I had been in an online relationship with my boyfriend for three years. I was there for him through his darkest days, supporting him every step of the way. When we finally met in person, everything fell apart. The reason was simple – the person I had been dating for three years was also complicit in bullying me. Later, Sean tried to make amends by letting others do to him what he had done to me. He begged for my forgiveness, pleading with me to come back. But some things in this world can’t be settled by simply evening the score. 0 As Sean and his cronies cornered me against the wall, I was in the middle of messaging “Sean baby” on SnapChat. Sunlight streamed through the windows into the dark classroom, illuminating only the young man standing at the edge of the group. He looked like a sliver of light in the darkness. I had just sent: [Something came up today. Let’s play games together tonight instead.] Sean’s phone buzzed. His expression instantly softened. He leaned close to his phone and said in a low, gentle voice: [No worries, sweetie. I actually have something to take care of too. Just message me when you’re free later.] I clenched my fist. As I lowered my eyes, I saw “Sean baby” had sent a voice message. “Sean?” The girl standing next to him called out. Sean ignored her, his fingers tapping out another message on his screen. At the same time, my phone received a new message. I didn’t reply. The air in the room felt suffocating for a moment. Zoe opened her mouth, about to call out to Sean again. But the young man suddenly turned to look at her, his voice cold: “What do you want?” Zoe froze for a second. Everyone else’s eyes turned to her. I kept my gaze fixed on Sean. He stood at the edge of the group, half his face illuminated by the light from outside. The contrast of light and shadow only accentuated his striking good looks. His features overlapped with the photos I had seen before. I felt disoriented for a moment. Half of him was my sweet Sean. The other half was this stranger, Sean. My grip loosened involuntarily. The atmosphere grew tense. Suddenly, the girl’s shrill voice shattered the silence. Her tone dripped with vicious glee, like an icy snake coiling around my body. The smugness in her voice was almost palpable. “Teach her a lesson,” she commanded. “Let her know not to mess with me, Zoe.” Fists and kicks rained down on me, one after another. Every place they struck erupted in pain. Threats and insults poured into my ears, punctuated by Zoe’s triumphant laughter. I desperately buried my face in my arms. I don’t know how long it lasted. When I finally looked up again, the figure at the corner was long gone. 0
I had provoked Zoe. She had always been insufferable, throwing her weight around school just because she had a delinquent boyfriend. On Wednesday, I was lining up for lunch in the cafeteria. Zoe suddenly appeared with her posse, cutting in line right in front of me without so much as a word. Normally, I might have said something. But that day I was starving. I had forgotten to eat breakfast and was famished by third period. So I pushed her. Hard. I forgot how strong I was sometimes. That one shove sent her sprawling on her butt. The sound of Zoe hitting the ground was loud enough to make the whole area go quiet. All eyes turned to us. I don’t think she had ever been treated like that before. Her face turned beet red, like an overinflated balloon about to burst. I was about to apologize when the lunch lady called out to me: “What’ll you have, honey? Don’t hold up the line, there are people waiting behind you.” I froze, completely forgetting about Zoe still on the ground. I rattled off my order to the lunch lady. By the time I got my food, Zoe was gone. I figured we were even – she had cut in line first, after all. As far as I was concerned, it was water under the bridge. 0
That was what I thought anyway. Zoe clearly didn’t see it that way. Otherwise she wouldn’t have asked her boyfriend’s friend to come “teach me a lesson.” And I wouldn’t have been beaten up by my own boyfriend and his gang. When I got back to my dorm, my clothes were soaked and filthy. My roommate wrinkled her nose and asked in surprise, “Lucy, what happened to you?” “I accidentally fell on my way back,” I lied. “Oh.” She looked relieved. “Go take a shower then.” I nodded and took off my face mask. My phone buzzed in my pocket again. [What are you up to, sweetie?] [Are you done with your errands?] [Why aren’t you replying to me? (Crying cat emoji)] [Sweetie?] [Patiently waiting.jpg] I didn’t respond. I turned off the screen and went into the bathroom. 0
Sean and I had been in an online relationship for three years without ever meeting in person. When we first started talking, he called me Lucy. As we grew closer, he started calling me Lulu. Later, after he confessed his feelings, he called me “sweetie.” We had known each other for almost three years. During that time, his grandfather passed away. We talked on the phone five times a day during that period. He would talk about his grandfather until his voice grew hoarse, or break down crying. I cried along with him on the other end, comforting him through my own tears. I knew every detail of his childhood. I listened as he reminisced about those bygone days of his youth, the only times he looked back on fondly. My browser search history was filled with: “How to best comfort someone who lost a loved one.” Sometimes he would call me in the middle of the night. The city would be pitch black at 3 AM. I’d be jolted awake by the ringtone, sit up in bed, and stare into the inky darkness as I kept him company while he cried. Eventually, Sean started to heal. Time proved that companionship truly was the best comfort. Even though we had never met in person. Whenever he needed me, I was there. He told me, [Sweetie, I’m so glad I have you.] When I got that message, my best friend Hazel happened to be next to me and saw it. She scoffed: “I can’t believe you’re so free that you’d comfort a total stranger through a screen.” I kept my eyes on the screen and replied tangentially: “Isn’t it amazing?” “The internet is truly incredible.” Sean’s profile picture was a smiling cat. Just looking at it lifted my mood. “It can turn two people who’ve never met into an intimate relationship by society’s standards.” “Companionship through a screen can become someone’s salvation.” I typed out a message and hit send: [I’ll always be here for you.] “How should I put it,” I smiled at Hazel. “Is this the greatness of love?” 0
The sound of running water in the shower suddenly stopped. I came out wrapped in a towel. My roommate pointed at the phone on the desk: “Lucy, your boyfriend called a few times. I told him you were in the shower.” “Thanks,” I said softly. Her eyes landed on my arm and she gasped again: “How did you fall? It looks pretty bad. I have some bruise ointment, come here and let me help you apply it.” I bit my lip to keep from crying out as she rubbed the ointment on the bruises. I typed out a reply to Sean. [I’m done with my shower.] He immediately sent back a sticker. [Kiss.jpg] [Want to play some games tonight, sweetie?] I thought for a moment, then replied: [Not tonight.] [Today I…] [What happened today?] I hesitated, then continued typing. [I saw someone cut in line today, so I pushed them. They said they were going to get someone to teach me a lesson.] The “typing” bubble on his end popped up and disappeared a few times. Finally, he sent a voice message. I didn’t play it. I just replied: [It’s fine, they didn’t come after me.] [How dare they cut in line and still act self-righteous?] Sean asked. More voice messages from him kept popping up, the red dots indicating I hadn’t listened to them. But my eyes were fixed on that one text reply. I couldn’t help but laugh. “What’s so funny?” my roommate asked curiously. Wiping away tears of laughter from the corners of my eyes, I said, “Just saw a funny joke.” 0
We had never gone a day without talking. Sean had sent me many photos over the years. Brilliant sunsets, clusters of wildflowers by the roadside, skies so blue they looked unreal… There was one of him standing in his family’s garden, smiling at the camera. The hem of his white shirt fluttered in the breeze. He stood tall and handsome, his smile as radiant as moonlight. He had said, Sweetie, I took this photo specially for you. Maybe one day, you’ll be able to recognize me if we pass each other on the street. I said what were the chances of that ever happening. Now I realized I was wrong. There are even more unlikely coincidences in this world. His face was half-hidden in shadow under the streetlights, refined yet cold. His beautiful features overlapped with the boy in the photos. Familiar yet strange. Sean once asked me what kind of person I liked. I asked him back, what are you like? He said, I’m whatever you like. I said I liked righteous, noble young men. The Sean I imagined in my mind was exactly like that. He was silent for a long time after that, only sending back a smiley face emoji. 0
The chat bubbles on the other end of the screen kept popping up. I was stunned for a good 30 seconds before I sent him a message: [Sean.] [Do you want to meet in person?] The next day in the cafeteria, I ran into Zoe again. She was trying to cut in line as usual. I was standing in another line, watching as the guy she cut in front of swallowed his anger and said nothing. Zoe turned to chat and laugh with her friends. The corners of her blood-red lips curled up as she caught sight of me in line. Something seemed to occur to her. Her smirk grew even wider as she pulled her friend out of line and squeezed right in between me and the person in front. Her elbow jutted out, nearly knocking me into the person behind me. I stumbled, barely managing to keep my balance. The person in front turned around, their eyes filled with disdain, as if mocking my foolishness from yesterday. I rarely saw such an ugly side of people. I bit my lip so hard I nearly drew blood, desperately trying to suppress the turmoil inside me. I lowered my gaze to hide my emotions. “Little. Bitch.” She enunciated each word slowly, her tone dripping with mockery and venom. But I heard every syllable crystal clear. My rationality was on the verge of snapping. I tasted blood in my mouth and forcefully swallowed it down. 0 My chat with “Sean baby” was still open to the kiss emoji he had sent me yesterday. [Really, sweetie?] [We’re finally going to meet!] [I’ve been looking forward to this for so long. I can’t wait to see you.] [It’s been almost three years.] [I’ll let you know once I’ve decided on a day.] [Okay!] [I’m so happy we’ll finally meet.] [What if you don’t like me in person?] [How could that be possible!] [I’ll love my sweetie no matter what.] [Kiss.jpg] The conversation ended there. I had finished getting my food and sat down in the cafeteria, scrolling through that exchange over and over. It was like I was trying to glean some hidden meaning from it, but came up empty.
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