In the third year of my marriage to my husband, I was the one who asked for a divorce. Everyone thought I was bluffing to get his attention. He thought the same. Later, he started making headlines with different women, all in a desperate attempt to make me obedient. At first, I cried and screamed every night, waiting for him to come home. But my pain only emboldened him further, turning me into a laughingstock for everyone around me. Eventually, I stopped fighting. That’s when he went mad, demanding, “What’s this? A new tactic to win me back?” I wish I could have seen what his gentleness was like. But it’s too late for that now. In the third year of my marriage to Jack Sullivan, he brought home yet another woman. She was exactly his type: young, radiant, and exuding a soft elegance—completely different from me. From her smug, taunting words, I pieced together how they met. Her name was Emily Blair, Jack’s new assistant. She was also proof of his abuse of power. Without any proper vetting, Jack had personally placed her in the role, despite the fact that his previous assistant had been with him for years. Friends had warned me repeatedly to keep an eye on Jack. “He seems like he’s caught up in some midlife crisis,” they’d say. But I was too exhausted to care anymore. Being Mrs. Sullivan for three years had drained me, leaving me a stranger to myself. The day I was diagnosed with cancer was also the day I first met Emily Blair. Holding the thermos my mother-in-law had handed me, I caught her hopeful expression and chose to give in. No matter how ugly things got between Jack and me, my mother-in-law had always been kind. From the very beginning, she had shown me nothing but warmth, even warning me about Jack’s flaws. But back then, all I could see was him. For three years, she had taken my side in every argument, even when I was in the wrong. Sitting in the backseat of the car, watching Jack’s office building come into view, I felt none of the anticipation I once had. Even when faced with the whispers of employees, I had learned to remain unbothered. What I didn’t expect, however, was to encounter Jack’s latest fling here—his latest obsession. As I scrolled through my phone, I could feel someone’s eyes on me. Every time I glanced up, the gaze disappeared, but the feeling remained. I knew that look. I’d seen it countless times. It was the look of women who despised me for being Mrs. Sullivan, who wanted nothing more than to take my place. Their viper-like stares haunted even my dreams. Emily tugged at her friend’s sleeve and whispered nervously, “She’s not what I imagined. Didn’t they say she was crazy and mean?” I heard her. That’s when I finally got a good look at her face. In that instant, I knew she was exactly Jack’s type—like the one he had loved and lost. The floor-to-ceiling windows reflected our contrasting figures: Me, vibrant yet with dead eyes. Her, youthful and full of life. From the start, I was never the kind of woman Jack wanted. But moths always fly into flames, heedless of the consequences—even if it means their death. I took the water she handed me, my gaze scrutinizing her closely. “Mrs. Sullivan, why are you staring at me? Did I do something wrong?” she asked cautiously. “No,” I replied, a faint smile on my lips. “I’m just curious what kind of woman climbs into Jack Sullivan’s bed.” She froze, clearly not expecting my bluntness. After a long pause, she feigned innocence and looked me straight in the eye. “Obviously, someone young and beautiful. After all, Mrs. Sullivan, you…” I knew what she was implying—that I was old and worn-out. I’d seen this tactic too many times to care. Not wanting to waste another second, I handed her the thermos. “Give this to Jack for me. I have somewhere else to be.” “Oh… okay.” That’s when I saw her name: Emily Blair. How fitting—it was such a lovely name. I’d seen it before, tucked into the notes Jack left on his gifts. I had considered staying to see how Jack treated Emily. Would he be gentle? Would he show her patience? But the pain was too much. Lately, I’d been plagued by excruciating headaches, at first assuming it was just insomnia. But now, the pain persisted even during the day. I knew something was seriously wrong. Jack would probably enjoy eating whatever Emily cooked for him. After leaving the thermos with her, I went straight to the hospital for tests. The results were just as I had expected. The doctor told me I wouldn’t make it past the fall. How poetic, I thought. To die in the season of harvest—isn’t that a kind of beauty too? I thanked the doctor softly as he handed me a prescription for painkillers. When you’ve witnessed so much death, the only thing left to fear is pain. Perhaps these pills would help me leave with dignity, unlike my parents, who had died in agony and despair.
When I got home, Jack was already sitting on the couch. He glanced at me briefly before turning his attention back to his phone. I knew he was texting Emily. Only with someone he truly liked would he smile so warmly. I thought silence would fill the room between us, but as I stepped onto the stairs, his cold voice cut through the air behind me. “Where were you? Why did it take you so long to get home?” “If I told you I went to the hospital, would you treat me more kindly?” “What’s this? Another fake illness? Whatever you’re scheming, remember to live up to the title of Mrs. Sullivan.” Mrs. Sullivan. That was the only tie left between Jack and me. Everything about me was something he disliked. He had only married me because his parents pressured him into it. Maybe the saying is true: to gain something, you must lose something. In the three years of being Mrs. Sullivan, there was never a moment when Jack didn’t have someone else on the side. To get back at me, he would parade his affairs in front of me, bringing them into the home his parents had gifted us—the same home where he wanted to erase the pain of losing his first love. But I had never done anything to him. At first, I was heartbroken, hysterically questioning him about his infidelity. But eventually, I realized those women were just tools—props in his revenge against me. None of them ever stayed around for more than a month. I used to think I held a place in his heart. Until Emily Blair came along. Jack never brought her to this house. He remembered her birthday, gave her gifts to mark their 100th day together, took her shopping, watched movies with her, and even kept her by his side at work. They were just like Jack and his first love had been—doing all the things couples in love do. Jack gave her everything: his time, his attention, his money. I turned to look at Jack, his brows furrowed in irritation. For the first time, my voice was calm. “If it weren’t for me, would you have fallen for Emily after marrying Chloe?” “What kind of nonsense are you spouting now? You’re clearly not thinking straight.” I knew that name—Chloe—was a sensitive subject for him. But I didn’t care anymore. Still, I wanted to know the answer. But he was never going to tell me. Pressing my hand against my throbbing head, I watched as Jack slammed the door behind him, leaving the room without looking back. Even though I’d told myself long ago not to feel hurt by Jack anymore, not to lose the last shred of dignity I had left because of him— I still couldn’t stop the ache when I saw his cold, resolute back disappearing down the hall. If only none of this had ever happened.
The bed felt emptier than ever. I curled into myself, clutching my head as waves of pain wracked my body. Even with the air conditioning set to the lowest temperature, I was drenched in a cold sweat. The painkillers barely worked, only dulling the edge of my suffering. I must’ve been hallucinating from the pain. Half-asleep, half-awake, I saw us as we used to be. Before Chloe ever appeared, I had always been the only one by Jack’s side—even if he treated me with nothing but indifference. I’ll never forget that day. It was a bitterly cold winter, snow falling thick and fast. The freezing air outside couldn’t compare to the chill in my heart. That was the winter when I lost both my parents. My father lost his battle with cancer, and on the same day, my mother jumped from the 18th floor. Looking back, maybe the signs had always been there. But back then, I was too young to understand. Grief consumed me. I shut myself away, refusing to see anyone, refusing to eat, hiding in the last place they had been. The day was glaringly bright when Jack found me. He stood there, out of breath, trying to act casual. “I just came to check if you were dead. Don’t read too much into it.” “I’m not dead. You can leave now.” “Come on,” he said, his tone brisk but oddly determined. “You’re practically growing mold in here. Consider yourself lucky—I’m feeling generous enough to drag you outside for some fresh air. No arguments.” And just like that, with his forceful attitude, he pulled me out of the darkness. His hands were trembling, yet he held on tightly. Before I could protest, he started rambling. “Taylor, when was the last time you ate? You feel like I’m dragging a ghost, not a person.” His words made me snap back at him instinctively. “None of your business. I can walk on my own.” Normally, that kind of retort would’ve earned a sharp comeback from him. But that day, he just muttered under his breath, still holding my hand, never letting go. That day felt like the first ray of light in my world after endless darkness. Even now, I’ve forgotten so much over the years, but I still remember that scene vividly. A boy, grumbling endlessly, leading a girl by the hand. A cup of hot chocolate in his other hand, the two of them walking down a snow-covered street. The pale winter sunlight shone on their faces, melting away the shadows that clung to them. They didn’t know it then, but moments like that are fleeting—gone before you realize how beautiful they are.
When I woke up again, it was already past midnight. My stomach burned with hunger after going so long without food. Even without looking in the mirror, I knew I must look terrible. Not that it mattered—there was no one here to see me. I lived alone in this house. Stumbling downstairs to find something to eat, I noticed the living room lights were still on. To my surprise, it was Jack. He had come back. He rarely stayed home at night. I knew he spent his evenings with Emily—eating the meals she cooked, taking walks in the park to help digest, and even going out of his way to track down the exact breed of kitten she wanted. Maybe Jack liked cats too. But I was allergic to cat fur. From the very start, our habits, our preferences, our lives—they were never aligned. He was lounging lazily on the couch, a cigarette between his fingers, his eyes fixed sharply on me as I descended the stairs. I lowered my gaze and tried to walk past him, but he grabbed my wrist. Hard. His grip was so tight that red marks formed almost instantly around my skin. He frowned as he looked me over, his voice full of suspicion. “Why have you gotten so thin?” I froze for a moment, then yanked at my arm, trying to break free. When I couldn’t, I sneered. “Jack Sullivan, what kind of game are you playing now?” “What, did one of your mistresses finally treat you like dirt? Is that why you’re suddenly noticing me?” Jack’s eyes flicked to my wrist, then back to my face. My tone must’ve stung, because his expression darkened. When I finally managed to pull my arm free and walked toward the dining table, I noticed something strange—a cup of my once-favorite bubble tea and a slice of the cake I used to beg Jack to bring home for me. What was this? A peace offering? A bribe for the lunch I had delivered earlier? Or maybe it was an apology. But none of it mattered anymore. I was dying. I didn’t need Jack. I didn’t need his pity. Without a second glance at the table, I headed straight for the fridge and grabbed a cream puff. That’s when Jack snapped. He slammed me against the floor-to-ceiling window with a force that made the glass shudder, his jaw clenched, his voice full of rage. “Taylor, what the hell do you want from me?” “Aren’t these the things you used to love? How dare you ignore them!” Them. Or maybe… him. I looked up at him with a bitter smile. “Jack, I don’t want any of it anymore. Not the tea, not the cake, and certainly not you.” “You know,” I continued, my voice dripping with venom, “you’re pathetic. When I loved you, you couldn’t care less. But now that I don’t, you cling to me like a stray dog.” In all the years I’d known Jack, I’d learned exactly where to hit to make it hurt. His face turned ice-cold, his temper brewing into a storm. As his hand shot up like he was going to hit me, I met his glare, raising my chin in defiance. “Go ahead, Jack. Hit me. If you don’t, you’re not a man.” His hand froze mid-air, my words pushing him to the edge. But instead of striking me, he let out a strangled growl and stalked in circles, his hands on his hips. When I turned to leave, he lost it completely. In one swift motion, he threw me over his shoulder and stormed upstairs, ignoring my fists pounding against his back. Like a wild animal, he threw me onto the bed, his hands yanking at my nightgown with a feral desperation. I felt nothing but disgust. Balling my fists, I punched him with all the strength I had left, but it wasn’t enough. Compared to him, my efforts were nothing but a nuisance. “Get off me, Jack!” I spat. “Don’t you dare touch me with your filthy hands—you make me sick!” He pinned my legs down with his knee and silenced me with a brutal kiss. His lips crushed mine with such force that the skin split, leaving a metallic taste of blood in my mouth. I stopped struggling, my strength completely drained. Leaning down, his breath hot against my ear, he whispered, “Taylor, you say no, but your body seems to want me just fine.” “If you’d just admit what you did back then, we could go back to how we used to be.” “I don’t understand why you’re so stubborn about this.” Hearing those words, I turned my head away, bile rising in my throat. The thought of his mouth—just hours ago, probably on someone else—made me retch. “Am I really that disgusting to you?” For the first time, I looked at his face. His eyes were bloodshot, his expression unhinged, like a child throwing a tantrum because his favorite toy had been taken away. But what was I supposed to admit? I’d done nothing wrong. I would rather die than confess to something I hadn’t done. I used to think I was special to Jack. Until Chloe came into the picture. She was his first love. If I hadn’t accidentally stumbled across the truth, he probably would’ve kept it hidden forever. Jack was always cold to me, but with Chloe, he was different. He smiled warmly, acted playful—he was human. Just not with me. I thought I’d spend my life like a rat in the shadows, watching them bask in their happiness. Then one day, Jack stormed into the house, his face twisted with rage. “Taylor, did you tell my parents about Chloe?” I froze, completely caught off guard. “What are you talking about?” His response was a scream, raw and venomous: “You’re such a miserable bitch. You should’ve died with your parents. If you can’t be happy, why drag me down into your hell?” That was the moment I asked myself: Why didn’t I die with them?
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