The day Sean Parker and I agreed to move to the same city, I failed to show up on time. He probably couldn’t understand why I suddenly went incommunicado after just going back home to pack my luggage. A few days later, I called Sean. As soon as he picked up, I heard his furious questioning: “Thea Brown, are you trying to break up with me out of the blue?” I looked around at the cold, steel bars surrounding me and forced myself to say something I didn’t mean. “Yeah, I’m about to go abroad and live the good life.” “Let’s not keep in touch anymore.” Five years later, I was making a living by setting up a small booth in a night market tourist area. I did manicures for tourists while selling some handmade trinkets on the side. That night, it started drizzling. The lady at the neighboring stall called out to me as she was packing up: “Thea, why don’t you head home? It’s raining!” I shook my head bitterly. The truth was, I hadn’t made a single sale all day and didn’t want to leave empty-handed. The lady tried to persuade me: “Honey, that’s not how you make money. You’ve barely eaten anything all day. Don’t be so hard on yourself.” Just as she finished speaking, two people suddenly stopped in front of my booth – a picture-perfect couple. “Hey, how much for a manicure?” The girl’s voice was sweet as she casually browsed the designs. I habitually lowered my head, wiped the customer’s chair clean, and eagerly introduced my services: “Basic designs are 50 , m o r e c o m p l e x o n e s a r e 50,morecomplexonesare100. If you’d like, I can also throw in a free plush toy – I make them myself.” The girl didn’t even look at the toys. She randomly pointed at a trendy design. “I’ll take this one. Skip the plush toy – I’m not interested in unlicensed products.” The man beside her opened an umbrella and held it over her head, his tone full of affection. “I can’t believe you still want to get dolled up in this rain.” My hand froze as I was reaching for my tools. Though I hadn’t heard that voice in years, I would recognize it anywhere till the day I died. It was Sean Parker. I snuck a glance and finally got a clear look at him now. He had lost weight but become even more handsome. In that moment, my heart felt like a fallen leaf tossed about by a gale, drifting aimlessly with no place to settle. I mechanically reached out to gently hold the girl’s hand. I lowered my head to steady myself and slowly began painting her nails. From the corner of my eye, I saw Sean pull up a chair and sit down, his hand holding the umbrella never wavering. It suddenly reminded me of our college days when he would always wait for me outside the dorm building whenever it rained. He always tilted the umbrella more towards my side. But that favoritism no longer belonged to me. Now, he stood beside another girl, shielding her from the wind and rain, giving her his undivided attention. “Wait, take off everything you just did,” the girl suddenly pulled her hand back and held it up to her face, blowing on it gently. My thoughts were abruptly pulled back to reality as I asked anxiously, “Miss, do you… not like it?” She frowned and shook her head. “Your hands feel like they have thorns, it’s uncomfortable.” “How can you do manicures for others with hands like that? Don’t you understand customer service?” Only then did I notice how dry and cracked my own hands were. Years of sewing and manual labor had left my fingertips covered in tiny, rough calluses. In that moment, I felt my face burn with embarrassment, my chest tightening. Sean suddenly laughed and ruffled the girl’s hair, reaching into his pocket for his wallet. “Please help remove the polish for her. Keep the money.” He finally looked at me. That glance made his hand freeze mid-motion as he was taking out cash. I watched as his expression gradually hardened, the muscles in his face twitching subtly. Those eyes that were once gentle and mesmerizing slowly filled with hatred. The girl took out some sanitizing wipes from her purse and started wiping her fingers one by one. She turned to ask, “What’s wrong? Do you know her?” He suddenly smiled. He pulled out a few more bills from his wallet and tossed them all at me unceremoniously. “No, I don’t. She just looks pitiful.” “Consider it charity for a beggar. Let’s go.” Those two sentences were like sharp hooks, digging into my heart one by one. He had recognized me. At my most wretched state.
Sean Parker didn’t know that my lowest point wasn’t now. The year we graduated, we had agreed to move to the same city to start our careers. I was supposed to go back home briefly to pack my things before we left. But as soon as I walked through the door, I witnessed a nightmarish scene. My stepfather had pinned my mother to the ground, one hand pressing her head down, the other viciously swinging his fist. Seeing me enter, he not only didn’t stop, but hit even harder. “You worthless bitch! You’re just as cheap as that daughter of yours. You eat my food, drink my booze, but when it’s time to serve me you’re not willing? I’ll beat you to death!” For a moment, my mother’s wails and my stepfather’s curses blended together, assaulting every nerve in my body. I couldn’t take it anymore and rushed over to push him off. But I was no match for him. Within seconds he got back up and slapped me hard across the face. My mother struggled to her feet and clung to his leg. “Please, stop hitting her. The child will make money in the future.” The mention of money only made the beast angrier. He shook off my mother and lunged at me, grabbing me by the throat. In that moment, I felt like I was going to die. On the brink of despair, my hand found a fruit knife on the table. Without thinking, I plunged it into his heart. Just like that, at barely over 20 years old, I became a murderer. The day I was waiting for my sentencing, I made a call to Sean Parker. As soon as he picked up, he demanded to know why I had been so cold-hearted. I wiped away the tears that had long since covered my face and spoke scornfully to him for the first time. “Sean Parker, I’ll tell you the truth. In a couple days, I’m going abroad to live the good life.” “Only an idiot would stay with a poor nobody like you.” Those heartless words were enough to crush Sean Parker, who was penniless at the time. His voice trembled as he warned me not to regret it. After that, we never contacted each other again. Later, I was sentenced to five years for manslaughter. My mother hanged herself a week after my sentencing. From that day on, I not only lost my mother, but also my freedom. I regretted it, but it was too late. Sean Parker was wonderful, so wonderful that no one else in the world could replace him. As for me, the castle I had spent over 20 years building in my heart had already crumbled. I was no longer worthy of him. I would never be worthy again. For a while after getting out of prison, no company was willing to hire me. I finally managed to find a job as a food delivery driver. But when my criminal record was discovered, even the boss who had been kind to me suddenly turned cold: “You little brat, do you know how much trouble it would cause the company if this got out? Get lost, and stay far away!” Who could have imagined that me, a graduate from a top university, would now be unqualified even to be a delivery driver? Later, I could only rely on the skills I had learned in prison to do some small business, working from dawn to dusk just to barely make ends meet. The money Sean Parker threw at me today was almost equivalent to a month’s income for me. But I didn’t want to accept it. That money hitting my body hurt more than a slap to the face. Before bed, I got a call from my college roommate Claire White. She was the only friend I had contacted after getting out of prison. “Thea, I invited Sean Parker to my wedding next month too. My dad is working with him now, so I really had no choice.” “But you have to come, we promised each other back in college.” I tidied up the money I hadn’t had a chance to refuse earlier and calmly replied: “It’s fine, I have something to return to him anyway.” Once I returned it, I could let go too.
Claire’s wedding was held at her father’s hotel. This was my first time back in this city after more than five years. Even though I had been back in society for half a year now, I still felt uneasy in crowded places. “Thea, don’t be so tense.” Claire patted my shoulder to help me relax. I gave a dry smile and gestured for her to go ahead and stay busy. Soon people started taking their seats. I realized this whole table was filled with my college classmates, but no one recognized me. Sean Parker arrived with that pretty girl from the other day, causing a stir before they even sat down. “Well well, looks like Mr. Parker is about to tie the knot soon, eh?” He didn’t try to hide it, openly holding hands with the girl. Then he glanced in my direction and smiled, nodding: “That’s right, when Sophie and I get married, you all have to come drink to our happiness.” So her name was Sophie. I lowered my head, wanting to bury myself in the dust. All I could do was try my best to minimize my presence. But Sophie noticed me. “Hey~ Aren’t you the girl who did my nails the other day?” Her words drew countless gazes. Finally someone recognized me. “Are you… Thea Brown? Is that really you?” I nodded slightly, still not raising my face. That person slapped their thigh. “It really is you! But how did you end up like this? I remember you used to be so beautiful. Now you look malnourished!” I forced a smile, not knowing how to respond. Some of those close to Sean Parker started taking potshots: “Well well, Miss Lin, looks like karma caught up with you, huh? We hadn’t heard a peep from you in years – we thought you died in the pandemic or something.” The words were unpleasant, but I could tolerate them. After all, compared to the abuse I endured in prison, what was this? Besides, this was Claire’s wedding. I couldn’t let her face any embarrassment. During the meal, I just focused on eating the food in front of me. Sean Parker sneered, serving Sophie some dishes while taking a dig at me: “Is Miss Lin not used to Chinese food after being abroad for so long?” I numbly finished my last bite and gently set down my chopsticks. “Please, enjoy your meal everyone. I have to leave early.” As I said this, my gaze floated in the air. There was a whole table of people, yet I couldn’t find a single pair of eyes to meet. I left in a hurry, not getting a chance to say goodbye to Claire or find an opportunity to return Sean Parker’s money. But as soon as I walked out of the hotel, someone stopped me. Sean Parker had somehow taken a shortcut and arrived at the entrance before me. Without a word, he dragged me to a secluded corner. His face was dark, like storm clouds before heavy rain. “Thea Brown, what’s your game? Didn’t you say you were going abroad to live the good life? Why are you back now?” I was at a loss for words, staring at him helplessly. “They’re right, this is karma for abandoning me.” “Are you jealous? I’m rich and successful now, with a beautiful and loving girlfriend.” “Most importantly, she loves me. She won’t casually abandon me! You’re the one who’s been abandoned!” He hurled years of pent-up anger at me like an avalanche, crushing the air out of my lungs. At the critical moment, Claire came running out, panting as she stood in front of me. “Sean Parker, what, what are you doing? Do you know that Thea…” “Claire!” I hurriedly cut her off. I shoved the money I had prepared into Sean Parker’s hands and pulled Claire away, turning to leave. I didn’t want him to know. It was better if it stayed buried in my gut forever.
That night, Claire made time to give me a call. “Thea, don’t stay cooped up in that little tourist area anymore. Come work at my dad’s hotel.” I felt both dazed and uneasy. “Is that… appropriate? Won’t I cause trouble for you?” Claire brushed it off: “It’s fine, just be a temporary room service staff. You won’t have to be out in public much, and it’ll pay better than selling plush toys.” This time, I suddenly wanted to give it a try. On my third day of work, someone was holding a birthday party in the main hall. It originally had nothing to do with me, but the manager suddenly called me down to help serve drinks. When I got to the hall, I realized it was Sean Parker’s birthday. I had completely forgotten. Not only were many college classmates there, but also friends he had made in the city over the past few years. I looked around, hoping to find Claire in the crowd. I didn’t want to show my face at this party. “What are you looking at? I didn’t call you down here to gawk!” The supervisor impatiently placed a tray of drinks in my hands, filling several glasses in seconds. She pointed ahead: “Go on, hurry up! The main table is waiting for drinks!” I had no chance to refuse before she gave me a push, sending me wandering through the crowd like a zombie with the tray of drinks. Just as I reached the main table, Sophie suddenly turned and bumped my arm. I lost my grip for a moment, and the tray toppled to the ground. With a loud crash, glasses shattered and alcohol splashed everywhere, splattering Sophie’s high heels and the hem of her dress. “Ah! What’s wrong with you? Are you blind?” “I’m sorry.” I apologized woodenly, frantically trying to clean up the glass shards on the floor. Sophie was furious. “What good is apologizing? Do you know how much these shoes cost? Get down and clean them properly!” I instinctively glanced at Sean Parker. He frowned slightly but remained silent. I understood. He had no intention of intervening. “Hurry up! What are you thinking about? Is this how your hotel staff handle mistakes?” Forget it. I took out the handkerchief I always carried and crouched down to wipe her shoes. In that moment, I was the focus of everyone’s stares. Before I finished, I heard Sophie’s cold laughter from above. “Ladies and gentlemen, many of you know this person, right? Do you all know where she’s been these past few years?” My mind went blank. She was… doing this on purpose? She used a playful tone to ask me: “It’s Thea Brown, right? Why don’t I help you tell everyone where you disappeared to?” I suddenly understood. Sophie had investigated all my information. Though I didn’t know why, she was determined to expose me. The crowd immediately began to stir, like a swarm of annoying flies. I looked up, meeting Sophie’s smug gaze. She looked down at me, smiling maliciously. In that moment, I felt like a cornered animal. And they were all executioners waiting for me to surrender. If I was going to die either way, I’d rather jump off the cliff myself than be toyed with by them. I stood up and looked at her, at Sean Parker, at the countless eyes fixed on me. No more hiding. “No need for your help. I’ll tell everyone myself.” “A few years ago, I accidentally killed someone. I disappeared because I was serving time in prison.” This moment of honesty wasn’t for anyone else, but for myself. I just wanted to live a decent life. “What did you say?” Sean Parker shot to his feet, staring at me in disbelief, his eyes blazing.
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