After the Scars, I Found the Sunlight

After my stepbrother discovered the secret that I liked him. He sent me to a conversion center. “You’re disgusting, liking your own brother.” After I came out, he led the bullying against me. Only when he realized I no longer liked him did he regret it. He knelt in front of me and begged me to keep liking him. “You’re disgusting, liking your own brother.” Adrian Gray threw the diary where I had hidden my feelings straight into the fire. With red-rimmed eyes, I tried to explain, “It’s not like that, Adrian…” Adrian flicked the cigarette butt in his hand onto my hand. “Don’t call me that, I find it disgusting.” He had someone send me to a conversion center for treatment. “This is an illness, and it needs to be cured. Once you’re cured, I’ll have someone bring you home.” I looked at the electric shocks and batons inside the conversion center, and my whole body trembled uncontrollably. I dropped to my knees with a thud. “Adrian, I was wrong. Don’t send me in there. I won’t like you anymore. Please take me home, okay?” Adrian kicked my hand away. “Don’t touch me, I find you filthy.” “You can come home when you’re cured.” I was dragged into a room. I listened to their filthy words. “Another one who fell for his own brother. How disgusting.” They shocked me with stun batons and poured cold water over me again and again. They even forced me to watch videos of men with men. They wore me down until I had no desire left. My illness was cured. I became what everyone expected me to be. A normal person. Adrian had someone pick me up and bring me home. I no longer had the energy I used to have, and I stood quietly to the side. “Adrian, I’m back.” Adrian looked me up and down. “Looks like sending you in there was the right choice.” “Your illness is cured. Dad and your mom will be happy when they see it too.” At the dinner table, Mr. Gray and my mom looked at me and could not hide their delight. “As long as you’re cured. As long as you’re cured.” “Live a good life from now on.” Mr. Gray arranged for me to return to school. Everything that happened at the conversion center still remained vivid in my mind. I became withdrawn and quiet, unwilling to interact with anyone. Adrian glanced at me. “My brother had some issues before.” “He liked men, and he was gay, but he also fell for his own brother.” “Of course, everyone doesn’t need to be scared. His illness has already been cured.” I stared at Adrian. “Why did you do this?”

Adrian chuckled. “I’m helping you by letting them understand you better.” “Don’t you want more friends to play with you?” What Adrian called playing with me was a group of people bullying me. My roommates always threw my blanket downstairs. I had no choice but to go downstairs to pick it up, and when I came back, they locked me outside the door. “He’s so disgusting. He actually liked his own brother. Just being around him makes me want to puke.” Even in the classroom, my seat was moved next to the trash can. They laughed loudly. “Disgusting gays should sit with disgusting garbage!” Adrian held up a video of me being pinned down and bullied on the rooftop and played it in front of me. “Adrian Gray, I already don’t like you anymore. What else do you want from me?” Adrian pinched my chin. “Ethan Miller, don’t use such a boring trick to fool me.” “I know your illness still isn’t cured.” “During your time at the conversion center, you were always secretly writing my name behind everyone’s back.” “I’m helping you. I’m helping you cure your illness.” I widened my eyes in terror and looked at him. “You were watching me!” Adrian sneered. “I’m your brother. I have a duty to help cure your illness.” Adrian was right. During my time at the conversion center, I had once secretly carved his name into the wall. I thought that as long as I hid it well enough, I could go home sooner. During those days at the conversion center, Adrian was my last hope. What Adrian called helping cure my illness was making me suffer even worse bullying. They dragged me into the bathroom and humiliated me however they wanted. “Take off his pants. I want to see how a gay guy is different from us.” Adrian watched coldly as they stripped off my pants, and I crawled to his feet and begged him. “Adrian, help me…” Adrian bent down and looked at me, his camera pointed at me. “This is the best way to cure you.” I lay naked on the floor, my whole body cold. They took photos of me from every angle. Those photos were posted on the school forum. The caption read: Twenty dollars a time, do whatever you want. When people passed me, they only spat out one insult. “Disgusting. Shameless.”

The malice I suffered grew even worse. My seat became the place where they threw their trash. Different brands of condoms were piled on my desk. My advisor warned me again and again. “Ethan Miller, this is your final warning. If there’s a next time, you’ll be asked to leave.” I sat in my seat and reached out, only for a thin little snake to crawl onto my arm. I jumped up from my seat in terror. They stood beside me clapping and shouting as if they were watching a clown put on a show. Every time Adrian saw me, it was as if he had seen something filthy. “Adrian, is that your brother? I heard people can do whatever they want with him for twenty dollars?” Adrian gave a cold snort. “Disgusting.” Why was all this malice focused on me? More and more condoms were piled on my seat, and they even opened them one by one and laid them out. The school directly ordered me to go home and advised me to withdraw. Mr. Gray looked at me with a cold expression. “I sent you there to study properly, and instead you went out there and embarrassed me!” My mom slapped me across the face. “Is this how you repay Mr. Gray?” “How did I give birth to such a useless son?” “I didn’t. It wasn’t me.” I lowered my head, not daring to look up at my mom. Why wouldn’t even she believe me? Adrian chuckled. “He was doing that kind of business at school. Twenty dollars a time.” “He’s such a disgrace to our family.” I whipped my head around and looked at Adrian. Why did he have to lie? It obviously wasn’t me. He filmed the video, and he posted it on the forum. My mom hit me like she had gone insane. “Are you trying to make me lose every last bit of dignity I have?” “Didn’t you say your illness was cured? Why are you still doing this?” She hit me again and again, and I did not step back, letting her hit me. Mr. Gray’s face darkened. “Since he isn’t cured, send him back!” “Let him come back when he’s completely cured.” Mr. Gray was a businessman, and any little disturbance could affect his business. He cared especially about reputation and saving face. He would never allow a gay adopted son who did such low-class dirty work to threaten his interests. I stood frozen in place, but Mr. Gray left without looking back. My mom followed behind him without even glancing at me. Adrian chuckled. “Ethan, this time I’ll make sure they cure you properly.” 3. I collapsed weakly onto the floor, my face covered in slap marks. With red eyes, I looked at Adrian. “Adrian Gray, you’ve changed.” When we were little, if someone bullied me, Adrian always protected me behind him and said to those people, “Don’t bully my brother.” No matter what good food he had, he always saved it first and shared it with me. My mom only wanted to secure her place as a wealthy man’s wife. So she went out of her way to please Adrian. She told me to endure everything and give in to Adrian. Whenever Adrian got into trouble, she always hit me first. But Adrian always stood in front of me every time. Until that accident, when Adrian discovered the diary where I had hidden my feelings. Everything changed. Adrian yanked my hair and looked at me with disgust. “No brother likes his own brother.” “Every second I see you, I feel disgusted.” Adrian let go of me and wiped his hand with a tissue right in front of me. They sent me back to the conversion center again. I looked at this former nightmare and could not stop trembling. The director’s greasy hand rubbed across my face. “Mr. Gray, don’t worry. I’ll definitely cure your brother’s illness.” I was locked in a dark, empty room and left to be abused however they wanted. I fought back, but in the end, it only earned me brutal beatings. The director spat on my face. “Pah, do you really think you’re some clean thing?” “You’re just a cheap slut who’s been used rotten. Getting to serve me is the greatest blessing of your life!” I curled up in the corner. Was this what Adrian meant by letting them cure me properly? I looked helplessly at the pitch-black room. In my heart, the brother who had once loved and protected me had completely rotted away. Adrian Gray, this time I really won’t like you anymore. The director often came to see me, taking the novelty he wanted from my body again and again. I took psychiatric drugs, and my mind slowly became dazed and hazy. I looked at the belt the director had left behind and picked it up instinctively. I tied it tightly to the ceiling because I wanted to end my life. But someone found me. They beat me brutally. They poured chili water on me, shocked me, and cursed filthy words in my ear again and again. I became silent and withdrawn, and my illness was completely cured. Adrian came to take me home. “Ethan, I’m here to take you home.” He reached out to place his hand on my shoulder, and I dodged instinctively. “Don’t touch me! Don’t touch me.” I shrank to the side in fear, my whole body shaking. Adrian frowned in displeasure. “Ethan, I’m Adrian Gray, your brother.” Hearing that, I looked up at him, at this person who had become more and more blurred in my mind. I could no longer remember many people. They became blurrier and blurrier in my mind, about to fade away. “How was your time inside?” I did not answer him and stared blankly out the window. Adrian’s gaze tightened. “Ethan?” A trace of unease rose in Adrian’s heart. “Ethan, where did you come up with this act now?” Seeing that I still did not react, Adrian stopped the car and looked at me. “Ethan, tell me, who made you like this?” I curled up instinctively. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. It’s all my fault.” Adrian frowned tightly, and despite all my struggling, he grabbed my arm. He pulled back my sleeve and clearly saw more than a dozen scars, big and small. Some were even fresh wounds layered over old ones. I yanked my arm back. “Don’t hit me. Don’t hit me. I was wrong.” Adrian’s face darkened. “They actually did this to you!” I looked at him in confusion. “Adrian Gray, wasn’t it you who allowed it?” Wasn’t it you who sent me in there with your own hands? Wasn’t it you who allowed them to treat me like that? Adrian froze in place, and he looked at me, my eyes empty and lifeless. I looked at him too, and the things he had done to me gradually surfaced in my mind.

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