My mom said she was on a mission. If she couldn’t make my dad fall in love with her again, the system would wipe her out. Completely erased from existence. I secretly told Dad, but he just said, “Then let her die.” Mom heard it too. She didn’t cry. She just held me gently. Later, Mom really died. But my cold, heartless dad, he went crazy. Mom slept for a really, really long time. It was way past time to take me to preschool, but she still wasn’t awake. I touched her body. It was cold, and stiff. Not warm and soft like usual. “Mommy, I’m hungry.” I shook her hard, but she still didn’t open her eyes. She wasn’t like this before. Before, if I just whined a little, she’d wake up instantly, pull me into her arms, and soothe me gently. But now, she was sleeping so deeply. I pulled the blanket over her to cover her properly, then climbed out of bed to call Dad. Dad hadn’t been home for days. Our neighbor, Ms. Davis, said his first love, Celeste, had divorced and come back last month, and that he didn’t want Mom and me anymore. Ms. Davis also said Mom looked a lot like Celeste, and Dad must have married Mom because he mistook her for Celeste. I didn’t know what a “first love” was, so I went to ask Mom. Mom was quiet for a long time before she said: “It’s about what you never truly had, what’s forever in the past.” I didn’t get it. I started to hate the moon. Because it took my dad away.
Mom had set a password on her phone so I couldn’t watch videos. I couldn’t call Dad. I held the phone up to Mom’s face, but it didn’t unlock automatically like it usually did. I said to the phone, “Voice Assistant, I won’t secretly watch cartoons anymore. Please unlock, I need to call Dad.” But the voice assistant didn’t respond. I went to knock on Ms. Davis’s door, but no one was home either. I had no choice but to climb back into bed and lie next to Mom, watching her. Mom was beautiful. Even sleeping, she was beautiful, more beautiful than any fairy on TV. Dad used to often watch Mom when she was asleep, and then he’d carry Mom from my side into their room. He’d playfully nip at Mom like a puppy. Mom was most afraid of dogs, but she never pushed Dad away. The next morning, Mom would always wake up late, rushing to make breakfast for Dad and me. Adults always say kids don’t remember things, but I remember everything. I remember that no matter how rushed Mom was back then, her eyes were always full of laughter. But Dad didn’t smile. He just sat there looking at his phone, then went to work after breakfast, dropping me off at preschool on the way. The teachers at preschool all loved it when Dad brought me. I heard them say my dad was the most handsome of all the dads, tall and good-looking and rich, like a movie star. They also said my dad was cold and aloof, and if only he were a little gentler, he’d be perfect. I thought they were wrong. Leo’s dad was clearly the best-looking. Leo’s dad always carried him on his shoulders when he brought him to preschool. How cool was that? My dad would just lift me down from the car and tell me to go into preschool by myself.
I took out the photo from Mom’s hand. We’d taken it at the art gallery a few days ago. Dad originally had plans and didn’t want to go with us, but Mom held his hand. “Just one more photo, please. Lily can look at it when she grows up. Otherwise… otherwise, it’d be so sad.” I saw tears in Mom’s eyes, but she held them back. Dad finally agreed. In the photo, Mom was holding me in a princess dress, leaning gently on Dad’s shoulder. Dad didn’t push Mom away; he quietly let her lean on him. Out of the three of us, I was the only one smiling the happiest. Last night before bed, Mom held me and looked at this photo together. She kissed my cheek and said, “I wish Mom were more useful.” “Lily, you have to grow up brave, and never be afraid.” I happily rolled around in her arms, “Okay, I’ll grow up brave!” She smiled too, but tears were on her face. She’d been crying a lot lately, even more than me. Then she sang me to sleep. In a daze, I heard her pleading with someone, “It’s not time yet, why are you here… Let me make a call and arrange things for my daughter… She’s only three, please…” I didn’t know who she was talking to. There were only two of us at home. But I was so tired, my eyelids felt too heavy to lift. When I woke up, Mom was lying next to me, her blanket barely covering her, which was why her body was so cold. I used my tiny hand to hold Mom’s, hoping she’d get warmer. No luck.
After a while, Mom’s phone rang. I went to answer, but the ringtone stopped. The phone was dead. I plugged the phone in to charge, but no one called back. I was hungry. I moved a small stool and opened the fridge, but I could only reach a bag of bread. I wanted to get the milk from deeper inside the fridge, but the stool fell, and I tumbled down hard. “Mommy, it hurts!” I cried as I went to find Mom. Mom still didn’t wake up. She was always so worried about me falling and getting hurt. I cried until I was tired, then fell asleep next to Mom. In my dream, I heard Dad’s voice. No, it wasn’t a dream. Dad really was back. I opened my eyes and heard the sound of the door code being entered. The door opened, but Dad didn’t walk in. Only his voice came through: “Lily’s preschool called and said she didn’t show up. I came back to check. Don’t worry, it’s normal after surgery. Go ask the doctor, I’ll be right there to find you.” He was on the phone, and his voice was so gentle. He had never spoken to Mom and me like that. He was always so indifferent to us, sometimes even cold. “Daddy.” I crawled off the bed from beside Mom and ran out. Dad frowned when he saw me. “Why aren’t you dressed? Where’s Mom?” I stopped, afraid to go closer, and whispered from the bedroom doorway, “Mommy’s sleeping on the bed.” He didn’t even look at Mom. He just said coldly to her, “Anya, I’ll give you three more days to think about it. The house and car here are all yours. Sign the divorce papers soon; it’ll be better for both of us.” Something fell in the bedroom. I thought Mom had woken up and ran to check. It was just the phone, which had fallen off the charger onto the floor. I went out to call Dad again, but he had already taken the elevator and left. I stood on my tiptoes, trying to press the elevator button to go down and find him, to tell him that Mom wouldn’t wake up. But Mom had said that children should absolutely, absolutely never ride the elevator alone. Once, when I was playing around, I took the elevator down to the underground parking lot. Mom looked for me for a long time and cried, she was so worried. I went back to Mom’s side and lay down. I didn’t want Mom to cry. When she cried, she was so sad, and she’d secretly hide so I wouldn’t see. I loved it when she smiled. The bread was all gone; I could only drink water. I was still hungry after drinking water, and Mom still hadn’t woken up. I thought Mom was sick. When I was sick, I also slept a lot, but Mom would feed me medicine and I’d get better.
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