I opened my eyes and found myself back at eighteen. In the grungy, faded classroom, someone was using me as a bet. “…I think for just twenty bucks, you could get a touch of Chloe. Anyone want to try?” They snickered, their voices laced with dirty innuendo, finally agreeing, “Liam, you go.” Liam. “Sure, why not.” I slumped onto my desk, closing my eyes. Waiting for Liam to walk up to me. *Knock, knock, knock.* Liam tapped on my desk. I pretended to have just woken up, lifting my head. “What is it?” Liam. “Got time after school? There’s something I need to tell you.” I scrutinized him. Liam acted all calm, feigning indifference, looking oddly serious. I didn’t let my expression change, answering, “Yes.” “Alright then, wait for me after school.” With that, he turned dramatically and walked back to his seat. Soon, whispers and suggestive giggles erupted behind him. I didn’t need to turn around to know what kind of expressions they were making. Pfft. What a bunch of sickos. I leaned back on my desk. I had no idea what kind of cruel joke fate was playing, sending me back to eighteen. Eighteen. I was starving, so hungry I could only keep drinking water. During lunch break, others were actually resting, tired. Only I was forced to ‘sleep’ because of hunger. But I couldn’t sleep. So I could hear the boys’ hushed conversations. They talked about games, comics, basketball, and girls. And I was one of them. Pretty but poor – a combination that practically painted a target on your back in any school. But I was a girl, and they had even more sordid intentions. They were betting twenty bucks. And ten years ago, for twenty bucks, I really did go with Liam to the secluded woods behind the school. He handed over the cash, and I unbuttoned my shirt. Then, *click*. Liam took the photo. The next day, the photo went viral in the entire SnapChat group. After that, they called me “Twenty Bucks.” 2 After school, Liam was the first to leave the classroom. I grabbed my backpack. “Let’s go,” he said. I didn’t say a word, following him. We walked out of the school and headed towards the secluded woods behind it. Liam kept glancing back at me, as if afraid I’d run off. I rubbed my empty stomach and said, “Hey!” Liam turned around. “What’s wrong? We’re almost there. You’re not trying to bail, are you?” “No.” I said, “But I’m hungry.” Liam paused, then let out an exasperated sigh. “So, what do you want to do?” “I want to eat.” Liam was impatient. He didn’t want to waste time, but he also didn’t want to lose this opportunity. After a few seconds of thought, he nodded. “Fine, let’s eat first.” I ordered a plate of fried rice. Liam paid. The fast-food joint was dingy and greasy. Liam couldn’t stomach it. He sat with his arms crossed, watching me devour my food. Liam scoffed. “Chloe, are you the reincarnation of a starving ghost?” I ignored him completely. I no longer remembered the gnawing hunger of my eighteen-year-old self. But I remembered Eleanor’s maliciousness. That beautiful woman, like a virus, brought her daughter into our home and quickly corrupted my dad. From then on, I became the family’s pitiful orphan. Eleanor could precisely calculate the exact amount of energy needed to *survive*, strictly controlling the money she gave me. Enough for half a stale bread roll. Eating that for a day wouldn’t kill me, but it was pure misery. The hunger drained my energy, making it impossible to study. I wouldn’t get into college, I wouldn’t hog the family’s resources. This family would only support her daughter. Satisfied, I put down my forks. “All done.” Liam stood up. “Then let’s go.” I suddenly grabbed his arm. Liam froze. He felt utterly flustered, his arm burning hot as if it could roast someone alive. Ah, teenage hormones. So hot. Even hotter was Liam’s gaze. “Chloe.” He looked down at me, his voice hoarse as he asked, “Are you short on cash?” I smiled. You know exactly why. Of course, I was short on cash. That’s why he’d sought me out, wasn’t it? “Come with me to the woods.” Liam said. I shook my head, my hand slowly tracing up his arm, my body closing in, until we were practically glued together. “…Want to go to a motel?” I whispered into his ear. In the dark, narrow alley, the word “motel” seemed to glow in the night. Liam swallowed hard. 3 Inside the room, Liam’s breathing grew heavier. He lunged and pinned me against the door, holding back. Makes sense. Eighteen, no experience. He was just agitated, but too scared to make a move. I said, “Shower first? You or me?” Liam snapped out of it, looking at me with suspicion, probably wondering why I seemed so… experienced. “You first, then.” I said. Liam gave me a look of disdain, tossing his backpack into my arms. “I’ll be out quickly.” I said, “No rush.” The bathroom door closed. I opened Liam’s backpack and pulled out his camera. Then I picked up the hotel phone and dialed a number. Downstairs, a woman from a small local salon was sitting by the entrance, looking bored. Her number was written on the glass door. I never forgot a number. The call connected. I gave the room number, hung up, and then pulled out his wallet. A thick stack of cash. Liam was a rich kid. His dad owned the largest grocery store in our town. His dad spoiled him rotten. And the practical expression of that spoiling was money. Liam had a lot of money. But I only needed half. The other half would be a service fee. Soon, the doorbell rang. Liam had just finished showering. He walked out of the bathroom, surprised. “Why are you turning off the lights?” No one answered. The bedside lamp was dim, and a bulging lump lay on the bed. Liam’s breathing intensified, his voice trembling. He called out, “Chloe?” He walked over, bent down, his bathrobe tied around his waist, revealing the lean back of a young man. I licked my teeth, intrigued. In the darkness, only his heavy breathing could be heard. Then he pulled back the covers. Soft arms wrapped around his neck. Liam tumbled onto the bed, two bodies tangled together. Then I flicked on the lights. *Click*. I took the photo. Liam’s eyes widened. He was completely dumbfounded. The woman from the salon cursed at me. “What the hell? This isn’t what we agreed on!” I signaled for her to wait, then held up the camera, smiling at Liam. Liam snapped back to reality, erupting in rage. “Chloe!” “A thousand bucks for one photo.” I tossed his wallet to him. “I took my share of the cash. I left some for you to pay this lady later.” Then I turned to the woman and said, “Your cut? Get it from him.” Then, I grabbed my backpack and turned to leave without a second thought. Liam leaped off the bed, trying to chase me. “Stop!” He yelled, enraged. “Chloe, you stop! You dare to screw with me, you bitch!” “You haven’t paid yet! Trying to run off!” “Let go of me!” “Pay up first! Or you’re not going anywhere!” Dog eat dog. I slammed the door shut. He deserved it. 4 My eighteen-year-old self had lived a brutal life. Because I was too young. A young girl had no other means of survival; her body was her only capital. That deal with Liam bought me a week’s worth of food. But it also cost me my name. My semi-nude body was permanently etched into the boys’ phones. Every day, there were notes in my desk, maliciously asking for my price. Twenty bucks not enough? How about thirty? Just looking, no touching? And the girls? They avoided me, deliberately pinching their noses when they walked past. They’d exchange glances, a subtle smirk playing on their lips. My life went from hell to a deeper hell. No one hit me, and no one yelled at me. But I was silently whipped countless times. So, I wouldn’t make the same mistake. At twenty-eight, I was a seasoned player in this game of life. Liam deserved everything he got. I hummed a tune, happily walking home. A thousand bucks. That could get me through the next six months. Then, college. Then, out of this place. 5 Liam came in very late the next day. He looked utterly deflated, like he’d been run over by a truck. I heard he’d had his parents called in. The woman from the salon told me Liam refused to pay, and they caused a huge scene. The motel staff, afraid of trouble, found his student ID and called the school. The school then called his dad. His dad paid the money. Honestly… what a foolish boy, taking humiliation so seriously. Wouldn’t it have been easier to just pay up quietly? I pursed my lips. Liam saw me and glared, his eyes like he wanted to devour me. I turned my face away, scoffing. Liam’s eyes flashed with malice. A busybody walked up to him. “Hey, Liam, how was yesterday?” “Did you get her?” Liam finally found an outlet for his frustration. “Got her? My *ass*!” The guy was surprised. “Liam, what’s wrong with you?” “Get lost!” He furiously kicked over a desk. A wave of startled shouts rippled through the room. I didn’t look back, twirling my pen, casually circling key review points in my new study guide. This was just a tiny lesson. I didn’t want to be called “Twenty Bucks” again. Though ten years later, that nickname held no power over me. My twenty-eight-year-old self was a warrior; nothing from my teenage years could hurt me anymore. I had smoothed out all the rough edges of my past. But not now. Eighteen-year-old Chloe still cared. 6 After school, Liam blocked my path again. This time, I didn’t hold back. I raised an eyebrow. “If you don’t move, I’ll scream.” “Go ahead and scream!” Liam flashed a twisted grin. “Chloe, you dared to screw me over. I’m not done with you.” I tilted my head, smiling as I asked, “So, what do you want? Another trip to the motel?” Liam’s face instantly became a kaleidoscope of emotions. He opened and closed his mouth, then rudely called me, “Whore.” I pulled out the camera. Liam was furious. “Give me back my camera!” I asked, “Who’s the whore?” Liam was so angry he couldn’t speak, his chest heaving, face flushed red. I found it a little pathetic. Liam’s skin wasn’t thick enough; otherwise, he’d have worn that photo like a badge of honor for becoming a man. Bullying the weak was no fun. I tossed the camera back to him. “Here.” Liam caught it, looked down, and fiddled with it, probably deleting the photos. When he was done, he looked up and asked, “Did you back it up?” “What do you think?” That was my leverage, of course I’d backed it up. Liam gritted his teeth. “What do you want?” I crooked my finger at him. Underneath the eighteen-year-old skin was my twenty-eight-year-old soul, cold and cutting. I bared my fangs and spat a single word at him. “Scram.” I didn’t want anything to do with him. I had too many problems. My stepmother, my stepsister – they were roadblocks on my path forward. I needed to save my energy to deal with them. They’d already pulled the rug out from under me once. I wouldn’t allow a second time. And Liam? He was just a side character. 7 I never again devoured my dinner like a madwoman. Eleanor quickly noticed the change. Before, dinner was the only meal I could eat until full, so I practically choked myself. But lately, I’d been eating three meals a day, so dinner felt less urgent. Eleanor started to suspect me. But she had no proof. She even secretly searched my backpack, pillow, and bed… but found nothing. The thousand bucks was safely tucked under Madison’s bed. She’d never find it. “Don’t celebrate too soon.” Madison smiled. “You won’t be able to hide it for long. My mom has ways of dealing with you.” She said with conviction, “Chloe, we know you’ve got money.” I kept my head down, just reading, pretending not to hear. Madison sat on her bed, advising me, “Why work so hard? Even if you get into college, my mom won’t let you go.” I looked back at her. Madison said, “Don’t waste your energy.” Her face held that faint, condescending sneer again. It was as if she was mocking me, no matter how hard I tried, she’d find a way to cut off my path, effortlessly crushing me. I said, “This is *my* house.” Madison flinched, probably not expecting me to speak to her like that. But she didn’t get angry, quickly breaking into a shallow smile. “And?” She said, “Chloe, sooner or later, I’m going to kick you out.” I looked at her coldly. “Want to bet?” Madison said, “Let’s see whose house this really is.” As if to confirm her words, the door was pushed open from outside. My dad, Robert, stood in the doorway. “I brought you some snacks,” he said. “Sesame balls. Madison, you and Chloe share them.” “Okay!” Madison walked over, took the bag, and looked up. “Thank you, Dad.” Robert ruffled her hair, then looked at me. “Still studying? Don’t study too late.” I said, “Got it.” The door closed. Madison took a bite of a sesame ball and asked, “Want some?” Without waiting for my answer, she chuckled again. “Oh, I forgot. You’re allergic to sesame.” She looked incredibly smug. 8 I soon found out what Madison’s “way” was. Monday morning, Ms. Jenkins was holding morning assembly. Eleanor burst into the classroom, demanding to know why I’d stolen money from home and what kind of unspeakable things I’d used it for. “Chloe, you mustn’t do bad things. If you need anything, just ask Aunt Eleanor, and I’ll definitely buy it for you, but you can’t steal.” Eleanor looked heartbroken. Everyone’s eyes were on me. I said coldly, “I didn’t.” “I don’t believe you.” Eleanor started rummaging through my desk, sweeping everything out onto the floor in a chaotic mess. “Fine, you won’t admit it. When I find it, let’s see what you have to say then.” I understood. She thought I’d hidden the money at school. But she found nothing. Ms. Jenkins snapped out of her daze and pulled her aside. “Chloe’s mom, if there’s anything, let’s discuss it in the office. Don’t disrupt class.” “Come, come, let’s go to the office. Chloe, you come too.” In the office. Eleanor cried as if her heart would break. “Ms. Jenkins, I’m desperate. If I had any other choice, I wouldn’t have come to the school.” “It’s just that Chloe is so disobedient.” Ms. Jenkins. “What exactly happened?” “Five hundred dollars is missing from my wallet, and only Chloe has been in my room.” Ms. Jenkins looked at me. “Chloe?” “I didn’t take it. I’m not the only one in the house.” Eleanor cried out, “Are you trying to blame Madison? Chloe, Madison is my daughter. I’ve watched her grow up; I know her character. She wouldn’t do something like this.” I sneered, “Are you sure?” My sneer infuriated Eleanor. Malice flashed in her eyes, and she said, “Chloe, your mother died young, and your father is often away. I know you lack affection, but no matter how short on money you are, you can’t steal. Otherwise, how can you face your mother?” My expression changed instantly. She shouldn’t have mentioned my mother. My mother was beautiful and kind; Eleanor couldn’t hold a candle to her. I stood up straight. “If my mom knew I was being framed like this, she’d crawl out of her grave to fight you, you bitch!” The office went silent for a moment. Ms. Jenkins stared at me in shock, unable to believe her usually well-behaved student would say such a thing. Eleanor, even more enraged, lunged at me, trying to hit me. “Calm down, Ms. Eleanor, please calm down.” Ms. Jenkins tried to pacify her, then turned to angrily scold me. “Chloe, apologize.” Apologize? No way. I said, “Disgusting.” The office erupted into chaos. I turned and walked out. Liam was leaning against the doorway. I passed him, glancing at him, not stopping. “Chloe.” Liam called out to me. “The money you used for your study materials, that was my money, right? Why didn’t you tell them?” I turned back. Liam’s eyes were full of pity. Ah, he felt sorry for me. But I wasn’t having it. “What the hell is it to you?” I said. Liam’s face went through a kaleidoscope of emotions. 9 When I got home that evening, my bed was a complete mess. Eleanor had “washed” them. The damp comforters were piled up like a soggy mess. Madison looked smug. “You dared to insult my mom, Chloe. This is just a lesson for you. Your dad won’t be home this week, so who are you going to complain to?” I ignored her completely. Even if my dad was home, I wouldn’t complain. He didn’t believe me. I told him I wasn’t eating enough. He asked Eleanor, who explained she was doing it for my own good. “Teenage girls gain weight easily and it’s hard to lose.” “Chloe is so pretty; it would be a shame for her to get fat. Look at Madison, I don’t let her eat too much either.” My dad believed her. Then came my period. I had no money for pads, so I’d layer toilet paper, and bloodstains would often seep onto my pants. I’d wash them every day. Eleanor would ask with a puzzled tone, “Does Chloe have an obsession with cleanliness?” Robert would look confused. “What’s going on?” My hands were immersed in soapy water, watching Eleanor. She was so sure. Sure that I wouldn’t dare confide my bodily needs to a man, even if he was my father. So I could only become a clean-freak, picky, silent, and increasingly strange girl. My spirit was being chipped away at, ugly and painful. And I could only endure it, saving money, enduring hunger, to buy the pads I desperately needed. My period, as if to spite me, arrived punctually every month. Malnourished as I was, the flow was still heavy. How ironic. 10 The next day at school, Ms. Jenkins called me in. I thought she was going to scold me, but instead, she just urged me to study hard. “Liam told me everything. The money you have was borrowed from him.” She patted my shoulder. “…Just hang in there. It’ll be better after senior year exams.” I nodded and returned to the classroom. Liam’s gaze followed me. I looked at him, then expressionlessly looked away. Liam’s face instantly soured. “Liam, going to play games after school?” “Get lost!” Liam blocked my path after school. I was completely uninterested. “What do you want?” “I cleared things up for you.” “I know.” “You should thank me, right?” I said, “I don’t need your help.” I didn’t need his kindness. “Chloe, can’t you speak properly?” Liam was furious and embarrassed. I didn’t care. “I can speak properly. Buy me dinner.” Liam paused. I wouldn’t let my anger dictate my stomach’s needs. Liam asked, “What about all that money I gave you?” “It was useful.” “Useful for what?” I scoffed. “What are you to me?” Unusually, Liam didn’t get angry. He asked, “That woman who came to the school, she’s your stepmom?” “Yeah, and I have a stepsister.” Liam paused, looked at me, then turned. “Come on. I’ll buy you dinner.” I didn’t stand on ceremony. Besides the fried rice, I even ordered an extra soda. Liam said, “Enough? You can order more if you want.” I bit my straw, looking at Liam across from me. For a moment, a wicked thought crossed my mind: maybe I should set him up with Madison. After all, Liam was handsome and popular at school. Many people watched him play basketball; Madison was one of them. My last life was so miserable, and Liam was a major culprit. Such a pair deserved each other. But no. My re-lived life wouldn’t be stained by any new sins. 1
After my dad came back, I had clean bedding again. That evening, the whole family went out to a restaurant. In the brightly lit dining hall, my dad pulled out gifts he’d brought back from his business trip. Three gifts in total, one for each of us. Eleanor got a necklace; Madison and I got bracelets. Eleanor’s face was flushed with spring-like happiness. “Thank you, honey.” Madison sweetly said, “Thank you, Dad.” Only I didn’t move. My dad asked me, “Chloe, don’t you like it?” I said, “It’s not that.” “Then why aren’t you wearing it?” I looked at him. This man, right in front of me, was so utterly oblivious. He had never once noticed that the gifts he bought for me always ended up on Madison’s wrist. He was like a blind man. I curled my lips into a wicked smile. “I like Madison’s.” Madison froze for a moment. Eleanor reacted quickly, immediately saying, “Madison, sweetie, why don’t you swap with your sister?” Madison snapped back to reality, smiling. “Okay!” She took off her bracelet and put it on me, sweetly saying, “Chloe, so you like this style?” I raised my arm, admiring it. A potential conflict vanished silently. My dad chuckled, his face beaming with satisfaction. Countless times. For that smile of his, I had backed down countless times. But this time, I wouldn’t. I took off the bracelet and tossed it into the steaming fish soup. “I find things other people have worn dirty.” Soup splattered all over Madison, who leaped up, yelling, “Chloe, you bi—” Eleanor quickly clapped a hand over her mouth. I smiled. Yes, she had to hold back. A gentle, well-behaved student shouldn’t swear. A kind, generous stepmom shouldn’t swear either. The only one who could swear was my dad. My dad’s face hardened. “Chloe, what are you doing? Apologize to Madison.” I said, “No.” My dad got angry, stood up, and raised his hand. He wanted to hit me. But he hesitated. Eleanor, at just the right moment, burst into tears. “It’s my fault, for taking your mother’s place. It’s normal for you to hate me, but what has Madison done wrong?” Madison also cried, “Chloe, please don’t be angry.” My dad finally steeled himself, bringing his palm down. “I told you to apologize!” *Slap*. A loud slap. But it didn’t land on my face. My dad froze. Madison shrieked, “Liam, what are you doing here?” Liam was covering his face, standing in front of me. After a moment of shock, I came to my senses and pushed him away. “We’re not family. Why are you eating at our table?” “Hypocrisy.” I turned and walked away. 1
Liam followed behind me. He was like a shadow. I asked, “Why are you following me?” Liam. “No reason.” “Then get lost.” Liam’s expression changed, a hint of humiliation in his eyes. Yes, he was always praised and admired. He’d only faced setbacks with me, and he couldn’t stand it. “Chloe.” He said, “Can’t you speak properly?” I could. But why should I speak properly to him? He had set me up. He’d plunged me into hell. In this life, he’d almost done it again. “Do you think, just because you cleared things up with the teacher and took a slap for me, I’ll be grateful?” I said coldly, “Liam, don’t try to bargain with me.” He was delusional, thinking this belated kindness could buy my forgiveness. I wouldn’t accept it. I walked on alone, Liam’s angry shout echoing behind me. “You did that on purpose!” I turned back. Liam looked at me. “Chloe, you deliberately provoked your dad. What are you trying to do?” I had to admit, he was smart. “That’s my business.” Liam. “I just wanted to help you…” “Don’t need it.” Indeed, I didn’t need it. My life belonged to me. I would help myself.
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