The day after I died, my sister’s wedding went on as planned. She wore a wedding dress and married my boyfriend. My mom called several times but no one answered. She angrily cursed me as an ungrateful brat. My brother sent a message scolding me: “Are you really that petty, holding onto something from two years ago?” My usually quiet dad said coldly: “Tell her if she doesn’t come home today, we’ll act like we never had this daughter.” They didn’t really want me to come home. They just didn’t want my sister’s wedding to be imperfect without my blessings. But I was already dead. From a very young age, I knew I wasn’t liked in this family. When Mom went on a business trip, she brought back two new toys and gave them to Ryan and Emma. As she was about to leave, I stopped her and gently reminded her: “Mom, what about me?” “You want one too?” Mom frowned impatiently, “They’re expensive. I didn’t bring enough money. I didn’t count you.” I was only five years old then, but I already had a vague sense of other people’s emotions. Especially when that person was my own mother. And now. At my sister’s wedding venue, after exchanging pleasantries with some relatives, Mom walked to a corner, turned her back, and kept dialing my number over and over again. No one ever answered. On the third try, the call was directly rejected. She looked like someone had grabbed her throat, her eyes widening in disbelief: “Lily, I’m your mother!” Ryan came over and patted her back reassuringly: “Mom, don’t be angry. Lily’s not worth it. You know what she’s like.” Mom’s irritation and frustration finally found an outlet with her beloved youngest son. “Of all three of you kids, I put the most effort into Lily. When she was born, it was supposed to be boy-girl twins. Even the doctor said she stole her brother’s nutrients to survive…” This sentence, from childhood to adulthood, I had heard her repeat countless times. In the end, it would usually result in me being punished and locked in my room, watching them – a family of four – go out to relax. “Mom, don’t be upset. Don’t worry, I’ll drag her back here today even if I have to tie her up,” Ryan said, comforting Mom. He then turned and sent me several messages on SnapChat. “Lily, you’d better show up within an hour.” “How can you be so selfish? You know Mom has a weak heart, yet you still want to upset her.” “Is a man really worth holding a grudge over until today? Besides, isn’t Emma still your sister?” After sending this message, his fingers paused over the keyboard. A few seconds later, he put away his phone and turned to help greet the guests. Yeah, even he didn’t believe it himself. Emma was his good sister, Mom and Dad’s good daughter. How could she be my sister?
I floated upstairs and saw Emma sitting in the makeup room. The makeup artist was touching up her slightly smudged eye makeup. She clutched Dad’s hand, her eyes misty with tears: “Dad, is Lily really not coming? She’s my sister. On my most important day, I really hoped to have her blessing.” Dad, who had always been stern and cold towards me, patted her shoulder and said softly: “She will. I’ve asked Ryan to contact her. We won’t let you have any regrets.” He found Ryan in the hallway and said coldly: “Tell Lily if she doesn’t come today, we’ll act like we never had this daughter.” “Dad, she’s not even replying to my messages. She won’t even answer Mom’s calls,” Ryan said through gritted teeth. “I knew it. Someone like her is born heartless. She agreed to come at first just to give us hope, wanting to ruin Emma’s most important day.” Today was Emma’s most important day. She was about to walk down the aisle in her wedding dress to marry James, the man she had been dating for two years. Two years ago, when I brought James home, Emma fell in love with him at first sight. I still remember how her eyes lit up when she saw James. That night, she made an excuse to ask me out for a walk. She bought me a bubble tea and swayed her arm linked with mine: “Lily, I really like guys like James. You’re so amazing, you can definitely find someone even better. How about letting James be with me?” I refused. But not long after I returned to school, James broke up with me. I kept asking for a reason, and he probably got annoyed with me. He shook off my hand roughly. I fell to the ground, my palms scraped raw by the rough surface, stinging with pain. But he was indifferent, only looking at me with disgust. “Still trying to hide it from me? Even your family couldn’t stand it anymore and told me.” On a morning when Mom suddenly called me out to go grocery shopping with her. My brother, Ryan, pulled James aside and told him some “truths” about me. Bad character, stealing money from home, bullying classmates. Promiscuous, had an abortion in college. In the end, righteous Ryan sighed: “Lily is my sister, and I really want to side with her, but… I can’t just watch you fall into a fire pit.” My scraped palm was still stinging. I sat on the ground, looking up at James, listening to him recount what he had been told. As the last word fell, I suddenly laughed. He frowned: “Do you still want to explain something?” I shook my head and said with a smile: “They’re right about everything.” James didn’t have very deep feelings for me to begin with, let alone when the ones telling him how bad I was were my own family. My dearest, most beloved family. When I was alive, none of them cared about me. Of course, no one knew about my death either.
As we were talking, James arrived. Wearing a suit, he had styled his hair, making him look even more handsome. He kissed Emma’s cheek and asked softly: “Lily still hasn’t arrived?” Emma nodded, tears in her eyes. “Forget about her,” James’ face darkened. “Someone like that would only dirty our wedding if she came. Emma, you’re the bride today. Don’t cry over someone who doesn’t deserve it.” Emma took the opportunity to wrap her arms around his neck, looking up with a sad expression: “No matter what, Lily is still my sister.” Her expression seemed genuinely sincere. Just like three years ago, as an outstanding graduate, the school had proposed that my parents attend the graduation ceremony to say a few words on stage, which would also be convenient for the school’s promotional photos. I carefully chose my words and called home, timidly making the request. Mom agreed. But on the morning of the ceremony, she called to tell me she and Dad couldn’t make it. “Emma is sick. We’re not comfortable leaving her alone at home.” In the video call, Emma, with a slightly pale face, looked at me apologetically: “I’m sorry, Lily. I’m not feeling well… You’ve always been so independent. I’m sure you can handle things well even if Mom and Dad don’t go.” “Lily, congratulations on your graduation.” Congratulations on my graduation. How could I be happy? On the day of my graduation ceremony, I apologized to the teachers, to the college, to the staff in the activities department. As I passed by a camera, I happened to overhear someone complaining: “We’ve rehearsed the whole process, and now we have to redo everything. What a waste. And she’s supposed to be an outstanding graduate.” At the end of the ceremony, I took out my phone and saw that Emma had posted on Instagram. “It’s just a small cold, but Mom and Dad are taking such good care of me. Little happiness in life~” The photo showed the three of them together. The background was Emma’s bedroom. They hadn’t even gone to the hospital. What a severe illness indeed.
Soft piano music played in the banquet hall. Emma, wearing a long mermaid wedding dress, walked towards James holding a large bouquet of white roses. After Mom and Dad gave their speeches, it was Ryan’s turn. Standing on the stage, he jokingly waved his fist at James: “I only have one sister, and she’s the treasure of our whole family. If you dare to mistreat her, the whole family won’t let you off.” James gazed at Emma’s face, his tone deeply affectionate: “I wouldn’t dare.” Applause erupted from below. The stage was a picture of warmth. My soul stood on the flower arrangement at the edge of the stage, watching them woodenly. I thought I would feel heartbroken. But perhaps I had already experienced all the pain of a lifetime before I died. I only coldly observed all this, my heart empty and hollow, as if a wind was blowing through it. At one table, people were whispering: “Hey, I remember the Williams family has three children. Why did Ryan say he only has one sister?” “It’s because of their second daughter, Lily. Tsk, what’s the use of good grades? The most important thing in life is character…” Thanks to my parents. My bad reputation had spread far and wide among relatives on both sides. Actually, when I was young, there was an aunt who was quite nice to me. When she came to visit during New Year, she gave me a plush dolphin toy. Only I got one, neither Ryan nor Emma did. Ryan was used to getting his way. He asked me to let him play with it. When I refused, he directly cut the dolphin to pieces with scissors. Not long after, the aunt returned to pick up a scarf she had forgotten. She happened to see the pieces scattered on the floor. To protect the reputation of her beloved youngest son, Mom told the aunt: “Lily didn’t like the toy. She insisted on cutting it up with scissors, saying she didn’t want to see it.” The aunt’s expression changed immediately. After that, whenever she came to visit, she would skip me even when giving out red envelopes. After this incident, Mom probably felt a bit guilty and was nice to me for a while. But that soon faded away. In our family, Mom and Dad’s favoritism had a clear division of labor. The year Emma was born, Dad’s business had a big breakthrough. He believed Emma brought good luck, so he doted on her the most. As for Mom, she loved Ryan the most because he was the son she had longed for after having three children. As for me. I was born chubby and healthy, but my twin brother didn’t even survive 24 hours. They all thought I was unlucky. When I was young, I could never understand. Why was it that whatever Ryan and Emma wanted to eat, it would appear on the dining table the next day? But even though I was allergic to seafood, just because Emma said she wanted to eat crab on my birthday, Dad set the venue at a seafood restaurant. When I was twelve, there was an earthquake in the neighboring county. The whole family was taking an afternoon nap at home. Mom and Dad, without a second thought, each grabbed Ryan and Emma. I stumbled down the stairs, watching the shaking ceiling, crying my heart out. But no one came to save me. It was like this when I was twelve. It was the same when that driver grabbed me by the throat and dragged me into a desolate mountain forest.
In the afternoon, the wedding came to a perfect end. After seeing off the guests, Dad immediately darkened his face and told Mom to keep calling me. Emma’s eyes were red, the few rhinestones at the corner of her eyes reflecting tears. She held Dad’s hand, her tone understanding: “Let it go, Dad.” “Lily is still a child, maybe she’s just throwing a tantrum. I’m her sister after all, I shouldn’t hold it against her.” Sure enough, a trace of pity flashed in Dad’s eyes. Ryan said dissatisfied: “Sis, you’re thinking too highly of her. You treat her like a sister, but has she ever treated you like one?” Emma bit her lip, looking like she was about to cry. I stood beside them, looking at her, feeling nothing but irony. Emma was always like this. The family’s favoritism towards her was already so obvious it couldn’t be more clear, but she still felt it wasn’t enough. I knew it was because she hated me. Actually, at the very beginning, although Mom didn’t like me, she wasn’t that bad to me. On my birthday, she would bring back a cake to celebrate with me. But just as she lit the candles and I was about to make a wish, Emma suddenly cried. She wiped away her tears and smiled bravely: “It’s nothing, I just suddenly remembered that there should have been two people celebrating their birthday today.” With one sentence, Mom’s expression changed. She looked at me with a coldness I was very familiar with. She roughly pulled out the candles: “Eat, eat, eat, all you know is eating! Lily, do you know your brother died because of you? Do you have any heart?” I was scared, staring at her blankly. Mom got even angrier and directly swept the cake into the trash. After she went into the bedroom, I looked at Emma with tears in my eyes. With no one else around, she finally revealed her true emotions to me. Ten-year-old Emma, still wearing a gentle smile, spoke words as sharp as a poisoned knife. “Lily, why were you born?” She brushed her warm fingertips across my face, then suddenly pinched hard, “Originally, Mom and Dad only loved me. Now you’ve taken away their love. You should have died with your brother.” I never understood why she hated me so much. Yet after Ryan was born, she was so good to him. The year I took the college entrance exam, Ryan was about to start his last year of middle school. It was a crucial year, but Dad’s business was too busy for him to get away, and Mom was also at a critical point for a promotion. Mom demanded that I apply to a local university so I could conveniently take care of Ryan on weekdays. I didn’t agree. She looked at me with cold eyes: “Lily, don’t you know the situation at home? How can you be so inconsiderate?” After I left for college. Twenty-two-year-old Emma suddenly wanted to learn piano. Mom had someone throw away my bed and wardrobe, packing my clothes into the storage room. My bedroom became Emma’s piano room. She posted a video on Instagram of her sitting at the expensive new piano. Sunlight poured in. And she smiled serenely. I called home. Mom was still angry that I didn’t listen to her, her voice very cold: “Anyway, you’ve grown wings now and won’t listen to anything I say. You don’t plan to come back to this home, so what’s the use of keeping your room?” Emma took the phone: “Lily, don’t make Mom angry, okay? When you come home, you can sleep in my room. The family won’t leave you without a place to stay.” Even though she tried her best to hide it, there was still a hint of glee in her voice. I had only been gone for a month, and she was already eager to drive me out of this home. And Mom chose to acquiesce and indulge her.
In the afternoon, Emma went back to her new home with James. As for me, I followed behind Mom, Dad, and Ryan. Ryan was driving, with Mom and Dad in the back seat. The empty front passenger seat had always been reserved for Emma. I sat there, listening to them discussing my wrongdoings one after another. “She hates me so much, hates this family so much that she won’t even come back for her sister’s wedding.” Mom leaned tiredly on Dad’s shoulder, “I feel like I’ve really failed in my parenting.” Dad patted her comfortingly: “An ungrateful brat not worth raising, don’t waste your energy on her.” I turned my head, carefully observing their expressions. Trying to find even a trace of concern. But there was none. My sudden disappearance only made them feel annoyed and hateful. Not one person, for even a second, suspected. That maybe, something had happened to me. Even though I was just a soul, I could still cry. I cried and laughed at the same time, asking: “Mom, did you really, really ever love me?” “If you hate me so much, why did you give birth to me?” I had asked the same question a long time ago. It was when I was in my last year of middle school, a very stressful year for studying. Dad was out of town negotiating business, Ryan was still young, and Emma had just started her freshman year of college. Mom got kidney stones, and I was the one running between school and hospital every day to take care of her, losing a lot of weight. Mom seemed to be touched. That month, she gave me more pocket money than Ryan. When we met neighbors, she praised me several times, saying I was sensible and filial. When I was bullied by classmates, she even went to school to stand up for me. It seemed like everything was developing in a good direction. Until that afternoon, as we were crossing the street together, she somehow linked her arm with mine. This kind of mother-daughter intimacy was so foreign to me. I almost instinctively shook off her hand, causing her to stumble back two steps. It was just at dusk. The green light turned red. A car whooshed past us. Mom’s eyes slowly changed as she looked at me. It was a coldness I was very familiar with. She said flatly, with a straight face: “Sure enough, an ungrateful brat that can’t be raised well.” That night, I was almost consumed by regret and bewildered helplessness. I used a compass to poke several holes in my arm. Even the pain couldn’t alleviate the despair and anxiety rampaging in my heart. Finally, I walked into Mom’s room and asked her: “Mom, if you don’t love me, why did you give birth to me?” Mom closed her eyes and said nothing. But I knew she wasn’t asleep. She wouldn’t deign to answer me when I was alive. Now that I’m dead, she can’t hear me, let alone respond.
After dinner, Ryan called my phone again. This time, surprisingly, it was answered. His pent-up anger finally found an outlet: “Lily!! Are you an animal? You don’t come home for your sister’s wedding, making Mom and Dad sad. Do you think you’re so great? Is it fun to play us like this?” A moment of silence. A hoarse male voice came from the other end of the phone. “I’m her boyfriend.” “She says your whole family is quite disgusting, and she won’t come back to see you.” “Don’t call again.” The call ended. Ryan stared in disbelief, and after a moment, he suddenly kicked over a chair in a rage and cursed. But I was already stiff all over, having lost all my strength. The moment that voice sounded, I was forcibly dragged back into that memory. Before I died, I missed the last high-speed train due to overtime work. I had to take a taxi to the bus station. The driver was a young man with a pale face and a somewhat gloomy look. He seemed a bit familiar, but my brain was so exhausted that I just hugged my things and rested against the car window. At first, everything was normal. He chatted with me casually like all drivers do. At this time, Emma suddenly called. As the bride-to-be, even on the eve of her wedding, she didn’t forget to stimulate me one last time. “Lily, I’m marrying James tomorrow. I’m really a bit too excited to sleep.” She said softly, “Thank you for bringing him home.” I pressed my lips together, my voice filled with suppressed anger: “Emma, how many more times do you want to play these disgusting games, use these dirty tactics before you get tired of it?” She seemed completely oblivious. Her tone became even more light and sweet. “So it’s settled then, you must come to the wedding tomorrow, okay?” I hung up the phone, unable to help my rapid breathing, my chest heaving violently. The driver suddenly spoke: “Had a fight with your family?” I frowned and looked up, only to realize that the car had somehow been driven to a desolate wild area. My heart suddenly started racing. I forced myself to calm down and asked him: “How much do you want?” But he didn’t want money. Consecutive overtime had left me extremely tired, my limbs weak. I couldn’t escape the strength of a young man. He covered my mouth and dragged me into a small grove. The night wind was still, the moonlight falling gently. He tightly gripped my throat with one hand while slapping me hard with the other. He said, you bitch, don’t you regret leaving me now? Who do you and that rich guy think you are to look down on me? Beg for mercy, bark like a dog, and I’ll let you go. But I didn’t even know him. Who are you? Who are you? His hand suddenly loosened from my throat. He began to gently caress my face. He said, I’m your man. I always felt that he wasn’t entirely unfamiliar. But I just couldn’t remember where I had seen him before. I struggled with all my might and actually managed to reach my phone. The speed dial would call the most recent number. Ring, ring. After two rings. Emma hung up without hesitation. The man discovered what was happening. He laughed cruelly, put the phone in his pocket, then broke every finger on my right hand. In his pocket, there was also a switchblade. While I still had consciousness and sensation, I felt the blade cut into my left wrist, being slowly pulled and sawed off. The knife tip sliced open my cheek, tearing off a pitted and uneven piece of skin. He said: “Bitch, let’s see how you use this face to seduce others now.”
I don’t remember if I died from the pain or from blood loss. I only remember the wind of the wilderness that night. Howling as it blew across my exposed flesh and bones. Maybe people recall some beautiful things before they die. Vaguely, I thought of the time before I was five. To give birth to Ryan, Mom sent me to the countryside. Only my aging grandmother lived there originally. She was the kindest person to me in this world. She gave me all the warmth in my life. The tenderest buds from the tree, she would pick them, blanch them in water, and stir-fry them with eggs for me to eat. Mom called, saying Emma wanted to eat the tree buds, but they couldn’t be found in the market. Grandma said, “Oh my, there’s been too little rain this year, the buds haven’t grown out yet.” After hanging up the phone, the mischievous old lady winked at me and smiled. I always remember the taste that lingered on my tongue that night. But when I was five, Grandma passed away from illness. Ryan was only a year and a half old, so Mom was forced to bring me back home. She resented me for this. She whispered to Dad: “Is there something wrong with this child? How could she even cause her own grandmother’s death?” I looked at her woodenly. Actually, a five-year-old child doesn’t really understand life and death. I only knew that there was no one left in the world who would resolutely choose me among several people. From then on, I was the child who would never be favored. The moment my breathing stopped, my soul was pulled out of my body by the wind. I saw that man take out an axe from the trunk of the car and chop off the bones connecting my limbs. I saw the train speeding through thousands of miles under the starry sky, passing through the silent fields. I saw in one of the high-rise buildings, a little girl suddenly waking up from a nightmare, only crying out once before being hugged by her parents who rushed into the room, patting her back to comfort her. At the very end. I saw Emma yawning as she woke up, getting ready under Mom’s urging, changing into her going-out outfit. I came back. After death, I still returned to this home. I attended Emma’s wedding.
That man raped me, killed me, dismembered me, and took my phone. Ryan didn’t realize this. He just told Dad coldly: “Lily won’t even answer my call. She just had her boyfriend tell me that she finds our whole family disgusting.” Dad was furious. He slammed the table and cursed me as a beast. It seems that businessmen tend to be quite superstitious. He liked Emma because after she was born, his business developed rapidly, and his assets doubled in just two years. As for me, after I was born, his factory faced a crisis and nearly went bankrupt. So it’s understandable that he disliked me and thought I brought bad luck. Dad controlled the family’s finances. So Emma could attend a joint Sino-foreign university costing over $20,000 a year. Ryan could take tutoring classes at $100 an hour. While I, studying at a university in a first-tier city, had a monthly living allowance of just $200. For the next few days, I stayed in this house. Coldly watching them live their normal lives. Watching Mom call Emma, asking what she wanted to eat when she visited her parents after the wedding. Emma whined that she wanted seafood. When Mom went to the early market to buy it, she happened to run into our childhood neighbor, who was out shopping with her daughter, Meng Meng. Meng Meng and I were classmates from childhood to adulthood, and later we even worked at the same company. We weren’t very close friends, but at least we were quite familiar with each other. Mom enviously said: “Raising a daughter like Meng Meng is really heartwarming. She comes back and helps you buy and carry groceries. Unlike our inconsiderate Lily, who won’t even come home for her sister’s wedding, and even finds a boyfriend to scold us.” “Huh?” Meng Meng was a bit surprised, “Auntie, Lily doesn’t have a boyfriend.” Mom was stunned for a moment, looking at her. “She’s in the marketing department of the neighboring company, always so busy. Where would she find time for a boyfriend?” She said, “And Lily cares about you a lot. Last month when she got her bonus, we went shopping, and she bought a gold bracelet, saying she’d give it to you when she came home for her sister’s wedding.” A bewildered expression flashed across Mom’s face for just a moment, quickly fading back into the cold mockery I was familiar with. She said: “Lily just acts nice in front of others. You don’t know how she treats us at home.” Seeing this, Meng Meng and her mother couldn’t say anything more and politely said goodbye. Mom bought a lot of seafood that Emma loved and carried two big bags of groceries home. Standing at the door, she took out her keys to open it. Her phone rang. It was my number. “Is this Mrs. Lily’ mom? We’ve arrested a suspect in a series of brutal serial killings. We found this phone on him, and judging by the contacts, you should be the phone owner’s mother.” “The suspect has already confessed to the burial location. Could you and your family come to our City?”
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