Lucas, Gabriel and I have been childhood friends since we were little. Lucas was warm and cheerful, while Gabriel was cold and reserved. We grew up together until an uninvited guest entered our world of three. When Lucas came to find me in class, I was explaining a problem to Gabriel. Gabriel always had a calm expression, and his face rarely showed any emotion, like a block of ice. English was his weakness, and as his classmate and childhood friend, I had no reason not to help him since I was good at English. However, Gabriel didn’t seem to care much, and I wasn’t sure if he was really listening. He would only give a slight response when I reached key points. Lucas knocked on the classroom window and poked his head in with a grin, “Gabriel! Sophia! Wait for me after school, let’s go home together!” Gabriel looked up indifferently, “You came all the way here just to say that?” “Hehe, I just wanted to come see you guys. It’s not my fault I’m the only one not in your class!” Seeing our posture, with me leaning towards Gabriel, Lucas pouted, “My English isn’t great either. Sophia, when are you going to tutor me too?” I lowered my head and smiled without saying anything.
Lucas and Gabriel are childhood friends who grew up with me. We’re neighbors. When I was little, my parents were always busy with work and often couldn’t take care of me. The kind neighbor aunties would invite me over for meals. That’s how I met Lucas and Gabriel through our neighbors. Gabriel was often sick as a child and stayed at home a lot, without many playmates his age. When I went to his house for meals, his parents would always ask me to play with him for a while. Gabriel was cold even as a child, but he accepted all my friendly gestures. Eventually, I figured out his interests and would bring geography magazines every time I came to play with him. When it came to geography, he would talk a little more than usual. Of course, it was still just a little bit more. Getting to know a chatterbox like Lucas was even more natural. Later, I often went to Gabriel’s house with Lucas to play with him. That’s how the three of us grew up together and went to the same middle and high school. On the way home, it was often the three of us together. Lucas would talk non-stop about the interesting things that happened that day, while Gabriel walked quietly beside us, occasionally retorting. I often wished that these days could go on forever.
On the way home from school, when Lucas was waiting for me at the school gate, I saw the silhouette of another girl beside him. Emma, Lucas’s deskmate. When we entered high school, Lucas was assigned to a different class from us. Lucas met his new deskmate Emma, who seemed to be a very quiet girl. Emma came from a single-parent family, living with her mom, but was occasionally harassed and abused by her divorced father. Her tragic background immediately aroused Lucas’s sympathy. His sense of justice exploded, and he decided to help Emma. He even brought Emma along when hanging out with us, saying he wanted to help her make friends. From that day on, everything started to change. Emma was petite and quiet, with timid eyes like a little cat, easily arousing people’s protective instincts. She spoke softly and weakly, forming a stark contrast with my outgoing personality. When I got excited about something, my voice would naturally get louder. At these times, Lucas would pretend to be angry and glance at me, then protect Emma. “Can’t you lower your voice a bit! You’re scaring our Emma!” Emma’s unfortunate family background always made Lucas indignant. Even Gabriel would comfort her a few words and tell me to speak more softly. I frowned as I watched the two of them revolving around Emma, but couldn’t say anything. I had no reason to reject Emma’s joining. She was already miserable enough and didn’t have many friends at school. If I resisted her, wouldn’t I be a terrible person? I could only endure. Even when speaking, I had to lower my volume for Emma, who was easily frightened. I couldn’t talk about topics Emma wasn’t familiar with, otherwise, she would become sensitive and overthink. I could no longer laugh and joke around freely with Lucas, and Gabriel wouldn’t stand aside laughing and calling us crazy anymore. Now they would speak softly to Emma, having long forgotten how we used to interact so freely.
The four of us walked home side by side, and I remained silent. I don’t know when it started, but I stopped talking much when Emma was around. I didn’t know which of my words might touch Emma’s sensitive nerves, causing her to cry, followed by Lucas and Gabriel scrambling to comfort her. Lucas seemed to notice my unusual behavior and tried to ease the atmosphere by speaking first. “Hey Sophia, why don’t you tutor Emma and me in English sometime?” I glanced briefly at Lucas and Emma standing together. “We’ll see.” Lucas’s face froze slightly, not expecting me to refuse him. Emma timidly tugged at Lucas’s sleeve. Gabriel frowned and looked at me, “Are you in a bad mood lately?” “Mm, that time of the month.” I vaguely brushed them off while kicking small stones on the road. No matter what, I felt very uncomfortable about how our friendship had become. Especially when I saw Emma, I felt even more uneasy.
I don’t dislike Emma. If I disliked her, I wouldn’t have been so considerate of her family background and sensitive personality, carefully thinking before speaking. When the four of us eat together, I can’t even mention the restaurants we three used to go to, because Emma’s family couldn’t afford such restaurants, and mentioning it would make Emma feel inferior. That’s what Gabriel and Lucas said, so I didn’t want to argue. At first, it was just restaurants, but later there were more and more things we couldn’t talk about; our graduation trip to Japan, going to Disneyland together, surfing at the beach together… Lucas said that Emma had always stayed in a small town, her family wasn’t well-off, she had never been abroad, and didn’t have many entertainment options, so we shouldn’t mention these things to widen the gap between friends. Gabriel nodded in agreement beside him. Those beautiful memories were sealed in our hearts, never to be mentioned again. Lucas and Emma talked about interesting things in their class, while Gabriel listened quietly, occasionally making sarcastic comments like before. I listlessly finished the cola in my cup and chewed on the ice cubes. Noticing the sound, the other three all turned their gazes towards me. “Sophia, what’s wrong? You seem to be in a bad mood lately.” Surprisingly, Emma was the first to speak up, looking at me with concern in her pitiful eyes. Lucas and Gabriel both looked at me nervously. I suddenly felt very annoyed. I didn’t want to pay for someone else’s sensitivity anymore, nor did I want to become someone who couldn’t say anything. “It’s nothing, I just can’t join the conversation. It’s a bit frustrating.”
I saw Emma’s eyes instantly turn red. “I’m, I’m sorry, is it because I’m here, interrupting your chat? Then I’ll leave first…” Lucas frowned and stopped her, “What are you leaving for? Sophia wasn’t talking about you.” Emma’s eyes reddened even more, and a few tears fell. Lucas seemed to realize his tone was a bit harsh and softened his voice, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at you.” He turned to look at me, “Sophia, you—” “I do find it quite boring, and I’ve had enough,” I interrupted him. “If we can’t say what we want to say when we’re with friends, what’s the point of being friends?” Lucas looked somewhat shocked. Emma was still looking at me with teary eyes. The atmosphere became very tense for a moment. Even Gabriel, the ice mountain, tried to save this awkward situation, “Um…” I stood up first, picking up my tray, “I’m leaving first.” There was no point in staying any longer, and Lucas and Gabriel wouldn’t necessarily take my side. There was no intense argument, but we began to fall into a cold war. Gabriel, who was in the same class as me, always seemed like he wanted to say something but was stopped by me every time. I’m not an unreasonable person, I just want them to see clearly that our friendship is now distorted and unhealthy. If we have to keep our mouths shut when chatting with friends, then what’s the point of being friends? I can only endure. Even when speaking, I have to lower my volume for Emma, who is easily frightened, and I can’t talk about topics Emma isn’t familiar with, otherwise, she’ll become sensitive and overthink. I can no longer laugh and joke around freely with Lucas, and Gabriel won’t stand aside laughing and calling us crazy anymore. Now they speak softly to Emma, having long forgotten how we used to interact so freely.
A new student transferred to our class, with beautiful eyes that were brown in the sunlight. His name was also nice, Noah, but he seemed a bit cold. Just like Gabriel, like a big ice cube. It happened to be time for seat changes in our class, and Gabriel and I were no longer desk mates. The new student became my desk mate. As soon as he moved in, I eagerly asked him, “Are you wearing colored contacts? Your eyes are so beautiful!” Noah obviously didn’t react, he was stunned for a moment, “Thanks?” I gave him a big smile, “Hi, I’m Sophia.” Noah nodded, his expression still unchanged, but unlike Gabriel, he didn’t seem to have such a strong sense of distance. Or to put it another way, his aloofness wasn’t due to coldness, but rather revealed a hint of scholarly air. I noticed Gabriel, who was arranged not far behind me to my left, was looking at me, but I didn’t turn back to look at him. “Sophia.” Noah tentatively called my name, and I turned back to look at him. He actually showed a faint smile, “Your name is really nice.” I stared at him blankly. This must be what it’s like when an iceberg melts. Although they were both cold-faced handsome guys, Noah and Gabriel gave very different impressions.
Lucas brought Emma to find me in class. As usual, he opened the window next to my seat, but he didn’t expect that the person sitting beside me was no longer Gabriel. Noah looked up at him with a puzzled expression, “Who are you?” … Lucas was quite embarrassed until he saw me sitting nearby, and his eyes brightened. “Sophia! I… we have something to tell you.” I looked up and saw Emma standing behind Lucas, looking very dependent on him, and I couldn’t help but feel annoyed again. “Class is about to start.” Lucas’s face instantly fell, “Sophia, are you, are you still angry?” I didn’t want to answer at all. The moment I saw Lucas and Emma appear together, when I heard Lucas say “we”. I clearly understood that the problem between us couldn’t be solved by a simple apology. “Classmate, there are two minutes left before the bell rings.” Noah seemed to sense my resistance and spoke up to reject Lucas for me, even closing the window. Lucas glanced at Noah with some annoyance before leaving with Emma. I thanked Noah, feeling very confused inside.
gradually became more familiar with Noah. We were desk mates, and since he was new and had many questions, I patiently answered them all and even took him on a tour of the campus. His science grades were very good, but his liberal arts subjects were terrible. So I started explaining English to Noah, and in exchange, Noah promised to help improve my math scores. I found it quite surprising. Before, when I was tutoring Gabriel, I just considered it as help between friends. Gabriel, who was equally excellent in science, never offered to help improve my math. At the time, I didn’t think much of it, just feeling that I could help if I could. Now, getting feedback from Noah, I couldn’t help but make comparisons. As we interacted more, we became friends. Although Noah was as taciturn as Gabriel, he would seriously respond to every word I said. “Why is the answer A for this question?” “The question asks to choose the incorrect option.” “What class do we have next?” “Music class, we can catch up on homework.” “Noah, do you find me annoying?” I remembered that when the four of us used to hang out together, Lucas and Gabriel complained that I was loud and talked too much, saying I was too noisy and not as quiet as Emma, who spoke softly. Noah looked at me, “I don’t find you annoying. I quite like listening to you talk.” “Also, next time you can just call me Noah instead of classmate.”
I still walked home with Lucas and the others. After I gave them the cold shoulder last time, they solemnly apologized to me and said they wouldn’t ignore my feelings anymore. After all, we had been friends for so many years, and it wasn’t something that could just be ended. However, Emma was still following behind Lucas, always looking at Lucas and talking cheerfully. Gabriel became even more silent than before. After seeing my relationship with Noah progress rapidly in class, he finally couldn’t help but speak up, “Sophia, you’re tutoring Noah in English?” “Yeah, what’s wrong?” His expression darkened for a moment. “Noah? You mean that guy who sits next to you?” Lucas chimed in, sounding a bit displeased. “When did you get so close to him?” “It’s just classmates helping each other with homework, what’s the big deal? Besides, he said he would help me improve my math too.” To be honest, I found Lucas’s sudden anger a bit baffling. Lucas retorted, “If you want help with math, can’t you ask Gabriel?” Gabriel’s body seemed to stiffen for a moment. I lowered my head and replied, “I sit closer to Noah, it’s more convenient.”
Lucas continued to be dissatisfied on the way home, until we reached the entrance of our neighborhood and he went into his house first. I was about to take out my keys when Gabriel called out to me. “Sophia.” I stopped. He hesitated for a moment before slowly speaking. “When you were tutoring me in English before, I didn’t think about teaching you math in return. I took your kindness for granted. I’m sorry I didn’t consider it.” “Next time if you have questions about math, come find me.” I waved my hands repeatedly, “Don’t listen to Lucas’s nonsense. I really didn’t mind at all. Besides, I helped you with English voluntarily.” Gabriel looked at me steadily, “But I don’t want you to get too close to Noah, closer than our relationship.” “I think Lucas probably feels the same way, that’s why he was so unhappy.” I remained silent for a long time before looking up to answer him. “What’s the use of saying all this? Didn’t you guys let Emma join our group too?” Gabriel’s expression changed. “So, there’s nothing wrong with me being close to other people, right? If possible, I also plan to bring Noah into our circle. After all, he’s my friend too, just like Emma is your friend.” “But Sophia, Emma is different. Her family situation is like that, so Lucas and I just wanted to take care of her more, so…” “So, there’s a problem between us. You’re so smart, you must see it. An apology is just a step, the problem in our friendship hasn’t been thoroughly resolved.” I interrupted him. “Alright, let’s stop here for today. I’m tired, see you tomorrow.” “Sophia…” I blocked the words he was about to say and turned to go back to my own home.
I don’t have any opinion against Emma, nor do I deliberately exclude her. I still remember when Emma first joined us, how Lucas gently introduced me and Gabriel to her. Just like that, naturally, she joined our friendship of over ten years. I wanted to show her friendliness, so the next day I brought her some pastries from my favorite bakery. Unexpectedly, when she saw the price, she almost burst into tears. “Wuwuwu, my mom and I have never eaten such expensive pastries. Thank you, Sophia. Can I save this pastry for my mom?” We frantically tried to comfort her for a long time, but she still couldn’t stop crying. Lucas pretended to blame me, saying it was my fault for being too insensitive and making Emma cry. I knew he was joking to lighten the mood, but I still felt a tightness in my heart. Later, no matter what I did, they would protect Emma, telling me not to touch on Emma’s sad experiences. After all, her family situation was so unfortunate, she should be happier at school. I told myself it was okay, they had the right to make new friends. But when I found out that even Gabriel, who was usually so cold, was intentionally or unintentionally favoring Emma and trying to make her happy. I couldn’t help but feel sour inside. I seriously tried to avoid Emma and talked to Lucas and Gabriel about this matter. But Lucas didn’t care at all and said I was overthinking. “Can’t you be more understanding of Emma? Her family condition is so poor, unlike us who have everything we need.”
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