The day I was taken into the operating room, my family and boyfriend were all with my adoptive sister, watching her competition. That day, my surgery had complications. The tumor in my brain was removed, but my nerves were damaged. I lost the ability to feel emotions like a normal person. ****** I had a tumor in my brain. I initially wanted to tell my parents and boyfriend about it. But my parents were busy buying plane tickets to accompany my adoptive sister abroad for a dance competition. My boyfriend was also working overtime a lot lately. My finger hovered over the message for a long time before I chose to delete it. I knew that anything about me, even if I said it, wouldn’t matter to anyone. After all, in everyone’s eyes, my existence isn’t even a fraction as important as my adoptive sister’s. My adoptive sister Rose is the daughter of Dad’s comrade. When she was six, a car accident unexpectedly took her parents’ lives. Rose was driven away and shunned by her relatives. She ended up dirty and wandering the streets until Dad, who came to pay his respects to an old friend, found her. From then on, she became the second daughter in our family. That year, I was ten, and Rose was six. Dad and Mom told me, “Crystal, you’re already a big kid. You need to learn to take care of your sister.” I wasn’t sure how to take care of a sister. All I knew was that Rose always seemed so fragile. She didn’t have to do anything but stand there and look at me with her tear-reddened eyes. Everything of mine would become hers. At ten, I lost my bedroom and moved into the guest room. At twelve, my piano lessons were canceled, and the piano at home was sold. The empty music room became Rose’s dance studio. After fifteen, I never wore new clothes again, always alternating between two school uniforms. My parents didn’t care. They dressed Rose beautifully and praised her looks to everyone they met. From that time, I rarely went home. The year I was about to graduate from college, Rose went to another city for university. My parents briefly remembered me. They often called to ask about my life, sometimes sending me job postings from my city. Raising a comrade’s orphan to college was Dad’s greatest achievement. He was in high spirits, saying he wanted to visit me in my city and help me see if my boyfriend of three years was reliable. I no longer had any expectations of them. But I still booked a hotel and restaurant for their visit, not expecting Rose to show up with them. That day, her smile was as pure as when she first came to our home. She smiled at my boyfriend like that all evening. Later, I saw Rose’s avatar pinned at the top of my boyfriend Tom’s Snapchat chat.
Before being taken into the operating room, I couldn’t hold back and called my parents. The call only lasted three seconds, with Mom and Dad’s anxious voices on the line: “Crystal, we’re about to board. Your sister’s competition is important. Whatever it is, wait until we get back.” I didn’t even manage to say a word before the call was cut off. I stared at my phone screen, dazed. Just then, I saw a new post from my boyfriend Tom. He said he was off to chase his dreams, with a picture of a plane ticket showing the country where Rose’s competition was. I stared at the screen until Aunt couldn’t stand it and took my phone away. ” Aunt has signed the consent form for you. Don’t worry, whatever happens, Aunt will take care of it,” she lovingly patted my head and sighed, “Brother has been foolish all these years, poor you… Go on, child, I’ll be waiting for you outside.” I was taken into the operating room as the anesthesia gradually took effect. Before losing consciousness, I couldn’t help but wonder if I died in this surgery, would my parents shed a tear for me? And Tom, I thought, once I come out, I must tell him. I knew he had changed his heart long ago. This time, I decided I don’t want him anymore. The story of Tom and me wasn’t very dramatic, but back in college, it was well-regarded among teachers and classmates. The story started typically. The student council president, who had a great family background and looks, helped an exhausted logistics member who fainted from low blood sugar at an orientation event. The second time we met, he had two candies in his pocket just for me. From then on, keeping candies in his pocket for me became Tom’s habit. He saw me as fragile. He would always look at me worriedly and say, “Crystal, I’ve never been so afraid of losing someone.” He said I meant something different to him than anyone else. There was always a special place for me by his side. Just like he always had candies ready for me in his coat pocket. But the last time, after pulling two all-nighters for meetings, I reached into Tom’s coat pocket. All I found was a strange lipstick, Chanel silver tube 116, Rose’s favorite shade. Silently, I put the lipstick back in his pocket and learned to carry my own candies from then on.
My life changed drastically with ten as the dividing line. From ten, I was trying to get used to living without relying on anyone. I lowered my expectations of everyone. As long as I didn’t have expectations, I wouldn’t be disappointed, nor would I fall into despair when disappointments piled up. But after all, I’m human and can’t be as carefree as I imagined. Tom pursued me for a year and cared for me for the next three. In total, he spent four years gradually moving me, making me feel I had someone to rely on. But stories are always so cliché. Just when I thought I had found someone I could truly trust, he changed his heart. He fell for my adoptive sister. Initially, it was sympathy for her childhood background. Then it was her lively and charming personality, which deeply attracted his attention. Later, listening to Rose talk about her passion for dance and witnessing her excellence on stage, he realized his true feelings. Tom said he had never seen someone so special, as sincere as a flame. Because of her, he discovered that love should burn passionately. With me, it was more of a familial attachment and a habit in life. This was Tom’s drunken confession. After that, he started preparing to pursue Rose and break up with me. Of course, I was also preparing for the same thing. I would exit their world, just trying to do it as gracefully as possible. This was something I often did in the first twenty years of my life, getting used to being unnoticed and quietly stepping back. But these thoughts changed entirely the moment I opened my eyes after surgery. I realized it shouldn’t be me who steps back. Aunt was the first to notice my change. She sat by my hospital bed, peeling an apple and sharing stories to comfort me. Then she realized I didn’t seem to need comforting. In her eyes, I was always quiet and rarely expressed my needs. But she could always see from my eyes that I still longed for my parents’ attention, for the complete family affection that should have been mine. But now, that longing was gone.
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