled, “You better not go back on your word.” “Don’t worry, I definitely won’t.” After hanging up the phone, the smile on my face gradually disappeared. I wasn’t surprised that Sam would lie for him. They were best friends, close enough to share everything. The tacit understanding between them didn’t need excessive words. A single glance was enough to understand each other’s meaning. Helping a buddy deal with his girlfriend’s interrogation was second nature to him. Later, Lucas came back, specially bringing me a small cake. “I’m sorry. I said I’d be back early, but I didn’t expect things to be so complicated. By the time it was dealt with, it was already dawn. I couldn’t hold on, so I slept at Sam’s place.” Lucas explained with an apologetic smile. He presented the cake to me like a peace offering: “Don’t be angry. Eat something sweet, it’ll make you feel better.” I looked at the cake, then at him. Suddenly, I smiled. “It’s good that you’re okay.” Seeing me smile, Lucas also breathed a sigh of relief. “Shall I cut the cake for you?” I shook my head: “I’m on a diet. I can’t eat it.” “What diet? My wife is the most beautiful.” The usual sweet talk, but I felt a bit nauseated hearing it. I shook my head again: “No, I have to maintain my figure. Otherwise, I won’t fit into the wedding dress.” Hearing this, he had no choice but to give up and ate the small cake himself. Actually, I didn’t need to diet. I could have eaten it. But the store that sold that cake was unique in the city. It was right near Natalie’s house. Miles away from Sam’s place. Lucas thought I didn’t know, but I knew everything. But I didn’t say anything.
On the day of trying on wedding dresses, Lucas cleared his schedule in advance. He arranged all his work. He said, “Nothing and no one can disturb me when I witness my wife at her most beautiful moment.” Seeing his serious expression, I felt a surge of sweetness in my heart, diluting some of the previous bitterness. I thought, maybe it’s not so bad after all. Even if they were just ordinary friends, he couldn’t stand by and do nothing. He had always been a brave person. That’s why I fell for him in the first place. We were in the bridal shop, trying on dress after dress, selecting the most suitable one. Lucas gave his opinions seriously, showing no dissatisfaction despite the tedious process. Even the shop assistant praised him. My mood was getting better and better. I once again felt the joy of getting married. Until his phone rang. I watched him take out his phone and walk to the side to answer the call. He came back soon after, stuttering a bit: “A friend is nearby. She heard we’re choosing wedding dresses and wants to come take a look.” I lowered my head, fiddling with the tassels on the wedding dress. After a moment, I looked up at him and smiled: “Sure, the more opinions, the better.” Seeing that I wasn’t upset, Lucas secretly breathed a sigh of relief and turned to run out. As soon as he left, the smile on my face vanished. I turned to look at myself in the mirror. The smile frozen on my face looked like it had been drawn on. Like a clown.
Lucas came back quickly. Natalie was following behind him. As usual, she was shy and timid, hiding behind Lucas, peeking out timidly. She glanced at me quickly, then hurriedly lowered her head. When she greeted me, her voice was as quiet as a mosquito’s hum: “Sister Hazel, hello.” I looked at her and suddenly understood why Lucas would be moved. Such a delicate flower, fragile and pitiful, in need of love and care. And yet she could bear the pressure and stay by Lucas’s side without complaint. A weak girl gritting her teeth and putting on a brave face – how could a man not be moved? Lucas had always been somewhat macho. He liked submission, not assertiveness. I often had my own opinions, which he found somewhat objectionable. And I would never hide behind him like Natalie did. As if he was her safe harbor, her whole world. Seeing that I hadn’t spoken for a long time, just staring at her, she became a bit flustered. She tugged gently at Lucas’s clothes, swaying slightly, seeking help. Lucas turned his head and gave her a reassuring look. He then turned to me: “Hazel, Natalie is greeting you.” I watched their little interaction and suddenly felt like laughing. But I held it in. I nodded, considering it as having returned the greeting. I turned to face the mirror, admiring my wedding dress. Through the mirror, I saw a flash of anger cross Lucas’s face, gone in an instant. At that moment, my heart felt blocked, as if a stone was pressing on it, making it hard to breathe. I took a deep breath, trying hard not to show it. But I still failed. Because I heard Natalie say: “Sister Hazel looks so beautiful in the wedding dress. I want to try one too. I wonder if that’s okay.” And Lucas, my fiancé, said: “Of course.” “If you like it, try it on. It’s fine.” Then he took a wedding dress and handed it to Natalie. As luck would have it, it was one of the dresses we had decided to keep for final selection earlier. At that moment, the anger in my heart suddenly couldn’t be contained anymore—
“That’s my wedding dress. Put it down.” Natalie’s hand trembled, and the wedding dress fell to the ground. Lucas’s smile also froze instantly. He frowned at me, looking displeased. The accusation in his eyes almost made me lose my balance. I clenched my fists, the pain in my palms making me more clear-headed. “If you want to try on a wedding dress, there are plenty over there. This is one I’ve chosen, and I don’t want anyone else taking it.” I emphasized the words “taking it” heavily. Natalie’s little face instantly turned pale. Her body swayed, as if she was about to collapse. Seeing this, Lucas hurriedly supported her, letting her lean against his chest. “Natalie, are you okay?” Natalie shook her head, glanced at me, then quickly lowered her head again. Her weak and pitiful appearance really made people feel sorry for her. Lucas felt sorry for her. He held Natalie and shouted at me: “Hazel, it’s just a wedding dress, do you have to be so aggressive? Natalie is timid, why are you bullying her!” Bullying her? Hearing this, I couldn’t help but laugh. I felt particularly confused and didn’t understand. “How am I bullying her?” I walked forward and picked up the wedding dress from the ground. “This dress, you just said I looked good in it and that it could be the main dress for the wedding. Then you want to give the dress chosen for me to your ex-girlfriend to wear.” I looked at the two of them embracing, the smile on my face growing wider. “Lucas, how many years has it been since the Qing Dynasty fell? Are you still dreaming of having a harem?” “Hazel, I…” Lucas seemed to finally realize his behavior was inappropriate and instinctively pushed Natalie away. I watched her stumble, almost falling, yet staring at Lucas with big eyes full of hurt. It seemed Lucas’s letting go hurt her more. But Lucas only looked at me, wanting to explain something but at a loss for words. I didn’t want to listen. “Lucas, when she’s wronged, you comfort her. When I’m wronged, you yell at me.” “If you can’t tell who your girlfriend is, then there’s no need for this wedding.” With that, I turned and went into the changing room, taking off the wedding dress. When I came out, I found that Lucas and Natalie were gone. At that moment, it felt like I had been slapped out of nowhere. My face hurt, and so did my heart.
The shop assistant was a gentle girl. Seeing me looking lost, she came forward to explain: “Just after you went in, that girl fainted. Your… boyfriend carried her away. They probably went to the hospital.” Fainted? What a coincidence. I smiled, neither agreeing nor disagreeing. “Then the wedding dress…” “Just that one.” I pointed to the one that had fallen on the ground earlier. “Please pack it up for me, thank you.” The shop assistant seemed to want to say something but ultimately said nothing and went to process the bill. As she saw me out, she suddenly comforted me: “Marriage isn’t the destination of love. If you feel confused, why not stop and think it over carefully?” I was stunned for a moment, then smiled and nodded. But in my heart, it felt like a wasteland, overgrown with weeds, lifeless. Something that outsiders could see through at a glance, I was still unwilling to let go. When I got home, I took out the wedding dress, hung it up, and carefully smoothed it out. As white as snow, adorned with exquisite rhinestones, sparkling under the light. It really was beautiful. No wonder Natalie liked it too. I heard the door open but ignored it, continuing to smooth out the small wrinkles in the skirt. Until someone came up behind me and hugged me tightly. “Hazel…” His voice was full of longing and dependence. As if I was his whole world. Every time he called me like this, my heart would tremble. “Hazel, I’m sorry. I didn’t think it through today.” “Natalie’s parents favor boys over girls and treat her badly. When I was there to protect her, things were a bit better. Now that we’ve separated, her parents have become even worse. They found her a man twenty years older than her, and disabled, just because he could give a $20,000 bride price. She was scared, that’s why she came to me for help.” “I won’t let her appear in front of you again, okay? Don’t be angry. Forgive me, please.” I listened to him explaining and apologizing humbly, but my heart felt nothing. Strangely, it was as if it had nothing to do with me.
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