Mom always said my birthday was her day of suffering, so she never allowed me to celebrate it. But Chloe… she always had a grand birthday party every year. I cried, begging Mom to let me celebrate just once. Mom, however, pulled out the annual statement and threw it in front of me: “This year, I’ve spent a whopping five thousand eight hundred fifty dollars and six cents on you.” “You useless burden, after all the money I’ve poured into you, you still expect a birthday celebration?” I didn’t understand. Our family wasn’t poor, yet Mom remembered every penny, even the cost of an ice cream. “If it weren’t for having you, how would my body be ruined and covered in stretch marks? How else would your father have gone out and found a mistress?” “All my suffering, it’s because of you. If you truly want to repay me, you should just die.” “I almost died in the operating room giving birth to you, and not only are you ungrateful, but you want to celebrate my suffering? Do you even have conscience?” I pulled the covers tightly over myself, afraid to even cry out loud. To make Mom happy, I jumped from the rooftop. But even after I truly died, Mom and Dad still weren’t happy.
Mom angrily threw the annual statement in front of me. My eyes were swollen from crying, and I knelt on the floor, sobbing continuously. “Mom, I’ll earn money when I grow up and pay you back…” Mom didn’t even hesitate, slapping me across the face. A burning pain flared on my cheek, followed by Mom’s furious roar. “Pay back? Can you ever pay back all the years of youth and energy I spent raising you?” “If you really want to pay me back, you should just die sooner and set me free.” Mom smashed everything she could get her hands on, then left the house with Chloe, leaving me alone, kneeling amidst a pile of shattered debris. I could only pin my hopes on Dad. Dad came home drunk, flopping onto the couch to scroll on his phone. I stopped cleaning the mess and got up to get him some water. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of Mom’s SnapChat Story on his phone. In the photo, Mom was embracing Chloe, smiling happily, as if nothing had happened moments ago. The caption read: “No matter what happens, never bring your bad mood to your child! That’s our promise!” She couldn’t bring her bad mood to Chloe, but she could unleash all her fury on me. My hand, holding the glass, trembled, and the water spilled directly onto Dad. Dad quickly lifted his phone away, looking up at me angrily, his voice sharp as he yelled. “Lily, are your hands useless? You can’t even do a simple chore right. What good are you?” My nose stung, and tears welled up again. “Dad… I didn’t mean to…” Dad shot me an impatient glance, pointing at the door and shouting, “Oh shut up with the crying, you’re annoying as hell, just get out!” I sobbed, trying to explain to Dad, but he didn’t give me a chance, getting up and heading upstairs. I mustered all my courage and yelled after him, “Dad, today… it’s my birthday.” Dad’s footsteps on the stairs stopped. He turned to look at me, and I thought he finally remembered, that he would celebrate my birthday just once. I watched him, filled with hope and anxiety, but what Dad said was, “Birthday? What birthday?” “I never even heard of birthdays when I was a kid. You just haven’t known hardship.” Dad went upstairs without another look. I sobbed my way out of the house and knelt in the snow. Mom and Dad, you always said I was a jinx, that I was your curse, that you fought every day because of me… So, Mom and Dad, if I leave, will you stop fighting?
That night, I came down with a high fever. I tried to ignore the discomfort, crawled out of my room, and knocked on Mom’s door. Mom impatiently yanked the door open, her voice full of annoyance: “What now? Keeping people awake in the middle of the night? Are you happy only when I drop dead from exhaustion?” I quickly shook my head, explaining, “No, Mom, I just feel really unwell, I wanted to…” Before I could finish, she cut me off: “Unwell? What’s there to feel unwell about? Chloe fell and hurt her leg today, and she didn’t say she was unwell. Why are you acting unwell?” Chloe’s crying came from inside the room. Mom quickly rushed in, holding Chloe and comforting her. “Chloe, what’s wrong? Does it still hurt?” Chloe buried her head in Mom’s arms, sobbing, “Mom, it hurts! It’s all Lily’s fault for fighting with you today. I was so upset, I wasn’t watching where I was going, and that’s why I fell…” Mom wiped her tears, her angry gaze turning to me: “It’s all your fault. You’re just a jinx. Why don’t you just die?” Tears blurred my vision. I heard Mom close the door, and I lay there on the floor all night. Before, when Mom used to hit me for Chloe, I thought it was just because Chloe looked like Mom, so Mom doted on her especially. But my appearance wasn’t something I could control, so I tried to achieve perfection in other things. From the time I started school, my grades were always at the top of the class, but when I showed my report card to Mom, Mom was busy comforting Chloe, who had ranked last in her class. My report card, showing I was first in the whole school, was casually tossed into the trash. I made many more efforts, winning countless awards, but in Mom’s eyes, there was still only Chloe. The teacher assigned an essay about our mothers. I wrote and tore, tore and wrote on the paper. I could never remember a single time Mom had been gentle or caring towards me… In the end, I turned in a blank piece of paper. The teacher made me stand at the front of the class for an entire period and lectured me in front of everyone, saying I was heartless. I stood there, listening to all my classmates’ essays, and thought for the whole class if Mom truly loved me. As I got older, I gradually began to understand that Mom didn’t love me, not because I wasn’t good enough. It was because she simply didn’t like me, didn’t like my existence. I thought I was going to die, but I didn’t. I continued to live cautiously like that in the house for half a year. Half a month before Chloe’s birthday, Mom started preparing everything for Chloe’s party and her birthday gifts. My eyes red, I walked past her. Mom sighed helplessly, then called me back. “Who are you putting on that long face for?” “Chloe’s birthday is in a few days. You better be happy. Don’t let me see that sour expression on your face again.” I wanted to ask Mom why she held such grand birthday parties for Chloe every year but wouldn’t allow me even a small celebration. But the words caught in my throat. I nodded obediently and returned to my room. Behind me, Mom happily hummed a tune, continuing to prepare. Chloe merely mentioned wanting Dad to celebrate her birthday with her, and Mom, who usually fought with Dad the moment she saw him, actually cooked a meal herself and humbly invited Dad to the birthday party. Even more surprisingly, Dad agreed. I crouched in the kitchen, crying silently, tears dripping into my rice bowl. I lost all appetite. So I just poured the remaining rice and pickles into the trash. Mom, furious, smashed my bowl, pointing at my nose and yelling, “Lily, if you don’t want to eat, get out! What do you mean by secretly throwing it away? Is my cooking not good enough for your royal taste?” I looked at the shattered pieces on the floor, trying to explain, “No, I just wasn’t hungry…” Before I could finish, a stinging slap landed squarely on my face. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw many pieces of meat, barely touched, discarded on Chloe’s plate…
At the birthday party, Chloe invited many classmates and friends. I carefully presented a thoughtfully chosen gift to Chloe. Chloe didn’t even look, knocking the gift box to the floor. “What is this junk? I’m your older sister, and this is how you treat my birthday?” “Have you forgotten how many pretty dresses I gave you for your birthday?” Chloe did give me many dresses, but among them, not a single one was new. They were all dresses Chloe had worn, or her friends and classmates had worn… I sobbed, picking up the gift and wiping off the dust with my sleeve. “Chloe, you look best with hair clips.” “I saved money for months to buy this. Please take it…” My words were again cut off by Chloe. She forcefully snatched the box and threw it to the ground, her eyes full of disdain. Watching the hair clip fall to the floor, my heart suddenly twisted in pain, making it hard to breathe. I crouched down, trembling, reaching out to pick it up. But then I saw Chloe stomp on the hair clip several times until it broke into two pieces. Chloe stood with her arms crossed, looking down at me with contempt. “Mom says you’re a jinx. If I wear a hair clip from you, who knows what bad things might happen!” “A jinx like you should take all your bad luck and get out of our house.” “Mom and Dad have lived such good lives, I don’t know how we ended up with a jinx like you. You even almost killed Mom in the operating room. Ugh, a jinx!” I collapsed to the floor, Chloe’s voice becoming increasingly muffled in my ears. When I woke up, Mom and Chloe were sitting by the bed, waiting. I was incredibly excited. This was the first time Mom had stepped into my room since I could remember. But before I could even speak, Mom slapped me hard. I looked at her, confused, tears flowing against my will. “Mom…” I hadn’t done anything wrong, why… “Don’t call me Mom. I don’t have a jinx daughter like you. Look what you’ve done! If you’re going to die, do it outside! What’s the deal with dying at Chloe’s birthday party?” “Your dad finally agreed to celebrate Chloe’s birthday, and now it’s all ruined because of you.” My smile froze. So Mom came into the room not to care for me, but to punish me for Chloe. I tried to get up from the bed but accidentally fell off. I just stayed there, kneeling in front of Mom. I carefully reached out and tugged at Mom’s clothes: “Mom, I… I didn’t mean to.” Mom kicked me hard. My head hit the corner of the bed, and a lot of blood flowed. But Mom showed no remorse, turning and rushing out of the room. When Mom came back in, I saw a torn piece where I had tugged at her clothes. Mom, I’m not dirty. I shower every day. Do you despise me that much? Chloe is your child, and I’m also flesh and blood from you… Why don’t you feel any pity for me at all? Mom, you always said I should die. If I die, will you finally be happy? And Dad, will he stop fighting with you? If that’s the case, then I’m willing to die.
I wanted to say goodbye to Mom in person, so I covered my still-bleeding head and went to the banquet hall. When Mom saw me, her eyes were filled with nothing but anger. “What are you doing here? What happened to your head?” Hearing Mom care about me, I was overjoyed. “I’m fine…” My words hadn’t even fully left my mouth when Mom cut me off. “How unlucky. It’s Chloe’s birthday party today. What are you trying to do, making yourself look like this on purpose?” “Do you want our whole family to catch your bad luck? A perfectly good birthday party, and you’ve ruined the atmosphere. I shouldn’t have brought you.” Mom glared at me, then turned and went into the banquet hall. The doors closed. As the doors shut, I saw through the gap Mom gently putting a birthday hat on Chloe’s head. I had ruined the birthday party Mom had painstakingly prepared for Chloe, and made Mom angry. I wanted to make Mom happy again. I asked many people, and they said that death meant one’s soul flew to heaven. So I climbed onto the rooftop. It was so close to the sky here. If I jumped from here, would I fly to heaven? Just as I was about to jump, someone called out to me. I turned to look, and it was a very beautiful woman. Her voice trembled uncontrollably: “Child, you can’t play there. Come here, Auntie will take you to your mom and dad.” I politely thanked her, then asked, “Auntie, if I jump from here, will I fly to heaven?” “I asked many people, and they all said dying means flying to heaven.” “Mom always says I’m a jinx and tells me to die. I don’t want Mom to be unhappy all the time…” The woman was scared but didn’t dare to make any sudden moves. She extended her hand towards me: “Child, come here, Auntie will take you home.” I shook my head: “No, Auntie, Mom will be unhappy if she sees me again. I don’t want Mom to be unhappy.” I didn’t say anything more, gathering strength and leaping towards the sky. Mom, don’t be angry. I listened to you. I’m obediently going to die. But it wasn’t quite what I imagined. My body plummeted rapidly. Through the window, I saw Mom affectionately kiss Chloe’s forehead. Mom’s gaze briefly flickered towards the window. I wanted to wave to Mom, but the speed of my descent was too fast. Before I could even reach out, Mom disappeared from my sight. A flicker of shock crossed Mom’s eyes. Someone beside her shouted, “Someone jumped!” Mom seemed disbelieving: “Chloe, where’s your sister?” Mom scanned the banquet hall, but didn’t see me anywhere. She panicked, quickly running to the window to look. As my eyelids closed, I saw Mom. Her eyes seemed to be filled with tears, and her lips were moving. Mom, did I do something wrong again? If not, then why are there tears in your eyes?
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