On the day I tried on my bonding gown, my sister Celeste said she wanted to help me decide. When I stepped out of the fitting room, Celeste was adjusting the silver-patterned collar pin for Ronan Blackridge, the Alpha no wolf in Blackridge Pack dared defy—the man I was supposed to bond with. I had just opened my mouth to say, “Let me,” when the stylist smiled and stepped toward Celeste.“This way, future Luna. Let’s try your styling over here.” I stopped short. Ronan did not correct her. Celeste only smiled shyly and leaned into him. My childhood sweetheart, Kieran, walked past me, lifted his camera, and started taking pictures of them. I stood there, stunned, like an outsider. Most of Kieran’s shots were of Celeste and Ronan. There wasn’t a single frame of me, the woman who was actually supposed to stand beside him under the full moon. Celeste sounded so natural, as if she were the one about to become Luna. “Elowen, bring me that bouquet.” When Ronan saw that I was silent, he came over and gently took the flowers from my hands. Those golden eyes of his, eyes that had once silenced rebellious wolves in the Elders’ Hall, were unusually soft now. “Elowen, why are you spacing out? Go pick the invitation design first. I’ll come over after we finish the photos.” Kieran lowered the camera just enough to show one eye from behind the lens. “Elowen, move two steps to the side. You’re blocking the light.” I moved away without a word and stood in the corner. In that moment, I finally understood how unnecessary I was. If this ceremony didn’t need me, then I wouldn’t be there. … I quietly picked up my bag from the shoe bench and pushed the door open. The wind chime rang once. No one called after me. I looked back. Celeste was turning in front of the mirror, and Ronan stood behind her, fixing the bow at her waist. Kieran held up his camera. “Yes, yes, that angle. Perfect.” The shutter clicked five or six times in a row. I turned around and walked out of the store. When I got into the car, my phone screen lit up. It was a message from the bonding ceremony planner. Miss Ashborne, the ceremony is coming up soon. Have you chosen the invitation design? Before I could reply, another message came in. Or you could let your sister choose for you. She has excellent taste. The car was silent. So quiet that I could hear myself breathing. One breath after another, as if I were counting something. What was I counting? The number of times I had been forgotten in this relationship? I typed three words and sent them. Whatever she wants. And I meant it. Whatever Celeste wanted. In the end, Ronan would listen to her anyway. The planner replied almost instantly. Got it. Thank you. I stared at those words and thought the planner must have been relieved. The bride’s decisions were always being changed. They were probably tired of revising the plans over and over, too. It was easier to let my sister decide for me. Before I could put my phone down, messages kept popping up. Kieran was uploading photos to the group chat one after another. I opened one of them. His composition was beautiful. Light fell across their faces. Ronan wore a black ceremonial suit with the silver wolf emblem of Blackridge Pack pinned to his shoulder, while my sister Celeste leaned against him as if they were the lovers about to bond beneath the full moon. I closed my eyes. My heart hurt so much I could barely breathe. I had tried so hard. I had poured so much care into this ceremony, trying to make every detail perfect. I wanted a perfect ceremony. I wanted to prove that I was worth being remembered by the man I loved. But in the end, I was still outside the frame. My phone lit up and went dark, then lit up again. Messages kept coming into the group chat. I didn’t reply. No one cared. I sent my assigned pack escort back, then drove alone to the apartment I rented. On the refrigerator was a sticky note I had written myself. Seven days until the bonding ceremony. I peeled it off, crumpled it into a ball, and threw it into the trash.
The next morning, I opened my phone. There were 99+ messages in the bonding ceremony group chat. I looked at the only voice message where Celeste had tagged me and hesitated for a moment before tapping it open. “Elowen, I changed the ceremony song for you. The one you picked was too depressing. A bonding ceremony should feel lighter.” Right after that came Ronan’s text. Yeah, the original one wasn’t right. I think Celeste’s lighter choice is better. The original one was not right? I had spent an entire month choosing that song. It was the song my parents had played at their wedding. Every time I heard it, my eyes would sting. My parents had died too young, and I had wanted them to be present in another way. Ronan knew that. Celeste knew that, too. And still, they thought it was too depressing. In the group chat, Celeste was still saying, “Elowen never likes making decisions. We can just decide these things for her.” Ronan replied with one word. Okay. I stared at that word and did not move. Messages flowed past one after another like running water. No one noticed that Elowen was in the group. No one noticed that Elowen had said nothing. My participation in this bonding ceremony was zero. I opened my chat with Ronan. Our conversation was still stuck on yesterday. I had told him, I’m a little nervous. He had sent back a head-patting sticker. As for the fact that I had left early, he had not even messaged me privately to ask what happened. He had only tagged me in the group chat last night. What happened? Were you so nervous you left early? No one answered. That didn’t matter either. Celeste posted a photo with the caption: Elowen, the styling shoot went so well today. The Luna gown is confirmed! And just like that, everything was brushed aside. Then they moved on to talking about laurel decorations, bonding invitations, and the ceremony backdrop. Suddenly, I felt that my place was not even extra. Extra meant I had at least existed once. I felt as if I had never been there at all. While I was packing my things, Celeste suddenly video-called me. I answered. On the screen, someone was doing her makeup. “Elowen, you’re taking forever. The styling team still hasn’t been confirmed, so I booked one myself. I’m testing the look first.” I looked at Celeste sitting in front of the mirror. I wanted to say something, but I did not know what to say. Two weeks ago, I had told her that my friend would personally do my bonding makeup. But it was as if she could not hear my thoughts at all. She simply decided everything for me. Had I never questioned her? Had I never been unhappy? Had I never stood up for myself? I had. But in the end, I was always given the same sentence. “Elowen, you’ve always been more mature than she is. Don’t argue with her over this.” Kieran had known me the longest, yet he always stood on her side. Then Ronan appeared and pursued me fiercely. That Alpha, known among wolves for being calm, powerful, and impossible to defy, would personally drive me home late at night and say I was adorably dazed. I thought he liked that quiet part of me. But after he met Celeste, his taste seemed to change. Without me realizing it, his words changed, too. He began saying that girls should be lively and decisive. One day, I could not hold it in anymore. “Can you stop being so close to Celeste all the time? Can you pay attention to boundaries?” I thought he would understand. Instead, he took it lightly, smiling as he rubbed my hair. “Boundaries? After you and I complete our bond, Celeste will also be under Blackridge Pack’s protection. Do you want me to treat her like a rogue at our borders?” I fell silent. Of course I did not want them to be enemies. “You’re more mature than she is. You should be more understanding.” That sentence had weighed on me for so many years that, for the first time, I felt like I could barely breathe. They had forgotten that I was only two years older than she was. I wanted a gift, too. I wanted someone to ask me, Do you like this? But no one ever cared.
I called my landlord and told him I was moving out today. On the other end, he asked, “You’re really leaving? You’ve lived there for more than four years.” Yes. Four years already. When Ronan and I first confirmed our relationship, he wanted me to move into Blackridge Pack’s Alpha residence with him. The main house was heavily guarded, home to his most trusted Beta, Gamma, and core warriors. Celeste said I should keep some private space for myself and suggested that I live alone. So I rented an apartment near Blackridge’s downtown offices, hoping I would see him more often. Ronan agreed. Sometimes, after he finished dealing with Pack matters, he would come here late at night and stay until morning. This place was filled with the sweetness of our early love, then with our arguments, our silences, and the sight of his back as he hurried away. But now, I had gathered enough disappointment. I had made up my mind to leave. “Yes,” I said. “I’m moving today.” The landlord sighed and told me to leave the keys in the mailbox. Not long after I hung up, the door was pushed open from outside. Ronan and Celeste walked in, laughing and talking. Celeste turned back and smiled at him. “You promised. After my lease ends, I can stay in your Alpha residence for a few weeks after the bonding. Save me the room in Moonshadow East Wing, the one with the bay window. And change the curtains to the pink I like.” I stood in the middle of the living room, wondering if I had heard her wrong. She said it so naturally, as if how long she would stay and how our home after the bonding would be decorated were both things she had the right to decide. Ronan did not object. His smile was indulgent. “Elowen won’t mind.” “Elowen always takes care of me. Of course she won’t mind.” I stood there, and something in my throat seemed to loosen. “What if I say I do mind?” The air went quiet for two seconds. Celeste froze. Perhaps it was the first time I had ever refused her. Before she even spoke, her eyes were already red. Ronan’s voice carried a note of reproach. “Elowen, what’s wrong with you? Usually you can’t wait to give her everything. Now you’re arguing over a single room?” “I’m not arguing,” I said. “Then what do you mean?” He frowned. “Celeste’s lease happens to be ending. She’ll only stay for a few weeks. She’s your sister, not some outsider we need to guard against. The Alpha residence is so big. What’s wrong with letting one more person stay for a while?” “That is supposed to be our home after the bonding,” I said. “The home meant for Blackridge Pack’s Luna. Who exactly is bonding with you?” Ronan choked on that. Celeste said softly, her eyes red, “Elowen, I just wanted to be closer to you. If you don’t want me there, forget it. I won’t move in.” Ronan looked at me with blame in his eyes. “Look at you. One sentence and you’ve hurt her this much. She’s your sister. Can’t you think about her?” “Then who thinks about me?” I lifted my head. “You personally arranged for her to enter Blackridge Pack’s External Affairs Office. You approved resources for her far beyond what others at her level receive. She hardly has to worry about anything. And me? I only have—” “Enough!” Ronan’s expression changed. “Be reasonable. She’s your sister. I only took special care of her because of you. Do you really have to be so petty?” Petty. That word again. I smiled and said nothing. Celeste tugged at his sleeve and whispered, “Ronan, stop. Elowen is probably just in a bad mood.” He patted her hand, and his tone softened. “Elowen, I’ve already decided. Celeste moving in is a good thing. You two sisters can stay close even after the bonding.” I nodded. Whatever. It was your home anyway. I would not be living there. Ronan let out a breath of relief. Celeste wiped the corner of her eye, though no tears had fallen, and smiled again. I turned to continue packing. Behind me came Celeste’s voice. “Can I really change the curtains to light pink?” Ronan’s voice was full of amusement. “Whatever you like.”
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