Mom was a parenting influencer with a million followers. She preached about raising children with freedom and respect for their natural instincts, yet she demanded I score perfect grades. For every point less than 100%, she’d slap me once. If I scored 90%, I’d be locked in the basement for ten hours without food. To control me and my twin sister, Mom had “anti-laziness chips” implanted near our hearts. If I zoned out for even one minute, my heart would throb with excruciating pain. But when Bella binge-watched ten episodes of a TV series, Mom said she was just “balancing work and play.” Bella secretly erased my name from my perfect-score test and wrote hers instead. Mom flew into a rage. She stormed to school and slapped me ninety-nine times in front of my entire class. “You got a zero? How stupid can you be!” Dad was silent for a few seconds before saying, “Elena, your mom is doing this for your own good. Don’t blame her.” Everyone sided with Mom, accusing me of being ungrateful. I tried to explain, but the next thing I felt was the piercing electric shock. I looked at her with questioning eyes. What about Bella? Why does she get to do whatever she wants? My lips turned pale as I whispered, “Mom, I can’t take this anymore.” Mom looked down at me from above. “You scored a zero. You have no right to be lazy. Study now! No food until you finish.” Outside my bedroom, the house was lively. I couldn’t help thinking—maybe if I just rest for a moment, Mom won’t notice.
The chip had been activated long ago. Whenever I wasn’t actively studying, it would keep working, keep shocking me. “Mom, it hurts so much. In my next life, I don’t want to hurt like this anymore.” “Mom, I’m sorry. I’m just so tired.” The constant electric shocks made my body convulse on the bed. My arms were covered in bloody scratch marks. The door opened. Mom came in. Can I eat now? I’m so hungry! “Elena, why are you lying in bed again? Why haven’t you finished your math problems?” She grabbed my chin, her voice seething with anger. “When will you stop being so lazy? If you don’t get into college, what will happen to you? Who’s going to want you?” “Get up and write! Now!” “No food until you finish!” Mom must have forgotten I hadn’t eaten in a day and a night. Otherwise, why wouldn’t she let me eat? Bella called from the doorway. “Mom! The Christmas Eve special is about to start. Come watch TV!” “Mom, just forgive Elena. I’m sure she didn’t mean to get a zero.” Mom stood up, her voice filled with resentment. “I think she’s deliberately trying to make me die of anger.” “How did I give birth to such a useless daughter!” Years of mental control, combined with constant beatings and abuse. I couldn’t understand. We were both her biological daughters—why did my own mother treat me and my twin sister so differently? “Don’t worry about her. I’ll use the app to turn the chip up to maximum. Then we’ll see if she dares to slack off!” Dad hesitated outside the door. “Won’t that be too much for Elena to handle?” “It’s Christmas Eve. Let her rest for one day.” Mom shot him a look. “Elena’s spoiled because of you. She’ll never learn unless it hurts.” “This is the only way she’ll get into a good college.” Dad hesitated. “But…” Before he could finish, Mom cut him off. “Look, they both have the same chip. Why doesn’t Bella feel pain?” “It’s because Elena is too lazy. Not like Bella, who scores perfect grades.” Bella stood beside them, gently holding Mom’s arm. “Mom, don’t worry. I’d never slack off like Elena. You can turn on my chip if you don’t believe me.” Mom stroked her hand. “I believe you. That’s why you get perfect scores.” “You’re such a good girl, Bella. I’ll never activate your chip.” So Bella’s chip didn’t hurt—not because it didn’t work, but because Mom had never turned it on. The shocks grew stronger. Our handwriting on the test was so different, yet Mom never questioned it. Bella closed the door. “Elena, study hard. I’m going to watch the fireworks with Mom and Dad.” I want to go too. The fireworks filling the sky must be so beautiful. It hurts so much. The chip is reminding me not to slack off. But I’m not slacking off. I’m the one who got the perfect score. I forced myself to sit up but instantly collapsed from the shock. Mom, I’m not slacking off. I’ve been studying so hard. I’m just so tired, so exhausted. Just let me rest for a moment. Just one moment. But slowly, I stopped feeling the pain. With my last bit of strength, I dragged myself to the desk. I pulled out a crumpled notebook. Inside were all my memories with Mom. January 15th. Sunny. Mom checked the app and said I got distracted for two minutes in class. She locked me in the pitch-black basement for two hours. Mom gave me the free pumpkin cookies that came with her order. Mom really loves me. Bella ate snacks during class. Mom didn’t scold her—she took her out for dinner at a fancy restaurant instead. This time, I wasn’t just writing a diary entry. I wanted to write down the whole truth. “Mom, I really wasn’t slacking off or sleeping in. I woke up at 5 a.m. every school day, but Bella kept hiding my school ID so I couldn’t get into the building.” “Mom, the perfect-score test was mine. Bella lied. I know you don’t believe me, but I left you a letter. You’ll understand after you read it.” “Mom, tonight I wasn’t deliberately avoiding my homework. It’s because I’m dying. Can you forgive me?” By the time I finished writing the last word, the yellowed paper was soaked with my tears. The old pen fell to the floor and broke. Even though Mom gave me a used pen while Bella got a 14K gold one, I still treasured it. It was the only gift Mom ever gave me. But now I couldn’t pick it up. My heart was being shocked continuously by the chip, but I couldn’t feel the pain anymore. My expression froze as I watched myself float upward. So this is what dying feels like.
On Christmas Eve, the house was quiet inside, lively outside. I hid in Mom’s closet. It smelled like her. Past midnight, the door opened. It was Bella. “Mom, I want to sleep with you tonight.” Mom’s gentle voice responded. “Of course, sweetheart. Whatever you want.” “I’m always Mommy’s good girl.” Listening to their laughter, I couldn’t help remembering—for as long as I could remember, Mom had never hugged me, let alone let me sleep with her. I came out of the closet, instinctively wanting to heat up their milk. Every night before, I’d heat them each a glass of milk before they went to bed. It was ingrained in my bones. “Mom, the milk is the perfect temperature. Please don’t be angry. I promise I’ll only eat, sleep, and study from now on.” But my hand passed right through the cup. Mom frowned. “Elena! Don’t you know we’re about to go to sleep?” “Slacking off again? Why haven’t you come out to heat our milk?” I froze. Mom, I haven’t. Bella deliberately said, “Mom, Elena’s probably mad we didn’t take her to see the fireworks. She’s hiding in her room sulking.” Mom grabbed the baseball bat nearby. “At her age, throwing tantrums? I’ll beat her until she behaves!” Seeing the bat, I started trembling reflexively. If Mom finds out I’m dead, will she hit me less? I followed Mom as she floated toward my little storage room. It wasn’t big—just enough space for a 0.9-meter bed and a small desk. On the desk was a small lamp and mountains of test papers piled high. Click. The door swung open with a creak. Mom tried to turn on the light, but it had been broken for a while. In the faint glow from the fireworks outside, she could barely make out my shape lying in bed. The blanket covered my head. Mom was furious. She jabbed at me with the baseball bat. “All you do is sleep. How did I give birth to such a lazy daughter?” Tears streamed down my face. “Mom, I’m not sleeping. Just lift the blanket and you’ll see!” “Mom, I’m really not sleeping…” But she couldn’t hear me. Mom walked closer to the bed, step by step. Just as she was about to pull back the blanket— I held my breath. The next second. Mom opened the app controlling the chip. “The app shows you studied attentively for less than ten minutes. You spent the rest of the time slacking off.” Bella walked in, boasting. “Mom, I studied for eight hours today. Not like Elena.” “That’s wonderful. Don’t you dare turn out like Elena.” Mom said coldly, “The app just released a new punishment mode—hypothermia. Whenever Elena feels sleepy while studying, it’ll make her so cold she wakes up.” Dad hesitated. “It’s Christmas Eve. Don’t make her cold. Just let Elena sleep warm for one night.” Mom snapped, “Sleep? Absolutely not!” “Warmth kills the will to study. You’re the one who spoiled her.” “Look at the app—she can’t even focus for a full hour. She has zero self-control.” “I’m doing this for her own good.” “Stop coddling her. When she wakes up freezing in the middle of the night, she’ll realize her mistake.” She closed the door. The storage room plunged into darkness again. I crouched in the corner. So cold. Cold to the core. Mom, if you’d given me even a fraction of your love, you would’ve noticed I wasn’t even breathing. If I were sleeping, how could I not feel pain? Mom didn’t used to be like this. In winter, she’d ask if I wore enough layers. In summer, she’d remind me to drink water every day… But ever since that anti-laziness chip, everything changed. She only trusted the chip’s readings. She stopped believing anything I said.
The next day, the smell of frying bacon and chocolate muffins woke my spirit. This was my favorite breakfast. But I hadn’t had it in so long. Mom said people who scored zeros only deserved water. I knew Mom was using food to make me submit. But I was too exhausted to explain anymore. No matter what I said, no matter how I defended myself, Mom thought I was making excuses. Wait—I don’t need food anymore. Dad looked at his newspaper. “Why isn’t Elena up yet?” “Did the cold actually make her sick?” Mom slammed down her fork. “How is that possible? She’s probably just throwing another tantrum.” Bella ate her bacon and muffins with relish. Suddenly, her eyes lit up. She walked to my door and said loudly, “Elena, your teacher sent you a message. She said anyone who got a zero has to copy the entire textbook.” I looked at Bella. She was the one who had to copy the textbook. When no one answered from inside, Mom walked over. “Elena! Did you hear me? You’re not coming out until you finish copying.” Dad put down his newspaper and picked up a muffin. “At least let Elena eat something before she copies. Otherwise the kid won’t be able to handle it.” Dad walked closer to my room, step by step. My heart rose to my throat. If Dad opened the door, he’d definitely notice I wouldn’t wake up no matter how much he called. Seeing me motionless and curled up, he’d definitely pull back the blanket to check if I had a fever. Dad pushed open the door. Light streamed in. Mom was outside, muttering angrily. “Still lying there. So incredibly lazy…” Dad set down the muffin, suspicion rising. “Elena, why aren’t you up yet? Are you feeling sick?” “Are you still mad at your mom? She just wants you to improve. Don’t blame her.” Dad’s hand landed on my blanket. I held my breath instinctively. A second later, I realized—I didn’t need to breathe anymore. But just then, Dad’s phone rang. “What?” “Okay, I’ll be right there.” He rushed out of my room and grabbed his coat. “My coworker got in a car accident. I need to cover his shift. Take care of the girls.” Before Mom could respond, Dad was already out the door, his back barely visible. He was so close. Just a little closer and Dad would’ve discovered I was dead. Maybe then Mom wouldn’t blame me anymore. Mom stood in the doorway. “Elena, I’ve locked the door from the outside. Starting today, you’ll stay in your room and copy that textbook. You’ll come out when you’re done.” After locking it, Mom pocketed the key with satisfaction. I stared at the locked door—just like my heart. Dead. My spirit never made a sound. If she’d just looked at me once, asked me once, she would’ve realized I was dead. But Mom didn’t. She didn’t even step one foot into my room. Mom, if there’s a next life, please don’t be my mother.
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