My boyfriend Jason insisted on a platonic relationship, believing physical desire was sinful. When I simply kissed him, he sent me away for “spiritual purification.” The purification was successful. I no longer felt any desire for him. But my desire for other men doubled. Later, when he noticed the kiss marks on my collarbone, he started ranting in public again. “Must you fall into the abyss of sin?!” he yelled. His friend pulled me onto his lap and kissed my hand, laughing: “I’ve sinned. Why don’t you call the police and arrest me?” 0 The day I graduated from the spiritual purification program, I gave a speech as an outstanding graduate in front of the other students and their families. “I believe true love is the communion of souls. It shouldn’t be bound by physical constraints or driven by desire…” My boyfriend Jason was sitting in the audience. I stared at his face, maintaining a polite smile, but inwardly I felt sick. The reason I was standing here was all thanks to him. Three months ago, we had kissed. It was our first kiss. He had pulled me into his arms, called my name with a drunken voice, and kissed me. I didn’t push him away. After all, we had been dating for five years. And he wasn’t calling someone else’s name when he kissed me. But when he sobered up and realized it was me, his eyes instantly filled with disgust. I was pushed to the ground. Jason went to rinse his mouth. I stood at the bathroom door, staring at his actions, my fingers gripping the doorframe tightly. “Jason, was kissing me that disgusting?” He looked up at my reflection in the mirror, his gaze ice cold. “I’ve told you before, I’m platonic. I find this kind of intimate behavior repulsive.” “You were the one who kissed me,” I softly retorted. “Then why didn’t you push me away?” He pressed his palms on the counter, his fingertips turning white, sweeping everything onto the floor. I froze for a moment, then turned and left. I didn’t answer him. Because it was too absurd and laughable. By the time he came out of the bathroom, I had already packed my things. “Jason, let’s break up.” He walked past me, giving me a casual glance. He only said three words: “No need to.” “There is a need. I don’t accept your platonic relationship. I want to have a normal relationship.” I looked at his back, enunciating each word: “A normal relationship. With sex.” As soon as those words left my mouth, Jason lost his mind. I wasn’t able to break up with him smoothly. Instead, I was sent to a spiritual purification program abroad. They promised that in just three months, they could purify my desires. The students sent here were all young, beautiful girls. Most of their partners were elderly rich men, or wealthy men with hidden ailments. The so-called purification program was actually to prevent women dependent on men from cheating. I was an anomaly here. Because there was nothing wrong with Jason in that department. When we kissed, I could feel his reaction. He clearly had a physical response. But every time I showed any desire for intimacy, even just watching TV together, it would make him furious. Even on the day my mother passed away, Jason didn’t show up. I endured the funeral and memorial service alone, wanting to ask him for a comforting hug. He still refused. To avoid me, he even went out in the middle of the night. The next day, I received an anonymous text message. It was a photo of a woman sitting on Jason’s lap. Just thinking about it made me vomit in front of everyone. Jason immediately stood up from the audience. 0
I was helped off the stage by a teacher from the purification program. Jason came over and asked what was wrong. I said I was just too nervous. Once the door closed, the teacher took out a small bottle of blue reagent. I quickly drank it, suppressing the nausea. “Sophia, you’ve always performed excellently. How could you recall such things in public?” The purification program had specially assigned an English-speaking teacher for me. I smiled helplessly: “Teacher, I didn’t. I just thought about my boyfriend cheating.” The teacher sighed as well. The purification program presented itself as psychological courses to the outside world. But what actually worked was the consumption of drugs that forcibly suppressed desire. As soon as you had intimate fantasies about your designated partner, you would immediately start vomiting uncontrollably. At first I was very resistant, but after trying to fantasize about other men and having no reaction, I became indifferent. I didn’t care about Jason, I just wanted to leave early, so I took a lot of the medication. I don’t know if there were any side effects. When I opened the door, Jason tried to take my hand, but I instinctively avoided it. He froze for a moment, then withdrew his hand and curved his lips into a smile. He was very satisfied with the results of my “learning.” Jason decided to take me back home. The purification program gave him a course of medication. “If Sophia’s condition becomes unstable, you can administer it according to the instructions.” Jason asked, “What do you mean by unstable?” But the teacher didn’t explain, only giving vague answers. “Some students may experience withdrawal symptoms. Taking the medication will help.” Jason took me back to the country. He kept me locked up in a villa, with people monitoring me 24 hours a day. But I showed no abnormalities. Half a month later, he took me out. In a spacious private room, the contoured lights flowed, each face appearing and disappearing. This was the first time I met his friends. “How come you finally brought her out?” Jason sat down, patting the seat beside him. I sat next to him. “Sophia just got back from abroad. I was worried she’d be bored at home.” The light swept across the face of the girl opposite us. She was the female lead in that photo. Fiona, Jason’s childhood sweetheart from a suitable family background. She handed me a drink, asking curiously: “I’ve heard about this kind of thing before. I mentioned it to Jason. Can it really purify desires?” So it was her who had instigated Jason to send me away. And apparently everyone knew about my trip abroad. I downed that glass of wine, looking at Jason. I put the glass upside down on the table. “It can. I no longer have any desire for Mr. Xu.” 0
“What do you mean?” Jason stood up. “I’m saying, let’s break up.” Fiona whispered, “Is she not cured yet?” Jason frowned. He grabbed my wrist, pulling me into his arms. His other hand fell on my waist. The physical reaction came quickly. From my stomach to my throat, I couldn’t stop the violent convulsions. I suddenly pushed him away, barely covering my mouth in time as vomit spilled through my fingers onto the carpet. Everyone was shocked. Including Jason himself. Only I was already used to it, grabbing some tissues to wipe my fingers clean. “Are you satisfied now?” Jason’s face grew even darker. “You can’t even have normal contact with men now, and you still want to break up with me?” “Yes. Even so, I want to break up.” I turned to leave. This time Jason didn’t stop me. Maybe because I had passed the physical test, his emotions stabilized. “Sophia, no one else will accept you except me.” “If you walk out that door today, don’t ever beg me to take you back!” I never looked back. I leaned against the wall in the hallway, my vision blurring under the swaying lights, growing increasingly dizzy. I immediately realized Fiona’s drink had been spiked. Someone was following me from behind. I forced myself to stay alert, walking quickly forward without showing any signs. Just as I turned the corner, I crashed into a man’s arms. I tried to push him away, but then I stopped. I just waited quietly for a moment. The physical aversion reaction didn’t come. In fact, I felt the relief of the drug’s effects being alleviated. “Sophia, how long are you going to hug me?” The man’s backlit features held a teasing smile. It was Ethan, the heir to the Qin family. He used to be friends with Jason and had even spoken up for me before, but I heard they had a falling out later. Ethan felt my forehead with his hand. “Looks like you’ve been drugged. I’ll take you to find Jason.” “No, we broke up,” I looked at him steadily, my voice calm. “Besides, he can’t help me.” Ethan tilted his head, staring at me with a smile, his hand hovering near my waist. “Then what do you suggest we do?” His voice was soft, but to my ears, it was incredibly alluring. With my last bit of strength, I wrapped my arms around his neck. My lips brushed against his cheek, slowly stopping at his ear. “Ethan, can you… help me?” His arm tightened forcefully around my waist. Ethan looked down at me, his eyes dark with meaning. “Sophia, you’re not even asking if I’m willing, just if I can?” “I can’t take it anymore, please.”
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