During the critical period of fighting for my custody, my mother suddenly claimed she was the Villainess in a novel and awakened memories of her past life. She said she worked three jobs a day to raise me, but I would favor my father and his mistress when I grew up, leaving her to die alone in a Nursing Home. So this time, she gave up my custody first and adopted a girl whose parents sacrificed in a fire. No matter how I cried and screamed, Mom remained indifferent. Three months later, living with Dad, I was bullied by my stepmother’s daughter at school and suffered from severe depression. After the 50th time of having suicidal thoughts, covered in disgusting vomit, I begged my mother to help me transfer schools. Seeing me again, the motherly love in her eyes was long gone, only disgust remained. “Luna, didn’t I say we cut ties? You are not my daughter, why are you still pestering me!” Before I could speak, she suddenly had a mental breakdown and slapped herself. “Do I owe your King family? The old one wasted ten years of my youth, and the small one haunts me like a debt collector!” “I finally got a little happier, and you come to haunt me like a ghost. Are you trying to force me to death?” Seeing she was about to rush to the kitchen to get a knife, I endured the pain of my broken bone, knelt down first and kowtowed heavily to apologize. “Sorry, Mom, it’s my fault, I promise never to come again.” She didn’t believe me. Before leaving, she held a written Emancipation Paper, asking me to sign. I took the pen, and with my only functioning left hand, tremblingly wrote down my name. Walking out the door, I immediately called an Uber to the seaside. Goodbye Mom, never see you again. Chapter 1 For the past 50 times, whenever suicidal thoughts wrapped around my neck like vines, I would screen methods and locations of death over and over again on the internet late at night. In less than a week, the densely packed links in my favorites occupied several gigabytes. Now determined not to live, I wanted to decide my final destination by throwing a die. Watching the die finally settle on 6, I confirmed the way of death by jumping into the sea. While waiting for the car, my mother’s voice sounded from behind. “Luna, why haven’t you left yet? Do you want to rely on me here till death?” I was startled unprepared, phone clattered and fell in front of her shoes. The death methods and locations in favorites were exposed under the sunlight. Afraid she would see, I bent down and reached out quickly. But still a step too late, phone snatched by her. Looking at her gradually serious face, besides anxiety, a trace of expectation uncontrollably rose in my heart… “Luna, you wouldn’t think threatening suicide is useful to me, right?” Heart felt like poured by a basin of cold water. After cooling through, felt myself ridiculously stupid. I forgot. Two months ago, mother adopted a new daughter. She bought her clothes of my favorite brand, took her to watch plays we watched, let her live in my former room, and even gave her the same nickname “Jojo” (Original text: Jiaojiao) as me. And my things, small as the necklace I bought for mom, big as my dolls, were thrown into trash can like garbage one by one. Even last week when I was poured cold water and locked in restroom by stepsister Harper, I messaged mom asking if she could come see me, she only replied “Busy” and blocked me. Later, punished by father kneeling in small shrine all night, I switched to Finsta and saw her Instagram Story. Under starlight, she accompanied new daughter on Ferris wheel, smiling eyes bent holding her in arms, gave her a dress she hand-made, calling “Jojo” again and again. Thinking of mom’s hands full of band-aids from needle pricks making clothes, I endured sourness in heart, shook head. “I didn’t mean to threaten Mom, I know you have a new daughter.” “I’m waiting for Uber, once it comes, I’ll go.” Afraid she wouldn’t believe, I snatched back phone, switched to Uber page. 7 minutes until driver arrives. Shock flashed in her eyes, seemed didn’t expect my reaction. Dryly replied. “Best if you think so!” “Don’t come find me later either, I won’t…” “Okay.” I smiled and nodded, bowed deeply again. “Thank you for raising me, I won’t come again in future.” Anyway I have no future. When getting up, collar slipped due to bowing, a dark red whip mark on neck side exposed. Her gaze stuck dead on that scar, brows unconsciously frowned. “What’s with the injury on your neck…” Meeting her disgusted gaze, I subconsciously panicked. Mom already hates me, what if she misunderstands I’m playing wild outside? Just about to explain it was beaten by stepsister Harper, a figure threw into mom’s arms, acting spoiled. “Mommy, why you out so long ah, I waited till hypoglycemia attacked.” Hearing “hypoglycemia”, mom’s gaze quickly withdrew from me, supporting her apologizing repeatedly. “All mommy’s fault, delayed my Jojo’s meal for irrelevant person, we go home now.” Irrelevant person? My eye rims a bit sour, but looking at just signed Emancipation Paper in hand couldn’t think of rebutting words. Indeed, current me has no relationship with her. Just about to turn leave, delicate voice called me. “Sister, do you want to go back with us, eat a meal then…” Meeting her kind eyes, I didn’t understand why she suddenly changed a face. Before I knocked door, she put harsh words to me. “You shouldn’t come, a bitch turning elbow outward like you doesn’t deserve such good mom, death is your destination, can you hurry die!” “Only you die, everyone can be happy, otherwise everyone will be dragged down by you, especially mom, she has nightmares seeing you, uncontrollably self-harm.” I was burned by hate in her eyes, stubbornly thought she was threatening me. Until mom saw my face, suddenly collapsed slapping herself, shouting taking knife suicide. Especially scars on her wrist one by one. I knew what she said was true. My existence is pain to her. Person like me, deserves to die. So, I swallowed words asking mom help transfer school, signed Emancipation Paper. If between us two, only one can gain happiness. I hope it’s mom. She is so kind and lovely. Taught me since young to care for animals, respect others. Living expenses from father. She didn’t buy bags like other rich wives, but built stray animal shelter, raised group of cats and dogs. She knew some couldn’t afford school, no playground, built Charity Schools one by one, playgrounds one by one. Every New Year, letters thanking mom could pile into a small hill. To me, she was good beyond words. I liked dresses, she hand-made for me, I liked animals plants, she personally took care of villa garden, let me eat first bite of organic vegetables. I sick, she stayed up whole nights guarding me. When I was 5 got acute aplastic anemia, doctor said I couldn’t live past three months. Mom even knelt outside mountain temple gate, from dawn to late night, one step one kowtow, climbed 999 bluestone steps. Steps full of gravel, her knees ground bloody, seeping blood dyed stone slabs red, finally begged this jade plaque engraved with my name. Magically, after I wore jade plaque, doctor found misdiagnosis, my illness miraculously improved. Can say, she gave me life twice. And I as daughter, can give nothing. At least don’t drag her down welcoming new life. “You are right, burden like me, indeed deserves to die.” I pulled off jade plaque from neck, put into girl’s hand. “This is Heirloom Locket mom begged for me, very efficacious, I give to you. Hope you be safe forever, always accompany mom, let her happy forever.” She stared at me complicatedly, still accepted locket. I sighed relief, hugged her. “Thank you for coming to mom’s side, please take care of her later.” I took out notebook recording mom from bag again. “This records mom’s birthday wishes every year, what she loves eating, what she hates.” Lily accepted notebook, agreed me. “You little girl, how I told you usually, have vigilance to people, can’t invite anyone home to eat, what if do bad things to you?” Mother’s words interrupted my memory. Little girl stuck out tongue acting spoiled, but smiled provocatively at me where mother couldn’t see. “But this big sister is mommy’s daughter, count as my sister, how she…” “She is not.” Mother held her hand, solemnly said: “I will only have you one daughter in future.” If before, hearing this sentence would definitely be sad. But now, I only feel fortunate. If mother only has her one child, that’s also quite good. At least knowing my death later, won’t be sad for me. I completely let go of obsession, suddenly grinned echoing. “Right, Auntie Penelope will only have you one daughter, you will definitely be happy.” Hearing “Auntie Penelope”, mother’s cold eyes froze, looked at me deeply. I couldn’t understand deep meaning in her eyes, I didn’t want to guess either. I am really too tired. In short three months haven’t slept a good sleep. Dad brought stepmother in second day after getting divorce certificate. Less than a week, my life changed earth-shakingly. I moved from second biggest bedroom to servant room, since then as long as father absent, I had to work with servants. I sought father for justice, but framed as lying. Stepmother rank too high, one face front one face back, father’s love gradually disappeared, I became lying essence he disgusted. Stepsister Harper relying on popularity, tried every way vent anger on me. School trash can I drilled, toilet I swept, their shoes I licked, slapped, poured dirty water, torn homework, even more common… At first teachers would stand up for me because of my excellent grades, later as I forgot homework, grades slid, classmates rumored, dirty every day, also unwilling manage me. Every day was torture to me. Could hold on so long, all relied on agreement that mother would take me to Hokkaido (maybe change to Disneyland or Paris) if I did well in SSATs. But just yesterday, no matter how I begged, even kowtowed knelt, right hand was smashed by Harper with stick hit by hit. I can’t write anymore, can’t take exam. Agreement can’t be fulfilled. Now I just want lie in a place, rest well permanently. Coincidentally, car horn sounded. My Uber arrived. I smiled goodbye to mother and Jojo. “Auntie Penelope, Jojo, goodbye.” Getting in car, mother suddenly chased up. I thought she had words, rolled down window. She opened mouth for long time, until driver impatiently stepped on gas, finally squeezed out few words. Pity my left ear already beaten deaf. Wind so big, I finally didn’t hear clear what mother said. I politely smiled nodded to her, waved hand. But still after her figure shrank to a dot, cried choking. Driver uncle seeing me cry so sad, thought drove too fast, busy apologized, tentatively opened mouth: “Little sister, is it words not finished, want talk to mom well again, uncle turn back send you back now.” Seeing me silent, he added sentence. “Money for turning back on uncle, I won’t charge you.” I wiped tears with sleeve, shook head. “Thanks uncle, no need.” But uncle still soft hearted turned back. Afraid mom misunderstand I pestering endlessly, I somewhat anxious, hurriedly spoke. “Mom has new daughter, she will be unhappy if I go, beg you turn back.” Driver uncle body paused, long sigh, turned car back again. “Child, don’t say so, which mom doesn’t love child, she must have difficulties, she…” “I know.” I wiped tears, smiling nodded. “I believe, Mom is always person loves me most, I also love Mom most.” “Besides, no matter what Mom did, I am okay.” Driver red eyes, repeatedly praised me good child. I disapproved. If I really good child… Mom wouldn’t see me so painful. Dad wouldn’t scold me liar again and again, say I have inferior genes in bone, say I can’t compare to stepsister no blood relation with him again and again. Even more wouldn’t no one come attend my parent meeting. Uncle gratified nodded, chatted about me going seaside again. Afraid discovered my real purpose, I told a small lie, said friend waiting me. He believed, put me down at location. Also gave me an apple. “Today Christmas Eve, eat apple safe and sound, girl, life is long, wait you grow up will find life has no hurdle can’t pass, know?” I bit apple, nodded heavily, lied again. “I will study hard, love myself well.” Driver uncle praised me smart, I waved to him. Watching him gradually far, conveniently finished apple, I then slowly stood up walked towards seaside. Walked to beach, water over ankle, father sent message. [Luna, did you go find your mom again, really natural born bitch seed, feed what also not familiar, only know turn elbow out!] [Since you like your mom so much, then don’t come back, me and your stepmom Harper go out eat, home locked, don’t come back!] [If you dare come back, not punish you kneel small shrine, but break your legs.] [Saw my message not, where are you, I command you reply immediately!] I didn’t want reply, but accidentally answered his video call. Seeing me at seaside, his face immediately sank. “Luna, what you running to seaside for?” Chapter 2 I expressionless answered. “Preparing to die.” He thought I telling lie, angered by me. “Fine ah, if you have guts go die now!” “Die I will even look you high one glance!” I hummed hung up phone, and sent an anonymous message to mom. [Goodbye.] Phone screen lit again. I didn’t look, threw into sea, plop jumped into sea. Water submerged nasal cavity, I seemed had a long dream. Mother in kitchen, cooking my favorite Sweet and Sour Ribs. Father diligently carving wood, carving our family of three. I look what father doing a while, run into kitchen ask mom when food ready a while. They said I am a little naughty ghost, scraped my nose. Food on table, father wood carving done, gave me as gift. I made wish before two-layer high cake. “Hope I can be this happy all life.” I accidentally read out birthday wish, amused dad mom laughing loud. I looked their faces, also followed laughing head back. Picture turned, I pulled by mother to villa back garden. Mountains and plains red dazzling roses. I excited scream. “Wow, Mom, why so many roses, where from ah, is it Dad sent?” Mother shy smile, scraped my nose. “Little smart ghost, this is 10th wedding anniversary gift Dad sent Mom.” “Later our Jojo want marry, also have to marry good man like Dad, then okay, know?” Looking mother heartfelt smile on face, I also followed smile. “Yes, Jojo later want marry man like Dad.” That afternoon, I pestered mom tell me story meeting dad. They childhood sweethearts, confirmed relationship in college. An accidental car accident, grandparents and victim passed away together. Dad because compensation victim, burdened hundreds thousands debt. To pay debt, he sold family only old house, since then penniless. After graduation, junior year father researched a program, urgent need money. Mother persuaded grandma grandpa, sold house gather money. Pity program not up, money all lost, grandpa heart attack gone, grandma stroke hospitalized. Most difficult time, father thought suicide, was mother supporting this home. Under mother encouragement, father regrouped, wind rose again. Since then, father career soared straight up, bigger and bigger. He unlike other sudden rich men keep mistress outside, instead better and better to mother and me. His phone no password, shares some transferred to mother, as long as holiday will stay home. To me, even more what want give what. He said I will be his only daughter. Our family three so good before, how parents no longer love, mother also don’t want me? I really can’t understand. Just pity. I no chance think understand. Trance, seemed someone talking to me. “Girl, girl, hold on ah.” “You so young, absolutely can’t die ah!” I struggled want open eyes, can’t open no matter how. Open eyes again, I floated to mother side. She lonely sat bed side, eyes unblinking staring message I sent, muttering to self. “What she mean, threatening me?” “I replied question mark, why not reply me? Could it be she really want suicide?” “No, she just mind deep, bully soft fear hard, no conscience, her heart only glory wealth, follow her dad don’t know how good live, how possible bear suicide!” Glory wealth? I touched chin serious recall three months following dad. Doing dirtiest work, eating least rice, sleeping least sleep, still beaten by people, not comparable to happiness with mom a bit. Such days, I don’t like at all. Mom didn’t hear my whisper, put down phone, while rubbing wrist, mouth reading want cook for Lily eat. Thinking mom skill comparable five star chef, my stomach grumbled once. Before jumping sea, although ate an apple, but punished kneel small shrine by dad, one day one night didn’t eat, still hungry. I bounce jump followed mom into kitchen, stood beside her watching her skillfully chop ribs. Even every chop used big strength, but eyes no fatigue. I stared mother demeanor, somewhat dazed, like back childhood. That time mother busy in kitchen, I eating snacks secretly watching her. “Jojo loves sugar, sweet sour ribs need add more sugar, she dislikes sesame, sesame not put.” “Besides sweet sour ribs, she also likes Roast Pork, need stew soft glutinous point.” I licked lips. So coincidence ah. I also love sweet sour ribs, also love roast pork, dislike add sesame… Same taste as Lily. Mother made another Braised Eggplant and Candied Sweet Potato, gathered four dishes then served table, called Lily eat. She happy da da da ran come, but seeing dishes on table smile gone. Mother detected wrong, asked her what wrong? Lily red eyes, tone extra wronged. “Mom, I don’t like eat sweet sour ribs, like braised, more dislike eat roast pork… last time I mentioned to you, why you forgot again…” Mother face flashed guilt, dryly said “Sorry”, want pour dishes re-cook. Lily grabbed her hand, eyes stubborn. “Is this that big sister favorite taste……? Mom… you actually never thought giving up big sister, you always missing her right!” Hearing this question, my heart involuntarily thump thump disorderly jump, unconsciously rose expectation again! Could it be like Lily said, mom actually always… “No, I didn’t.” “I just used to it.” She denied, forcefully hugged Lily into arms. “Jojo, mom adapt new life need time, many things, many habits, change need time, you have to believe mom, give mom point time okay?” “Anyway, mom this life only have you one daughter, no one can snatch.” Jojo satisfied hug back her. Watching this mother daughter harmonious scene, I touched heart. No uncomfortable like before, instead incomparably calm. Seem, I already slowly accepted fact mother no longer loves me, no longer indulge in past. Just then, mother phone rang. She accidentally clicked speaker, police serious voice sounded. “Hello, ask is Ms. Penelope?” A bad premonition ignited, mother supported table hold on, replied “I am”. Hearing affirmative answer, police subconsciously replied “Rest in peace” first then slowly narrated. “Just now, kind person called police, said your daughter jumped sea.” “Impossible, she is faking death, this little girl mind many very!” Mother pinched phone tight, cold face interrupted. “No, mom, I didn’t fake death, also no mind……” “Clearly before you praised me cutest, most kind innocent cute, why say I have mind ne!” I anxious explain to mother pounce her, but body passed through her. Looking transparent hand. I then suddenly remembered. I already died. Explain again, mother also can’t hear. She hates me more. I somewhat sad scratched hair, squatted in corner. Police thought she sad dare not accept truth, continued. “Kind person is driver drove your daughter to seaside afternoon, felt your daughter wrong, turned back save her, your child fished up sent hospital.” “But on road, she rescue invalid gone. You quickly go Third People Hospital morgue identify body.” Hearing these words, mother like pumped away strength, fell on ground. Phone clattered fell floor, police voice echoed in quiet space. “We contacted child father, he insisted say we liars, threw big temper, can you contact him come?” Mentioning father, mother numb eyes had reaction. She like stress, replied “Not familiar” then hung up. Police voice disappeared, replaced by Lily sobbing sound. She scared face pale, pounced mother arms, trembling said: “Mom…… this afternoon when sister came… I said words shouldn’t say… could she be listened me……” “No!” Mother pale face interrupted. Lily deaf ear, like drowned by guilt, mouth didn’t stop. “But I said let her go die… also said let her later don’t pester mom.” “Sister didn’t angry, even gave neck jade plaque to me, blessed me safe, also gave me a small notebook, on it recorded mom favorite things, she also……” “Enough, don’t say!” “I said all irrelevant to you, why you still say!” “You insist force me death, then happy?” Mother tore throat, face hideous interrupted. Lily scared by her ear piercing voice, open mouth dare not speak again, wronged look at her. Realizing self extreme, mother said “Sorry”, went Lily room took jade plaque and notebook, out gate, straight to car parked in garage. On way hospital, I always sat passenger seat turning head staring her face. I want see if she will cry for me. But stared my eyes sour, mother not a drop tear shed. She always looked front don’t know thinking what, lost soul. Have few times, clearly red light should stop, she still one foot gas went. Hospital gate, big truck straight go, she right turn almost crashed. I scared scream, let mom stop. Lucky brake timely, then escaped disaster. Truck driver same scared jump, poked head scold her. “Is family dead person, or rushing reincarnate, life don’t want?” I thought mother won’t care, but she lost control opened door scold back. “Go your mom, mouth clean point, your family then died person……” She said end, suddenly squatted cover face bitter cry. “Your… family… then died person!” “My family… people… all good!” Driver scolded “Neurotic”, one foot gas left. I stood behind mom, mood somewhat complex. Dear mom, are you sad for me? I want step forward hug her, want tell her is myself decided go die, don’t sad. And I died, more relaxed. Just like now, can still follow her side. She can’t see, I won’t cause burden. She already stood up wiped tears, entered car one foot gas drove into hospital. Hospital morgue, driver uncle carried me before didn’t leave. He wet all over, eye rims red. Knew woman dressed magnificent front is my mom, he red eyes excited pointed her scold. “You this mom how so cruel, same are your daughters, why you favor one over other?” He pulled her hand, dragged her to me, pointed scabbed wounds. “Which family girl like her, whole body whip marks, no place good meat, this how painful ah!” Mother gently pushed up my clothes. Looking new wounds old wounds at belly, boom sound paralyzed on ground. “No… how like this?” Driver uncle sneered, raised my right hand again, ring finger and index finger present strange twisted shape. “Look right hand, just now doctor said, this is smashed broken by someone hit by hit!” “Also right leg, comminuted fracture!” He pointed my dirty terrible school uniform jacket again. “What kind child, looks pretty, wears dirty, full body wounds, what life she lives ah!” “This child like this, in car still said you are good mom, she loves you.” “Do you know, me and my wife to want a child, till now still doing IVF, you have such good, such obedient girl, why not cherish, why not treat her well?” He cried too devoted, caused doctors passersby at door all red eyes, pointing at mother. Listening their accusing words, I anxious turn circles. Hurt me, harm me is my dad, what relation with mom, not her business ah…… Seeing more and more people accuse mother, I guilty extreme. If I die another day. Will they not anger mother. I ran to mother side, low voice said “Sorry.” Mother very strange. She didn’t angry because accusation, instead incomparable serious promised to people claiming justice for me: “You right, I didn’t do well what a mother should do.” “I will figure out what happened to daughter, will revenge people bullied her.” “But now, I need space alone with her, can you go out?” Crowd even angry again also shut mouth, driver uncle closed door. I thought mother had words say to me, but she wordless just stared me. Half hour, one hour, two hours… two half hours…… Until dawn. She stood up also just kissed my forehead, nothing said. After this day, she side prepared my funeral, side asked private detective find reason I injured. Three days later, she got evidence straight to father company.
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