Adrian has a saliva allergy. Even the slightest contact with someone’s lips would cause his whole body to break out in hives. At our wedding, when the officiant asked us to kiss, just one light touch sent him into shock and straight to the hospital. During sex at night, he makes me wear a mask, terrified of coming into contact with my saliva. Rumors spread like wildfire. People said I had bad breath, that I carried bacteria, that I was the reason a perfectly good man had to be so cautious. To protect his pride, I silently endured all the speculation. Later, at a New Year’s party, he lost a game and took his punishment—holding alcohol in his mouth and passing it directly into his girl best friend’s mouth. After the drink was passed, they kept kissing. Adrian’s eyes were full of desire. Watching the lipstick mark on his lips and the strand of saliva between them, my heart sank. That’s when I realized his saliva allergy was only for me. If I hadn’t happened to be at that bar that night, I never would have seen it. Adrian, who claimed to be working overtime at the office, was now holding alcohol in his mouth and passing it without hesitation into Jessica’s mouth. After the drink was transferred, everyone around them started chanting, “Kiss! Kiss!” And Adrian actually did it, egged on by the crowd. He closed his eyes and they changed positions several times. When things got heated, he even used his tongue. I froze. At our wedding, a crowd had also chanted for Adrian to kiss me, but he’d flatly refused, citing his saliva allergy. Fighting back tears, I walked toward them. I hadn’t gone far when I bumped into the bar counter and fell. Glasses shattered everywhere with a loud crash. Everyone’s eyes shot in my direction. The two people who’d been making out stopped. Jessica walked over like a victor, reaching out as if to help me up. “Clara? What happened? Did you fall?” I slapped her hand away. “Get away from me!” But Jessica put on a pitiful expression. “Clara, please don’t be angry. We were just playing a game. You know Adrian and I have been like this since we were kids…” I swung my hand to slap her, but Adrian showed no regard for my situation and pulled Jessica behind him. “This is just a casual gathering with friends and there are so many people here. Have you made enough of a scene? Go home!” I laughed bitterly and walked step by step to sit among that group of friends. “A gathering with friends? As your wife, don’t I deserve a seat at the table?” Instantly everyone fell silent. The two people sitting closest to me instinctively pulled away. “She has bad breath and H. pylori, and she still has the nerve to play games with us! Aren’t you afraid of infecting us?” One of Jessica’s girlfriends spoke up indignantly. The others exchanged glances. I looked at Adrian. He sat next to Jessica, laughing along. Because Adrian had refused to be intimate with me all these years, rumors about me having bacteria and bad breath had run rampant. For the sake of his reputation, I’d never explained or defended myself. Yet now his friends could mock me with these private matters as if they were jokes. And he wouldn’t stand up to defend me. I pulled out my medical records. “Look closely. I don’t have any bacteria or bad breath. So I’m playing this game too!” Adrian jumped in to stop me. “Don’t be ridiculous! You’re pregnant!” “And you have a saliva allergy! But that didn’t stop you from kissing whoever you wanted!” Instantly, many curious eyes turned our way. Adrian’s ears turned bright red. He grabbed my arm, trying to shut me up. I stayed silent, and he stopped trying to prevent me from joining. The dice shook violently in my hand. I casually lifted the cup. “Three sixes!” The highest possible roll. Everyone was stunned, including Adrian. He rarely brought me to gatherings with friends. He had no idea I was good at this. “I won!” Jessica, who’d been sitting on Adrian’s lap moments ago, now looked like a startled chicken. “Jessica, I noticed you really enjoy mouth-to-mouth action. How about doing it with Marcus too!” The game rules were simple: the winner could make anyone present do a dare. She couldn’t refuse, but clearly didn’t want to. Adrian had told me that Marcus used to be Jessica’s devoted admirer. It would be nice to let him have his wish. But Adrian spoke up for her. “Clara, Jessica’s shy. Let’s skip this round!” I heard my own voice crack. “A deal’s a deal! Why is it okay for Jessica to kiss you but not someone else?” Jessica’s fists clenched so tight her nails dug into her palms. “Clara, it’s just a game. Don’t make things difficult for Jessica!” To plead for her, Adrian pushed me into the villain’s role. My lower abdomen started cramping again, but I couldn’t back down now. “She just had bad luck. How is that my fault?” Jessica couldn’t take it anymore. She ran out in fury. Adrian stood up too, leaving only one vicious sentence: “Happy now?” Then he chased after her. The whole gathering fell apart because of me. But strangely, I felt no victor’s joy—only growing emptiness. I staggered to my feet. The pain in my abdomen grew more intense. When I stumbled to the bathroom in panic, I discovered I was bleeding.
I don’t know how I got to the hospital. When I woke up, the doctor was already waiting impatiently by my ear. “Mrs. Lee, you’re hemorrhaging badly. We need to know whether to save you or the baby. Your husband needs to come sign the papers immediately!” I didn’t want to contact Adrian anymore. “Doctor… can I… sign myself?” The doctor shook her head. She said my own condition was critical—how could I make this decision? I could only force myself to call Adrian despite my nausea. At first the phone rang, but then it went straight to voicemail. “Bed 18! What are you doing? Where is he? Is he coming or not?” I helplessly dialed again and again. Ironically, while Adrian wouldn’t answer my calls, he posted on social media. It read: “Best friends till death!” The picture showed his and Jessica’s backs as they drank together. My head throbbed. My heart was dying. Soon after, Jessica sent me a video. In the video, on the bed I cleaned every day, torn clothes were scattered everywhere. Adrian and Jessica were tangled together. At the end, Jessica didn’t forget to text: “Clara, is something wrong? Adrian’s exhausted and fell asleep!” I hung up. A tear slid onto the white pillow. “Bed 18, your condition can’t wait any longer. You’re hemorrhaging badly. When is your husband coming?” The nurse was anxious again. I shook my head. “No one’s coming. My husband… he just died.” At my words, the nurse’s impatient expression turned to shock and sympathy. In the end, I signed the consent form for the abortion procedure alone and was wheeled into the operating room. I don’t know how long the surgery took. When I opened my eyes, my phone wouldn’t stop ringing. I looked—of course it was Adrian. I didn’t call back. I blocked his contact instead. During the four or five days I was hospitalized, no one came to my bedside. A nurse finally couldn’t stand it and hired a caregiver for me. While taking care of me, she asked, “Where’s your family?” My eyes went blank, staring into the distance. “In Harbor City. It’s far, and they’re old. I didn’t want them to make the difficult trip.” The caregiver patted my hand without saying anything. I suddenly missed home. My hand reached for my phone and unconsciously dialed Dad’s number. When I realized what I’d done, I quickly hung up. He must be frantically dealing with problems in Harbor City. I couldn’t let him see me like this. Soon, my father called back. I suppressed my longing and let it ring out. After being discharged, I rushed home to pack my things and leave. But I had the bad luck of running into Jessica.
When I opened the door and saw her, she was casually sitting in my usual spot on the sofa, sunflower seed shells scattered all over the floor. She wasn’t surprised to see me. She even invited me to sit down, as if she were the lady of the house. I kicked aside her shoes that were carelessly left by the door and walked straight to the bedroom without acknowledging her. She followed me in. “Clara, haven’t seen Adrian these past few days? Are you upset?” I treated her like air and opened the closet, only to discover that my belongings were just a few scattered items. “Don’t worry, Adrian’s doing great with me! He doesn’t really want to come back here either.” I still ignored her, silently filling my suitcase. Seeing my silence, she became irritated instead. She pointed at my nose and declared her territory: “Clara, I’m pregnant with Adrian’s baby. Step aside!” I really couldn’t understand this woman. One moment she said she and Adrian were just friends, the next she was telling me to step aside. But when she mentioned the baby, I thought of the little life that had belonged to me just days ago. My nose stung. I fought back the moisture in my eyes and forced a smile. “Really? Then congratulations!” “Clara, you’re really pathetic. I’m pregnant with his child and you still won’t leave? You can tolerate even this?” Slap! I struck her across the face, finally making up for what I’d missed at the bar that night. “Actually, I can’t tolerate it.” I said expressionlessly, “Even if I leave, it doesn’t mean you’ll ever get to climb above me.” Just then, I heard a key turning in the door. Perfect timing—Adrian had arrived. As soon as he saw the handprint on Jessica’s cheek, he started lecturing me without a second thought. “What’s wrong with you? You don’t answer calls, you don’t come home, and Jessica was worried about you and waited here for days. Now you’re bullying her again without even asking what happened!” “I’m bullying her?” I was too angry to have strength. I was too tired to explain. “Fine. Since you’re so protective of her, go be with her then!” At this point, Jessica started playing innocent again. “Adrian, is it because I’m here that Clara’s uncomfortable? She can’t stand me. I’ll just leave!” He grabbed Jessica’s hand. “Look at you, acting so childish when you’re about to be a mom. I’ve told you many times—Jessica and I are just friends. If there was something between us, would you even be in the picture?” He always said that. But whenever Jessica had a problem, he could drop everything and rush to her. On our engagement day, Jessica had just returned from abroad. One phone call and Adrian left all our relatives to pick her up at the airport. On our wedding day, Jessica couldn’t stand seeing us intimate. She threw a tantrum and disappeared. He stopped the entire wedding ceremony and searched every corner of the venue just to find her. This time was no different.
“Adrian, since you think I’m so childish, let’s get divorced!” “What did you say?” His tone was incredulous with a hint of mockery. “Sign the papers. Divorce. Isn’t Jessica pregnant with your child? She can legitimately become a mother!” I pulled out the divorce agreement I’d written in the hospital. “Clara, stop making a scene. How could Jessica be pregnant with my child!” Seeing my unwavering stance, he actually laughed. “Clara, you really want a divorce? Have you forgotten what your father told you?” He actually had the nerve to bring up my father! If Dad hadn’t been targeted by loan sharks back then, there’s no way Adrian would have gotten that funding from my father. There’s no way Adrian could have made a comeback and achieved his business success today. Back then, with his status, he never could have married me. It was Dad who asked Adrian to take me away from Harbor City, saying not to come back unless there was an emergency. So for these five years, no matter what trouble I encountered, I never went back. I obediently stayed by Adrian’s side, playing the role of his good wife. He knew this, which is why he was so unrestrained with me. Seeing no reaction from me, Adrian perked up. “Besides, even if you don’t think about yourself, you have to think about the baby in your belly. Following you around from place to place—would that be a good life?” Finally, he tore up my divorce agreement piece by piece. “So forget about divorce. Just be Mrs. Adrian and live carefree. Isn’t that nice?” “Fine!” I looked at Jessica without emotion. Her face looked terrible. She threw another tantrum for Adrian to comfort. I silently picked up those paper scraps and threw them in the trash. I knew Adrian too well. He would never sign this divorce agreement. So I stopped trying to get Adrian to agree to divorce. He thought I’d given up and let his guard down. While he was away on business, I hesitated for a long time before finally calling Dad. “Dad, your daughter’s in trouble. She really wants to come home.” In that instant, emotions I’d suppressed for so long finally poured out. I didn’t tell him what happened. He just said with infinite regret that he’d pick me up at the airport. I took one last look at this city I’d lived in for five years and entered the boarding gate.
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