She was fifteen when she came to our house. Skinny and malnourished, she looked like a little monkey. I treated her like my own sister, never imagining that at eighteen, she would crawl into my bed. On the night of her eighteenth birthday, I opened my eyes to find her holding handcuffs. “Brother, I’ve been waiting for this day,” she said. “You’re mine!” (1) I sat in the living room downstairs, absentmindedly letting my hot Americano turn cold, still unable to believe what had happened. Holy crap, I slept with Autumn last night! Her closed eyes next to my pillow this morning, Her arms tightly wrapped around my waist, And our naked bodies! Mom will kill me when she returns from her trip. That was Autumn, for God’s sake! She’s my sister! Not by blood, but that hardly makes a difference! (2) Yesterday was Autumn’s eighteenth birthday, Which fell during the Lunar New Year celebrations. My parents were away on their annual honeymoon trip, And I, a junior in college, was brain-dead from writing papers and in desperate need of fresh blood. So I took the initiative, And invited her classmates over for a party. As a miserable college junior, I got excited and drank quite a bit. I only remember constant laughter and chatter, And a pair of eyes locked on me. When I woke up again in the middle of the night, I thought I had dreamed of Autumn kissing me, which seemed absurd. Her fan-like eyelashes kept fluttering in my mind. My throat was dry, and I tried to reach for the water glass with my eyes closed, [Why can’t I move?] I tried to shake my hand, but it wouldn’t budge. [Am I having sleep paralysis?] I opened my eyes groggily and saw Autumn in front of me. The night light was on, and she was kneeling on top of me. Everything was eerily similar to my dream. “Autumn? What are you doing here?” I asked, feeling dizzy and unable to think clearly. Autumn didn’t say anything. Her dark eyes came closer and closer. She lowered her head, Her cool lips touched mine, gently kissing me open, And she passed some water into my mouth. I swallowed unconsciously. It was a bit sweet. The sensation was so similar to my dream, I couldn’t distinguish between dream and reality for a moment. “I want more,” I said. She reached for the water glass and took another sip. The glass bottom made a “clack” sound as it met the table surface, Then there was silence. I waited anxiously, Forcing my closed eyes open again, Under the dim wall light, she was holding a pair of silver handcuffs That gleamed coldly, Shocking me into clarity for a moment. Before I could think further, She kissed me again, Water trickled down the corner of my mouth, Her lips moved inch by inch to my earlobe, At the end of what I thought was a dream, I heard her say, “Brother, you’re mine.” “I’ve finally waited for this day.” (3) Footsteps sounded on the stairs, and I hurriedly picked up the coffee in front of me. “Brother, haven’t you had enough?” a cool voice asked, the content of her words making me choke. Yesterday, I seemed to keep asking for water, Because my mind was full of Autumn’s— “Enough or not? Want more?” “Cough cough cough” The violent coughing made me bend over involuntarily. Autumn hurried over from the stairs, Took the coffee cup, and gently patted my back. My face must have been red, either from coughing or from her closeness. I could feel the heat! She took a few tissues and handed them to me, Her slender, fair fingers with a hint of pink at the joints contrasted with the white paper. Last night, it was these hands that— A roaring sound seemed to rise in my ears, and I suddenly stood up. “What we did was wrong!” I blurted out, words tumbling out like beans. “I’m your brother, we can’t date!” “You’re still in high school!” “Everyone was drunk last night!” “We’re both adults now, so it’s not really a big deal, right?” I finished speaking in a rush and realized Autumn hadn’t said a word. I looked up at her, a bit surprised. Her usually expressionless face bore a faint smile. “What are you talking about, brother? What happened last night?” “I only remember you seemed drunk, and I was a bit tipsy too.” “You said you were hot, and Mrs. Zhang was downstairs, so I helped you take off your clothes.” “Then I was too tired and just fell asleep.” “Do you remember anything else, brother?” “Do you want to tell me about it?” Her eyes looked at me seriously, clear and innocent. I was stunned. Was last night just my dream? Autumn had never lied to me, I never doubted what she said. Holy crap! I couldn’t have been such a pervert to Autumn, could I? The sensations in the dream felt so real, The unusual feelings in my body made me scream internally. [Adam, you big pervert!] I couldn’t help but doubt myself, Am I… lacking female company, or… Could I possibly like Autumn? (4) Autumn was the daughter of my mom’s friend, Her father had an affair, and a planned charcoal incident took both parents’ lives. Autumn was probably the only hope her mother didn’t want to give up in her despair. Her mother had timed it perfectly when Autumn wasn’t home, She was in high school, a day student, Friday was supposed to be a happy day off. But when she returned home and opened the door, Instead of her mother’s smiling face and the familiar smell of home-cooked meals, Choking carbon monoxide rolled into the hallway, and two cold bodies lay sleeping on the sofa. This became Autumn’s nightmare every night. Autumn’s relatives were far away in her hometown, long out of touch. Her father had transferred his assets to someone else, her mother had spent lavishly, and years of drama had left their once well-off family in dire straits. Autumn became an orphan, a hungry orphan. The day my mom brought Autumn home, I had just finished my college entrance exams and was on vacation. “Who’s this?” I asked. I had been out partying all day, my voice hoarse from singing, my face tired, just wanting to go to sleep quickly. As soon as I entered the door, before I could dramatically call out “Mom—”, I met eyes with Autumn on the sofa. She wore a white shirt that had almost lost its color, school uniform pants, her hair was messy, there was a smudge of dirt on her nose, she was thin, very thin, her shoulder blades were like thin sheets, her jawline was clearer than my life plans, I felt I could snap her in half with one move, she looked dazed and very nervous. “Hello, brother. I’m Autumn,” she said. This was my first conversation with Autumn. Her crisp voice, unlike the coquettish voices of teenage girls, was like a gentle stream, instantly increasing my liking for her. I nodded at her and ducked into the kitchen. My mom was chatting with Mrs. Zhang and was startled by my sudden appearance. “So you remember to come home? Had enough fun?” she said. My mom gave me a knock on the head, “Stop, stop, if you keep hitting me, I’ll really turn into a chestnut!” I said, rubbing my head. “Who’s that outside, Mom? Autumn? That’s a pretty name.” I asked excitedly while grimacing in pain. “That’s your Aunt Wang’s daughter. Such a good child, but when her relatives heard there were no savings left, no one wanted to take her in. I was close with your Aunt Wang, and I didn’t want to see a good child’s growth stunted. We can afford to raise her, so I brought her back.” “We won’t do the formal paperwork and household registration, but we’ll support her education and let her live with us.” “What do you think, Adam?” “Huh?” I was listening intently and was caught off guard by the question. It was my mom’s way of doing things. As far as I could remember, she and my dad had always been involved in charity work, with countless donations and volunteer activities every year. “I think it’s fine. We have money anyway, and I’ve always wanted a sister. You and dad won’t have another child, so isn’t this perfect?” I said. “What does Autumn say?” I was more concerned about the opinion of the poor little girl. “I told her there’s an older brother in the family, and she should get along well with you. She nodded in agreement.” “But how did you know her name was Autumn?” My mom looked at me suspiciously. “She told me,” I said, pointing to the living room. “That’s strange, she’s only been nodding at me. This child hasn’t spoken since I picked her up.” “We just got home. Why don’t you go help your sister get familiar with the environment? She seemed to be shaking earlier.” Having found out what I wanted to know, I quickly accepted this fact, We only had one child in our family, and I had long wanted a companion! Autumn saw me come out of the kitchen and nervously stood up from the sofa, “Brother…” she began hesitantly. “I’m here, you’re so good!” I walked over and patted her shoulder. Up close, I could see that Autumn was really pale, with thick eyebrows and bright eyes. Her eyes weren’t big but were very deep, with slightly drooping corners. Her eyelashes were straight and fluttering, blinking at me, wet and puppy-like. But her shoulders were really bony. I looked at the double swimming ring around my belly and made up my mind to feed her more! She looked a bit panicked, took a step forward, and stared at my hand. “Dirty…” she said. I was stunned and felt a bit sad, Poor thing, how was her sad childhood any different from those novel heroines I read about! I would become her warm guardian angel! Protect her in the name of the moon’s justice! I raised my hand and gently brought it close to her nose tip, Slowly wiping away the dirt on her nose. Feeling her warm skin trembling slightly under my hand, I felt like I was truly a beautiful, kind, and generous big brother. “From now on, I’ve got your back!” I declared. Who would have thought that this promise would trip me up for a lifetime? (5) After Autumn asked me, I didn’t know how to respond. The doorbell saved me from my twitching lips. “Mom! Dad!” “Auntie, Uncle.” My parents came back early! Weren’t they supposed to be away for a month?! I stepped forward to take the luggage from my dad’s hand, but Autumn was faster. Her palm brushed against my hand as she passed, still burning hot. I withdrew my hand, unconsciously rubbing it. My mom came in and scrutinized me carefully. I felt a bit guilty under her gaze, I had to admit, the question of whether I liked Autumn or not Had torn open a layer in my heart, Many scenes that once seemed normal Now carried an ambiguous and romantic air in my mind. Did my mom notice something?! No, wait! Wasn’t last night’s craziness just a dream? What am I afraid of? I straightened my back, innocent people have nothing to fear! “Have you gained weight these past few days?” my mom asked. Her words struck me like lightning, deflating my confidence. “I haven’t~” I frowned, “Dad, control your wife! She starts criticizing me as soon as she gets home.” “It does look like you’ve put on a bit of weight, son,” my dad said, handing a cup of tea to my mom and sitting down on the sofa with a smile. I knew it! These two are always lovey-dovey without me! “Autumn! Come here quickly!” I called out. Autumn had gone to the kitchen to do something. Only Autumn would be on my side. After calling out, I felt a bit of regret. Damn, I called out of habit! We still hadn’t resolved the awkward situation from earlier. Autumn came over and sat down next to me. “We came back because of Autumn’s household registration issue,” my mom said. “Yesterday was Autumn’s coming of age ceremony, she’s eighteen now and can have her own household registration. We promised Autumn before that we’re a family. Respecting her wishes, we’ve separated Adam’s household registration from your father’s.” My mom handed over a brand new, bright red family registry booklet. Autumn opened it, there was only one page, Just Autumn herself. I looked at Autumn’s expression, she didn’t seem sad or happy. “Thank you, Uncle and Auntie,” Autumn stood up and bowed. I was already a bit nervous and stood up with her. “Thank you, Mom and Dad,” I said. The three of them stared at me with wide eyes. What did I say?! Why am I thanking them?! I raised my hand and covered my face. My parents burst out laughing, Through the gaps between my fingers, I saw Autumn laughing too, her eyes curved like a little fox. “Dinner’s ready!” Mrs. Zhang called from the kitchen, As I turned to pass by Autumn, “Not fat at all,” she said. Her gentle voice was like a wind I couldn’t catch, brushing past my ear. My ear felt a bit itchy, like spring rain plucking harp strings, joy welling up inside me. Congratulations on growing up, Autumn. (6) On the fifteenth day of the first lunar month, the Lantern Festival, we eat tangyuan (sweet rice balls). My grandparents had long since moved from our hometown to the city, But I needed a video shot for my assignment, so I wanted to go back to our hometown to film. Needless to say, my parents wouldn’t agree, “The house back home is empty! What are you going back for?” “It’s so far away, it’s not safe for you to go alone!” “It’s not okay even if you go with Leo. Are two boys safer? Doesn’t he want to spend time with his grandparents?” No matter how much I argued, my parents wouldn’t budge. Luckily, I’ve always been a bit rebellious. At five in the morning, while my parents were still asleep, I crept downstairs with my backpack, Paused for a moment as I passed Autumn’s room, But resolutely continued downstairs, Quietly, quietly, I closed the front door. I turned around, about to cheer silently, When a dark figure standing outside the door nearly made me scream. The figure quickly covered my mouth. “It’s me,” a familiar voice said. I relaxed. It was Autumn. “What are you doing?!” I was a bit angry, “You nearly scared me to death!” “Brother’s going out without me?” Autumn took a step forward, looking down at me, her voice contrasting with her imposing stance, sounding hurt. “I…” I deflated immediately, Rummaging in my pocket, I handed her a hand warmer, Her hands had been so cold just now. “It’s not that I didn’t want to bring you, you’re in your senior year, you need to study hard.” Actually, when I thought about going back home, Autumn was the first person I wanted to bring, but she needed to study, so I didn’t invite her, because I knew, Autumn would never refuse me. “One day won’t make a difference, let’s go,” Autumn took my backpack and put it on her own back. It was still dark, the streetlights made the ground look clean and even, our footsteps left side-by-side tracks in the untouched snow. I excitedly stepped left and right, Small snowflakes floated in the air, cool as they slipped into my collar. Autumn reached out to adjust the hood at the back of my neck. “But what if my parents scold me? They’ll scold you too!” I worried. “Not afraid,” she replied. “What if it interrupts your studies?” “Not afraid.” “Why are you coming back home with me?” “Don’t want you to be scared.” (7) The train tickets back to our hometown were sold out, so we had to buy afternoon bus tickets. After finishing two large Cokes at McDonald’s, it was finally time to board the bus. Our hometown wasn’t very close, and by bus, it would take more than a day, which meant we would have to stay overnight at an inn. The bus was very crowded, with luggage piled everywhere. A weathered worker was holding a cup of instant noodles, a mother in the back corner was discreetly breastfeeding her baby, an old man was squinting at his old-fashioned phone with a speaker, all sorts of people, each unfamiliar face bearing the joy of going home. Autumn and I found our seats and hugged our bags. The bus wasn’t well-ventilated, the smell wasn’t pleasant, and I felt a bit motion sick. Autumn opened her jacket, patted her shoulder, gesturing for me to lean over. “Get some sleep, or you’ll get carsick later,” she said. Her legs were very long, curled up in the seat, her brows slightly furrowed. Poor thing, I felt bad for her. I leaned over, burying my nose in her clothes and taking a deep breath, The familiar soap scent made me genuinely drowsy. Autumn’s shoulder was still as thin as before. The little 5-foot carrot had grown quickly, in the blink of an eye, she was now about 5’5″. I unconsciously nuzzled closer, It’s good, I didn’t fail in my feeding efforts. “Wake up, brother,” Autumn called softly. I groggily woke up to Autumn’s voice. Outside it was pitch black, with only a large searchlight. Autumn shielded my eyes with her hand, afraid the light would hurt them. She lowered her head, her voice very gentle, “We need to stay at an inn for the night, it’s not safe to walk in the snow at night.” “Okay,” I agreed. Still dazed, I got off the bus with Autumn. In the middle of nowhere, there were no other houses, just one lonely inn. The bus driver assigned rooms based on the tickets. I was paired with the breastfeeding brother, and Autumn with another guy. Autumn held my hand as I was about to go in. I turned back to look at her. “Rest well tonight. If you’re cold, I packed some hand warmers in the bag,” she said. I don’t know if it was the dark night intensifying my uneasy feelings, or if the snow’s reflection cast a soft light on Autumn, but at that moment, I didn’t want to leave her. “Hey, brother, do you know this young lady?” the other guy asked excitedly as he approached the inn’s entrance. “This is my wife, it’s inconvenient for her to get up at night to feed the baby,” he said, supporting the brother holding the child. Looking at Autumn and me holding hands, “You two are a couple, right? This is perfect, let’s switch rooms.” Seeing the hopeful looks in the brother and guy’s eyes, and the baby waving its arms and legs, I have to admit, I was shamefully tempted. Autumn nodded in agreement before I could say anything. The family of three happily left our sight. Autumn explained, “Brother taught me to help others when we can. I did it.” “Autumn is so good,” I praised. (8) “Honey water, brother,” Autumn said, handing me a thermos. The water inside was just the right temperature. She efficiently spread the blanket down the middle of the bed, took out some clothes from her bag, and laid them on the bed. I finished drinking the water just as Autumn made an excuse to go downstairs to buy something. “I’m going to buy a pair of slippers, it’s too dirty here,” she said. Perfect, I could take a quick shower. I quickly finished showering and ran out of the bathroom. Barefoot, I came face to face with Autumn, who was holding the slippers. Autumn’s expression was poor. She pushed me up and led me to the bed. For the first time, I looked down at Autumn from a higher angle. “Aren’t you afraid of getting a stomachache, brother? The floor is very cold,” she said. I mumbled that I understood and crawled under the covers. My little heart couldn’t bear to look at Autumn now, it was beating so fast. Autumn didn’t shower and lay down fully clothed. I closed my eyes for a while, not feeling very sleepy. Just as I was about to say something, unfamiliar sounds came from next door. I pricked up my ears. What was that?! Listening carefully, oh my god, next door someone was… was…
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