Everyone at school knew I was Jax Anderson’s biggest admirer. I’d bring him breakfast, take notes for him. Once, when he sprained his ankle playing basketball, I even knelt down to tie his shoelaces. Until that day on the rooftop, when I heard him say: “Lily Hayes? She’s clingy as hell, impossible to shake off.” “When it’s time to apply for college, I’ll tell her I’m applying to A College. She’ll definitely enthusiastically follow suit.” “Then, Serena Chen and I can just go to C College.” His friend asked, “You’re just going to keep leading her on?” He sighed, “What else can I do? She’s a sheltered little flower, I’m afraid she can’t handle the shock.” But later, he cried and told me, “You used to love clinging to me so much…” 0 I came to bring Jax breakfast, but I froze on the stairwell. Lately, Jax had been pushing me to tutor him, saying he wanted to apply to A College. Turns out, it was just a lie to get rid of me. One of his friends pressed him, curious: “What if Lily doesn’t apply to A College?” Jax scoffed, casually shrugging: “Then she definitely won’t go to C College. She hates the cold, she’d never go up North.” “Besides, as long as I want to go to A College, she’ll go. I know her too well.” “Since we were kids, she’s always insisted on going to the same school, the same class as me, terrified of being far from me.” The whole group laughed. Someone nudged Jax, winking: “Jax, seriously, who doesn’t see how Lily feels about you? I bet if you go to C College this time, she’ll end up crying and begging to transfer.” Jax sighed, “She’s a sheltered little flower, she’s never faced any real setbacks. Keep your traps shut, okay? I want a few more quiet days before the college application results come out.” Another friend asked curiously, “So, when are you planning to tell Serena how you feel, Jax?” Jax’s lips curved into an unconscious smile: “She said she’d agree to be my girlfriend if I get into C College.” Another friend couldn’t help but exclaim, “Wow, how romantic! Studying so hard for the school’s beauty queen?” Jax laughed, “It’s youth, you gotta be crazy for love at least once.” … I don’t know how long I stood there. My ears buzzed, and my heart ached so bad I could barely breathe. I couldn’t bear to listen anymore, so I dragged my heavy feet away. On the way back to class, Jax’s words kept replaying in my mind. It made me think of when I was ten. A girl in our class told me, “Jax wants me to secretly tell you he’ll be waiting for you at our old spot after school. He has something important to tell you, and you have to go alone. He said it’s a big surprise, so don’t tell anyone!” I went, full of expectation. I waited there like an idiot for a long, long time. Jax never showed up, not until it got dark and started to rain. I was so cold and scared of the dark. In the end, I just ran home crying. Later, that girl mocked me in class, “See? She thought Jax only played with her. So easy to fool!” Jax got really angry at a girl for the first time then. He promised me, seriously and solemnly, “Lily, I’ll never lie to you like that again. I’ll always keep my promises. If it’s really something important, I’ll tell you to your face.” But now, it seemed like that promise didn’t mean anything anymore. If he liked someone else, he could have just told me directly. I wasn’t that fragile. Why did he have to lie to me like this? 0
Thinking about it, Jax really had changed a lot. When he was little, he was vibrant and cheerful, a ray of sunshine. Then his parents frequently fought, eventually divorcing. Because of it, his personality grew more rebellious, and he gradually stopped wanting to go home. I always thought he was just too cold, that’s why he put up a prickly front. Coincidentally, my home had so much warmth, I could spare some for him. He always used to protect me when we were little. Now it was my turn to stick by him like a tiny firefly. So, after that, When he skipped class, I’d take notes for him. When he fell and got hurt playing basketball, I’d tie his shoelaces. He’d glare at me, tell me to mind my own business, and throw the notes I handed him back. But the next day, those notes would always appear deep inside his backpack. And he’d eat every bite of the breakfast I brought him. After a while, people started joking around him, saying I was his biggest fan. That time, Jax got into a fight with them right in front of the whole class. Later, those guys disappeared, and I never saw them again. I thought that Jax and I, after more than ten years as best friends, were special. But after Serena Chen showed up. Everything changed. 0
Serena transferred in during our sophomore year and wasn’t in our class. Not only was she beautiful, but she quickly snatched the top spot in our grade. One day after school, some sketchy guys cornered her in an alley. Jax couldn’t stand seeing someone stronger bullying the weak, so he stepped in to help and ended up with a cut on his face. From then on, Serena started appearing in front of Jax all the time. Claiming to ‘repay his kindness,’ she’d bring him breakfast, get him water, and even help him hide from teachers when he skipped class. At first, Jax said, “That new girl is seriously annoying. I just helped her out, who knew I couldn’t get rid of her.” But then, his attitude slowly shifted from annoyance to acceptance. He not only stopped rejecting Serena’s presence but would also make excuses about having things to do, no longer walking home with me. I knew he was walking Serena home. But every time I asked, he’d just say, “You don’t understand, she has a lot of family drama, it’s pretty sad. I just want to help her.” As if afraid I’d press further, he’d add, with his usual impatience, “Stop worrying about nothing, just take care of yourself.” Jax, who was usually so aloof, Would hand her his jacket when it got cold. Would specifically buy her favorite ice cream outside of school. He even worried about her getting bullied and wanted to go to the same college as her. But originally, that was our agreement. 0
On the day of our middle school graduation. I looked at the sparkling stars above and asked Jax, who was next to me, “Have you thought about what you want to do later?” Jax shook his head, a hint of helplessness on his face: “Do I even need to think about it? My dad only has me as a son, so I’ll definitely study something related and manage his company after graduation.” I paused, then spoke: “So, after we graduate high school, will we go our separate ways?” Jax looked into the distance, a lost expression in his eyes: “Probably.” An evening breeze blew by, and hearing that, I felt a strange sense of sadness. Jax looked at me, suddenly flustered. “Hey, don’t cry. You’re that sad to leave me?” He said, while clumsily wiping my tears away. “Wherever you want to go for college, I’ll take the entrance exam with you.” My eyes suddenly lit up. “Really? Then I want to go to A College.” “Tsk, your mood changed so fast.” Jax ruffled my hair, smiling lazily, “A College, huh? Looks like I’ll have to study hard.” “You cry so easily. What if you go somewhere so far away alone and get bullied and start crying again?” Maybe it was just a joke to comfort me back then, but I always remembered it. In high school, his grades were always bad, and I was secretly worried, but he didn’t react at all. Until the end of the second semester of junior year, when he anxiously pulled me aside to tutor him. I thought he remembered our old agreement. Now I realize I was mistaken. I’ve always followed behind him since childhood, but I started understanding him less and less. After a while, it just got tiring. All gatherings eventually end. Perhaps, it’s time for us to go our separate ways. 0
Jax sent another little note, asking me to leave first today. I was used to it, so I ignored him. That evening, Jax came to my house for tutoring, carrying a strawberry-flavored ice cream. Actually, strawberry was my least favorite flavor. But I don’t know when, Jax started buying this flavor every time. Now I realize it’s Serena’s favorite. Perhaps all the good things I received from Jax were just casual acts he did for Serena. A dense, aching pain spread from my heart. I said coldly, “You should go back. Don’t come to me for tutoring anymore.” It was the first time I’d ever refused him. As soon as the words left my mouth, my throat tightened. Because I liked him, I couldn’t accept his deception. I couldn’t pretend nothing had happened and foolishly stay by his side. Jax raised an eyebrow slightly and asked, “Were you mad because I didn’t walk home with you this afternoon?” He ruffled my hair, “I know you’re clingy, but you have to let me have my own things too.” I shook my head, “Exams are coming up soon, and my schedule is really tight. I don’t have time to tutor you.” “You can find a tutor, or, ask Serena to help you.” Serena always studied hard, consistently ranking at the top of her class, so she’d probably be very willing to help Jax. Jax quickly rejected the suggestion. “No.” “Her family has very high expectations for her; she needs to work hard to get first place. She doesn’t have time to tutor me.” “You know my basics, so you tutoring me is more suitable.” I suddenly couldn’t speak. My nose stung, and my eyes felt hot. Right. One was a good student, struggling but resilient. The other was a clingy follower who always trailed behind him. Jax didn’t want to hold Serena back; she needed to strive for her own future. And me, with my good family background and loving home, was apparently born to make concessions, always revolving around him, Jax. Seeing that I remained silent, his tone softened, a hint of pleading in his voice: “Didn’t you always want us to go to the same college? So you have to be responsible for me.” So he still remembered our agreement. I looked at that familiar face and suddenly found it utterly strange. I held back my tears, staring into his eyes, and asked each word distinctly, “Are you really planning to go to the same college as me?” Time seemed to freeze for a few seconds. Then, he smiled guiltily and changed the subject: “Alright, Lily, stop messing around.” “I’ll walk home with you tomorrow…” Before he could finish, I slammed the door shut and leaned weakly against it. A bitter feeling welled up inside me, unstoppable. The tears could no longer be held back, falling one by one. 0
I stopped caring about anything related to Jax and threw myself into studying. At first, Jax would still try to talk to me. But after I ignored him too many times, he stopped trying. One day, I overheard his friend ask: “Jax, why is your childhood friend so quiet these past few days? Did you two fight?” Jax shrugged it off, “Who knows? She can’t stand me getting close to other girls, so she’s throwing a tantrum.” “Just keep my distance for a few days, and I’ll get some peace.” Actually, I didn’t have to follow him. These past few days, walking to and from school alone, I had much more free time, and things around me felt simpler. Being alone wasn’t as scary as I imagined; instead, it made me understand what I truly wanted. When the midterm exam results came out, I got first place in my grade. As I was organizing my错题本 (error notebook), Jax suddenly approached me. He had a dark look on his face, striding up to my desk and slamming his hand on my notebook, his voice chilling: “Lily Hayes, was getting first place this time on purpose?” Startled by the sudden commotion, I looked up at him, a bit confused. “You know Serena needed this first place,” he said, looking down at me. When he mentioned Serena, I remembered Jax saying before that she was very pathetic. If she didn’t get first place, she’d be beaten badly. But what was wrong with me working hard and getting first place myself? I retorted, “What does that have to do with me?” “Don’t you have any sympathy? If you’d just gotten one less multiple-choice question right, she wouldn’t have been beaten.” He frowned, suddenly leaning closer, “I know you don’t like me being close to her, but there’s no need to target her like this!” I was just doing my own thing, and in his eyes, it had become targeting. It was break time, and there were other students in the classroom. His voice wasn’t quiet, and I could feel the eyes around me and hear the hushed whispers. A wave of injustice washed over me, and I heard my voice tremble: “I’m not targeting anyone! Exams are about skill, not about who’s more pathetic!” “Besides, that’s her family business.” I slowly stood up, looking directly into his angry eyes, “Why should my score pay for your sympathy? You have no right to morally judge me here.” My deskmate, Chloe, couldn’t help but speak up for me: “Exactly, Jax. You’re totally guilt-tripping her, aren’t you? You earn your own grades. Why should she just give it up? Just because Lily is nice to you, does that mean you can just walk all over her?” Jax glared coldly at Chloe. I had a bad feeling. “Jax!” A voice interrupted the standoff. It was Serena. She ran in, looking panicked, and stood in front of Jax. “Don’t fight with Lily because of me! It’s all my fault, I didn’t work hard enough, I didn’t score well enough…” She then looked at me, a look of apology on her face: “Lily, I’m so sorry, truly sorry… Please don’t be mad at Jax, he didn’t mean it, he’s just too worried about me…” I watched Serena tightly grip Jax’s wrist, then looked at Jax’s slightly softened brow. His eyes were filled with undisguised pity and protectiveness for Serena. They, one angrily accusing, the other kindly mediating, made it seem like I was the unreasonable outsider who needed to be tolerated. I bit back my tears, telling myself not to cry. In that moment, something deep inside my heart shattered completely. 0 To prevent irrelevant people from disturbing my thoughts, I immersed myself in a sea of practice questions, losing track of time. When I looked up again, the classroom was empty. Ten minutes had passed since dismissal, and suddenly my stomach hurt, so I went to the restroom. As soon as I entered a stall, I heard Serena’s voice from outside. “My eyeshadow is almost rubbed off,” she chuckled. “Help me touch it up again.” “Jax really believes it?” her friend asked. “Of course. A rich kid desperate for attention like him totally falls for this stuff. Today, he even argued with Lily because of it.” The person asked again, “Aren’t you afraid of getting caught someday?” Serena smiled confidently: “As long as you don’t say anything and I don’t say anything, by the time he’s truly dependent on me, the truth won’t matter anymore.” I froze, my heart racing, and it took a long moment for me to react. Serena was no pathetic damsel in distress at all.
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