After 30 Years of Marriage, My Childfree Husband Was Saving Himself for His First Love

For thirty years, my DINK husband Lucas adhered to a “Platonic marriage,” refusing to have children or any physical contact with me. He claimed that desire would tarnish our love, and he only wanted us to dedicate our lives to our medical careers. But on our anniversary, I witnessed him intimately entangled in our living room with the woman responsible for my father’s death. “Claire, you don’t know how hard it’s been for me all these years. I only want you…” Thirty years of principles crumbled into a joke. I finally realized I was just a tool for his career advancement. Heartbroken and disillusioned, I decided to accept a position at a German hospital. But when he couldn’t find me anywhere, he panicked. “Claire, I swear you’re the first and will be the only one…” Lucas’s husky voice, mixed with the woman’s soft moans, struck me like lightning. Thirty years. For thirty whole years! Lucas had remained chaste for this woman?! So he wasn’t really devoted to “Platonic love,” nor was he genuinely committed to being childless! He simply didn’t want to touch me! All these years, I had respected his wishes. I even gave up my right to motherhood for him! The cold operating table where I had my IUD inserted still sends chills down my spine. I’m a gynecologist, for heaven’s sake, yet I couldn’t have my own child! All these years of envying newborn babies have now turned into a cruel joke! “Dr. Lin, when are you going to divorce her? I don’t want to wait too long~” “Don’t rush, I’m already making arrangements. After your aunt retires in a while, I’ll divorce her and marry you properly.” “Aunt? Haha, Lucas, have you no shame!” Amber laughed, playfully punching his chest in mock anger. My hands clenched and unclenched, the loose thread on my clothes pricking my skin and my heart. Lucas and I had an age-gap relationship; I was five years older than him. When he married me, he said how amazing his “big sister” was. Now he calls me “aunt.” The hallway mirror mercilessly reflected my graying hair and plain, shabby clothes. I couldn’t help but touch the wrinkles covering my face. I’m only 55, yet time has been so cruel… “Dr. Lin, I heard next week is Dr. Chen’s retirement party. Could you propose divorce to her publicly then?” “But… Claire has been a backbone of the hospital. We need a reason.” “I have a great idea. You can tell everyone that Claire, the renowned gynecologist, is actually a hen that can’t lay eggs!” Amber’s words exploded in my ears, shattering my last line of defense. I stared hard at Lucas, the man I had shared a bed with for thirty years. I searched his face for any hint of hesitation or reluctance. But there was none. His eyes were filled with Amber, and he even chuckled in agreement, “Alright, whatever you say.” My heart plummeted to rock bottom. For Lucas, I had given up my right to motherhood, willingly remaining childless for all these years; For Lucas, I had abandoned my beloved clinical practice to focus on theoretical research, just to help him secure his position as hospital director; For Lucas, I had given up promotions and turned down offers to stay on after retirement, planning to step back and take care of his health. But in the end, was he going to humiliate me like this? That was Amber, the very woman who had caused a medical accident and framed my father, leading to his death in disgrace! Lucas knew all of this, yet he still betrayed me and chose Amber. He was even willing to publicly destroy my decades-long reputation to please her! Tears blurred my vision as I leaned against the wall, gasping for air. With trembling hands, I took out my phone and called the German hospital, accepting their offer to stay on after retirement. As I hung up, thunder rumbled in the sky, and a light rain began to fall. My phone vibrated again, Lucas’s name flashing on the screen. “Claire, are you off work yet?” Today was our 30th wedding anniversary, and Lucas had made early dinner reservations to celebrate. “It’s about to rain. Shall I come pick you up?” he added when I didn’t respond, playing the role of a caring husband. In reality, whenever I had asked him to pick me up before, he always had excuses – either in a meeting or performing surgery. How many late nights had I fumbled my way home after a night shift, only to find him sound asleep? Back then, I foolishly comforted myself, thinking he was just too tired to care for me, stubbornly clinging to a delusion. “No need, I’ll take a cab.” “Alright, be safe on your way. Don’t be late.” I hid in the stairwell, watching the two of them leave arm in arm. I noticed how Lucas tilted his umbrella more towards Amber and couldn’t help but smile bitterly. So Lucas did know how to care for someone; he just never cared for me. All he would say to me was not to be late. “Dr. Chen, long time no see~” Amber was the first to stand and greet me, a gentle smile on her face, the picture of serenity. “What is she doing here?!” I demanded, despite having mentally prepared myself. I had thought Lucas was just dropping Amber off at home, but he had actually brought her to our anniversary dinner! Was Lucas so eager to show her off? On our wedding anniversary, no less?

But Lucas acted as if nothing had happened, pulling out a chair for me while explaining: “I happened to run into Amber, and she said she’s always wanted to apologize to you in person, so I invited her along.” “Dr. Chen, I know I’ve wronged you and your father…” Amber’s eyes reddened as she spoke, “I was young and foolish back then, which led me to make a terrible mistake.” “I’ve been repenting all these years, unable to sleep well at night, always dreaming of your father…” How dare she call my father her mentor! When she first entered the field, my father had guided her every step of the way, from reading medical records to hands-on training, treating her like his own daughter. And how did she repay him? Because of her own mistake, she not only cost a patient’s life but also pushed all the blame onto my father. My father was stabbed in the back, labeled a quack, and died in despair! All of this was thanks to Amber! “Amber, you don’t deserve to call my father your mentor!” I shouted in anger. “Claire, Amber was just confused back then…” Lucas tried to smooth things over. “Confused?” I laughed coldly, “Is ‘confusion’ enough to erase my father’s lifelong reputation? To make up for the pain of his wrongful death?” “Lucas, don’t forget who swore to me that he would seek justice for my father!” The image of Lucas earnestly promising to right the wrongs done to my father was still vivid in my mind, but now this man had become a complete stranger. Lucas looked a bit guilty under my gaze, coughing lightly and avoiding my eyes: “Claire, the hospital has hired Amber as a special consultant. You’ll be seeing each other often from now on. For the sake of hospital unity, can’t you just make peace with Amber?” Special consultant? I finally understood. Lucas had gone to great lengths to bring Amber back to the country and arrange for her to work at our hospital so they could be together! I stared blankly at the two people before me, feeling utterly disgusted. Seeing my expression, Amber knelt down: “Dr. Chen, I know you can’t forgive me right now, but that’s okay. I’ll keep repenting until you accept me as your new colleague… I really want to work alongside you.” “Get out!” I couldn’t hold back anymore and shouted at Amber. “Claire! Can you stop making a scene!” Lucas grabbed Amber and shielded her behind him, “Have you considered how difficult these years have been for Amber? She left her home and country because of this incident.” “Your father’s case happened so long ago. Does it really matter who was right or wrong? Why do you have to be so petty?” I looked at Lucas in disbelief. This man who had once professed his love for me and vowed to take care of me for life. He had seen me cry my eyes out and had sworn to seek justice for me. But now, he was saying this was all trivial, that I was being petty! “If it weren’t for Amber… my father wouldn’t have spent his final years being pointed at and called a quack,” I said, my voice breaking as I clutched my chest in pain. But Lucas didn’t care at all, impatiently cutting me off. “Enough, Claire! Can’t you stop living in the past!” “Look at yourself now. Where’s the gentle woman you used to be? All you do is doubt and suspect, acting like a crazy old hag!” “With a daughter like you, who knows if your dad was really innocent? Maybe he was the one trying to bite back in his confused state.” Every word Lucas said was like a hammer, pounding mercilessly at my heart. I clutched my chest, struggling to breathe. “Lucas, do you have any conscience left? You…” Before I could finish, my vision went black, and I felt myself falling backward uncontrollably.

“Claire!” Lucas cried out, instinctively reaching out to support me. I reflexively grabbed his hand, my face pale and cold sweat dripping down my forehead. Amber quickly pushed Lucas aside, “Dr. Chen, don’t worry. I’ve trained in first aid. Let me take a look at you.” She put on a show of examining me: “It’s nothing serious, just a bit of heat exhaustion. You’ll be fine after some rest.” Then, feigning weakness, she furrowed her brow and suddenly swayed, falling into Lucas’s arms. Lucas caught her in a panic, asking anxiously, “Amber, what’s wrong? Don’t scare me!” “I… my heart doesn’t feel right…” Amber’s voice was weak and fragile, as if she might fade away at any moment. “I’ll take you to the hospital right away!” Without another word, Lucas scooped Amber up in his arms. Before leaving, he glanced back at me, his eyes full of conflict, but he didn’t stop. I watched their retreating figures, tears finally sliding down my cheeks. So this was the man I had loved for thirty years, this was the marriage I had given everything to protect. How laughable, truly laughable! I used my last bit of strength to call 911, then lost consciousness. When I came to, I was lying numbly in a hospital bed. The doctor said I had suffered from acute stress reaction. Indeed, at my age, I shouldn’t get so emotionally worked up, especially not over such a man. After finishing the IV, I stumbled home on shaky legs. Seeing the clothes still hanging on the balcony, I reflexively took them down and folded them neatly, only realizing what I was doing when I opened the closet. In the closet, Lucas’s clothes were all ironed crisp and neat, giving off a faint scent of laundry detergent. My clothes, on the other hand, were pitifully few, mostly just white lab coats. All these years, I had been like a spinning top, shuttling between home and the hospital, living as nothing more than an appendage. At this moment, I could no longer hold back. I broke down and cried my heart out. I tore up the photos of Lucas and me from when we were dating, along with the diary entries I had written back then: “Today Lucas gave me a ring. He said he made it himself and hopes I’ll wear it forever…” “Lucas proposed to me today. He said he would love me and take care of me for life…” “Today Lucas told me he wants a spiritual relationship and doesn’t want children. But that’s okay, all the newborns will be my children from now on.” Once, I thought I had chosen love. In the end, I realized I had only chosen loneliness. Thirty years of feelings, thirty years of dedication, all turned out to be a joke. The next day, Lucas came back. He brought a bunch of breakfast, unprecedented, and even prepared warm water for me to take my medicine. “Claire, Amber had a heart attack yesterday, I was just taking her to the hospital. You know, it’s our duty as doctors,” he said. Seeing no reaction from me, he moved closer, trying to butter me up. “There’s an important symposium at the hospital today, so…” Perhaps only when Lucas needed something from me would he lower himself like this. All these years, I had participated in countless symposiums for the hospital, winning awards big and small, all to secure Lucas’s position as director. But now, I’m tired. “I’m retiring. I don’t want to join this circus anymore.” “A doctor’s duty is to heal, Claire. Just think of it as for the hospital, for the patients! I promise this is the last time!” A doctor’s duty to heal – this was my father’s teaching. I remained silent for a long while, eventually softening and agreeing.

But when I arrived at the hospital, I realized that today’s symposium was nothing but a stage tailor-made for Amber. The topic was “Diagnosis and Treatment of Difficult Gynecological Cases,” with Amber as the main presenter and me as her assistant. I was made to look like a clown, running errands for her – printing materials, organizing case files, serving tea. “Dr. Chen, please revise this case analysis report for me. Make sure it highlights my professional expertise.” “Dr. Chen, where’s my coffee? Don’t you know I need a cup in the afternoon to stay alert?” “Dr. Chen, have you proofread my speech? I’m representing our hospital, so there can’t be any mistakes.” … In the end, Amber won the competition with her “brilliant” presentation and “unique insights,” successfully promoted to chief physician. She stood on the stage, radiant and eloquent, as if she were the true expert who had devoted years to gynecology. And I, like an outsider, was arranged in a corner. Watching her perform, listening to her use the research topics I had studied for years, reaping the applause and acclaim that should have been mine. I remained silent. Seeing me still silent after returning home, Lucas thought I was still angry about the symposium. He approached me with a fawning expression, eagerly massaging my shoulders: “Claire, don’t be angry. Amber just returned to the country and doesn’t understand many things.” “As a senior, you should be more understanding. Think of it as maintaining unity in the hospital.” As he spoke, he pulled out an exquisite little box from his pocket. Inside was the pearl necklace I had admired at the mall earlier this month. In the past, whenever we argued, Lucas would take out a small box with something I liked inside. Accepting the gift meant no more anger – this had been our unspoken agreement for years. “I noticed you liked it last time. You’re always reluctant to spend money on yourself, but never hesitate to buy clothes for me.” Lucas shook his head as he spoke. I fingered the pearl necklace for a long time without speaking. Lucas was the hospital director, often attending public events, while I… How long had it been since I had properly dressed up? Thinking of my reflection in the glass that day, my heart ached again. “Do you like it? It’s to commemorate our 30th anniversary – our pearl wedding.” “Tomorrow is your retirement farewell party. Wear this, and you’ll be the most beautiful queen of the evening.” Lucas said, reaching out to help me put it on. He gently lifted my hair, just like years ago. At this moment, I couldn’t describe the taste in my heart. “Do I have to go to the farewell party tomorrow?” I asked reluctantly, “I don’t want to retire yet…” “Claire,” Lucas turned my shoulders, his eyes full of tenderness, “Your health isn’t good. From now on, just be Mrs. Lin.” Mrs. Lin? Really? I closed my eyes, suppressing the surging emotions, and after a long while, I softly replied, “Okay.” The next day, I got up early, packed a few clothes, and took a cab to the cemetery. I gently placed the divorce papers in front of my father’s tombstone. Looking at the photo on the tombstone, I choked up. I never thought I would be as old as my father was when he passed away. “Dad, from now on, I’ll live for myself! I’ll seek justice for you on my own!” Leaving the cemetery, I went straight to the airport. The German hospital had already arranged accommodation and work for me, just waiting for my arrival. But just as I was about to board, Lucas’s calls flooded in.

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