My boyfriend had a heavy nicotine addiction. I hated second-hand smoke and had talked to him about it countless times. But he’d just brush it off, or even grin and deliberately blow smoke right into my face. “Come on, baby, I can’t write my songs without a puff or two.” That was, until we moved into our new place, and during our housewarming party, we accidentally stumbled upon an old video of his first love. I watched him instinctively hide the cigarette in his hand, the burning sensation in his palm made him flinch. The engagement ring I’d dreamt of my whole life clattered into a side plate overflowing with leftover shrimp shells and greasy sauce. Later, he frantically searched the world for every kind of ring – lavish, unique, adorable – just for me to glance his way again. But I simply held up my right hand, already adorned with a ring. “Leo Evans, I suddenly realized the things I buy for myself just fit better.” It was our fourth year of dating, and paparazzi photos of Leo privately meeting with a renowned wedding dress designer had exploded on Ins. Friends who knew about our relationship flooded my SnapChat with congratulations, convinced I’d be walking down the aisle soon. Skylar was practically bouncing with excitement, totally egging me on. “Eighty percent chance it’s going to be on your four-year anniversary!” My heart swelled with anticipation too. That day felt perfect. So, on the night before our four-year anniversary, which was also the final stop of Leo’s global concert tour. At Skylar’s insistence, I changed into a meticulously chosen haute couture gown, applied flawless, waterproof makeup, and quietly slipped from my film set back home to the concert backstage, intending to surprise him. “Alright, now you can cry freely when he proposes, no panda eyes for you!” Skylar teased me, then leaned in close to whisper. “I just saw the dress. It’s insane, so much intricate work, it practically blinded me.” “Your Leo is really trying to lure you into marrying him with the most unique and beautiful wedding dress in the world.” My cheeks flushed, but I couldn’t stop my eyes from curving into a happy smile. Until the final song. The lights dimmed, and amidst a chorus of “Encore!” he emerged from the darkness, holding a bouquet of roses. He’d changed into a school uniform and basketball shoes, a bright red headband highlighting his youthful swagger. It took me back to my childhood sweetheart, who used to sprint across the basketball court in high school, now a global superstar on tour. “Tonight, is a special night.” The moment Leo spoke, the crowd erupted in screams. Among them, a few of our fan-shippers, knowing we were childhood sweethearts and seeing the red roses in his hand, excitedly yelled, “Propose!” On stage, he seemed a little embarrassed, lowering his gaze and smiling faintly. “I also have a gift I want to give to someone truly wonderful.” A stunningly beautiful wedding dress was slowly wheeled out from behind him. The upper part was completely covered by black satin, revealing only a massive skirt that seemed to shimmer with starlight. “It’s a black wedding dress!” “Oh my god! How edgy!” I heard Chloe’s amazed voice, but my entire body went rigid. Time seemed to rewind nine years. Leo, restless in the desk in front, had turned around and leaned on my table, holding a drawing. “Harper, my girl, Serena, she always said she’d wear a black wedding dress and design it herself.” His face held a look of happy anticipation. “Such a pain, but what can I do? I just love her!”
A sudden roar of screams from the crowd pulled me back to the present. It was Leo, bending slightly, carefully using a rose to hook the edge of the satin, like a groom revealing his bride. “Harper, aren’t you supposed to be up there soon!” Chloe was even more excited than I was, even rummaging through her makeup bag to ask if I needed a touch-up. “The leading lady needs a grand entrance!” But I remained silent, a giant hand gripping my heart, dragging it down. Yet, in the very next second, Leo, under the gaze of thousands, pulled back the satin. Revealing the entire, beautiful wedding dress. And beneath it, a radiant beauty, eyes glistening with tears, face flushed with emotion, wearing bridal makeup. It was Leo’s first love, the “Serena, my girl” he used to constantly talk about around me – Serena. Leo bent into a bow. “A new song, for all the lovers in the world.” Amidst the romantic prelude, the lipstick in Chloe’s hand clattered to the floor. Her searching gaze instinctively fell on me first, then on the woman dancing gracefully with Leo on stage. After a few long seconds, I took a deep breath, picked up the lipstick, and handed it back to her. “The stage design is quite unique. The leading lady was already up there, clearly.” I pressed down on the suffocating pain in my chest, explaining gently. “Right, right, right! That’s just Leo, always pulling out all the stops.” Amidst Chloe’s stammering, hurried agreement, a grim-faced Skylar practically dragged me back to the hotel. On the way, many staff members noticed me. Under their scrutinizing, curious, and even pitying gazes, I struggled to maintain my composure, smiling and looking directly back at them. But my steps quickened involuntarily, fleeing like a coward. My carefully chosen, sparkling gown looked like a cheap imitation compared to that wedding dress. I clenched my fists, self-deprecating thoughts uncontrollably swirling in my mind. In Leo’s heart, wasn’t I always just a cheap imitation?
Leo called twice, and when I didn’t answer, he started sending SnapChat messages. “Tour’s over, baby! Not flying back home tomorrow. I’m taking the team shopping to relax. I’ll buy you something nice.” “Heading to the after-party now. Busy tonight, will FaceTime you tomorrow, wife! (sending a heart).” I clutched my phone, hesitating for a long time, still wanting an explanation from him. “Why was Serena at your concert, wearing a wedding dress?” Over an hour later, I finally got his reply. “Just stage design. She’s had a tough time these past few years and is live streaming now. I was just helping her get some exposure.” Skylar scoffed, snatching my phone away. She pointed at the screen, which showed the time was already past midnight, then pulled up a photo. It was Leo’s latest post. His team raising their glasses at the celebration party. Next to Leo, a delicate wrist adorned with a red string bracelet. “Leo probably forgot your anniversary, didn’t he?” “Guys like him, they say they love you ten parts, but only act on one.” “Harper, you soft-hearted fool, with no temper and no way to argue, you’re just letting him walk all over you, and he’ll never change.”
I sulked for days, ignoring Leo. He started by sending dozens of messages a day. Then, seeing I never replied, he got angry too. We began a long cold war. Usually, I’d be the first to cave, but this time I managed to stop myself from reaching out to comfort him. Then, tormented by frustration, I suffered from insomnia and overeating. Until one afternoon, he suddenly knocked on Skylar’s door. “Baby, I’ve missed you so much.” The moment he stepped in, he bypassed Skylar and pulled me into his arms. As if we hadn’t been arguing at all recently. “I’ve invited some friends over to our new place for a housewarming dinner tonight. Get ready, let’s go home.” My words weren’t organized, but my body’s instinctive reaction was to push him away. “What’s wrong?” Leo’s radiant face showed a hint of confusion. Noticing my gaze lingering on his face, he smiled confidently. “I specifically put together this outfit and did my hair for dinner tonight.” My vision was obscured by my messy, three-day-unwashed hair. I touched the stress-induced pimples and dark circles around my eyes from sleepless nights, and a weariness I couldn’t name washed over me. So, for the past few days, the only one tossing and turning, tormented by the cold war, was me. “Why didn’t you tell me about the housewarming dinner when the time was set?” I finally managed to painfully squeeze out a question from my throat. “It’s because you wouldn’t reply to my messages, or cheer me up! I haven’t even gotten to you for throwing a fit out of nowhere.” Leo sounded completely justified. “I’ve given you an out. If you don’t take it, I’m really going to get mad.” I was speechless, blocked. How did this become my fault again? “Why didn’t you wait until dinner was over to tell Harper!” Skylar directly bumped Leo aside with her shoulder, pointing him out the door. “I really do have a surprise for Harper.” Leo put on a pitiful expression, deliberately clinging to the doorframe, only revealing a goofy, smiling face. “Baby, come home with me, please. Tell me slowly what I did wrong, okay?” “My mom and dad, and your aunt and uncle are coming tonight too. Please, wife, just for appearances.”
Leo’s parents and mine were old friends, and we had a great relationship. Not wanting to make our parents awkward, I quickly washed my face and hair, changed into some casual clothes, and went back to our new home. This new place was meant to be our marital home. From the large furniture to every tiny ornament, I had carefully chosen everything. But now, his buddies were sprawled on the sofa, crushing my little dog plushie, smoking and horsing around, letting ash fall into the carpet fibers. Serena directly pulled my hand, seating me at the table as if we were old friends. “Long time no see, Harper. Come on, sit down, make yourself at home.” Besides a few actresses I’d worked with, there were also some of Serena’s influencer friends. The strong perfume mixed with the cigarette smoke from the living room made me wrinkle my nose. “Director Harper, you don’t mind us live streaming, do you? Don’t worry, we won’t film you guys.” I was about to refuse. Serena spoke first. “Leo already agreed. If you’re worried about noise, you can even stream from the bedroom.” The intimate nickname made my scalp crawl. Serena smiled at me again. “Harper’s temper is so good, she definitely won’t mind. Everyone, have fun, eat and drink well.” I frowned, feeling uncomfortable with her utterly clueless words. “Oh, and Harper, I have a gift for you today too.” Just as I thought of getting up to change seats, Serena’s voice suddenly rang out. Before I could react, she broke into a smile again and called out, “Hey, Leo, come sit between me and Harper.” Leo had just finished seating his friends, so he unceremoniously sat between us, pulling me back into my seat. “Thanks, baby, for saving me a spot.” I felt like I was sitting on pins and needles. Glasses of wine were poured one after another at the table, and every now and then, laughter erupted over some new gossip. I sat stiffly in the midst of it all, my introverted nature making me unusually silent, watching Leo and Serena playfully tease each other, as if they were the true hosts of the housewarming. My last glass of wine I’d drunk too quickly, making my eyes water from coughing. Leo got up and gently patted my back. The lit cigarette he held was aimed straight at my face. I watched the blue smoke slowly drift upwards, a burning itch spreading across my skin. I had told him so many times, *don’t smoke in front of me*. Just then, a young actor by the projector called out. “Leo, you have an old DVD player! And so many discs.” “I’ll put on some music to liven things up.” I wasn’t interested in the music. Leo had lit another cigarette, and the smoke made my stomach churn with the wine. “Leo, I don’t feel well. Please stop smoking.” I tugged at his sleeve under the table, my voice a whisper. But Leo merely switched the cigarette to his other hand, then mischievously blew a puff of smoke right into my face. “Sorry, baby, my addiction’s pretty bad. Last one, promise. Be good, okay?” A wave of unspoken disappointment and exhaustion washed over me. I lowered my eyes, feeling an almost unbearable nausea. Just as I was about to stand up and rush to the bathroom. “Leo Evans!” A sudden roar came from the projector. “You’re smoking behind my back again!” A vibrant, energetic girl grabbed the boy by the ear, dragging him out of the equipment room. It was Serena and Leo from high school. “We agreed: one cigarette a day during your quitting period, no more! If you keep lacking willpower, forget about your first kiss!” The somewhat rebellious boy immediately tossed the cigarette and stomped on it twice. “I’m wrong, I’m totally wrong! Just let this be tomorrow’s cigarette, okay?” “Okay, okay! The day after tomorrow, the day after that too, I won’t smoke! My little queen, please don’t be angry. I’ll go buy you bubble tea right now, okay?” Only then did the girl’s expression soften, and she commanded. “Pick up that cigarette and throw it in the trash.” “Got it.” In the video, Leo threw the cigarette without hesitation. Outside the video, Leo, in real life, had instinctively hidden his cigarette butt, burning his hand. His hand trembled, and the ring—the very one I’d waited seven years for, the one he’d just pulled from his pocket and secretly clutched in his palm—clattered into the side plate, filled with greasy sauce and shrimp shells. It was like the heavy clang of a bell, finally awakening me from years of hazy self-deception.
Leo and I grew up together. He was always the ringleader of our group, the center of attention. But I, having started school too early and always a beat behind everyone else, remained the shy, overly sensitive chubby kid. Later, during puberty, I started breaking out in terrible acne, transforming from a shy, chubby kid into an insecure, depressed, chubby kid. I retreated into myself like a snail, unwilling to talk to classmates, disliking school. When Leo noticed, he practically dragged me everywhere with him, probably worried I might do something reckless. “This is our Harper!” He always spoke without much thought, putting an arm around my shoulder to introduce me to his friends. “She’s got good grades, a great personality, and she’s adorable. She’s the best friend you could ever ask for.” Then, during breaks, he’d drag a chair over to ask me about science problems, or force me to quiz him on classic literature. “Come on, genius, school me! I need an emergency rescue!” On my solitary walk to the cafeteria, there was always someone loudly chasing after me, calling my nickname until I embarrassedly stopped. “Stop yelling! The principal will bust us for being too coupley!” My face was bright red. After passing through that awkward, confusing phase of hormones, I began to accept myself again. I recognized my own stiffness and social awkwardness. I recognized my people-pleasing tendencies, the way I’d unconsciously act silly to try and make others like me in social interactions, only to later self-criticize and despise myself for it. I feared overly assertive or enthusiastic people, dreading sarcasm, always hesitant and cautious. But it was okay. There was no law stating everyone had to be outgoing and generous. I watched Leo flourish in crowds, saw him become student body president, speak as an outstanding representative, and shine during school shows and performances. I was always happy and proud of him. Until the first time he secretly drank alcohol, got drunk, and acted like a total fool when he was drunk at my house. When I turned to the kitchen to make him some honey water. He suddenly leaned down and kissed my cheek. “Baby, you’re so cute.” His arm was wrapped around my neck, the warmth from his face spreading to mine, his eyes, brimming with a hazy affection, sparkled. In that second, I could even hear the pounding in my chest. Leo completed the last piece of my adolescent puzzle: an unknown, ambiguous love. But the next morning, Leo had forgotten that drunken kiss. “I didn’t act crazy and scare you last night, did I, sweetie?” Leo sipped his soy milk, his eyes sincere, his messed-up hair bouncing. I looked at his bright, dazzling face, full of youthful vigor. Then I saw my own reflection in the glass window: my plump, bloated figure. My back was hunched, I wore braces, and when I didn’t smile, people often said behind my back that I looked fierce. “No.” I tried to smile, then quickly closed my mouth. Burying that unripe seed deep in my heart. Later, Leo fell in love with Serena, a dazzling transfer student. I, knowing my place, withdrew from Leo’s life. Until an unexpected family crisis hit Leo’s family. Their funds were frozen, and they even got involved with people with dangerous connections. His dramatic early romance with Serena began to unravel. Leo had to go to the hospital after school to care for his injured father, then work consecutive shifts to earn money. He spent less and less time with Serena. Sometimes, when he returned to school, his clothes were dirty, bearing unexplained bruises. Nasty rumors circulated about Leo at school. They said the Evans family was definitely ruined this time, possibly owing millions, and would never recover. They said Leo might have been selling himself to some rich woman. Serena began to subtly and intentionally distance herself from Leo. Until Leo’s grades, which he had always prided himself on, started to drop, falling out of the top fifty in the entire school. Serena just transferred and ran off on a regular day. She didn’t even send a breakup text; she simply vanished from Leo’s life. Leo was completely broken, taking a long time to find the school Serena had transferred to. He walked in just as he saw her kissing her new boyfriend at a coffee shop outside the campus.
Like a background extra in some angsty teen drama, I stayed by Leo’s side through his toughest times. I watched the Evans family rise again, and I watched Leo transform from a positive, sunny optimist into someone cold, like a different person entirely. During the long summer after Leo graduated and went traveling abroad, I refused to go with him. I joined a gym to lose weight, practiced my posture, got cosmetic treatments for my acne and to brighten my skin, and took off my braces and thick-rimmed glasses. I enrolled in a film directing program, but then a renowned director picked me to star in a movie. My serious, self-conscious face was suddenly ‘brooding’ and ‘full of character.’ My awkwardness in conversation was transformed into a talent for delivering every line with precision. My ‘boring’ soul effortlessly embraced the passionate lives of the characters I played. And my naturally fierce-looking face and slow, sometimes dazed expressions inexplicably landed me on a trending topic for my unexpected charm. For the first time, I realized that from a different perspective, flaws could become strengths. Leo and I always stayed in touch. I thought we’d be just friends forever. Until I played a quirky, confident, and outspoken high school queen bee. He was the composer for the film’s theme song and followed the production for two months. On the night the film wrapped, he suddenly confessed. “Harper, I like you. Can I have a chance to pursue you?” He called me by my character’s name, ‘Harper,’ which everyone on set had been using to help me stay in character. But my excited heart suddenly sank. Yet, he looked so sincere, so eager, and I could feel the fear hidden in his eyes. He was afraid I’d reject him, afraid I, his ridiculous backup, would also abandon him. “Okay.” I smiled, fully aware that this was a wrong, even stupid, decision. But childhood dreams, they often resurface in the dead of night, compelling you to bet all your chips on a game. What if I won?
Sadly. Four years later, I would tell her: you lost, and you lost miserably. Right now. I swayed as I stood up, swatting Leo’s hand away, and walked towards the nervous young actor. I took the two discs from his hand. Both were labeled “Serena.” A clear, blatant ploy Serena orchestrated to intentionally make me feel sick. I knew that according to Leo’s plan, the lights should have dimmed by now. Leo would kneel on one knee, pull out that ring. We’d reminisce about the past through the video, and then, after a heartfelt confession, he’d ask that question: *Will you marry me?* But now, the ring was in the trash. The home-wrecker was at the main table. The渣男 (scumbag) was being held by the home-wrecker’s hand, repeatedly listening to her apologize. And I, his official girlfriend, was just a part of their twisted game. “I’m so sorry, Leo, I truly don’t know how those videos leaked. Please don’t mind it. Continue proposing to Harper.” Leo’s face was utterly grim. He took a step towards me, but still didn’t pull away from Serena’s hand. It was laughable, a walking tank who couldn’t shake off a tiny pebble. I wiped my blurring eyes, feeling like I deserved to be blind by now. “I’m not playing anymore.” Acknowledge the loss and move on. But this game was too disgusting. I had to flip the table to calm down. So, I walked up to Serena and politely asked. “Do you truly mean your apology?” Serena nodded furiously, tears streaming down her face, looking genuinely pitiful and innocent. I turned to Leo, and he had instinctively stepped forward, shielding Serena behind him. “This has nothing to do with Serena. It must have been a mistake by the disc burning company. Baby, you’ve always been good-tempered, you wouldn’t intentionally make things difficult for Serena, would you?” Honestly, anyone smart knows not to provoke a quiet person. Just as I decided, starting today, to unleash all 800 of my worst tempers on Leo and Serena. I gave a faint smile. Just as Leo let out a sigh of relief, about to say something. I firmly splashed the side plate, complete with the ring and shrimp shells, directly onto his face. “Eat well, you trash.” Amidst Serena’s gasp, I elegantly picked up two glasses of wine and splashed them at their feet. “You two are a perfect storm of toxic waste, a match made in hell! May your twisted love last forever.” 6. Skylar sat by my bed, her eyes cautiously fixed on me, lying there like a dead fish. She knew about Leo and Serena. And she knew just how much I had loved and indulged Leo all these years.
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