1 The wedding was about to start, but my fiancé Neil’s female best friend, Barbara, had slipped into my wedding dress. “Neil, remember when we played house as kids? I was always the mom, and you were the dad.” She smoothed down the lace over her hips, looking at him through the mirror. “Now you’re actually getting married. Play with me one last time, okay?” I watched, paralyzed, as Neil picked up the wedding band. He dropped to one knee and slid my ring onto Barbara’s ring finger. His thoughts drifted into my mind, loud and demanding. She took the dress, she took the ring; why isn’t my wife jealous yet? Hold me, Marissa. Tell me that I’m your only love. Say it, please! This is the last test, baby. Give me unconditional love, give me security, and I promise I’ll be faithful to you forever. Eight years of this. I was sick of it. I walked up. Neil looked at me, his eyes full of eager hope. I reached out, ripped the veil off my head, and threw it at Barbara. “I’m out,” I said. “Happy wedding to both of you.” I shoved the bouquet into Barbara’s hands. She froze for a second, but instead of pushing it away, she leaned closer to Neil. “Marissa, we’re practically brothers! It was just a joke, why are you taking it so seriously?” She nudged Neil with her elbow. “Look at your wife. Eight years, and she’s still this petty.” For eight years, they had constantly crossed the line in front of me. On our anniversaries, if Neil bought me a gift, he always bought Barbara one too. If mine cost fifty grand, hers had to cost a hundred grand. When we went on picnics, Barbara always took the passenger seat, casually feeding Neil snacks right in front of me, even shoving things she had already bitten into his mouth. “Marissa, Neil and I have always been like this. You don’t mind, do you?” And before I could even speak, Neil would chime in, “If she minded something like that, she wouldn’t be my girl; she’d be my mom.” Once, I was so furious I got out of the car on the highway and walked all the way back alone. His inner thoughts had followed me even then: Aww, my baby loves me too much. She can’t stand seeing me with anyone else. I’m so touched. Get angrier, let me feel your love and possessiveness. You’re the only one in the world who cares about me this much. I had been torn. One voice told me to leave; he had hurt me too much, and staying would only bring more pain. But another voice begged me to stay, reminding me that Neil was broken. I had worked so hard to pull him out of his traumatic childhood; how could I throw him back in? And so, one compromise led to worse behavior. Neil never respected my feelings. He treated my anger as a trophy of his love. A bouquet flying at me snapped me out of my thoughts. Neil stood there, his eyes red with fury, having just thrown the flowers. “If you don’t want to get married, then don’t!” he yelled. But his heart was begging: Pick them up, please. Please don’t abandon me. I love you, can’t you see that? I looked at the scattered lilies of the valley on the floor and laughed bitterly. “Let’s break up, then.” “Oh, don’t do that,” Barbara chimed in, stirring the pot. “It’s my fault. I didn’t have boundaries, and I ruined your relationship. But…” she dragged out the word, “Marissa, I might be in the wrong, but if you can just give up your own wedding like this, do you even love Neil at all?” That was Neil’s biggest trigger. He clenched his fists and screamed at me, “Then get the hell out!” He believed Barbara so easily. He forgot the eight years we spent together, how I poured my heart out for him. I knew all his preferences. I worried about his worries. Because he loved fish, I would drive three hours to the coast just to buy the freshest catch. When he had business dinners, I set alarms for late at night to pick him up, feeding him sobering soup, washing his face and feet, and cradling him to sleep. “You really are ungrateful,” I said. Neil’s face went pale. I pushed open the door and walked away. By the time I took off my wedding makeup and grabbed my bag to leave, the venue doors had been locked because the ceremony had started. Barbara, holding the skirt of the gown, was guided to the start of the red carpet by the staff. We were less than a yard apart. I could see the exquisite details of the wedding dress, and on her head, she wore the pink diamond tiara I had pre-ordered six months ago. “Marissa, let me finish the ceremony for you,” she smiled. The spotlight bypassed me and landed on her. The officiant began: “Please welcome the bride!” When Barbara walked onto the stage, the crowd gasped. Suddenly, someone noticed me. Soon, more people turned around, their whispering voices cutting into my back like needles. “Why did they swap the bride?” “Did the original bride do something scandalous and get caught?” “How embarrassing. I heard they already got their marriage certificate. The groom must feel so blind.” “Tsk, tsk. Divorced before even finishing the wedding. Who would want her now?” Neil heard it all. But instead of feeling bad for me, a smug thought crossed his mind: The wilder the rumors, the better. That way, you’ll only belong to me. Baby, get angry! Come up to the stage and take me back! I found a seat and sat down. I was too exhausted to be angry anymore. The ceremony continued. They exchanged vows, swapped rings, and embraced amid applause. Neil kept glancing my way. I looked up. His desperate gaze met my dull eyes. Amid the cheering crowd, our world was dead silent. Neil pulled Barbara close and kissed her deeply. A thunderclap seemed to shatter my mind. A high-pitched ringing filled my ears, and I could no longer hear Neil’s inner thoughts. A different voice was screaming inside me: Leave! Get out of here now! Trembling, I pulled out my phone, opened our work group chat, and approved the transfer request my manager had posted a few days ago. I went home and started packing. On my phone, the message I sent Neil remained unanswered: Are you done drinking? Meet me directly at the courthouse. We’re getting a divorce. He didn’t reply for hours. Around midnight, his friend Tommy called me. “Neil’s wasted. Come pick him up.” “Tell Barbara to go,” I said. “Barbara’s here!” Tommy yelled. “But she can’t handle him. Hurry up, he’s going to drink himself to death!” Legally, Neil and I were still married. If something happened to him, I’d be held responsible. So I drove to the club. Before I even pushed open the VIP lounge door, a burst of laughter leaked through the crack. “I bet Marissa shows up!” “To put it bluntly, she’s like a dog Neil keeps. All these years, he just waves his hand, and she comes wagging her tail!” Someone interrupted, “I bet she won’t. She lost all face at the wedding today. I don’t believe she’s that shameless to come crawling back.” “Neil, what do you think?” Neil, heavily drunk, leaned back on the sofa, his fingers tracing the cheek of a girl sitting next to him. “She’ll come,” he said confidently. “You’ve all seen it. No matter how badly I treat her, she always forgives me. She can’t live without me.” He didn’t define our relationship with love; he defined it as codependency. He never viewed us as equals. Barbara slapped his hand away. She snatched his phone, easily unlocked it, and showed everyone my text. “Keep dreaming! She’s asking for a divorce!” Neil sneered. “She’s just throwing a tantrum. Would she actually dare? We just got registered. Divorcing before the honeymoon? People would talk about her behind her back for the rest of her life!” I froze, a sharp pain twisting my heart. I couldn’t believe this came from the man I loved for eight years. Baby, I know you’re outside. You still can’t let me go. Can you hear how angry I am? Come in and coax me. Do that, and I’ll pretend today never happened. I gripped the doorknob, my knuckles turning white. “Hey, who wants to hear the diary of a simp?” Barbara waved the phone, scrolling up my chat history, reading my messages aloud as she giggled in Neil’s lap. “Hubby, which nightgown do you want me to wear tonight? Hubby, what do you want for dinner? Hubby…” I kicked the door open. Except for Neil, everyone’s face fell. I walked straight up to him. Slap! His head whipped to the side. He rubbed his jaw, but his expression wasn’t angry. You really do still care about me. “How dare you…” Barbara jumped up. Slap! I slapped her so hard she stumbled back, completely dazed. “Do either of you have any shame?” I asked. Barbara clutched her red cheek and burst into tears. Neil immediately shielded her. “Hit me if you want, but don’t touch her!” To the crowd, his actions sent a clear message: he didn’t care about me; he only cared about protecting Barbara. The others laughed and went back to drinking, completely ignoring me. One even joked, “As expected of a married couple who took vows. Always protecting each other.” Because of Neil’s attitude, his friends had never respected me. They called Barbara “his girl” behind my back and gave me derogatory nicknames. Neil knew, but he never stood up for me. He was just like those trashy people, treating my humiliation as a joke. I finally saw him clearly. “I came here for business.” I opened my bag, pulled out the divorce papers and a pen, and threw them onto the table. “Sign it.” Neil froze, his pupils trembling. “Marissa, do you know what you’re doing?” Don’t abandon me, please. I love you so much, how can you do this to me? How can you be so heartless! “Sign it,” I said, cold and clear. Tommy threw an arm around Neil’s shoulder, sneering. “Neil, sign it! Let this old woman realize what regret feels like!” The others chimed in. “Yeah! Just treat it like firing a maid!” I grabbed a beer bottle and smashed it against the edge of the table. The loud explosion of glass silenced the room. I pointed the jagged neck of the broken bottle outward, scanning the crowd. “Who wants to say another word?” Neil’s eyes were red with suppressed emotion. He grabbed the pen, gritted his teeth, and signed his name. “Take it and get the hell out!” He threw the papers at my face. The sharp paper sliced my cheek, and a drop of blood dripped onto the floor. “Didn’t you hear me?” He pulled out a thick stack of cash from his wallet and threw it into the air. The bills rained down over me, light enough to be blown away by a breeze, but heavy enough to crush a person’s soul. “Consider this payment for your services. You’re fired, maid. Get out.” I wanted to laugh, but I wanted to cry even more. My eyes were burning, but I forced my lips to curl upward. “Neil, you really are something… You really are a monster.” Don’t go! Don’t go! Tear up the papers, I can’t live without you! His inner thoughts screamed. Just swallow your pride one more time! Please! Don’t abandon me! I’ll go crazy! You promised you’d love me forever! You can’t break your promise! My hands shook as I picked up the papers, folded them, and put them in my bag. The heavy door closed, shutting out Neil’s desperate gaze. As soon as I reached my car, Neil ran out after me. I thought he was going to make some pathetic attempt to win me back. Instead, he just held out his hand. “Give me the car keys. I bought it.” He had given me this car on our 520th day together. It was painted my favorite shade of yellow, and the steering wheel had our names engraved on it: Marissa & Neil, Forever. I still remembered how thrilled I was when I received it. For six years, every time I drove it, I relived that happiness. Now, he wanted it back. “Here.” I handed him the keys. But Neil hesitated to take them, his eyes filled with pain and struggle. Don’t give them to me! I don’t want the car! I want you! Just hug me. I’ve walked ninety-nine steps, just take one step toward me and we can be whole again. Barbara ran out behind him. “Perfect, Tommy didn’t drink. Let him drive us back in this car.” Neil took the keys. It was three in the morning, and the streets were empty. I walked home alone in the dark, shivering. My feet, bare in my shoes, soon blistered and bled. When I finally unlocked the door, I went to change into my slippers, only to find them gone. Barbara’s shoes were sitting neatly next to Neil’s. The bedroom door was shut. I could hear Neil’s thoughts from inside: Open the door. See this. Get jealous. You have to care about me! Barbara is wearing your wedding robe, sleeping in our bed. I don’t believe you feel nothing. If you keep playing this game, you’re the one who will lose. I put on my headphones, playing soft music until his voice faded away. I grabbed my packed suitcase, changed into comfortable shoes, took off the necklace Neil had given me as our promise ring, and left it on the dining table. I wrote a note: “I’m returning everything. We are even. Let’s never see each other again.” I took a cab to the airport, checked in, and boarded. Three hours later, my plane landed. When my phone finally got reception, a flood of messages crashed in. Over three hundred messages and a hundred missed calls filled my screen, all from Neil. The flood of desperate words began at dawn and had not stopped.
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