I said I wouldn’t date early, and Julian Hayes waited for me until graduation. I said I didn’t like physics, and he gave up a brilliant academic future. Later, on a stormy night, Julian chased my car like a madman. “Chloe, my brother is getting engaged to you?” I lowered my head, forcing myself not to look at him. “…Yes, after all these years, I can finally be openly with him. Thank you.” Julian Hayes has Dissociative Identity Disorder – he doesn’t actually have a brother. I was probably the first to know about it. In my senior year of high school, I transferred to Maywood High. He was the class president and disciplinary committee member, tall and pale-skinned, standing in the classroom like a young, growing sapling. Every day, he’d be picked up and dropped off by luxury cars, surrounded by friends decked out in designer brands, and cheesy love letters slipped through the back door. At the time, I thought, *So what if he’s damn handsome? No substance, just a flashy rich kid.* A while later, during the summer sports festival, he wore long sleeves and pants, completely covered up, his zipper pulled all the way to the top, not even showing his neck. I complained to my new best friend, Hailey, “Rich kids are something else. They don’t even sweat. Does he think he’s some kind of fairy?” Hailey didn’t laugh. She leaned in and whispered, “His parents did that to him.” My eyes widened. “Why?” “I guess there’s something seriously wrong with his family.” Hailey made a zipping-her-mouth gesture at me. “Everyone keeps quiet about it. Don’t go around talking.” I nodded. Then, I inwardly marveled. Julian looked so unbothered day after day, despite everything. And he got first place on every test. He was truly something else. On the last day of the sports festival, it was my turn for after-class clean-up. After evening study hall, I finished wiping the blackboard and the podium. It was already pitch black outside. The motion-sensor lights in the stairwell weren’t working, no matter how much noise I made. I fumbled my way down the stairs, trembling and gripping the wall. Around the corner, I saw a silhouette and a flickering light. “Class President?” Julian exhaled a thick puff of smoke, staring at me without speaking. I inexplicably felt an ominous aura from him; he was like a completely different person from his usual self. “Julian, don’t you usually go home before evening study hall?” He let out a cold laugh, then suddenly grabbed my arm, pinning me against the wall. “I’m Jax, not that damn loser brother.” “Watch this.” He put the cigarette butt down and brutally ground it into the back of his hand. The moment the fire disappeared, we were completely swallowed by darkness. Julian’s voice was low. “He wouldn’t dare. He’s afraid of pain.” “…You’re bleeding.” I swallowed hard, scared, and fumbled through my bag, finally finding a band-aid. “Here.” Julian stared at the band-aid for a moment, then his hand suddenly trembled, and half the cigarette fell to the ground. He blankly took the band-aid but didn’t move. I tentatively called out, “Julian?” “…I’m sorry.” He abruptly stepped back, completely having forgotten what had just happened. I waved my hand. “It’s fine. I’m going home now.” Julian suddenly stopped me. “Chloe.” I turned, looking up at him. “What is it?” “I… have night blindness,” Julian whispered, leaning on the wall. “Can you lead me down?”
After that, I became the person in the world who understood Julian Hayes the most, overnight. He had DID, night blindness, and possibly a subconscious self-destructive tendency. But during the day, he was quiet, distant and pure like the moon. “You don’t attend evening study hall because of night blindness?” I passed him a small note. He passed one back to me. “Yes.” I started a new line. “Then I’ll walk with you from now on, or do you want to go home every day?” —*If he’s getting beaten at home, no one would want to go back.* Julian’s reply didn’t reach my hand until half a class later. I didn’t know what he was hesitating about, but the content was simple: “Okay.” Our teacher, Mr. Davies, was teaching about the “Roche Limit.” The Roche Limit for the Earth-Moon system is 9,000 kilometers. When the Moon gets too close to Earth, exceeding this limit, Earth’s strong tidal forces would rip the Moon apart, turning it into a ring orbiting the Earth. I couldn’t truly understand it at the time. Until one day, much later, I was leading Julian downstairs, and his father saw us. Mr. Hayes kicked Julian in the stomach. Julian tumbled down the stairs, clutching his head, his body curled tightly. Like a stray animal, devoid of personality, just a life being wantonly abused. “Bastard! I told you no early dating! I told you no early dating!” “You’re so full of yourself!” There was nothing I could do. I just felt that if he kept hitting Julian, Julian would die. So I grabbed a large rock from the flower bed. And threw it. His father wailed, too much in pain to straighten up. I pulled Julian up and we ran. Much later, we collapsed in a dark alley by the roadside. His arm was bleeding. I was helpless, only able to ask, “…Does it hurt?” Julian covered his face, silent for a very long time. Finally, his voice trembled slightly. “Chloe, it hurts so much.” My heart clenched. I leaned in and gently hugged him. No one ever listened when he said he was in pain. Everyone just knowingly watched the so-called rich family’s drama unfold. But friends were fake, home was fake, everything was fake, only the pain was real. Julian was the moon not allowed to approach other planets. The distance he allowed me to close had long exceeded that limit. He knew, deep down, that one day it would be discovered, and he’d face fury and physical abuse. But he would shatter into a million pieces for one eternal embrace.
The next time I saw Jax Hayes, it was when I went to the police station with Julian. Inside the station, he suddenly started twirling the black pen on the table, swaying slightly, and then pulled my hand to draw small flowers. “Julian? You haven’t answered my question yet.” I had already noticed he wasn’t himself. I quickly told the officer, “He needs a moment to recall. We’ll be right back.” I dragged Jax out of the police station. He smirked and whistled. “Well, hello there, pretty lady. Long time no see.” I closed my eyes, then opened them, steeling my resolve. I slapped him hard. No change. Julian didn’t come back. Jax blinked, then laughed even harder. “Such a fiery temper.” “Be my girlfriend.” He gripped my wrist, pulling me hard into his embrace. I could only manage a shaky voice, shouting at him, “I won’t date early!” Jax looked stunned. The concept of “early dating” seemed alien to him. He started clutching his stomach, as if about to burst out laughing. “You’re so cute.” “Early what? Dating me, it’s nothing but regret you didn’t meet me sooner.” He raised an eyebrow. My lips moved, but I couldn’t think of a single thing to retort. Jax roughly ruffled my hair. “Alright, alright, I’ll wait for you until graduation.” “…Who wants you to wait?!” I couldn’t take it anymore. “Wait for what?” The person in front of me was no longer a rogue. Only confusion remained in his eyes. All my energy drained away. I said weakly, “Wait for a natural, clear day, I want to take you to the beach.” Julian’s brow furrowed slightly. I turned my head. “You haven’t heard that song?” He blinked, looking gentle, humble, and polite. “No.” “Silly.” The police officer said things would get better. We both believed it, and it turned out to be true. Half a month later, Julian’s parents lost custody, and his guardian became his grandmother, who lived abroad. I asked Julian why he hadn’t saved himself all this time. Julian didn’t have an answer either. He said he was just too tired.
Two months later, during the mock exams, Julian was dead last in his grade. He crumpled the test paper into a ball and shoved it into Mr. Davies’s mouth. I stopped doing my test. I reached out and grabbed him, almost begging in a whisper, “Jax, settle down. Apologize.” *Don’t let everyone know, give Julian some space.* But it was no use. When Julian himself returned, the situation had escalated beyond calming. Even though the homeroom teacher was usually good-tempered, he couldn’t tolerate Jax’s extreme contempt. He made Julian stand in the hallway outside the classroom for the entire day. This was an incredibly humiliating punishment. Everyone who walked by would stare. And the once-glorious top student in the grade became the biggest topic of conversation that day. “I think he’s… lost his mind too.” “Right? How could he suddenly change so much, like a rabid dog, lashing out at everyone?” I covered Julian’s ears. He looked at me obediently, but his eyes held the bewildered confusion of someone who had caused immense trouble. “You’re not sick, Julian. That was your brother. Not you.” “Your brother’s name is Jax. He just causes trouble sometimes. It’s really no big deal, right? You’re always the master of this body.” Julian mechanically repeated my words. “That was my brother.” “I have DID. He’s my other personality.” I was extremely reluctant to admit it, but I had to nod. Julian was unusually calm. He gave a faint smile and asked me, “So, you’d seen him before?” My silence was the best answer. He lowered his head, pushing me away with cold words. “Chloe, I don’t need your pity.” I had a strange illusion that this summer had ended in that instant. “Yeah, I was deluding myself.” “It won’t happen again.”
I didn’t speak to him again until the college entrance exams. Julian scored incredibly well. I didn’t pry into his exact score, but I heard our physics teacher was writing him a recommendation letter to study quantum mechanics at a top-tier Ivy League university abroad. I performed normally, enough to get into a good university a few states over. That night, the air was a bit cool. I had my bedroom window open, and Julian climbed in from outside. “Hey there, pretty lady. Good thing your place is on the third floor, not the thirteenth.” He panted, winking at me. I was dumbfounded. “You, how did you…?” “How did you know where I live?” Jax sat on the edge of my bed, propping his feet up. “I followed you, duh.” “We’ve graduated. We can date now.” He reminded me. I pressed my lips together, cold. “I don’t remember.” “Don’t remember?” Jax stood up and pinned me against the desk. “That won’t do.” Saying that, he leaned in to kiss me. I covered my mouth with defiant resolve, blurting out without thinking, “I don’t like people who study physics!” Jax stopped half an inch from me. “My loser brother likes physics?” I didn’t know; I just said it on a whim. But Jax clearly took it seriously. He mulled it over for a moment. “Well, that won’t do. How could I let him have his way?” I knew instantly he was going to cause trouble. I knew he was crazy, but I didn’t expect him to actually do it. Jax changed Julian’s university application. He filled in only one choice, and the major was non-negotiable: the same university and the same major as me. After he finished, he sent me a SnapChat boasting, “Mission accomplished!”
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