The night before the wedding, Charlie suddenly became very busy. He couldn’t even make it to the venue decoration as we had planned. Feeling guilty, he called to comfort me. “There’s a heavy thunderstorm in NewYork. Stay at home and don’t go out, okay?” “Don’t worry about the decorations. Just focus on being a beautiful bride.” I couldn’t rest easy, so I went to check myself. That’s when I saw Charlie. In a huge helicopter parked on the lawn, there was a woman in a flight attendant uniform kneeling between his legs. “Respected sir, are you satisfied with my service?” she purred. Charlie smirked and pulled her into his arms. But that was my wedding venue. The helicopter was the dream Charlie had promised me. … The rain in NewYork came suddenly and violently. With thunder and lightning, I returned home looking like a drowned rat, pale-faced. My whole body felt hot. Dizzy and groggy, I crawled up to take a fever reducer, wrapped myself in a blanket, and dialed a number. “Hello, I’ve changed my mind.” “I want to join your Atlantic Airways. Yes, as soon as possible.” After hanging up, the scene I had just witnessed kept flashing in my mind uncontrollably. I sneezed hard. I never thought I’d leave because of Charlie, when I had stayed for him in the first place. As the medicine took effect, I closed my eyes. Soon after, I was awakened by Charlie’s call. The man’s voice on the other end was low and gentle, just like always. “Rachel, I’ve been so busy. Did you eat lunch properly?” I coughed a couple of times. Charlie immediately became concerned, “What’s wrong? Why are you coughing? Did you not wear enough clothes or…” His concern came to an abrupt halt. Suddenly alert, he asked, “Rachel, did you go out?” “Mm-hmm.” I replied weakly, “I went downstairs to buy breakfast. Didn’t expect the rain to be so heavy.” He breathed a sigh of relief on the other end. “Didn’t I tell you not to go out in the heavy rain? If you wanted to eat something, I could have had it delivered to the villa.” “The wedding is in a few days. If you get sick and can’t get up, where am I going to find such a beautiful bride?” I didn’t answer. My mind was filled with images of the helicopter on the wedding lawn, and the woman in the flight attendant uniform. If I were too sick to get up, wouldn’t Charlie have a better choice? “Rachel?” Seeing my silence, Charlie tentatively spoke up. But his words were cut off by someone’s lips, blocking his false comforts in his throat. The sound of heavy breathing stopped. He growled low, threatening the person with a mix of reproach and indulgence. “Rachel, the rain was too heavy. I got drenched when someone bumped into me.” “Be careful, don’t drive too fast.” “It’s fine.” Charlie’s tone became cheerful, “Just thinking about being able to come back and be with you after these meetings makes me want to drive at 70 mph!” “Gotta go now, I need to drive.” The call ended abruptly, with only half of the usual kisses and hugs. A moment later, Charlie sent a message. “Rachel, the wedding company just called me. They said there’s a problem with the helicopter we ordered, and it needs to be sent back to the factory for repairs… How about we change it to a big flower ball?” Does it need repairs because of a problem… I recalled that eye-catching scene. Or was it soaked with sweat during their romp and can no longer be used? Actually, renting a helicopter for the wedding venue was too extravagant. It was Charlie who insisted. At 24, in my first year as a flight attendant, I encountered an unreasonable passenger. He poured a full cup of boiling water on the back of my hand. I still had to crouch down and clean up the cabin. At that time, it was when Charlie’s startup was struggling the most. I couldn’t afford to rest, having to fly even with bandages on. Busy and rushed, that scar remained there forever. Charlie held me tightly, his heart aching. He swore, “When I make big money in the future, I’ll definitely take you on a helicopter ride.” “No passengers, and you won’t need to serve anyone. It will be a romance just for us.” But he didn’t keep his promise. He gave our exclusive romance to someone else. Everything after that was just his conscience trying to make up for it. I don’t want it anymore. A confused cat emoji came through the chat box. I lowered my eyelids and typed “okay” on the keyboard.
When Charlie sent someone to deliver food, I was in a deep sleep and didn’t hear the doorbell. By the time I woke up, the food outside the door had already gone cold. I opened the packaging. It was all the light flavors I loved. We even had a microwave at home to reheat food. But I only felt nauseous. I put the food in the fridge and called my best friend, Kiera, to let her know I was leaving. She angrily ranted about Charlie for fifteen minutes. “Are you stupid? Now that he’s successful, you’re just going to leave quietly and let him off the hook?” “If you ask me, you should go through with this wedding!” “Slowly collect evidence of his cheating, then file for divorce and take half of his assets!” “You’ve been with him for ten years. Are those ten years of your youth worth nothing?” Yes, ten years. I had been with Charlie for ten years. I watched him go from a nobody startup founder to falling and getting back up, through ups and downs, until he finally established his own brand. The toughest times were during the pandemic years. His company, which had just started to take off, was on the verge of bankruptcy. Most of my flights were grounded. We had to give up the spacious apartment we were renting and move back to a cramped basement. At that time, it was really difficult. So difficult that we had to compete with sewer rats for rice to eat. Charlie had to pay off the debts he owed for goods on time, otherwise it would affect his credit score. He was forced to do manual labor. I begged my superiors to let me fly, taking on any flight no matter how dirty, smelly, or difficult. That’s how we finally got through that period. I’ll never forget the day we paid off our debts. Charlie locked the basement door, dragging a suitcase with one hand and holding mine with the other. He took a deep breath and exhaled. “Rachel, thank you for getting through this with me!” “I, Charlie, swear to heaven!” He raised his finger, “I will definitely make something of myself and marry my girl in grand style!” At that time, the young man’s sincerity was transparent. But after walking in the torrent for too long, it was washed away until the color was no longer clear. Actually, Kiera is wrong. From an outsider’s perspective, I must fight for something to do justice to these ten years. But if I say I don’t hate Charlie, probably no one would believe me. Maybe I hated him when I stumbled upon that erotic scene in the helicopter. Afterwards, all that was left was deep exhaustion. I just want to leave. Get away from him, away from this place that holds ten years of our memories, leave everything behind and start over. “I don’t want to make things too ugly with him.” I lowered my head. Call me weak or cowardly if you want. I don’t want to tear away the fig leaf between Charlie and me, destroying the most beautiful memories of our ten years. Because that was my youth too. No matter how rotten the person in my youth has become, he was still the man I once loved deeply. “You…” Kiera sighed, “So when do you plan to leave?” I flipped through my email. The offer from Atlantic Airways had arrived. “Two days.” In two days, I’ll be leaving this place. … At 10 p.m., Charlie still hadn’t come back. Ever since Charlie’s career took off, we’ve been on different schedules. Sometimes when I flew red-eye flights, he’d already be gone by the time I got back. Since then, I’ve asked the company not to schedule me for night flights, hoping to have our private time together when I return home at night. I got used to waiting. But this time, I don’t want to wait anymore. Just as I turned off the lights to go to sleep, Charlie called. The sound of running water came through from the other end, especially jarring in the dead of night. “Rachel, don’t wait up for me.” “I originally booked a flight to get back tonight, but as soon as I landed, I got dragged into a meeting.” “The people below know I’m about to take my honeymoon leave, so they’re taking this time to hold all the meetings for next quarter while they have me…” “Don’t be angry. After our wedding is over, I promise I’ll make it up to you with a proper honeymoon.” I wanted to ask him, what flight could fly from the rooftop garden of the Empire State Building to here? What kind of meeting requires the participants to wash up in a hotel room first? But I didn’t say it out loud. “Work is important. Take care of yourself too.” He was about to reply when the water sound on the other end stopped. Someone was walking barefoot on the wooden floor. The sound of clothes rustling arose. I could almost hear someone breathing into Charlie’s ear. There was a dull “thud”. Charlie’s phone hit the ground, and the sound of lips and teeth intertwining came through the speaker. Perhaps he was too eager. So eager that he didn’t even hang up the phone. I masochistically listened to the whole thing, until the woman’s coquettish gasps arose. “Charlie, are you really going to get married?” she asked. Charlie must have lit a cigarette, exhaling smoke. “What else can I do?” He chuckled lightly, “She’s been with me for ten years. I have to give her a title at least, so people don’t say I’m ungrateful.” “Such a generous old man…” The woman sneered, “Haven’t you ever wondered if she, as a flight attendant all these years… if she’s been with other men…” Charlie didn’t speak again. The woman hadn’t realized anything yet and continued chattering, “I heard she’s flown to India many times… I’ve heard those flights are not clean…” “Also, in her line of work, I don’t believe there are no sugar daddies… Didn’t you say she helped you through the economic crisis for a few years…” “Enough!” Charlie shouted angrily, “Don’t talk about things you shouldn’t know! I know very well what kind of person Rachel is. It’s not your place to comment!” I hung up the phone. My whole body was shaking uncontrollably. I knew very well that Charlie had taken it to heart. He’s usually emotionally stable and wouldn’t get angry unless he had doubts. I recalled those most difficult years. To help Charlie pay off his debts, I did indeed fly many trips to India. The memories are heart-wrenching. The dirty and chaotic environment goes without saying. The scariest part was the scrutinizing gazes of the passengers, like wolves eyeing their prey. After each flight, there would be many black handprints on my bottom. That wasn’t even the worst of it. Once, I was tricked by a passenger in the back row who pressed the call button. He grabbed me and dragged me into the bathroom to assault me. Fortunately, a colleague heard my cries for help passing by and rescued me. On the way home that day, I cried for a long time, but wiped away my tears before reaching the front door. I didn’t want Charlie to know. I also didn’t want him to feel guilty or worried. So I didn’t say anything, not even mentioning the times people offered to be my sugar daddy. Yes, people wanted to be my sugar daddy, more than once. There were also quite a few business elites who expressed interest in dating me. But I turned them all down, one by one. Because I knew very clearly, Charlie only had me. And I only had him. I believed every word he said, every vow he made. I believed he would have his day. But now, I’ve waited for it. Yet I no longer want it.
The next day, I got up early, planning to tidy up the house and pack the large luggage that needed to be shipped. I didn’t expect Charlie to suddenly come home. The photo of us at 27 crashed to the ground. I hurriedly bent down to pick it up, but cut my finger on the glass, blood covering my hand. Seeing this, Charlie immediately ran over to stop the bleeding. His face full of distress, he said, “If you’re not feeling well, just lie down obediently. Let the housekeeper clean up the house.” As he spoke, he angrily kicked the photo frame away. I was stunned, staring at the shattered glass on the floor as tears fell. That was… our engagement photo… When Charlie earned his first bucket of gold, he excitedly bought me a little white dress. And a small 0.5 carat diamond ring. He took me to take a set of engagement photos. He also said he wanted to treat me to a rotating buffet at the rooftop garden restaurant of the Empire State Building. “Wouldn’t that cost thousands?” I felt a bit pained. Charlie put his arm around my shoulders and waved his hand grandly, “I earn the money, you spend it. Isn’t that the natural order of things?” I shook my head, pretending to be angry, “I hate eating things like sashimi. It upsets my stomach.” “How about… you treat me to a bowl of rice noodles with double fried eggs instead… Save the rest of the money… When I want to eat there someday, you can take me then…” Charlie rubbed my forehead and said, “Okay.” But after that, we never ate rice noodles again. The wedding he promised me was delayed for seven years. Seven years had passed already. Seeing me cry, Charlie became a bit flustered, asking if my hand hurt. I shook my head, but the tears wouldn’t stop. “Don’t cry, Rachel.” He gently wiped my tears, “We still have to go try on wedding dresses today. If your eyes are swollen from crying, you won’t look good in the dress…” I was stunned. “Didn’t we already choose a wedding dress?” Charlie’s eyes flashed with guilt for a moment, “We did choose one… but the store just called me… They said a more luxurious, more expensive handmade wedding dress just came in…” “I want to give you the best.” His gaze was fervent. For a moment, I couldn’t tell if it was true or false. But Charlie, I never wanted a more luxurious or expensive wedding. None of this compares to the little white dress you gave me on our engagement day. But I didn’t resist, obediently following Charlie to the bridal shop. As soon as we entered, the staff recognized him. They only glanced at me before awkwardly averting their gaze. I had a rough idea of what was going on. Following Charlie’s instructions, the store manager took me to the luxury section to choose a wedding dress. Passing by the warehouse, I saw two staff members moving a wedding dress inside. It was the one I had chosen before. I smiled, not exposing anything. After trying on a few, Charlie wasn’t very satisfied, until I came out wearing a pure white satin strapless wedding dress. Charlie’s lowered head suddenly lifted. He stared at me, speechless for a long time. At that moment, I saw many emotions in his eyes. Amazement, reminiscence, surprise, doubt, disgust, and impatience. Finally, he frowned. “Who told you to pick such a pure white fitted wedding dress for her!” My heart sank. Did he think I had tainted the pure and innocent Rachel in his heart? Or was he convinced that I had used my body to earn money to help him through the economic crisis? “I said! I want the most luxurious, the most sparkly, the most elaborate wedding dress! Don’t try to fob me off with this kind of thing!” The disgust in Charlie’s eyes hurt me. I didn’t wait for the staff to bring a new wedding dress. I turned and went back into the fitting room, leaning my back against the wall, my eyes stinging. Soon after, I heard Charlie talking to someone through the curtain. “Why are you calling me… You know I’m with her trying on wedding dresses…” “If you hadn’t secretly run to the bridal shop and used my black card to buy the one she had ordered, would I need to come again?” “Seeing her in pure white… I can’t help but think of what you said…” “Forget it, as long as I have you with me in the future, it’s enough if she can just stay at home properly.” All the way until Charlie sent me home. Those words he said kept lingering in my mind, refusing to go away. When I came to my senses, I realized he had left again at some point. I opened the wardrobe and started packing my luggage. The white dress Charlie gave me when I was 27 was still hanging there. I pulled it out and wrapped it up. I stuffed it into a huge bag, planning to have someone come pick it up for recycling later. I cleared out the few boxes from the attic storage room. They contained many things we had moved over when we relocated. There were several photo albums. All filled with memories of Charlie and me. I pulled them out one by one, throwing them into a fire pit to burn to ashes. The empty albums, along with the boxes, were pushed outside the door waiting to be recycled. Finally, I found a notebook. It was piled together with the photo albums, its pages yellowed and covered in dust. Opening it, I saw Charlie’s handwriting densely filling the pages. It was the account book he had used to keep track of his business since he started. How much he borrowed, how much he repaid, how much he spent, how much he earned – all recorded clearly. In my memory, Charlie always carried it with him wherever he went, never letting it out of his sight. I don’t know how it ended up stuffed in an old cardboard box, placed together with our memories. I picked at the imprints on it. They were stains from years of accumulated bread crumbs and vegetable soup, perhaps mixed with Charlie’s tears when he felt life was hopeless. Every page was filled with amounts. “June 10, 2018, owe Mr. Zhao $20,000, to be repaid within one year.” “October 31, 2018, owe Mr. Hu $10,000, to be repaid within one year.” “December 31, 2018, year-end summary, owe Rachel a wedding, to be fulfilled in a lifetime.” I was stunned. Flipping through page by page, my name would appear once every year that passed. On the last page of the notebook, Charlie had written a line in big red letters. “Charlie, don’t forget to marry your girl.” “Remind yourself once every year, hoping that one day you can fulfill your promise!” I didn’t know how to react. I could only smile weakly, hesitating before stuffing the notebook into a compartment of my suitcase. Then I dragged my suitcase, preparing to fly my last flight before leaving. Flying to Denver. After landing, I would transfer to a flight to Canada to directly start my job at Atlantic Airways. I just didn’t expect to encounter Charlie on the flight.
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