When I was ten, Matteus secretly played with fire in the storage room and caused a massive blaze. Trying to save him, a burning beam fell on me, leaving 80% of my body with severe burns. I went from being a sweet, adored little girl into a monster. For ten years, Matteus was the kindest person to me. He often held me as I trembled from the agonizing skin grafts, his eyes red as he whispered: “Lena, I’ll take care of you forever. Anyone who dares to humiliate you, I’ll kill them.” Mom and Dad also spent every last penny for me. In this house, I seemed like the most cherished treasure. Until that day, when Matteus brought home a beautiful fiancée. I heard it with my own ears, Matteus, the one who swore to protect me forever, his voice ice-cold: “Don’t worry, once we’re married, I’ll send that monster to a care facility out in the countryside.” “Just looking at her face makes me so disgusted I lose my appetite.” I knew then, it was time for me to leave. 0 The lights were off in the room, and the curtains were tightly drawn. I was used to the dark. Because only in the dark, the person in the mirror, like a melted wax figure, wouldn’t look so grotesque. “Lena, drink your medicine.” Mom came in with a bowl, her eyes somewhat evasive. The medicine was bitter, but I didn’t even flinch, tilting my head back and swallowing it down. After multiple skin grafts from the burns, my facial nerves were damaged, so I could barely make any expressions anymore. “Mom, is Matteus coming home today?” My voice was hoarse; my vocal cords were also injured in that fire. Mom’s hand, as she took the bowl, paused, then she forced a smile: “Yes, of course, he’s coming home. It’s your birthday, after all.” I nodded, though it was an almost imperceptible movement. That fire ten years ago. Matteus was completely unharmed. But I was turned into half-human, half-ghost. Since then, my birthday had become our family’s grim anniversary. Every celebration felt like a constant reminder to everyone. Of what I had sacrificed for this family, and what I had become. The sound of keys turning in the lock came from outside the door. Even through the door, I could hear the lightness in Matteus’s footsteps. This was rare. Ever since my accident, Matteus had always been heavy in this house, carrying a guilt-ridden silence. “Mom! I’m home!” Matteus’s voice was high-pitched, filled with barely concealed joy. Immediately after, a soft female voice chimed in: “Hello, Aunt Eleanor, I’m Chloe.” I sat in the darkness, my fingers instinctively clenching the bedsheet. Due to skin contractures, my hand was twisted like a bird’s claw. We had a guest. And it was a girl Matteus had brought home. I heard Mom’s flustered voice: “Oh, oh, hello… Well, you didn’t tell us you were bringing anyone…” “Just wanted to give you a surprise,” Matteus said with a laugh. “Chloe is a colleague from the hospital, and she’s my girlfriend.” The living room filled with cheerful chatter. The sound of fruit being sliced, the TV, and that girl’s laughter, clear as a bell. Her laugh was so lovely. Unlike mine, which only pulled at the scars on my face, making me look worse than if I cried. I hunched in the corner of my room, trying to make myself as invisible as possible. This wasn’t the time for me to appear. As long as I didn’t show myself, Matteus would still be that excellent doctor. A perfect man, without a blemish. Not a “pity case” with a monster for a sister. But biological needs are uncontrollable. I’d been holding it in my room for three hours. Listening to the noise outside die down slightly, I thought they’d gone to the kitchen. I put on my heavy baseball cap, pulled up my specialized face mask, and donned long sleeves and pants. Only after making sure not an inch of my skin was exposed did I carefully push open my door. In the living room, Chloe was sitting on the sofa, peeling an apple. Hearing the door open, she turned her head. Our eyes met. She froze. Even though I was completely covered, my twisted posture, and the dark red scars peeking out from the edge of my mask, still exuded an unsettling aura. “Ah—!” A scream tore through the cozy atmosphere of the house. The fruit knife clattered to the floor. Chloe recoiled in terror, pointing at me: “W-what is that thing?!” 0
“Chloe! Don’t be scared!” Matteus rushed out from the kitchen, embracing his trembling girlfriend. Mom also hurried over, positioning herself in front of me, trying to shield my damaged body. “This is… this is Matteus’s sister, Lena.” Mom’s voice was low, tinged with a humble plea. Chloe, still shaken, hid in Matteus’s arms. Her eyes shifted from fear to disgust, then to disbelief. “Sister? Matteus, you never said your sister was… was like this…” She didn’t say the word, but everyone understood. A monster. An outcast. Matteus’s grip tightened around her, his face darkening. He didn’t look at me, but instead lowered his head, gently reassuring his girlfriend: “I’m sorry, I didn’t prepare you. She… she became like this after that fire.” I stood still, unable to move forward or back. The baseball cap pressed painfully against my head. I needed to use the bathroom, my bladder ached painfully, but I didn’t dare to move a step. “I’m sorry.” I squeezed these three words from my throat, my voice rough like sandpaper grating against wood. Chloe flinched. Matteus finally looked up at me. His eyes held none of the tenderness of yesteryear. Only a fleeting flicker of embarrassment. “Lena, go back to your room,” Matteus’s voice was cold, a command. “Don’t come out and scare our guest.” My body stiffened. This was the first time Matteus had ever spoken to me like that. Before, even if some insensitive kids called me a monster outside, Matteus would rush over and send them packing. Then he would gently tell me: “Lena is the prettiest, they’re just blind.” But now, he was telling me not to scare people. “Matteus! Is that how you talk to your sister!” Mom, unable to bear it, scolded him. Matteus ran a frustrated hand through his hair: “It’s true! Look how scared Chloe is!” “I told you I was bringing my girlfriend home today, why did she have to come out wandering around now?” My heart felt like it was being squeezed by something merciless. I didn’t explain that it was because I needed to use the bathroom. I just lowered my head, dragging my inflexible right leg, and slowly shuffled back to that dark room. The moment I closed the door, I heard Chloe’s tearful voice: “Matteus, I can’t… I’m really scared… that face is terrifying…” “If your family is like this, I’ll have to rethink our marriage.” “No, Chloe, let me explain…” Matteus’s voice was filled with panic and pleading. I leaned against the door, slowly sliding to the floor. The heavy clothing made me sweat all over, and the healing wounds began to itch again. The itch was agonizing, like countless ants crawling under my skin. I couldn’t scratch; one scratch and it would break, then get infected. I could only pinch my thigh hard, until it was bruised, using the pain to suppress the itch. So, I was already a stumbling block on Matteus’s path to happiness. The boy who once said, “I’ll take care of you forever,” had finally bowed his head to reality. I didn’t go out for dinner. Mom brought a bowl of food into my room, piled high with my favorite dishes. “Lena, don’t blame him. He’s just… too concerned about Chloe.” “Chloe’s family is well-off, and she’s beautiful. Matteus’s grown up, it’s not easy for him to start a family.” Mom rambled on, her eyes red. I scooped a spoonful of rice and vegetables into my mouth, trying to swallow it. “I know, Mom.” “I don’t blame Matteus.” What right did I have to blame him? It was my own fault for being so frighteningly ugly. It was me who had burdened this family for ten whole years. 0
Over the next few days, the atmosphere at home was suffocatingly heavy. Matteus left early and returned late every day. He smelled of smoke when he came back. His arguments with Mom and Dad in the living room, even when deliberately muffled, still reached my ears. “Chloe said she’ll marry me, but we can’t buy a house in this neighborhood.” “She said every time she thinks about someone like… *that* being in the house, she has nightmares.” That was Matteus’s voice, thick with exhaustion. “Then what do you want to do? Lena wouldn’t have been like this if she hadn’t saved you…” Dad slammed the table, his voice trembling. “I know! I know she saved my life!” Matteus suddenly exploded, his voice rising to a shout: “That’s why I’ve spent the last ten years of my youth! Every penny I earned went to her treatment! Isn’t that enough?” “Dad, Mom, I want to live a normal life too!” “I’m almost thirty, how many relationships have I messed up because of my disabled sister, do you even know?” “I finally found someone who didn’t care about my modest income, and now, because of Lena… it’s going to fail again!” Silence descended upon the living room. In my room, I bit down hard on the back of my hand. My numb skin bled, and the metallic taste filled my mouth. So, these were Matteus’s true feelings. All those “I’m not tired,” “I’m willing.” Ultimately, in the face of daily despair, they had transformed into “I’m almost thirty,” “I want to live a normal life too.” “Then what are you going to do?” Mom asked, crying. “Send her to a care facility,” Matteus’s voice turned cold, resolute. “I found a cheaper one in the suburbs. We’ll send her there, and I’ll visit her every month.” “As long as she’s not in the house, Chloe will accept it.” “You bastard!” *Slap!* It sounded like Dad had hit Matteus. “Send your sister to a place like that? That’s basically sending her to die! You’re trying to force her to her death!” “Then are *you* trying to force *me* to my death?!” Matteus slammed the door and left. That night, I had a dream. I dreamed it was ten years ago, and the fire hadn’t started yet. Matteus held a lighter, smiling at me: “Lena, look at the fireworks.” If only then, I hadn’t rushed in and pushed him out. If only then, it had been him trapped under the burning beam, not me. Would everything be different now? Or, if that fire had just killed me outright. Then Matteus would have mourned me forever, instead of wishing I would disappear like this. The next day, Matteus brought Chloe home. This time, they were delivering an ultimatum. I heard them in the living room discussing the wedding date, and the financial aspects of their marriage. Finally, the conversation turned to me again. When they weren’t paying attention, I secretly opened the door a crack. I wanted to see Matteus one last time. I wanted to see what the Matteus who once carried me to every hospital in the city looked like now. Through the crack, I saw Chloe nestled in Matteus’s arms, playfully whining: “So, when is your sister moving out? My parents are coming to see the house next month.” Matteus was peeling an orange, offering a segment to her lips. His face held an appeasing and relaxed expression I had never seen before: “Don’t worry, I’ve arranged everything.” “She’ll be gone next week.” “I went to the care facility; it’s a bit out of the way, but no one will see her once she’s inside, so she won’t scare anyone.” Chloe pouted: “Honestly, that day really disgusted me. How can someone look like that, like a burnt monster?” Matteus’s hand paused. I thought he would object. Thought he would say, “Shut up,” like he did when we were kids. But he didn’t. He just put the orange into Chloe’s mouth and said flatly: “It is pretty disgusting.” “If I had known it would turn out like this, it would have been better if she had just died in that fire.” “Living like that is just suffering, and dragging the whole family down with her.” In that instant, the last bit of warmth in my body’s blood turned completely cold. So, I wasn’t just a burden. In Matteus’s heart, I had become so disgusting that he wished I had died. I gently closed the door. Without making a sound. I turned around, looking at myself in the mirror, completely bundled up. It was indeed disgusting. Even I couldn’t bear to look for long. Since Matteus wanted to live a normal life so badly, since my existence was the greatest misfortune for this family, then it was time to end everything.
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