Every time my wife had an intimate conversation with her assistant, I would write a number in her diary. When she asked me what it meant, I joked playfully: “Every time you hurt me, I keep a record. When it reaches 100, I’ll leave you.” By the time I wrote 99, she didn’t take it seriously. When I wrote 100, I heard rhythmic moans coming from the CEO’s office. “Marcus, give me a child. Be my man, okay?” My hand, ready to knock on the door, fell limp at her words. Back home, I took down all our wedding photos, my anger and resentment having nowhere to go. I picked up a pen and wrote eight words furiously in the diary: “Lily, it’s over between us!” Suddenly, a sentence appeared below: “Who are you? Why are you writing in my diary?” “And what does this 100 mean?” Overcome with emotion, I forgot to be afraid and replied: I’m Adrian, because you don’t love him. “This 100 represents my 100 disappointments in you. I’m leaving you.” Words started popping up in the diary one by one. “You’re Adrian? You want to leave me?” “Impossible, how could you be Adrian? He’s standing right next to me!” “Who are you really? How can you appear in my diary?” Three questions appeared out of thin air. I was so startled I dropped the diary. It took two minutes for me to calm down. Looking at the words, I picked up the pen and replied: “I really am Adrian, 30-year-old Adrian.” “And I know you’re 17-year-old Lily. The future you will betray me. So, 17-year-old you shouldn’t get close to me either.” The diary suddenly went quiet. This was a magical notebook that I found in the attic while packing my bags. It happened a few days after my 30-year-old wife, drunk for the thousandth time, called out Marcus’s name and said she regretted marrying me. She said if she had married Marcus instead, she could have been a mother by now. When I opened it, I saw it was full of 17-year-old Lily’s love and devotion to me. Growing up, because of my looks, I always had many admirers. But because my parents divorced early, I never had much hope for love. No matter who confessed to me, I always refused: “I’m sorry, I just want to focus on my studies. I’m not interested in dating.” Until I met Lily. Unlike others, she pursued me relentlessly from middle school to college. After facing rejection after rejection from me, she only became more determined. She even participated in a dangerous car race just to win a watch I liked. Seeing her nearly lose her life, I finally opened my heart. When I discovered this notebook could update in real-time, I realized it was connected to 13 years ago. But when I remembered that two months ago, when I went to find her, I heard her and her new assistant passionately making love on the couch in her CEO office. And that person was Marcus, our high school classmate and her former neighbor and childhood friend. At that moment, the beautiful memories of the past were shattered by the cruel reality, becoming nothing but bubbles. Since then, I hadn’t communicated with the girl in the diary. Because I knew that no matter how passionate the love recorded in the diary was, it would eventually be betrayed. Just as I was bitterly printing out the divorce papers I had prepared long ago, signing my name stroke by stroke, ready to fulfill what I had said before – if she betrayed me, I would disappear from her world forever – I heard the jarring sound of paper being torn in the diary. “Impossible, I love him!” The pen tip, carrying the girl’s emotions, carved into the paper stroke by stroke, “I’ve loved Adrian for six whole years, how could I possibly betray him.” “You must be lying to me, you can’t possibly be Adrian! Who are you really?” “Tell me, are you Marcus?” Through the diary, I could almost see 17-year-old Lily’s angry and stubborn expression as she spoke of vows she would inevitably break in the future. Back then, her love was pure and determined. Of course, she couldn’t have imagined that at 30, she would become so cruel and heartless. I picked up the pen to reply, when suddenly the door was pushed open. The wind that came in flipped the pages of the diary. I calmly closed the diary. 30-year-old Lily came in and started rummaging through drawers and cabinets. In the past, every time she came home, she would excitedly jump into my arms, nuzzling me like a little kitten. Sometimes when I pushed her away because I was ticklish, she would cling even tighter, her big eyes sparkling as she whispered sweet nothings that made me blush. But now, her gaze didn’t even linger on me for half a second. After searching for nearly ten minutes without finding what she wanted, Lily finally turned to me in frustration and demanded: “Adrian, have you seen the family heirloom my mom left me?” “I’m pregnant, and I want to give the heirloom to Marcus, to bless our family of three.” Family of three?! My heart suddenly ached. On our wedding day, in front of all the guests, she had personally handed the heirloom to me for safekeeping. Lily’s brother was very dissatisfied, “Sis, Mom’s heirloom was meant for you to give to your baby. Everyone knows your husband is useless now, why give it to him?” 13 years ago, I had an accident that injured my body, leaving me unable to have children for life. No one had ever dared to mention this in front of Lily, but on our wedding day, her brother pointed it out in front of everyone. The atmosphere instantly became extremely awkward. Everyone focused their gaze on me, starting to whisper. I turned away in embarrassment, but Lily held me even tighter, slapping her brother across the face and declaring publicly, “Even if Adrian can’t have children, he’s the only one worthy of keeping the heirloom. He is the only man for me, Lily.” At that moment, I was grateful I had bet on the right person. For five years of marriage, I had carefully preserved it. But now, I laughed bitterly and pulled out the jade pendant engraved with the words “Peace and Safety” from the drawer. Lily snatched it, smiling happily, “Finally found it! After the baby is born, I want Marcus to put this on him personally.” Only then did she deign to look up at me, the coldness in her eyes unconcealed. “My mom said the heirloom needs to be put on by the child’s father to be effective. Now that I’m pregnant with Marcus’s child, this pendant should be in his care.” “Today I still need Marcus to accompany me for a prenatal checkup, so I have to go now. I’ll celebrate our wedding anniversary with you when I get back.” At the door, she suddenly stopped, glancing at me with a look of condescension. “Don’t worry, even if Marcus and I have a child, you’ll still be the nominal father. You’ll always be my husband.” Giving a slap followed by a sweet gesture was her usual trick in recent years. Watching her leave happily, I smiled bitterly. She says I’m her husband, but she’s having a child with another man. Opening the diary again, I saw another line had appeared: “Because I was waiting for your reply, I missed getting the spot in front of him.” I immediately picked up our graduation photo and was shocked to find that 17-year-old Lily’s position had indeed changed. I couldn’t help but hold my breath, my hand trembling uncontrollably. Could the Lily on the other end of the diary change the future? Chapter
Before I could come to my senses, another line quickly appeared in the diary, “If you really are Adrian, then tell me, where am I standing in the graduation photo?” I immediately replied, “You’re standing in front of Marcus.” The diary went quiet again. After waiting for a minute with no reply, I picked up the pen and wrote stroke by stroke with force. “Lily, please leave my life.” “Why? If you really are Adrian, don’t you know I like you?” The last question mark was written with such force that it tore through the paper. “Like? It’s because of your ‘like’ that the day after the graduation photo was taken, I was stabbed by people Marcus sent, leaving me unable to have children for life!!” “And now at 30, you’re pregnant with his child.” With each word I wrote, the memories of the past became clearer. I had tried everything to forget these memories, but countless nights, I was awakened by these painful memories, unable to sleep. It had become my inescapable nightmare. 13 years ago, Marcus begged Lily to stand in front of him, but she refused. Lily firmly stood in front of me, saying not only now, but in the future when we take wedding photos, she would stand with me. The girl’s passionate confession made my ears turn red. But the next day, an enraged Marcus found a dozen thugs to corner me in an alley. When Lily arrived after hearing the news, she saw me covered in blood and cried uncontrollably. She carried me on her back, even though I was half a head taller than her, and stumbled frantically towards the hospital. To save me, she donated half her blood, but although I survived, I suffered severe damage, permanently impairing my ability to have children. Lily held me and cried her eyes out, swearing she would marry no one but me and never let me be hurt again. But I never imagined that now she would cheat on me with Marcus, the mastermind behind my injury, and even get pregnant with his child. “Lily, promise me, if you like me, leave my life.” “As far away as possible! Can you do that?” “I’m begging you!” After waiting for a long time without a reply, I collapsed on the sofa with the diary, unknowingly falling asleep. In my dream, I saw 17-year-old Lily running desperately in a dark alley. Her face was panicked and anxious. A strong wind blew a flower pot off the balcony, jolting me awake to see that night had fallen outside. 30-year-old Lily hadn’t returned all night, not even a phone call or a text message. But Marcus’s social media was updated every ten minutes, a total of 30 posts. The first one was Lily putting the family heirloom around his neck. The second was Lily and him flipping through a dictionary, choosing a name for the baby. The third was him lying on Lily’s belly, happily listening to the baby’s movements. …… Each post had likes and blessings from friends in the comments. “Congratulations to Lily for finally becoming a mother.” “I told you Lily wouldn’t stay faithful to Adrian, but you didn’t believe me.” “How could Adrian ever be good enough for our Lily? Marcus and our Lily are truly a perfect match, made for each other.” Lily had liked every post. Perhaps deep down, she felt the same way. Exiting the social media app, I lay on the sofa feeling dizzy and drowsy. In my dream, 17-year-old Lily finally ran out of the alley. What met her eyes was me being pinned down and beaten by a group of thugs, with 17-year-old Marcus pulling out a knife, about to stab me. “Adrian!” The next second, Lily’s eyes turned red, and she rushed forward like a madwoman. Her thin body trembled uncontrollably, but she still picked up a brick from the roadside with all her might and started smashing the lead thug’s head again and again. The other thugs swarmed her, stabbing her dozens of times. Lily paid no attention, tightly gripping the blood-stained brick, using her last ounce of strength to smash the lead thug’s head open, screaming at the others with a ferocious expression. “Come on if you’re not afraid to die!” Those thugs were intimidated by her do-or-die attitude and fled in panic. Only when their figures had completely disappeared into the alley did Lily collapse powerlessly in front of me, shaking uncontrollably. When our eyes met, she smiled proudly, “Adrian, I told you I’d give my life for you, now do you believe me?” “Lily! I don’t need this!” “Leave me!” I shouted her name in anger, instantly waking up, tears already overflowing. Looking at myself in the mirror, with bulging veins and goosebumps all over my body, I didn’t know if it was from fear or cold. Looking down at the diary in my arms, I felt my mind was in a fog, unable to distinguish if this was a dream or a memory. Pulling up my shirt, I suddenly froze, quickly feeling my lower abdomen with my hand. Chapter
The scar that had been with me for 13 years was gone. Tears burst forth. Opening the diary again, I saw several more lines had appeared, but this time they were crooked, as if I could see the weakness of the person writing. “Adrian, I saved you.” After calming down, I calmly replied with one sentence. “This is what you should have done.” If it weren’t for her ‘like’. If it weren’t for her ‘like’ that she would inevitably betray in the future. How would I have been targeted by Marcus, losing my dignity as a man? Yet at 30, she had a child with the mastermind who hurt me, hurting me again. The words in the diary appeared staggeringly, the strokes not very clear, as if written with great effort. “Adrian, I’m willing to do anything for you, tell me what else you need me to do?” After 17-year-old Lily wrote down the last question mark, I replied, “I’ve already said, leave my life.” “Completely disappear from my sight, don’t use your love now as a weapon to hurt me in the future.” Once, when everyone mocked me for not being a man, it was Lily who firmly held my hand, gently soothing my shattered self-esteem. It was because of her love that I was not afraid of any mockery, ridicule, or vicious curses. So when she let go of my hand and stood among those who mocked me, I was instantly on the verge of collapse, even considering ending my life. It turns out that being hurt by the one you love is a thousand times more painful than physical disability. You could say, the more she loved me before, the more pain she caused me later. This heart of mine, already hurt by her, will no longer beat. The sound of forceful writing suddenly came through, each word sinking into the paper, almost piercing through it. “That’s impossible!” “Adrian, do you know? Every time there’s an extracurricular activity, you always like to stand under the second basketball hoop on the playground to play ball. I deliberately take a 5-minute detour every day just to see you once. Just seeing you makes me feel so happy.” “Once during a basketball game, I heard you were injured. I was so anxious that I skipped class for the first time to buy medicine for you, afraid you’d suffer for even a second more…” “And…” I interrupted, “I know, I know all of this you’re saying.” “There was also once… when I fell in the bathroom, you brought me medicine, blushing.” The diary suddenly paused for ten seconds before replying, “You know all this? How do you know?” “Since you know everything, why do you say I’ll betray you?” There was a sentence she didn’t write, but I’m sure I know she was muttering to herself, how could I betray you when I love you so much. I could imagine the shock and confusion on 17-year-old Lily’s face right now. “I know these things because the future you told me. You told me everything one by one, and said you deeply regretted doing these things.” Lily had said that she should have listened to advice back then and not married a man like me who couldn’t give her “happiness”, resulting in her enduring five years of humiliation. She had also said that she should have just let me starve to death back then, saving me too early led to me not only being ungrateful for her great kindness but even becoming more and more arrogant. She always boasted about her “great achievements”, and then did whatever she wanted in our marriage, until now having a child with someone else. Tears fell on the diary, blurring the words. Afraid of damaging the diary and not being able to change the past, I hurriedly tried to wipe it off, but I used too much force and accidentally tore the paper in half. In my panic, I suddenly found that everything in front of me had changed into a hospital ward. In front of me was a 17-year-old girl with thick bandages wrapped around her abdomen. Her face was pale, her brows furrowed in pain from the wound. 17-year-old Lily covered the blood-stained bandage with one hand, struggling to write a reply with the other, muttering under her breath. “Adrian, don’t worry, I’ll take good care of you until I become your wife…” She looked serious and determined, as if doing something of utmost importance. Just as she wrote this, 17-year-old Lily seemed to sense something. Her hand suddenly stopped, and when she looked up, our eyes met. “Adrian?” At that moment, those clear eyes like spring water, which had long disappeared from my memory, appeared in front of me again. Her slightly dry lips parted, but before she could speak, a sudden burst of phone ringing came through. Looking around, I saw the house was in a mess. All done by 30-year-old Lily. The phone rang sharply. It was a call from 30-year-old Lily, her tone commanding, “Come to the coffee shop downstairs from the company right away, Marcus and I have something to tell you in person.” At the same time, several lines appeared in the diary. “Trust me, okay? I would never do such a thing.” “I like you so much that even if you want to take my life, you can.” A girl’s affection, as pure and beautiful as cherry blossoms. Always feeling that vows would become the most beautiful flowers, as long as they stayed by their loved one’s side, they would never wither. I gripped the pen tightly in my hand, my eyes downcast. Fine. Since you don’t believe me, I’ll let 30-year-old you tell you yourself.
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