Five years after my firefighter husband died saving me, I walk into his baby’s 100-day party , and he’s not dead. I am. Eason freezes mid-laugh, his hand still on the baby’s cheek. He sees me. And behind him, all our old friends — the ones who cried with me, who told me to move on — they step in front of him like a wall. “Jenna, don’t. He had a reason for faking his death.” I look at these people. These perfect actors. And my voice comes out calm. “The three times I swallowed sleeping pills out of guilt and had my stomach pumped… you were all laughing at me, weren’t you？” No one says a word. No one looks at me. Then Charlotte , his childhood best friend, the one holding the baby — starts crying. Her body’s still soft from birth. “I’m sorry, Jenna. The baby needs his dad. Please don’t take him away. I just love him too much.” I should scream. Throw things. Lose my mind. But I feel nothing. Five years of guilt, of grief, of thinking I killed the man I loved , it all just died. Right here. Right now. Behind Charlotte, a big screen plays their photos. Pregnancy. Birth. First cry. This party. And one photo on top.Charlotte in a loose maternity dress. Ethan on his knees, ear to her belly. The caption: Finally. I stare at the timestamp.July 23, 2019. Seven days after the fire. Seven days after they told me he was gone. After the official report said I caused his death. After the headlines called me the wife who killed a hero. After his parents screamed at me , Why aren’t you dead? After my own mom whispered, Maybe don’t come home for a while. The neighbors talk. So I took the pills.The first time, the landlord found me. Nurses whispered while they pumped my stomach — That’s her. The one who got her husband killed.No one ever asked why I ran into that fire. I got a call that night. Unknown number. A man’s voice said Ethan was trapped in an old warehouse. I heard Ethan groan in the background. So I ran in.I saw him. I pulled at him. Then a beam collapsed. He pushed me away. Shoved me. And then the fire took him. No body. Nothing. For five years, I believed it was my fault. But while I was crying over a grave that didn’t exist, Ethan was right here. Watching Charlotte’s belly grow. I grab a glass of champagne from a waiter and walk straight toward the main table. Charlotte hugs the baby tighter. Ethan jumps up, blocking her. “Jenna. Let me explain.” All those friends stand up too. Forming a wall. “He had to disappear. Someone was after him.” “It was to protect you.” I laugh.Do they really think I’m going to throw champagne at a baby? I sit down at an empty table nearby. Raise my glass to them. “Your baby’s beautiful. I mean it.”Weirdly, I do. Because Charlotte wasn’t just his childhood friend. She was my only friend in this city.
I’ve always been a loner. So after college, I moved to this city by myself and started from nothing. The first time I rented an apartment, I got scammed out of all my savings. I was squatting on the sidewalk with my suitcase, crying, when Charlotte handed me a tissue. “I have an extra bedroom. I’ll rent it to you cheap. Want it?” She smiled with her eyes all crinkled, like an angel. Later I found out she didn’t need a roommate. She just felt bad for me. We cooked together, binge-watched shows together, complained about work and our bosses together. She always said: “Jenna, you’re way too quiet. You need to smile more.” She’s the one who introduced me to Ethan. “He’s my childhood friend. Firefighter. Super reliable. You’re alone here, so if you ever need anything, call him.” She winked. “But don’t get any ideas. He’s mine.” I didn’t have any ideas back then. But Ethan chased me hard. Breakfast every day. Waiting for me after work. If I worked late, he’d sit in his car downstairs until midnight. He said, “Charlotte’s like a sister to me. You’re the one I want. It’s different.” I believed him. The day I said yes to being with him, Charlotte stayed quiet for a long time. Then she hugged me and cried. “You have to be happy. Otherwise I’ll never forgive myself.” I thought that was a blessing. Now I know. It was a warning. I down the rest of my champagne. The cheap alcohol burns my throat, makes me cough so hard my eyes water. “Enough, Jenna! If you have a problem, take it out on me. Don’t do this here.” Ethan’s voice. Angry. Familiar. He pushes past the people blocking him and walks over, his eyebrows twisted tight. “Five years and you’re still like this. You have to embarrass me in front of everyone?” He thinks I came to ruin his party. The disgust in his eyes is almost too much. I don’t know how to explain that I literally walked into the wrong room. I point at my work suit. “I’m here for my company’s year-end dinner. Wrong room.” But Ethan doesn’t believe me. He grabs my wrist. Hard. It hurts. “Stop pretending. I’m sorry about what happened. After the party, I’ll drive you home.” Charlotte’s face goes pale. She stands up with the baby. “Ethan…” He turns to her, softer. “Charlotte, I just don’t want her causing a scene in front of the baby. Don’t worry.” But his grip on my hand doesn’t loosen. I pull free. Step back. Force a smile. “Not appropriate. Your wife and kid are watching.” He acts like he didn’t hear. Reaches for me again. It’s insane. Five years apart, and he’s changed so much. He used to be so careful about boundaries. When we were dating, a female coworker kept finding excuses to be around him. One time it was raining. She asked for a ride. He called her an Uber instead and drove me home the long way. Next day, he announced at work: “I have a girlfriend. Don’t hit me up for personal stuff. Work only.” He pissed off his boss. Didn’t care. He shut down every possibility of anything shady. Except Charlotte. Eight out of ten of our dates got interrupted by her calls. Lost keys. Broken pipe. Feeling lonely and wanting to drink. Even on our anniversary. Candles lit at the restaurant. Charlotte called. “Charlotte’s stomach hurts really bad. I’m going to check on her. Jenna, eat without me. I already paid.” When I complained, he’d ruffle my hair and smile. “Why are you jealous? She’s like my little sister. She’s alone here. Just be cool.” But I’m not a cool person. I’m so uncool that seeing Charlotte walk around in his shirt — my shirt — would keep me up all night. “Ethan! That’s my pajama shirt!” “Don’t overthink it. She took a shower and didn’t have clothes. She’s been my friend since we were kids.” To make me feel secure, he bought a ring. Got down on one knee. “Jenna, marry me. I’m only going to love you my whole life.” I believed him. So when Charlotte sent me a photo late at night — her in my pajamas, leaning on Ethan’s shoulder, both of them watching a movie on the couch — I told myself it was just the angle. They’re like siblings. Then I’d lie awake all night. Get up and scroll through their chat history. Charlotte always started the conversations. Ethan replied short, but he never said no. Once I couldn’t take it anymore. I grabbed his phone to send her a message about boundaries. He snatched it out of my hand so fast. That was the first time he really yelled at me. “Jenna! You’re checking my phone? What do you think I am? Charlotte’s my family. Don’t be so disgusting!” He slammed the door. The phone screen was still on. Open to his chat with Charlotte. Her last message: “Ethan, I miss you.” He didn’t reply. But thirty minutes later, Charlotte posted a photo on Instagram. Two hands, fingers laced together. A river view at night. The caption: Some things don’t need words. I stared at that photo. Recognized the watch on Ethan’s wrist. I gave him that for his birthday.
Everything comes rushing back, and my chest starts to ache. This champagne is cheap, but damn, it hits hard.My head is spinning. Ethan’s face blurs into two.I just want out of here. I turn to leave — and trip.Next thing I know, my feet are off the ground. He picks me up, holding me sideways. “You can barely stand and you’re acting like you’re fine?” He’s actually walking out the door with me in his arms. In front of every single person here.The whole place explodes. Charlotte’s parents jump up from their seats, their faces dark. Her dad yells, “Ethan! Put her down! What the hell is wrong with you? You know what day this is?” Her mom starts crying. “My daughter just had your baby and you pull this? Are you serious?” Charlotte’s just standing there holding the baby, tears streaming down her face. She’s biting her lip, not saying a word. Just looking at Ethan with this broken look. Anyone watching would call us trash. Ethan stops. He looks down at Charlotte. Something flickers in his eyes. I struggle. “Put me down!” He holds me tighter. Then looks up at Charlotte’s parents. “Mom, Dad. Jenna’s drunk. I’m taking her home. I’ll be right back.” Charlotte finally breaks. “Ethan… are you picking her? Fine. I’m leaving. I’m taking the baby and going.” She heads for the door with the baby. Total chaos. Ethan’s face goes white. He shouts, “Charlotte! Don’t. I’m just dropping her off. You’re my wife. Forever.” That sounds familiar. He used to say, “Charlotte’s like a sister. You’re the one I love the most.” I close my eyes. I’m so tired. Home? I don’t even have a home. He shoves me into the car. My stomach turns upside down. I start dry heaving. It’s not from the champagne. It’s a reflex. Five years of nightmares built into my body. The fire that killed Ethan , it happened on our third anniversary. I made a reservation. Waited for him to get off work. Nine o’clock. Nothing. His phone went straight to voicemail. Ten o’clock. A call from a number I didn’t know. A guy’s voice, breathing hard. “Hey… Ethan’s trapped in that old warehouse on the west side. Fire’s bad. He told me to tell you… he loves you.” In the background, I heard fire crackling. And Ethan’s voice, far away, screaming. “Jenna, don’t come in.” I lost my mind. I ran. Fire trucks outside. Police tape everywhere. Someone yelled, “Ethan’s still in there!” I didn’t think. I ran inside. Through all the smoke, I saw him lying by some shelves. I lunged to pull him up. Then a beam broke and fell. He shoved me as hard as he could. The blast knocked me flying. When I turned around, there was nothing but fire. Later, the report said I ran in without permission and messed up the rescue. That Ethan died because of me. His parents tore up our marriage license and threw me out. My mom called me, crying. “Sweetheart, I know you’re hurting. But your brother’s got a girlfriend now. Her family heard about you… they think it’s bad luck. Just… stay away for a while, okay?” Even my own people didn’t want me.
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