I’m going to meet my girlfriend’s family. To my surprise, her entire family consists of my ex-girlfriends… Her older sister, younger sister, and even her aunt. And yes, her mom too. They were all women I used to idolize. Now that I’ve moved on, they’re the ones who seem anxious. My girlfriend’s younger sister, sporting a ponytail, playfully tugged on my sleeve and asked, “I’m just eighteen, brother-in-law. Can I date you?” Her elder sister, wearing a stern expression, cornered me against the wall and said, “If you break up with my sister, you’ll be the one in charge… for all of us.” My girlfriend’s wealthy mom opened a drawer filled with property deeds and car keys, throwing them at me, saying, “Thirty million, leave my daughter and be with me.” Surrounded by my ex-girlfriends at my girlfriend’s house, I feel overwhelmed. The former me, the hopeless romantic, feels like giving up. “Don’t be nervous, my family is really nice. They’ll definitely like you,” Grace reassured me as we stepped out of the car. She noticed my sweaty back and gave me a comforting kiss. I muttered a vague response, trying to appear calm, but inside I was a mess. To be honest, I used to be quite the hopeless romantic. Before Grace, there were five women I admired: a wealthy woman, a girl with a ponytail, a mature woman with glasses, a girl who played innocent, and Grace herself, who was the pure-hearted one. Last night, in a drunken haze, I accepted Grace’s confession and agreed to meet her family for the New Year. I heard her siblings were all orphans adopted by a wealthy widow. The thought of being surrounded by women in her house made my scalp tingle. So, I messaged the other four overnight: “Goodbye, I’m done being a pushover!” I blocked and deleted them, feeling refreshed. The phone buzzed again. I secretly opened it to find the ponytail girl crying and pleading, “Brother, brother,” begging me not to delete her. It’s crazy; when I was chasing her, she barely acknowledged me. Now that I’ve stopped, she’s chasing after me. I quickly turned off the phone. “Let’s go, my family is eager to meet you,” Grace said, taking my hand and knocking on the villa door. “So, do your family have any customs for first meetings like bowing? Should I call them Auntie or…?” Before I could finish, a woman opened the door, and Grace called her mom. I forced a smile, looked up, and felt my vision darken, my knees went weak, and I collapsed to the ground. Grace was startled and quickly helped me up: “Milo, we don’t have such formalities at home, you don’t need to bow like that…” My legs felt glued to the ground, and I couldn’t get up. I even felt like kowtowing to the woman in front of me. Sophia. Isn’t this the wealthy woman I used to admire? My idol is actually my current girlfriend’s mom? The former me, the hopeless romantic, feels like giving up.
“Mom, Milo is just really shy. He’s too nervous meeting you for the first time, please don’t blame him,” Grace explained as she tried to pull me up but couldn’t. “Oh, Milo, is it? If you hadn’t said, I would’ve thought your name was David,” Sophia said with a hint of gritted teeth. That’s right, the fake name I gave her was David. No one uses their real name when they’re trying to impress someone. “Milo, why don’t you dare to look up? Are you ashamed?” “I…I…I…my neck hurts, I need to see a doctor…” “Then get up first.” “I…I…I…got athlete’s foot, can’t get up, I need to see a doctor…” “Grace, call Dr. Brown to come over and check on Mr. Milo.” I had no choice but to shakily get up. Grace wanted to support me, but her mom gave her a fierce glare. This woman has a possessive streak. At a previous banquet, a female manager glanced at my behind a few times, and she got fired that night. I even heard she got roughed up on her way home, and Sophia gave her two million to leave the city. “A…Auntie, hi,” I said, nearly in tears. “We’re family, no need to be so formal, call me Mom.” She looked like she was in her early thirties, leaning against the door, smiling, but her eyes carried a murderous intent. She even kindly wiped off Grace’s lipstick from my face with her well-maintained hands and then pinched me hard with her nails. “Milo, I told you my family would like you!” Grace was grinning like a fool, “Don’t be nervous, just listen to Mom.” Please, just stop talking!!! “Mom…” I weakly called. Sophia nodded in satisfaction. Grace was smiling like a happy puppy. Then came the sound of something being smashed inside, followed by a girl’s crying. “Is that…Maggie?” Grace was puzzled, “Why is she crying?” “Got deceived by a man.” After Sophia said that, she seemed to remember something, and her face turned sour. “Little Maggie, always with her head in the clouds…” Grace shook her head, “How much did she get cheated out of this time?” “This time, nothing.” Sophia punched the door, “But it’s worse than losing money! Such a disgrace!” “Huh?” “She’s been in an online relationship with a guy for months, and last night he told her he’s in his forties, divorced with three kids…” My heart stopped for a second. This…sounds just like the excuse I used last night to break up with the ponytail girl? “…” Grace awkwardly comforted, “Little Maggie is young, it’s normal for her to be tricked by such a sly old man. Now that she understands, after a couple of days of crying, it’ll pass, don’t be angry, Mom.” The sly old man was getting more anxious listening. Clearly, she looked down on me while taking photos with various men for Instagram every day. Now it sounds like I’m the jerk? However, it’s almost a half online relationship. The name I gave the ponytail girl wasn’t real, and she didn’t see my face clearly, so there shouldn’t be any problem. I felt relieved. “You think it’s that simple! She’s hired private detectives nationwide to catch that guy!” “It seems they’ve already located him, somewhere in this area.” Sophia clenched her fist, “It’s good if they find him, daring to disgrace our family, I’ll personally sell that old man to Myanmar!” The old man dropped to his knees again. Grace panicked: “Milo, what’s hurting now?” Tears streamed down my face: “My kidney hurts.”
Grace rushed to have the French chef make grilled lamb kidneys for me, saying that eating what hurts will help. She wanted to help me, but Sophia glared at her again. “My mom has a strict personality, don’t mind her,” Grace whispered, “But she really likes you, I’ve never seen her smile so happily.” Please just stop talking. She smiled the same way when she beat that person into the hospital! I saw it clearly! I wanted to escape, but couldn’t. Because Sophia locked the door with eighteen turns. Clearly not wanting me to leave alive. Her face was icy, walking beside me, her eyes kept glancing at my butt. I recently had hemorrhoid surgery, so my walk isn’t quite normal. Haven’t worked out in a while, muscles are a bit loose. Oh right, she likes men with good physiques. To keep my abs and butt, if I secretly ate a cake, she’d nag me like my mom for two weeks. When taking me to banquets, she’d have me change a hundred times, and finally make a face and say, “Forget it, just like that.” She’s a bit of a feminist. Of course, I wouldn’t dare say that, since she gives so much. Uh…wait, seeing me like this, shouldn’t she be disgusted? Why are her eyes red? Before I could think it through, a vase flew towards my head. Alright! I can justifiably play dead! I stuck out my big forehead to meet it. Sophia panicked, stepped in front of me, and the vase shattered on her head. This darn girlfriend…mother-in-law strength. “Trying to play dead?” Sophia whispered near my shoulder, her breath like orchids, “I’ll deal with you tonight.” Then, without caring for her swollen forehead, she stormed into the living room, angrily scolding the crying girl: “Enough with the tantrum! Aren’t you ashamed enough?” The girl was pinned to the ground, crying and fussing, completely ignoring Sophia’s scolding. “I don’t care! I’ve decided on Little Bob for life! Let me out! I want to find him!” Sophia looked around angrily, grabbed the belt from my waist, and wrapped it around her hand: “Say it again?” “I…” Before she could finish, the belt lashed out. A long red mark appeared on her porcelain-like face. “You might as well kill me, or I’ll definitely go find Little Bob!” The girl looked soft and cute, but unexpectedly stubborn. “Fine! Get out! If you leave today, I’ll consider you not my daughter!” My heart skipped a beat. If you let her out, with so many private detectives, what if they find me??? Or…maybe just beat her to death… Seeing the girl head straight for the door, I quickly rushed to block her. “Maggie, right? Listen to your brother-in-law, have you considered that he might be ugly, which is why he doesn’t dare meet you?” “I don’t mind, I like ugly.” “Uh…brother-in-law will introduce you to someone even uglier.” “I don’t care, he’s the ugliest.” I smiled, really wanting Sophia to give her a few more lashes. But when she looked up, her round face, with those crying almond eyes, looked like a pitiful little puppy. How about… you just knock some sense into her… Seeing the girl heading out without hesitation, I quickly intercepted her. “Maggie, right? Listen to your brother-in-law. Have you considered that maybe he doesn’t want to meet you because he thinks he’s too unattractive?” “I don’t mind, I actually like the unattractive ones.” “Um… well, how about I introduce you to someone even more unattractive?” “I don’t care, he’s the most unattractive.” I smiled, almost thinking Grace should give her a few more warnings. But then she looked up, her little round face with those almond eyes red from crying, resembling a pitiful puppy. Her previously fair cheeks had a sunset-like red mark, making her even more endearing. I softened. From my years of being a ‘nice guy,’ I know that with someone this love-struck, harsh words or actions won’t work. You have to be gentle. “What if he suddenly tells you he’s divorced with three kids? Have you thought about why that might be?” I gently tousled her hair. “He must have his reasons. Chasing him around like this, do you realize how much pressure that puts on him?” Pressure that could make him not want to live anymore! “So just give him some time, trust your brother-in-law. When he sorts things out, he’ll come back to you.” If not, after a few days, he might change his life entirely, maybe even become a monk to escape all you former goddesses! Maggie listened, obediently nuzzling her head against my hand like a cute puppy. “Brother-in-law, listening to you makes me feel better.” She looked up, wiping her big teary eyes. “It feels like talking to Little Bobby.” Girl, you really shouldn’t say that! “Yeah, I’ll listen to you and wait a bit before looking for Little Bobby again.” I breathed a sigh of relief, almost wanting to hug her tightly. “So, while I’m calm these days, can brother-in-law date me?” Me: ??? Grace: ??? Xena: ??? I walked up to Grace, took a deep breath: “May I borrow your belt? I swear I’ll knock some sense into this lovesick brain!” In the end, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Grace had someone bring a rope to tie up Maggie, to keep her from running off impulsively. She was pinned to the ground, struggling non-stop, her wrists and ankles marked red, looking so pitiful. “Let me do it.” I felt sorry for her. She stopped struggling when she heard my voice. Obediently letting me tie her up. “Brother…” She raised her face, her eyes like the gentle rain in Jiangnan, like a little kitten caught in the rain. Just like the night I met her. That night, she was sitting on the railing by the bridge, with the river rolling below. She held a lighter, awkwardly trying to light the cigarette in her mouth. The wind was strong on the river, and she couldn’t light it after several attempts. The fleeting light lit up her innocent face, tears rolling down like big marbles. Like a broken porcelain doll. That moment of vulnerability moved me. “Need a light?” I stopped in front of her, lighting a cigarette. In the dark, there was rustling, her blurry little face coming closer, carrying a sweet scent. It reminded me of the Wong Lo Kat milk drink I had as a child. I held the cigarette in my mouth, bringing the lit end to her cigarette. I couldn’t see her face, but the warmth told me she was blushing. “Inhale,” I instructed her. She was clearly new to this, just staying close to me for a while. Realizing it, she clumsily took a puff, almost choking, nearly falling into the river. I wrapped my arm around her waist, pulling her back. “Jumping into the river?” Her shoes were off, and her bare feet were red from the cold. “My brother, whom I like, is getting married…” she mumbled, crying. “Not my business.” I cut her off. Some people are forced by life into corners, while others, living a privileged life, want to die for some ridiculous love. I don’t get it. “To jump, you do it like this.” I climbed the railing, leaping off. The winter river water was icy cold. She was shocked: “Why did you… why did you jump!” She hesitated for a long time, then there was a splash, and she was still yelling: “Don’t worry, I’m coming to save you… glug glug glug…” Me: … You can’t swim, sis?? I just wanted to scare her, who knew she’d try to save me. Seeing her sink, I sighed and swam over. Drowning people are more unpredictable than the rushing river. I watched her flailing arms and legs, not daring to get close, finding an opening, and punched her in the temple. She quieted down, sinking straight down. I dived, holding her, almost sinking with her. But thinking about becoming a gossip topic with a title like “Lovesick Woman’s Midnight Rendezvous” made me hold my breath and drag her ashore. I sighed, ready to leave, but heard her mumbling in her sleep: “Brother… don’t worry… I’m here to save you…” In the end, I spent a few cents calling 911 for her. They asked if she had any injuries besides drowning. I hesitated, then said: “Her right temple seems naturally more swollen than the left.” She was soaked, her newly developed body curled up in the cold wind. I covered her with her clothes, holding her to warm her up. She instinctively snuggled into my arms. Like a little octopus. Finally, hearing the ambulance, I pushed her back onto the ground. And slipped her wallet into my pocket, calling it a life-saving fee, so we’re even. Then I turned to leave. Who knew she’d stick to me. She got my number from 911, wanting me to call her Maggie, calling me “savior brother” every day, wanting to treat me to a meal to thank me. I dared not agree, what if she asked me to pay back the money. Later, seeing I ignored her, she started transferring thousands to me, saying she just wanted to talk. I didn’t take it. Though I love money, I don’t deceive fools. Instead, she clung even more, saying I was different from the other brothers she knew, who only treated her well when she gave them money. Turns out, you’re a suicidal ATM. Ignoring her, she’d call crying, sobbing pitifully, breaking my heart. I thought it would be annoying, but I found a new fascination. Why does her crying sound so good? My heart felt like it was being tickled by a little kitten, itchy and soft, even her rambling became pleasant. She cried about being an orphan, how she was adopted, how she was called dumb, how she couldn’t compare to her two non-blood-related sisters. She cried about how her ex-brothers treated her like an idiot. Classic case of lacking love. But her whimpering really touched me. Oh well, better she gets fooled by me, a nice guy, than by those jerks. At least I wouldn’t drive her to jump into the river. It’s for her own good. Kind of like rescuing a troubled girl, right? That’s how I justified it to myself, then continued to enjoy her sobbing. Later, she subtly hinted about being with me, but I didn’t agree. What a joke, giving up my great nice guy career for a little love-struck girl, no way! She seemed to relapse, starting to post photos with this brother and that brother on Instagram, tagging me. What on earth, I’m not a cuckold. Luckily it was too dark that night, she couldn’t recognize me. “Okay, that’s enough.” I finished tying up Maggie, exhaled deeply, and stood up. Then I saw Xena and Grace staring at me.
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